A Year in the Life of the Black and White toms
by cjfreeman
Summary: Munkustrap and Alonzo are the best of friends yet time makes them look at each other in very different ways. WARNING: Slash, violence.
1. Happy, very happy

**Here we are! It's a Munk x Alonzo fic! I had the idea right after I finished Unlikeliest of Lovers and was desperate to start. I may try and take my time on this to make sure it's alright although if my past record is anything to go by I'll probably be writing a whole chapter everyday. **

**I have a few flashes of scenes in my head but how I'm gonna tie them together and think up the bulk of the story may dictate how quickly I update. Even so, thanks for giving me some of your time to read my work. As always, if it sucks tell me so I can try and make it better.**

**I have a lot of fun when I think about who is reading my stories and where they're from. It makes me laugh that there are subtle differences in the versions of English that we all speak and how what seems correct to me might be confusing to no end in, say, America.**

**Anyway, a new story begins. We meet our characters and get underway with another Jellicle Ball.**

**A year in the life of the black and white toms**

**Chapter 1**

**Happy, very happy.**

There are few ways to describe Munkustrap. He is such a closed up kind of tom who is comparable to an iceberg with most of his character beneath his surface. Appropriately his personality is rather matched being rather a closed book to others; one might find it endearing or frustrating depending on one's own view of the world and it's inhabitants. Perhaps the simplest description of the tom is his physical appearance, he is a silver and black mackerel tabby with such striking markings that one might get lost when marvelling at their intricacy and symmetry. In addition to this his lower legs are a mottled black with the colouring echoed in the fur hugging his shoulders. His face is predominantly white with small black and grey accents providing a profound look of wisdom and intelligence that could on occasion be wrongly interpreted as sternness. The markings aid him greatly in employing that very expression at all times. This wasn't to say he was hard-hearted by any means despite how some might perceive him. Inside, he was as regular a tom as any yet for many reasons he employed a strong, all-knowing outward expression, rather like his father. To those who knew him well – by which I mean many of the Jellicles – he was a kind soul with a great deal of respect and compassion for all cats. It wasn't hard for him to crack a smile or laugh along with a conversation but only within the limits that defined his upstanding person. Munkustrap might have had an ordinary and carefree life had he not been tasked from a young age with the protection of the Jellicles. Barely out of kittenhood, the protector of the tribe preceding him was killed long before his rightful time and for lack of any other tom that was as strong and with as good a moral character as Munkustrap, he was appointed. At the time he was young and naïve and didn't know what magnitude of responsibility the post came with. In retrospect what choice did he have anyway? It was decided that he would be the protector and that was that, the role was now his until death. Many might protest the fairness of the decision but in a way Munkustrap knew no other life. The life he had before the appointment was short for lack of a better description and he had a long time to come to terms with his new, given life. He took his charge with great pride and handled it like another cat might handle a regular day: running like clockwork with minimal fuss. In reality he never made a fuss, it would mean looking weak to others and that was a trait that every Jellicle protector should avoid at all costs.

Now, how could it be that a cat of this kind would be crossed with a cat so different? Divine intervention perhaps? Maybe it was a natural anomaly, yet, there it was. Munkustrap's view of life would shortly be turned on it's head and he would be left standing at a crossroads with no choice but to make a decision that if wrong could be fatal for more than one cat. At this point we must meet another cat whose name is Alonzo.

Alonzo, like Munkustrap is black and white yet with markings nowhere near as orderly as the latter's. Different patches of light and dark fur cover his body in an almost haphazard manner but he is fortunate enough to have developed a gorgeous flow in his fur. A large streak of midnight black graces his right hand side that is striking against the snow-white fur that surrounds it. His face is white save for two very becoming black patches, one over his left eye and another to the right of his mouth. His eyebrows couple with an interesting flick on his right eyelid giving perhaps the most away about his personality. He is cheeky to say the least, a grown tom with kittenish tendencies and a whit that may be second to none. Next to the Rum Tum Tugger - a lithe Maine Coon with a libido larger than the world can contain and also Munk's brother – Alonzo is the biggest flirt going. He has a way that seems to make cats weak at the knees and drool over him as soon as look at him, and rightly so. He is a fine specimen of young tom with a perfect figure and alluring look about him. His grace is also hard to beat which is probably down to years worth of getting to know his own body including it's abilities and limitations. Then again all Jellicles were born with a strong sense of grace and poise.

Munk and Alonzo had grown up together, they were the best of friends and knew each other intimately. They had gone through ups and downs and shared some wonderful moments in their time and were still strong allies even after so much time. Alonzo was Munk's second in command and regularly provided him with respite in his duties. They would often watch over the Jellicle junkyard together and talk long into the night about their lives, their hopes and dreams and troubles with only the stars and each other to hear them. They provided each other support during times of sadness or anguish and kept each other laughing. It seemed no two cats knew each other better than these two.

What horrible twist of fate would intervene and ruin this happy balance of friendship? Perhaps it was instinct for the two to change the way they saw each other over time, or maybe something changed in accordance with one of their actions. Either way, something was different and this is where the story of Munkustrap and Alonzo begins.

* * *

It was mid-summer and the morning of yet another Jellicle Ball. The ball was an annual occurrence involving the cats of the junk yard, it was where they would gather to celebrate being Jellicles and their leader – a very old and wise cat who was known as Old Deuteronomy – would select one of them to ascend to the Heaviside layer to be reborn in a new Jellicle life. Heaviside itself was quite a mystery to the cats below, all they knew was that it was full of wonders they all wished to see, yet only one cat per year would be granted the privilege. The wonder of this heavenly place didn't last long for those who were preparing. Munkustrap jumped down off his perch on top of a big tyre when he saw Pouncival – a hyperactive kitten with brown, white, grey and black freckles – starting to topple as he carried a stack of shoeboxes. They were to be used for the story of the awful battle of the Pekes and the Pollicles to make the cats look funnily enough like dogs. Munk caught several of them just as they were about to hit the floor after falling from Pouncival's frivolous attempt to keep hold of them.

"Don't you think you ought to try and take fewer at a time, Pounce?" the bigger tom asked him

"I can do it!" replied Pounce with annoyance

"It's just that you seemed to be having trouble there"

"Do I look like a kitten?"

Munk had to stop himself from smirking as he looked down at the tiny tom. It seemed like only yesterday that he'd been able to pick the kit up in his arms and see him look back with big, blue eyes that all kittens seem to have.

"Well you're certainly looking taller, have you grown?" he humoured the small tom who was most certainly still a kitten.

"Yes! I'm sure I have! I'm bigger than Tumble, I promise! He won't say it but it's true!" Pounce jabbered as he jumped around sending some of the boxes flying again. Munk ruffled his head fur as he replaced the boxes back and sent him on his way. A lot had changed in the last year, he thought back to the last ball and the mess that it had turned into. Macavity had decided to make an appearance and kidnap Old Deuteronomy whose appearance he used to attack the Jellicles later in the night. Munk had received some nasty scratches and bruises from the fight but was very grateful to Alonzo for stepping in when he fell. If that wasn't enough his long gone mother, Grizabella, decided to make an entrance to try and regain their trust. It was an emotional moment for Munk when his father, Old Deuteronomy, selected her to ascend to Heaviside. There was so much he wanted to tell her and ask her. He had never really had a strong relationship with his mother and felt cheated that she had gone without even getting a chance to talk to her. It was, however, just another thing he never got to do so he tried to push it to the back of his mind, besides he had a lot to do today and not much time to do it. He snapped out of his daydream to see Mistoffelees – the magical cat who had returned Old Deuteronomy from his capture last year – appear in a puff of smoke before him.

"Is this my den?" he asked confusedly and looked around

"No" replied Munk

"Damn! I must be rusty after last year"

"What are you doing?"

"I'm practicing disappearing for my bit at the ball" he said happily

"Is it working?"

"The disappearing part is working, it's just where I'm ending up"

Munk laughed before he carried on, "Keep at it, Misty"

"Don't call me that!" shot the black and white tom before disappearing again.

Munk sighed and began clearing pieces of junk from the clearing in the middle of the yard. He wondered how Jennyanydots – the de facto matriarch of the tribe – could have let things get so sloppy, it wasn't like her. Although she had been rehearsing her cockroaches a lot recently for the ball who seemed to be all the more disobedient for some reason. He knew she wouldn't stand for that so allowed her some slack on her tidying. He stood and stretched out his aching muscles. He needed some rest before tonight, he was kind of the MC for the show and needed to be on top form. He began to head to the solitude of his perch when he heard a crash behind him. He looked around to see Pounce with a bucket stuck on his head and a bunch of kittens trying to pull it off. He sighed and went to help them. _'No rest for the wicked' _he thought.

* * *

Alonzo laid back in his den. The darkness encircled him and he felt quite serene in the sombre surroundings with just a hint of light peeking through the junk. It gave the den an orangey yet very dim glow and provided a great space to think. The black and white patched tom wasn't much use when it came to setting up for the ball. It's not that he was useless, more that he couldn't muster the will. It seemed quite tedious to him to have to make everything neat and tidy just for one evening so he left it to the others. They didn't seem to mind much, at least he hoped they didn't.

He startled when he found he wasn't alone. Next to him a calico tom began to stir from his slumber and looked up at Alonzo.

"Hi there" said the cat

"Uh, yeah…hi" replied Alonzo remembering his evening. He'd brought this cat home in the early morning hours from his night out with the Rum Tum Tugger and realised he couldn't remember the tom's name.

"I had a great time last night, Alonzo" said the tom rubbing up to him

"Yeah, me too"

"You wanna do something today? With me I mean?"

Alonzo bit his lip before responding, "It's kind of a big day around here. I think I need to be around to help out" he lied.

"Oh. Well okay. How about tomorrow?" asked the tom hopefully

"Doesn't seem so great either. How 'bout we just see each other around?"

The tom knew what Alonzo was trying to say and just nodded before getting up. He began to head for the door when Alonzo stopped him,

"You know, I don't mean to be rude, but it's probably better, you know, for the kittens sake if they don't see a strange tom leaving my den after I come back from a night out. You know what I mean?"

"So what should I do?" the tom asked feeling a bit put out

"Let me go out first and tell you if the coast is clear"

"Fine" said the tom in a huff.

Alonzo exited his den and looked around, he couldn't see anyone. He quickly ushered the tom out and sneaked him around the back of the junk piles before they got to the entrance of the junkyard. Alonzo sent him on his way as fast as he could and sauntered back into the yard like nothing was going on. He saw his friend struggling to pull a bucket off of whom he could only assume was Pouncival. He rushed over and helped pop the kitten free.

"Really, Pounce. A bucket?" asked the silver tabby.

"I thought there was a mouse inside" the little tom replied

"And was there?"

"No. But there could have been"

Munk rolled his eyes and sent the group of kittens away. He thanked Alonzo for helping him out,

"Thanks 'Lonz. That kit is gonna go a step too far one day"

"We'll have to keep an eye on him" replied Alonzo

"So how was your night out last night?"

"Oh, the usual. Just a good time with Tugger, you know?"

"All too well" said Munk remembering the antics Tugger had subjected him to when they had gone out together, "Who was tom?" he asked with a wry smile

Alonzo looked embarrassed that he hadn't managed to keep his one night stand a secret. He replied hoping to make Munk laugh, "Couldn't tell you if I wanted to"

Munk just rolled his eyes again, "Honestly, 'Lonz. Is there no cat around you could make your mate?"

"Well I've thought about it but I like being free"

"Please yourself"

"I wouldn't say no if the right tom came along though" he said to keep his friend from worrying

"And who is the right tom?"

"Who knows, maybe he's right before our very eyes" said Alonzo holding out his arm in front of him and moving it slowly across the view of the junkyard.

"You're crazy, you know that?" said Munk playfully swatting his friend's arm

"I'm young!" Alonzo replied happily

"You're a grown tom, act your age!" said Munk holding back his laughter

"Make me!"

The two joked together until they had to move on. Munk asked his friend to help but knew the answer already. Alonzo began to make his way back to his den in order to sleep a little more before the night. Munk decided to go back to his human's house to try and get some piece and quiet before he had to return for the same occasion.

* * *

The night seemed to arrive like a speeding bullet. The August evening was cooling slowly yet there was still a comforting warmth in the air. That warmth was joined by a little electricity that was felt by all the Jellicles for their ball. Munk had returned to find the junkyard in readiness and he waited for the darkness to blanket the area and for the moon to shine brightly. Once he was sure it was time he scampered out into the open and looked around for any danger. Slowly the other cats joined him and they began their song and dance. Munk liked this occasion, it was something in his life that always came and went on a regular basis and remained fairly consistent - a privilege he was not afforded in his earlier years. He danced happily with the other toms and queens all perfectly in step and singing their hearts out. He looked across to his friend, he seemed to be enjoying it just as much as he was. Soon he began to explain why they were all there and started the sing for Jennyanydots. She did her bit and was almost finished when his brother – the Rum Tum Tugger - interrupted with his own song. Munk sat at the side of the clearing with many of the other toms as he watched his brother flirt and gyrate his hips towards the younger queens and kittens of the tribe. Munk crossed his arms and stared daggers at his brother's inappropriateness and caught a glimpse of Alonzo sitting nearby. The tom seemed to be enjoying the display he was witnessing and bopped along with the rhythm. Munk felt uneasy as he returned his gaze to the clearing and his foolish sibling. The song ended much to the dismay of the queen kittens and Tugger went about being even more flirtatious before Munk jumped in and stopped him. Tugger pouted as he was sent aside to allow Bustopher Jones his entrance. It was very gracious of the St. James's street cat to stop by to see them. The fat tom in white spats greeted them all and did his number before quickly tottering off again.

A few more songs passed before Old Deuteronomy made his appearance. The air became silent and they could feel something magical hanging in it. It was the feeling of safeness and joy that they all revelled in. The Jellicles were glad to see their leader again and helped him up to his prime position on top of the large tyre that lay at the back of the clearing. They sang for him as he made his way, Munk and Tugger started off and soon everyone had joined in. Once he was seated they began to carry on with the ball. As the cats rejoiced Old Deuteronomy turned to his elder son and spoke,

"Good to see you, Munkustrap" he said cheerily

"And you, Old Deuteronomy" the tabby replied with respect

"Come on son, you can call me dad, no one will think any less of you" said the old tom trying to soften his son's hard exterior.

"Fine, dad"

"Is everything going well so far?"

"As far as we can tell. Macavity hasn't seemed to have bothered this year which makes things run a lot more smoothly"

"Yes, that was a frightful mess last year. Good thing we had that young Mistoffelees to hand" said the Jellicle leader recounting the previous ball's unfortunate occurrences.

"We're very lucky indeed" replied Munk

"Why don't you go and join in?" the old tom suggested, "I'll be fine over here"

"I'd prefer not to, if it's all the same" said Munk with trepidation

"Don't worry about me, boy. Go and have fun"

"No, dad. Not after last year"

"Suit yourself" said Old Deuteronomy returning his gaze to the choreographed commotion. The Jellicles were having a roaring time and everyone looked like they were having fun. Munk secretly did want to join in, a great deal actually but he couldn't let his guard down. If something bad was going to happen this was the time, so he sat and watched as the cats got on with the merry-making without him.

* * *

Alonzo was having a great time. He was dancing in fine form and loved seeing the Jellicles in such a good mood. He always enjoyed the ball as it brought everyone together and allowed them to let loose for the night. His favourite part was coming up next: the mating dance. It was a time when everyone would pair up with someone and spend some quality time with him or her. As the name might suggest there was a sexual element to the dance for those that wished to make it so. Some would pair up for mating while others would just pair up with their mate or with close friends to enjoy the company. Alonzo didn't mind which way it went really, he liked everyone there and if he got some sugar along with it then he certainly wouldn't complain. The spectacle began and the toms and queens began to dance around each other alluringly. He moved himself as they did and became completely involved in the routine. Several times during it's running he found himself catching a glimpse of Munk staring on looking like he was longing to join in. He had that overseer look about him as always except now it was graced with a little desperation. As the dance drew to it's close he run up to his friend and held out his paw motioning for the tabby to join in. Munk politely refused and suggested Alonzo return to the dance however the tom wasn't taking no for an answer. With help from Old Deuteronomy he dragged the silver tabby to his feet and forced him into the dance. Munk felt quite happy that he'd been hoodwinked into the fun but wouldn't let it show. He feigned reserved maturity and went along with the other Jellicles whilst dancing very close to Alonzo. The two eventually began to take advantage of the situation and allowed themselves to be quite silly. They pretended to be really involved with each other and rubbed up and down each other's bodies in mock flirtation. They had to stifle their giggles as things got quieter and the group of cats began to form a pile in the centre having found the one they wanted to spend time with. They looked at each other as they lay, the expression on both of their faces setting the other one off. The next part of the dance seemed to take ages to arrive but they eventually began. Several cats jumped up and were soon joined by the rest of the Jellicles in the frantic choreography. Munk and Alonzo stayed very close to each other laughing and enjoying the hysterics they put themselves into. Several times they nearly fell down in a flurry of madness and other times they nearly fell out of step from not paying attention. Munk felt great. He rarely let loose but it felt so good to be free for the night. In the back of his mind he knew he should have been watching out for the Jellicles safety but he was having too great a time to care. He was having fun with his friend – his best friend – and that's all that mattered. Him and Alonzo.

* * *

The ball went on for the whole night and eventually concluded with Gus – a very old cat with a rich and vast history in the theatre – being chosen to ascend to the Heaviside layer. All of the cats bid him farewell and were, at risk of sounding horrible, happy to see him go. He was very old and his palsy had gotten far worse in the last year. They had hoped against hope that he might make it to this ball and were overjoyed when he finally made his last journey. They concluded with Old Deuteronomy's final speech and then dispersed slowly, exhausted from the frantic ball and shunned by the rising sun. Munk helped his father on his way and made sure everyone was okay as they went to their respective dens and homes. He sent the last few cats to where they needed to be and looked around at the empty scene. The ball had been a great success and he was glad nothing had gone wrong despite his lax in observation. He slowly strolled around the clearing in the early morning light keeping watch as he always did. He stopped and stared when he saw his friend Alonzo standing opposite from him. They began to walk towards each other and met in the middle.

"Great ball, huh?" said Alonzo

"Yeah, I had a great time. Thanks for pulling me into it" replied Munk

"You need to loosen up more, Mr. Protector"

"You know I can't do that, 'Lonz. It's what I do. It's what I have to do"

"I know. I feel so bad for you sometimes though" said Alonzo looking into Munk's eyes.

"Why?"

"'Cos you never get to have any fun. You're always watching out for us making sure we're safe"

"I get to have some fun"

"Like what?"

Munk stood there, wracking his brain trying to remember the last time he had any fun. "Last ball" he eventually said quietly

"That was a year ago! And it was hardly fun for you" retorted Alonzo. Munk looked sad, his friend had obviously touched on something sore. "Are you okay?" the patched tom asked.

"Yes, it's just…you're right. It's been so long since I had any real fun." Munk looked tired as he admitted this to Alonzo.

"We have fun, don't we?" asked the patched tom gingerly. Munk seemed to brighten a little bit at that,

"Yeah, we do. You know if it weren't for you I don't think I'd ever laugh" he said smiling.

"Well someone's gotta keep you from becoming too hard" said Alonzo playfully knocking on Munk's forehead with his fist. Munk swatted him back and they laughed together. A moment later the patched tom spoke again,

"It's getting bright, I think I'm gonna turn in."

"Yeah I think I'd better go home too, I do not relish that walk though"

"Why don't you just stay at mine?"

"Would you mind? I'm exhausted."

"Anytime, mate" said Alonzo as he began to walk with Munk in tow.

* * *

They entered Alonzo's den just as the sun was beginning to make the clearing as bright as day. They fell down onto the bed consisting of some blankets found in the junk piles and snuggled up together. Being cats it wasn't strange for friends to stay close as they slept. Munk put his arms around his second in command and they gently talked as they slowly went to sleep. Well, as Alonzo went to sleep.

Munk stayed awake a while longer feeling his friend breath gently in his slumber. He felt incredibly safe when he was with him, almost like they fit each other. He smiled as he closed his eyes and drifted away into silence. He dreamt of him and Alonzo having a great time in their regular exploits. He felt happy, very happy.

**Alrighty then, first chapter is there and the premise is set. What on earth shall I do with them? You'll see.**

**Thanks for reading, you're reviews are greatly appreciated. **


	2. A failed date

**Hey everybody, here's chapter 2 and we get a little further into the story.**

**Munk and 'Zo are great friends but is it possible they can start thinking of each other differently?**

**A year in the life of the black and white toms**

**Chapter 2**

**A failed date**

It was just another night in the junkyard and Munk, as always, was keeping watch. Days like these when nothing seemed to happen always put him on edge, it made him think perhaps something was going on where he wasn't looking. At every tiny sound he would flinch and rip the junk piles to pieces with his eyes to try and see what had made the noise, more often than not it was just the wind. In all honesty the junkyard was a haven compared to what lay outside it's fences, in here the Jellicles knew they were safe opposed to out there where anything could sneak up on them. It was true that they'd had their moments of doubt like when Macavity – a villainous cat that had long fallen from their favour – had infiltrated their home. On the whole, however, it was a safe place. This little nugget of truth didn't change the way Munk saw it though, if something went wrong then it would be on his shoulders and he would have to deal with it and this is why he never seemed to let down his guard. As soon as he'd left Alonzo's den after staying with him a week ago the happiness he had felt quickly drained and was replaced with lashings of guilt and anger. How could he possibly have allowed himself to slip in his duties? What if an accident had occurred and he hadn't been watching for it? He felt grief in his head that conflicted with the feeling in his heart, that feeling was joy. He had really enjoyed himself that night and it made a wonderful change from the usual stiff attitude he employed. The two emotions battled it out within him and made him place his paws on his head in confusion. He eventually resigned to the crushing anger and chastised himself for disregarding his duties. He resolved to guard the Jellicles from now on without even a hairline fracture in his attention. This decision met it's match when a certain black and white patched tom threw a penny in his direction. It tapped him on the chest before bouncing away as Munk looked up at the attacker.

"A little juvenile, don't you think?" he said sarcastically

"I don't know what you mean" replied Alonzo

"How's it going, 'Lonz?"

"Pretty good. It looks like it's gonna be a nice night" he said as he looked up at the blanket of stars above them

"I think you might be right. Care to join me?"

"Sure. I can't stay long though, I've got a hot date" said the patched tom joining the tabby

"Oh?" asked Munk not really interested in yet another one of Alonzo's good time boys.

"Yep. Abs like a washboard and legs like nothing you've ever seen" said Alonzo saucily

Munk just chuffed and responded with a question he knew would take his friend down a few pegs, "And what is this tom's name?" he said with a smile and knowing eyes. Alonzo sat for a moment and puzzled,

"I'm sure it starts with an O" he eventually said with embarrassment

Munk laughed internally as he taunted his friend,

"Honestly, 'Lonz. Sometimes I think you're worse than Tugger"

"Come on, no one's worse than Tugger"

"Well, no, that was a bit far I must admit, but you are a bit of a tom-whore, aren't you?"

"Hey!" said Alonzo with a kittenish vibe. He knew what his friend was doing and responded in kind "at least I can get a date!"

"I could get a date if I wanted one" replied Munk looking away with a smirk

"I'll believe it when I see it" the patched tom said with a playful shove

"I just don't want one, I'm far too busy"

"Come on, everybody wants a date"

"If you say so"

"Want me to set you up?"

"No, thanks"

"You don't want a little tumble in the sack to relieve the tension? Everyone knows you've got a ton of it"

Munk stared daggers at his friend and Alonzo sent the same expression straight back. Pretty soon their hard frowns began to crack and they fell about laughing and rolling around on top of each other. They really were good friends and they often argued playfully trying to get the other one to break first. This time it seemed they both had lost the game. They continued to talk for a while and eventually the conversation came around to mates again,

"Do you ever think you'll find a mate, Munk?" Alonzo asked his companion

"I don't know. I guess it would be nice but I don't think I have the time" replied the silver tabby

"You let this job run your life. You should really take some time for yourself." He put a paw on his friend's shoulder

"If there were someone I had my eye on I suppose I would pay them plenty of attention, it's just I don't think there's anyone around for me" he said without the sad expression one might expect to accompany it. Surely he had come to that resolution a long time ago if he could say it with such a matter-of-fact attitude.

Alonzo felt sadness in his heart for his friend. Of all the cats he knew he couldn't think of anyone more deserving of a caring mate than Munkustrap. He gave so much to others and obviously compromised his own happiness in the process, he really deserved some kind of reward. What did their protector do when he felt alone? He didn't have anyone to listen to him when he came in at the end of the night, he didn't have anyone to hold him when the going got rough, and he didn't have anyone to perk him up when he felt lonely. Yes he had a father and a brother, but such figures can't provide the type of love that's needed for true comfort. Alonzo put an arm around his friend's shoulder and hugged him gently, he realised he must have been a far more important cat in the tabby's life than he'd thought.

"There's someone out there for you, Munk. I promise" he said nuzzling his friend

"Well, I bet you're right" replied the tabby. The feeling of happiness appeared again as his friend pulled him close. He always felt a warmth when Alonzo was near, it was a feeling he was very grateful for on the inside. It might seem strange that the protector – the most fearless of all the Jellicles – could use some comfort himself, a requirement that many often forgot. He was much closer to Alonzo than he was his brother so in a way they he was more like his sibling than Tugger was. The two sat there for a few moments more before Munk reminded his friend,

"Don't you have a date?" he piped up suddenly. Alonzo jumped,

"Oh damn! Gotta go, Munk! See you later" he said before charging out of the junkyard.

Munk chuckled as his friend ran off. How was it that within the plethora of toms his friend took out he couldn't find one to settle down with? Actually it was better for Munk that way, it meant he wouldn't loose his best buddy. He was the one tom he could always rely on and would feel quite lost without him. Now that he'd gone, Munk's mind began to wander. What if the only reason Alonzo wouldn't find a mate was because they had all they needed in each other? Munk smiled at the thought, it seemed right that they would go through life without needing to find someone to complete them, they already had that in each other. They had been together practically since birth and they knew each other better than they knew themselves. Alonzo was a fine cat to have as such a companion and through Munk's thinking he began to develop a small amount of jealousy for the cat playing the role of Alonzo's date tonight. Sure, the two spent a lot of time together but it was nothing compared to dating. Maybe it was weird for him to think like this, maybe it was strange that the very idea of dating Alonzo was brewing within him. He liked Alonzo a lot, but did he like Alonzo in that way? He thought for a moment to try and find an answer. It wasn't clear but one word seemed to become brighter in his mind: Yes.

'_Whoa!' _he nearly said out loud. What was he thinking? Alonzo, his best friend as his mate? Surely not! They were best pals, why would he ever want to change that special bond? '_Probably for an even more special bond'_ his mind told him. He screwed up his face and with closed eyes shook his head from side to side. He had to get rid of these thoughts if he was going to do a proper job tonight, he had to protect the Jellicles and that was that. _'He is gorgeous, though'_ his mind cut in yet again, '_You know you'd be really happy with him.'_ Munk sat despairing, what was he going to do and why were these thoughts suddenly bursting into his mind? He continued to sit and tried to clear his head throughout his keeping watch. Thoughts of him and Alonzo kept circulating and resulted in his failure to keep his focus on the matter at hand.. It was clear to him that he liked the tom and the thought gave him great turmoil within.

* * *

Alonzo ran along the streets of London hoping his date wouldn't think he'd been stood up. He tried to remember the toms name as he went, was it Oliver? Oscar? Maybe something fancier like Olicot or O'Reilly? He had no luck in remembering what his date was called and arrived to a slightly worried looking tom outside a bar on Tottenham Court Road. He greeted him whilst trying to catch his breath,

"Hey. Sorry I'm late…Oscar" he attempted

"It's Chemmery" the tom replied looking a little frustrated

"What's Chemmery? Asked Alonzo

"My name"

"Right, right, right, of course it is. You're looking lovely this evening, your fur is truly shining"

The other tom seemed to blush at the patched tom's noticing of his efforts,

"Thanks. You look great too, I like the markings on your face"

Alonzo had to stop from snorting at the remark, "Well thanks. They're natural and you've seen them before." He started to think he was rather this cat's intellectual superior, hopefully the evening's conversation wouldn't be too mundane. He took the tom's arm and led him away into the city. Through the course of the night he took him to several hangouts for cats and a few other hotspots. He became exasperated at the topics the cat spoke about such as small animals, butterflies and about his friends. Alonzo knew if it weren't for the tom's looks he wouldn't be spending any time with him. He thought back to earlier when he was talking to Munk and wished this cat could maintain a conversation on such a level as him. That was the great thing about Munk, he could talk about anything and always knew the right things to say, well most of the time anyway. He could speak in just the right way so as to sound wise but not to make you feel inferior. He must have inherited that from his father. He was a very kind speaker and a very kind cat in general. Alonzo felt lucky to have a friend like him. Munk had many a valuable feature that the patched tom wished his companion this evening possessed. It was, unfortunately for him, not so. The tom blabbered about goodness knows what and Alonzo began to lose interest at an alarming rate. He wondered how long it would be before he could start laying on the charm and invite the tom home. He should have felt guilty for being so shallow but really he knew he'd never settle down with a tom like this so he brushed it off. Munk was the type of cat he should be with, it seemed so obvious. _'Wait, what?' _he asked himself. Did he present Munk as the perfect mate? It seemed he had. That wasn't right, was it? Munk was his best friend, he certainly wasn't a candidate for a mate, right? Surely he just had the right characteristics and was gorgeous. _'Gorgeous?' _Alonzo nearly choked as he thought. Had he just applied the word gorgeous to Munk? Sure the tom had his looks but he wasn't someone Alonzo would call gorgeous. _'Yes he is'_ his inner cat told him. Was he going crazy? He was having a silent argument over whether his best friend was beautiful. Obviously Munk was but it wasn't okay for Alonzo to think that, was it? The patched tom displayed an outward expression of confusion as he thought and his date stopped talking long enough to notice,

"Are you alright?" Chemmery asked

"What?"

"You look kind of spaced out"

"Oh, yes. Sorry, I got distracted. Please carry on, you were talking about your friends?"

"That was twenty minutes ago."

"Oh. Right."

"Have you not been listening this whole time?"

"No, no. I've been listening"

"What have I been talking about?"

Alonzo just stared blankly as he tried to remember if he had heard anything the tom had said. When he didn't say anything his date spoke for him,

"I thought not." He got up to leave. Alonzo thought about stopping him but then just decided to let him go. The only way to get that tom into bed was to endure him babbling on about nonsense for a few more hours and it was not something Alonzo was up to the challenge of. Realising defeat, he got up and began the trek back to the junkyard. On the way he thought about Munkustrap and the cool, quiet night air gave him time to think clearly. He had certainly thought about his friend in a new light but was that a way he wanted to see him? Munk had always been there for him and never once let him down so how could Alonzo dice with the potential of doing just that? Would he like Munk as a mate? _'Of course!' _Of course NOT he told his mind. Munk was just his friend nothing more. Well, that wasn't strictly true, was it? He was certainly more than a friend, but how much more? He threw this question back and forth and before he came to an answer he realised he had arrived back at home. He looked around the junkyard to see some of the cats enjoying their night. Kittens were running around merrily and the older cats were socializing. Some of them seemed to snigger and gawp when they saw him return so early and alone, a thought he quickly took note of and felt suitably embarrassed for. He very rarely came home alone when he'd taken someone out and the obvious solitude certainly meant he had failed in his seduction. He saw Munk looking at him with a shocked expression and decided to resume their earlier conversation, yet after he sat down and it came to speaking he couldn't quite think of the right words as the memory of his thoughts still lingered. Munk had the exact same problem, so they just sat. They stared straight ahead waiting for the other to start something. After a painfully long time Munk summoned up the courage; their conversation consisted of short murmurs and long gaps between each other. It was, after all, an awkward moment for the two yet they didn't know their own sentiments were echoed in each other.

"Hello" Munk said meekly

"Hello" replied Alonzo in the same way.

"Good date?"

"Nope"

"What happened?"

"He was boring"

"Oh"

Another long silence,

"If at first you don't succeed…" Munk said feeling like an idiot

"Yep…"

"What are you gonna do now?"

"Don't know"

"So you're in for the night?"

"Yep"

"You wanna stay close and keep me company?"

Alonzo stared at him with wide eyes as he misinterpreted the question. Munk saw his reaction and quickly tried to correct himself,

"I mean…you wanna just sit here…doing nothing…especially not touching"

"What?"

"I mean…" Munk stammered trying to fix their nose-diving chatter, "I mean…not that I want to touch you…I mean, not that I wouldn't want to touch you…Wait! That's not to say I think about touching you…I mean, oh damn!" spluttered Munk turning away and feeling like a complete moron. Alonzo tried to salvage what was left of Munk's strange speech but in the end responded in kind,

"It's okay. I know what you mean about touching…I mean not touching…Not that I wouldn't want you touching me…No, I mean, you can touch me if you like…Wait, no!...Oh bullocks!" Alonzo tripped over his words and landed in a deep pool of embarrassment. He stared at his friend who had turned and was staring back after hearing the patched tom blabber like as much of a moron as he felt. They continued staring until their shocked expressions began to crack. As they looked on their shoulders began to shake more and more and soon they were rolling around laughing at the strange display they had provided each other with.

"What are we like?" Alonzo cried

"We're crazy!" Munk cried back

"You think anyone has ever had that sort of conversation?"

"I don't think so!"

They took a while to calm down and ended up with arms around each other's shoulders and enjoying the company.

"You're a good friend, 'Zo" said Munk

"You're a good friend too, Munk" replied Alonzo. Munk shoved him away as he spoke again,

"Go to bed. You should be dying of shame from your failure of an evening"

"You know, I think that's a very wise idea" said the patched tom before rising to leave. He began to climb down and turned to the tabby before he left. He took a moment to take in the magnificence of Munkustrap as he sat in prime position on the big tyre, the moonlight seeming to give him an eerie yet beautiful glow and making his silver fur shine. Alonzo felt a funny twinge inside him and his voice nearly cracked as he spoke,

"I mean it, you know"

Munk looked back and they smiled at each other with their eyes locked together,

"Me too" he said.

They remained there for a few seconds more before Alonzo broke his gaze and went to his den. Munk followed him with his eyes as he sauntered. His friend was a delight to look at, he simply couldn't deny it. He smiled as he pictured the now out of view tom in his mind. By all means he should have been worried about their friendship but he wasn't. He was happy, a feeling Alonzo shared as they thought of each other.

**Okay, I think maybe something's about to begin here. We'll just have to wait and see.**

**Thanks for your reviews, I always love to hear what you think.**


	3. Avoidance

**I wrote out my ideas for this chapter whilst I was on the train to London yesterday morning which actually now have turned into my ideas for chapter 4. I was going to see a friend and unbeknownst to her I directed her through some of the places I sent Tugger and Misto on their date in Unlikeliest of Lovers. I had a nice little moment as I played the story through in my mind. **

**British colloquialism: I thought I'd better say this as I was talking to an American once and the verb 'to fancy someone' came up and she didn't know what it meant. In Britain, when you fancy someone, it means you like him or her. Like what you'd call a crush; if you were crushing on someone you would say you fancied him or her. **

_**Disclaimer: I do not own Cats**_

**A year in the life of the black and white toms**

**Chapter 3**

**Avoidance**

Many weeks had past since Munk and Alonzo's first awkward moment atop that tyre. The leaves on the trees where just starting to initiate their change to orange and the warm summer days seemed to be a tiny bit shorter and cooler in the late September air. Throughout the almost unnoticeable transition the two friends had experienced several more unfortunate encounters – usually on a tri-weekly basis - leaving them stumbling over their words and turning a deep shade of pink beneath their white facial fur. One particular glitch in their chatter had incorporated desperate attempts to defer the mention of each other's behinds. It could only be too clear that they had felt more stupid than ever as they dug themselves deeper into a hole with their grasping for any other topic and inevitably their miserable failure. Another occurrence of note was when they had tried to speak about teaching the kittens to hunt. Munk had begun with simply,

"Hey, 'Lonz. Could I talk to you about the kittens for a minute?

"What?" Alonzo had replied in yet more shock at his mishearing

"The kittens."

"I'm not ready for kittens!"

"What are you talking about?"

"You asked me if I wanted kittens!"

"I asked to talk to you about THE kittens."

"You don't want to have kittens with me?"

Munk had been dumbfounded, "How would we even produce…Never mind, I can see your mind is elsewhere". Munk had run off at that leaving Alonzo to be mortified and slap his forehead with his paw.

The laughing they shrugged off these moments with was becoming less frequent now as they both began to suspect something was going on beneath the surface. They wouldn't dare talk to each other about it though, such a conversation had the potential of destroying their sturdy brotherhood and surely neither wished for that outcome. Munk tried to keep on top of things through the cringe-worthy vocal carnage the two caused. He did his upmost best to keep his mind on his duties and even went as far as avoiding Alonzo when he saw him. He most certainly hadn't accepted the idea that he might actually like Alonzo as more than a friend but this denial was challenged every time he saw the patched tom, hence his avoidance. It was hard though, Alonzo would do little things no differently than he had done before yet Munk would apply a whole other meaning to them. A gentle smile or a wave would have layers of confusion accompanying it and a simple pat on the shoulder had the potential – in his mind – of being overly affectionate. He noticed some physical changes in the patched tom as well. He was always quick to respond to changes in the weather and his winter coat was starting to come in. The thick yet gleaming fur that hugged Alonzo's body gave Munk ideas he certainly knew he shouldn't have been having. His coat rose and dipped in just the right places and just the right amount to make Alonzo look curvier – if only by a little bit – and this of course played havoc with Munk's mind. It stirred something within him in both good and bad ways. He had to quash these thoughts once and for all before they became more than that. What would he do if the thoughts started to turn into feelings? But then again, had they already become feelings without him realising? It was true that Munk felt some kind of desire for the tom inside him, but was that a desire for companionship or a desire for intimacy? What's more he felt bitter jealousy whenever he saw Alonzo with another tom – a feeling he'd been having a lot but hadn't realised until earlier that week. He embarrassed himself at his notions and on the inside felt utterly awful. There was so much conflict and so much want, but overall the biggest feeling was pain. Pain over the fact that deep inside him he knew what he wanted but the problem of his mind not allowing him to explore it. Truly he was lost in his own body.

Alonzo was the same in his strife. He'd been trying to find answers to his questions about his and Munk's blundering encounters and was beginning to feel the torment of being left in the dark by his own mind. How could he even entertain the idea of Munk being a sexual figure? Most times not even sexual, just as a more than a friend. He was Munk, his like-a-brother buddy, what on earth made Alonzo think like this? Maybe it was just an infatuation, after all people had those all the time over those who are close to them, don't they? If that was true then why did this feel more than that? Why did it feel like so much more than a kittenish crush and seem to be more like he knew Munk was the only one that could fill the empty space? Alonzo didn't know what to do. He couldn't talk to anyone about it, Heaviside forbid someone might find out about his thoughts for Munk. Feelings for Munk. Thoughts or feelings? Unbeknownst to the two toms they both asked themselves the same question: Were these enticing thoughts about each other more than just simple thoughts? Could they – having slipped under the radar and sneaked into the tom's hearts – be feelings?

The pressure from the situation was beginning to take it's toll. Munk became less observant and little things that usually caught his eye began to slip through the net. The kittens would run rings around him without being seen and would from time to time cause a riot amongst themselves. Alonzo seemed to be meeting up with many more toms as well but his returning home alone from dates became far more frequent. He did his best not to let anyone realise but usually Bombalurina would see him and the gossip would spread like wildfire. She was a beautiful, sexy reddish queen that Tugger teased massively in his daily flirting. She was wise too and always knew how to get what she wanted from him even if he would treat her rudely. The two had been dancing around each other for years and it only seemed a matter of time before they would get hitched. That is if Tugger could be tied down but Bomba certainly seemed up to the challenge. Alonzo was younger than her and had always – in an envious way - looked up to her talents and wished he could wrap toms around his little finger like she could. Alonzo was no rookie, he could make cats swoon at the drop of a hat yet he couldn't deny that it felt it was due to his looks. He and the queen had developed something equivalent to a friendship over the years but it wasn't without it's rivalry. They would never define themselves as strong friends although they had respect for each other and occasionally got along quite well. Alonzo desperately wanted to talk to someone about his predicament but his usual outlet happened to be the subject of his woe. There was no one else he thought he could talk to so begrudgingly he set out to find her one night.

The night in particular was likely the first properly cold night of the autumn and Alonzo felt the breeze trying to penetrate his now thicker fur. He left his den and spotted a gaggle of queens chatting like usual at the opposite side of the junkyard. He made his way over and spoke as he gained their attention,

"Good evening ladies"

Jellylorum – a yellowish queen with patches of black, brown and white was the first to speak,

"Well hello, Alonzo. Not out on a date tonight?" She received a muffled giggle from the other queens. Alonzo felt silly at the friendly jab,

"No. I was wondering if you knew where Bomba was?"

"Bomba? Why do you want to talk to her?"

"Just friend stuff"

"I didn't know you two were friends" said Demeter, a black and gold queen with patches of white, red and orange and also Bomba's closest friend.

"Umm…well just something. Do you know where she is?"

"Last time I saw her she was heading off with Tugger into the junk" she said gesturing to a path leading away from the central clearing.

"Thank you" said Alonzo as he turned and followed the path he'd been directed to. On the way he thought about what he would ask her. _'Bomba, I need to talk to you about something but you have to promise not to tell anyone, okay?' _he rehearsed in his head. _'There's a cat in the junk yard I've been thinking a lot about lately and it's becoming too much for me to handle'_ He kept thinking of lines as he walked, he turned a corner and came across quite a shocking sight. On the ground in front of him he found an intricate pile of fur that he saw was made of Bombalurina and the Rum Tum Tugger. She was laying on top of him and their mouths were locked together in a fierce battle for control. Alonzo was so surprised by what he saw that his mind went blank and he stood there for a few seconds before the two cats below him looked up.

"Why don't you take a picture, it lasts longer" said the Maine coon. Alonzo jumped as the bigger tom spoke.

"Umm…I'm sorry for…It's just…Bomba, I'd like to speak to you"

"Can't you see I'm a bit busy here?" the queen said looking at him

"I…uh…right" said Alonzo turning to leave

"Wait" she called after him, "the moment's gone now so I may as well take care of you" she said getting up and following the patched tom.

"Hey, babe. You're just gonna leave me like this?" asked an annoyed Tugger from the ground

"Deal with it" she responded with dominance. Tugger just rose and pouted as he watched the two walk away. His attitude didn't last long as his eyes wandered down to both of the retreating cats hips. He smiled as he admired both the tom and the queen's sexiness.

A little while later Alonzo and Bomba found themselves deep into the junkyard where it was unlikely they would be disturbed. Alonzo stopped and turned to his companion and tried to remember what he had practiced.

"Alright, Bomba, listen up" he said nervously

"That's a bit rude, don't you think?" she replied in her teasing way

"You and I have always been…" he tried to think of something to call them

"…knowing of each other's existence?" she said with a smirk

"Okay. Well, I need to talk to someone about something."

"Why don't you talk to Munk then?"

"I can't"

"Why not?"

"It's him I need to talk about"

"Why not talk to someone else?"

"Like who?"

"Anyone else"

"Don't be a bitch, you think I want to talk to you about this?"

"Hey, screw you!" she said annoyed.

The two stared at each other until Alonzo gave in,

"Look, I need to talk to someone about Munk and there's no one else I can think of. Please." He looked at her with an expression of sadness.

"Oh alright" she said exasperatedly. She wouldn't admit that the look in his eyes melted her heart, she hated that he could do that.

"Will you promise not to tell anyone?"

"I might, depends how juicy it is"

"Bomba, please!"

"Okay, fine! For crying out loud, can't a queen make a joke?"

"You promise?"

"I suppose so"

Alonzo took a moment to summon the courage, he couldn't quite find the words he had thought of and struggled to say anything at all.

"Everlasting Cat! I haven't got all day, patches!" said Bomba

"I think maybe…" he stammered

"Yes, come on!"

"Well, it's just I might…"

"Spit it out!"

"I think I like Munk!" he blurted. Bomba stared at him with squinted eyes and a raised lip that seemed to say 'Are you for real?' The admission had sounded like a kitten had said it to a friend, it sounded stupid. Alonzo seemed to visibly shrink as he noticed her response, he knew what he must have sounded like.

"You think you like, Munk? Care to elaborate?" she asked

"I don't know. It's just…well…I don't know, I think I fancy him" every word he spoke made him feel like an idiot. "You know what, forget it, I never should have said anything." He tried to run off but Bomba caught his arm and forced him to sit so he couldn't escape.

"So you fancy Munk?" she asked still confused

"I don't know, maybe" he said quietly.

"Why is that an issue?"

"He's my best friend, you figure it out"

"So what? You like him. Does he like you?"

"I don't know, maybe" he said again

"What do you mean maybe?"

"Well we say things to each other that seem like they have a deeper meaning but I don't know if it's just me being silly"

"I can see why you'd think that"

"Stop it!"

"'Lonz, what do you want me to tell you?"

"Tell me what to do"

"Why should I know what you ought to do?"

"Because you always seem to know what to do when it comes to toms"

She felt a little bashful at the remark and compliment. She could see the tom before her was desperate for an answer, and it was a shame she couldn't give him one.

"I'm sorry, I don't know what to tell you" she said now trying to be kinder

Alonzo looked crestfallen. The one person he had hoped might be able to show him a little light in his darkness didn't have anything to tell him. The confusion and pressure became too much for him and he began to become upset. First his lip began to quiver and a few moments later in the silence that surrounded them he produced a small sniffle. A tear leaked from his patched eye he tried to hide his face in his paws, not wanting to look weak. Bomba felt uneasy being put in the situation she was in, what was she meant to do? Alonzo had asked her against his will for help and she had responded with nothing. She felt a bit guilty as she watched the tom try to keep hold of his torn emotions and eventually got down beside him to pull him into a delicate hug.

"It'll…um…be okay" she attempted

Alonzo let out a pained sob at that, "How?"

"Well…I don't know, maybe we can think of something"

"What if he hates me, Bomba? What if he finds out?"

"If he finds out you fancy him?"

"I don't know! I don't know what I feel and that's why it's so hard!"

"He's your friend, 'Lonz. He wouldn't ditch you over that"

"We would never be the same though. I don't want to risk loosing him as a friend"

"So you're not going to tell him?"

"I don't think so"

"Maybe you should try and distract yourself from him until the feeling goes away" she said trying to think of anything

"Would it work?" he looked up at her

"It might. If you don't want to fancy him anymore then maybe you should find something to take your mind off of him"

"I suppose you're right" said Alonzo feeling disappointed. Bomba was annoyed at herself for giving such wishy-washy advice. She helped the tom up and gave him a hug before Tugger appeared from behind the junk.

"What have you ladies been talking about?" he asked smugly

"Shut up, Tugger" said Alonzo

"Hey, calm down patches."

"And what is it you want?" Bomba asked him slyly

"I think you can guess" he said as he looped his thumbs into his belt.

"I see. Maybe I can spare a few minutes, if we're done Alonzo?

The patched tom nodded and let her go. He stared at Tugger as the two walked away. Tugger winked at him before he turned to follow Bomba and Alonzo felt curious at the gesture. It made him giggle internally, a reaction he crushed as soon as it manifested. Surely he was just vulnerable and needed any kind of closeness right now. He pondered this as he made his way back to his den, was he that desperate for intimacy?

* * *

The next few days Alonzo spent avoiding Munk at all costs. It was something no one would at all would expect him to do and the Jellicles became curious when they found him ducking behind junk piles and hiding in his den at the strangest of moments. Alonzo became tired at constantly being on the lookout for the protector and was rather drowsy by the middle of the night. It meant he would be found napping in alcoves and recesses in the junk where no one would expect to find him. In one particular instance he awoke to find half a dozen kittens staring at him as he came back to the world. They asked him what he was doing but he couldn't think of an answer. He tried to send them away but they followed him for hours trying to make sense of his oddness.

Enough was enough. He had to do something other than hide away, he needed to get out and distract himself and what better way to do that than going on date. It might even pave the way for him to get some relief in bed as well - something he felt he needed desperately at that moment. At midday on an early October afternoon he strode out of the junkyard to some of his regular haunts. He was going to find someone to take out and show them a damn good time. It didn't take long once he'd gotten to one of the major social spots for cats. It was in a little corner of Regent's Park where cats would chase pigeons for their lunch and nearly as soon as he arrived he had locked eyes on his target. The tom in question was jet black save for his eyes which were a striking yellow. Alonzo made his way over and put the moves on him,

"I've never seen you around here before, are you new to the area?"

The black tom turned and looked his addressor over, he responded with a smile, "Fairly new. Are you a regular?"

"I'd say so, yes. I love this park in the autumn, I think it looks quite spectacular. Look over there, do you see how the sun hits the water and makes it look like gold?" Alonzo put a paw on the other tom's arm as he turned to look.

"Wow" the black tom said, "I never noticed that before, you have quite an eye."

"You're too kind. My name is Alonzo" he said raising a paw

"Corus" replied the tom also raising a paw and touching it lightly to Alonzo's.

"What an interesting name"

"It means the northwest wind. I never really understood it"

"It's nice. It sounds…please don't laugh, mystical" The tom didn't laugh, he just smiled at the compliment. "Do you live near here, Corus?"

"I live with my humans near Hampstead Heath but we used to live a long way away. I was hoping to meet some new cats by coming to this park. I don't really know my way around just yet and I'd love for someone to show me"

Alonzo saw the opportunity he was presented with and smiled at the tom. "Maybe I could show you, if you wouldn't mind my company". He saw Corus look him up and down again and liked how the tom examined his body. He replied soon after,

"I'd like that"

Alonzo smiled, he was in. "Great. You know the city looks great at night, why don't we meet up later and I'll show you everything?"

"Would you? That'd be ever so nice of you, I really hope I'm not taking up your time."

"Corus, my dear, it would be my pleasure" said Alonzo overflowing with charm. The two spent the next few minutes talking and Alonzo convinced the tom to come to the junkyard later on from where they would leave. He wanted the cats to see he was back on the horse and hadn't lost his ability to find a date. They parted after this and Alonzo began to return home. He was pleased with himself for his suavity and thought about how he would charm the trousers off of the tom that evening. And yes, he intended to get the tom's trousers off, figuratively speaking of course. Anything to get his mind off of Munk.

* * *

The silver tabby had not been performing well that day. He'd noticed Alonzo stride off out of the junkyard earlier without even so much as a glance in Munk's direction. He knew for sure something must have been going on as they hadn't spoken much recently and the last few days they hadn't even seen each other. Munk knew his friend had been there as he could sense himself being watched and from years of experience knew it was Alonzo. This had hurt him quite a bit, why had Alonzo ultimately resorted to hiding? But then why had he earlier strode past out in the open? What was going on with his friend? He needed some answers, nothing would be back to normal unless he got some kind of resolve. He decided that when Alonzo came back he would confront him. He wouldn't tell him how he felt directly but would skirt around the issue hoping it might end up with them addressing it.

As if on cue, Alonzo skipped gleefully back into the junkyard. Munk saw him coming and placed himself directly in the path of Alonzo's den. The patched tom couldn't avoid him now, they would have to talk. Strangely enough, Alonzo didn't look worried or timid, he just bounded along looking very pleased. Munk swallowed hard and began to summon his courage. Alonzo approached him and Munk attempted to grab his attention,

"'Lonz, can we tal-"

"Sorry, Munk, can't stop to chat. I've got a date."

"Oh" said Munk quietly. Alonzo continued,

"He's coming here later and I'm gonna take him out. See you later."

Munk for some reason felt crushed at his friend's words. Was he angry? Was he hurt? If he was then why was he? He wasn't in love with Alonzo, right? So why did it feel so horrible that the tom Alonzo was going on a date with was someone other than him. He slowly returned to his tyre looking and feeling deflated. Any chance of getting the problems out in the open had suddenly been set back a long way and it wasn't clear if they would ever have their moment.

It was then that Munk had an idea. An evil idea. Alonzo had said this tom was coming here so why not intervene. He would keep Alonzo busy while he sent this new tom away then he would be sad that yet another tom had ditched him and Munk would be there to comfort his friend, and this time he could steer the conversation towards the subject of them. He smiled at his idea but then thought for a moment, he was the trustworthiest cat in the yard and could he really sabotage another Jellicle? His mind - clouded with jealousy and anger - impaired his rationality briefly. He needed to know where Alonzo and he stood and no cat was going to get in the way of that. He sat back down and waited, it wasn't long until nightfall.

* * *

Corus had trouble finding his way through the busy streets of northern London. He felt scared at the loud noises and strange new things and considered running back the way he came. That tom he'd met was sweet though and incredibly attractive so he decided to press on in order to see him again. After an hour's worth of trying to find his way he eventually happened upon the junkyard that had been described to him. He gingerly entered the space to find nothing but stillness. He could feel life nearby - after all he was a Jellicle too – but it was unfamiliar life and it might not be friendly. He took a few steps more before stopping and looking around.

"Hello?" he called softly in the darkness

A silver tabby seemed to appear from nowhere. He scampered out of the junk and stared down at the black cat. Corus stared back at him, marvelling at the brilliance of this strong looking cat but then backed away a few steps from the fear that sprung up within.

"Um…" he stammered, "Hello, sir. I'm looking for a tom called Alonzo" he asked hopefully. Munk continued to stare down at the tom and made him feel rather vulnerable.

"And who are you?" Munk asked with danger in his eyes.

"My name is Corus, sir" the black tom said feeling scared at the tabby's demeanour.

"And what are you doing with Alonzo?"

"H-He offered to show me around. I'm new to the area, you see, and I-"

"Alonzo is not here. I suggest you leave now" said Munk darkly. He felt bad doing what he was doing but needed to get Alonzo alone.

"I, uh…I was meant to meet him here, did he say where he was?"

"No. Please go."

Corus looked confused, "Alonzo does live here, doesn't he? He told me to come here at this exact tim-"

"I asked you to leave" said Munk firmly now advancing towards the tom in a very intimidating way. Corus began to back up from fear of what this cat might do to him.

"I'm sorry, sir! I think I must have made a mistake, I'll go now!" he said turning and walking away quickly. Munk watched the tom leave and began to feel guilty, but now the job was done. This is what he thought until Alonzo popped up out of his den.

"Munk, I'm sorry but I've looked everywhere and I cannot find your collar." Munk had taken it off to make Alonzo believe he'd lost it. Alonzo looked up just in time to see his date leave the junkyard. "Hey! Corus!" he called out. The other tom stopped and stared back not knowing what to do. Munk felt the whole world crash down on top of him. These next few minutes were not going to be comfortable.

"What are you doing leaving?" Alonzo asked as he made his way over to the stock-still tom.

"That cat told me you weren't here and he told me to leave. I tried to explain but I thought he was going to attack me" said the frightened Corus

"He what?" asked Alonzo in confusion. Munk could hear them speak and waited for the accusations to begin. Alonzo spoke a little more with his date and then approached his friend.

"Munk, Corus says you told him I wasn't here and that you told him to leave?"

Munk just stared at him not knowing what to say, his plan had failed horribly.

"Munk, hello? Why did you do that?"

Still no answer.

"Munk!" said Alonzo loudly. Munk tried to say something but there were no words available to use.

"Excuse us, Corus" the patched tom said dragging his friend into his den. Once they were inside he began to interrogate the silver tabby,

"What are you trying to pull, Munk? I told Corus to meet me here and you try to send him away? Why did you do that?"

Munk tried to speak again, "I wanted to…you and I…we need to…I just mean…"

Alonzo was becoming angry now. He'd been avoiding his friend for a while to try and keep his mind off of him and dampen his feelings but now the tabby was trying to hurt him by attempting to sabotage his dates. His feelings for Munk suddenly came rushing back and they added to his rage,

"Why the hell did you do that? I like that tom and you're trying to keep me from getting to know him better? He's a great cat but you try and get rid of him? Are you that selfish? I could be really happy with him!" Alonzo shouted

Munk became angry himself at the accusation. He wasn't trying to be selfish, he just wanted some alone time with Alonzo to talk. He said things he didn't mean,

"Selfish? I spend every waking moment making sure everyone is safe so toms like you can drag every cheap little slut you can find into your bed! If there's anyone being selfish, Alonzo, it's you! Do you ever stop to think 'Hey, Munk gives up everything for me, maybe I should thank him'?"

"What are you saying?"

"I'm saying you don't deserve the freedoms you've got! I've given everything for you and you have no idea!"

"I have no idea? Don't you think I'm grateful for your protection? I've told you millions of times how much I appreciate you. Don't be such an idiot!"

"Oh please, you've never even noticed me!"

"Of course I bloody notice you! I notice you all the time! I can't stop thinking about you!" Alonzo shut up at that point, the two toms stared at each other over Alonzo's sudden outburst and tried to come to terms with it. The patched tom turned away in embarrassment and couldn't believe he'd just blurted out that he couldn't stop thinking of his friend.

"What do you mean, Alonzo?" asked Munk firmly, hoping that he might mean what Munk wanted.

"Nothing." Replied Alonzo trying to divert the issue and stuff his desperation to tell Munk how he felt back inside.

"No, you said you can't stop thinking about me. What do you mean?" Munk pressed on.

"I just mean…you're incredibly important to me."

Munk took a moment to weight his options before responding,

"You're incredibly important to me too, 'Lonz"

"Why?"

"You're amazing. You're the most important person I've ever had in my life"

"Really?"

"Really"

They continued to stare just trying to understand what each other was trying to say. They pleaded in their hearts that their own feelings might be echoed in each other as all attempts to destroy those very feelings had been killed in their desperation. They wanted each other dearly but were too afraid to do anything about it and they were angry at each other for this reason.

Munk couldn't take the pain anymore and in a flash of madness he lunged forward and grabbed Alonzo's head. He kissed him firmly on the lips before pulling away and staring again. He had a look of horror in his eyes where as Alonzo stood with his paw to his mouth still feeling the tingle left by the silver tabby. Munk spoke quickly,

"I have to go." With that he fled from the den and ran towards his home outside the junkyard leaving Alonzo unbelievably confused and shocked. The patched tom remained standing there as his friend got further and further away. As he ran he felt tears began to roll down his cheeks, he'd surely ruined their friendship now. He began to sob loudly as he felt his brotherhood with Alonzo snap clean in two.

**Uh oh. Munk and 'Lonz might be friends no more? How are they gonna fix that?**

**Thanks for reading, please review.**


	4. Fireworks

**I feel bad that it's taking me so long to update (by my standards). It's been days instead of hours and I hate that I'm not writing faster. Well actually I am trying to make these chapters longer and stuff in a whole load of progression in each one so it does naturally take a bit longer to finish and proof-read. I'm trying to go for at least the 4000 mark for each one and I think I'm doing fairly well so far. However, I'm hella busy this week with coursework and I'm having trouble deciding which is more important. Personally, I think this is. Thanks for bearing with me anyway. (I may be a little while with the next chapter as I won't have a lot of time to write in the next few days. Check daily though as I may pull some time out of a hat. I expect the next chapter to be done by the end of this coming weekend) **

**Munk and Alonzo try to come to terms with their awkward moment and feelings for each other.**

_**Disclaimer: I do not own Cats**_

**A year in the life of the black and white toms**

**Chapter 4**

**Fireworks**

A great white light seemed to fill his mind. Aside from life's many menial day to day necessities there hadn't been much more to cross through his consciousness. It seemed that the world had come to a halt and nothing he had tried had managed to jump start it again. He had stayed in the darkness of his den for several days following his and his friend's moment about a week ago. Alonzo had frequently stared at the exact spot where the kiss had happened for long periods of time during his seclusion and played the scene through in his memory over and over. He had gone through a wide range of emotions as he made grasps for understanding, he had laughed uncontrollably and he had screamed in despair only to wind up exactly where he was unable to comprehend the magnitude of his situation. When he wasn't thinking so hard he was usually sleeping, he couldn't decide whether it was his recent inactivity that was keeping him drained or the emotional torment he knew he must have been feeling. It was quite a shame that he couldn't feel much due to it feeling like he had stepped out of his body and was looking back at the blank creature before him.

Another day ended and the setting October sun stabbed through the gaps in his doorway. It was a striking, fierce light that hung low in the sky and seemed to try and pierce him as he watched it, at least that's what it felt like. The air grew colder now as the leaves began to fall from the trees surrounding the junkyard and Alonzo felt the chill nip at him. He had been feeling it all the more due to the emptiness he felt without his friend nearby and shuddered as he lay curled up on his bed. He had tried to look out for Munk several times in the last week but had only seen the protector's empty spot from where he usually looked out. He had thought perhaps the silver tabby had been watching out for their safety from a different vantage point so as not to be seen by him but had heard when some of the cats came to see him that Munk had not been seen in days. Many of the Jellicles were becoming worried for him and at times became frantic if they got too scared that something bad might happen. Alonzo's mind was instead fixed on one particular thing and he wished he knew what to do but kept drawing blanks. He wanted to talk to Munk, he wanted to hug him, he wanted to hit him, he wanted to kiss him, he wanted to rip his fur out, he wanted to mate with him, he wanted to kill him. What was he meant to do? The tom balled himself up tighter as he replayed the moments after their kiss in his head yet again,

_Alonzo was still standing in his den with shock holding his body where it was. His mind seemed to be going one hundred miles per hour and at a snail's space simultaneously, he didn't know what to feel at that moment. What he did know was that he had to catch up to Munk and do something, whether that was talking was still to be decided but he knew he needed to catch up to him. He smashed through his shock with what little clear thought he had left and raced out of his den. He began to run for the entrance to the junkyard but stopped at the threshold when he couldn't see his friend anywhere. His date for that evening, Corus, had stepped towards him in a haze of misunderstanding._

'_Alonzo?' the tom asked. He received no answer as he saw the patched tom in front of him breath heavily and display a powerful expression of something that couldn't be deduced. It could have been fear, anger or desperation - it wasn't clear. Corus gently raised a paw and nudged his guide's arm, Alonzo flinched and spun around ready to swipe the one who had touched him. Corus backed away feeling even more scared that the very tom who had shown him kindness hours earlier had seemed to turn on him. Alonzo softened a few moments later and looked away towards where Munk had run. He spoke while still looking in that direction talking like he had only ever learnt a few words in his entire life,_

"_I'm sorry, Corus. I can't see you tonight"_

"_What do you mean?" the black tom asked_

"_I have to go now" replied Alonzo as he slowly made for his den. Corus was sure he saw Alonzo's eyes glimmer with the suggestion of building tears but couldn't be sure._

"_When will I see you again?" called Corus. The lack of any sound from Alonzo as he walked away answered his question and the black tom turned to leave. Perhaps people in this city weren't as nice as he'd thought._

_Alonzo entered his den after leaving his date and stood looking at where his friend had kissed him. Tears freely flowed now and he fell to the floor wailing. He didn't have any energy to support himself and simply cried on the floor of his den, emotionally bare and completely alone. The solitude was the worst part, he wanted Munk there at that very moment but knew there was no way. He let his strife flow from within him as his feelings for the silver tabby seemed to amplify and become stronger by the minute. Perhaps he had been suppressing them for so long that he had no idea how strong they'd gotten. He didn't know exactly how to feel about his friend but he knew whatever he was feeling was powerful. He continued to cry for the whole night and it was only the sheer exhaustion that finally quieted the desperate tom. _

_Munkustrap was not too different. As soon as he'd kissed Alonzo he knew he shouldn't have done it and needed to be anywhere but in front of him. He belted out of the junkyard and sprinted for his human's house. He had always been able to think on many levels and that skill put him at a disadvantage at that moment. As he ran he went over what he had just done and the emotion of it all welled up inside him. Tears very rarely kissed the tabby's cheeks but now they were rolling in abundance like little glass beads. They made it hard for him to see and he nearly ran into the path of a huge red bus. He had stopped himself just before being mashed onto the road and fell down in the gutter. He shook violently as he desperately tried to reign in his feelings. It was clear to him now that he wanted Alonzo as more than a friend but even more transparent that it would never happen due to his stupidity not five minutes prior. The realization made him writhe in the dirt and turned his coat from it's usually gleaming silver and black to a dull and tatty grey. He didn't care though, nothing seemed to matter at the moment least of all his appearance. He wanted Alonzo, he needed him to help him through this but it was impossible. After a moment more of bawling he whipped himself back into proper form with great protest from his heart. It wasn't proper for a cat of his stature to be seen as weak. Small sobs threatened to turn into pained cries again as he shakily made his way home. He arrived at the house and slid sadly through the cat-flap in the back door. He settled down on his bed and tried to think of what to do. No ideas to help him materialized, all he knew was that he couldn't face the junkyard for a while – a thought that pained him almost as much as his longing for Alonzo._

Munk had been the same all week. The usual affection he showed for his humans and strong presence he provided the Jellicles with was becoming noticeable in it's absence by both parties. His humans had considered taking him to the vet as he lay solemnly in his bed, barely moving, not eating and looking rather shabby in appearance. Munk usually would have run at the mere suggestion of the prodding and poking animal doctor yet now he couldn't care less if they took him. The kind of pain he was feeling wasn't something that could be fixed by a human, only one particular cat could fix it. He had prevented himself from crying at nights when he stayed away from the junkyard, he didn't want even himself to witness his tears. It was neither strong nor steadfast, two traits he prized more than anything or so it seemed. He questioned whether he cared for those things anymore for after all what was the point of pretending to be strong when inside he felt like a frightened and tormented little kitten? He was ashamed with himself and the feeling made him despair but not nearly as much as he despaired for Alonzo.

It would be two weeks before anything would change for either tom.

The end of October seemed to go slowly for all the Jellicles. Munk and Alonzo were too conflicted to do anything and the other cats were anxious that both of their protectors had seemingly given up keeping them safe. There were rumours that Macavity was planning something soon and many of them became scared that they would be completely undefended should he attack. Macavity was a villainous and evil cat, he had long ago been a Jellicle but had since gone very, very bad, the reason for which was not known. He had tried many times to attack the Jellicles and had nearly succeeded at the Jellicle Ball two years ago. All of the cats were scared of him as they knew what he was capable of. While never having been attacked themselves there had been stories and rumours of his handiwork going on around town. The dangerously patterned tom had been maiming and killing cats to satisfy his sick pleasure and the tales had wormed their way back to the junkyard in one way or another. Munk had always been on high alert for the heinous cat's appearance but at that time he was nowhere to be seen. The Jellicles needed someone to keep them safe but they had no one that was as strong or as smart as Munk and they felt at a loss. Alonzo was just as useless in his state. They needed Munk back, but how were they going to do it?

On the first day of November Jenny gathered many of the Jellicles and spoke to them,

"What is going on around here?" she asked simply hoping someone might be able to tell her. The cats just stared back, hoping the same thing she was.

"What has made Munk and Alonzo change so suddenly? They are usually the best of friends, are they not?"

Everyone nodded,

"So why are things like they are?"

"I've been hearing a lot of strange noises coming from Alonzo's den lately" offered Demeter, "has anyone tried to talk to him?"

"Yes, I have" chimed Bomba, "he doesn't say a word and just lays there all day occasionally rising just to let out some rage"

"And what of Munk?" asked Jenny

"No one's seen him. He's gone, completely gone" said Demeter

"That's not true" said Mistoffelees, "I went to his house to see if he was there but he wouldn't come out to see me. I tapped on the window for ages but he didn't even budge"

"Did they have an argument?" asked Jenny

"I think whatever they had was a bit more than an argument. Have you ever seen them stay away from each other for so long?" said Jelly

"We've got to do something. Someone needs to get them to talk"

The Jellicles all looked at each other, who was going to have to try and get the toms to speak? After a moment Bomba piped up,

"I suppose I can try and get Alonzo to talk, I don't think it'll work though"

"Would you, dear?" asked Jenny, "Thank you for trying to help"

Bomba just gave a half-hearted smile and rose. She was stopped by Tugger who stepped in front of her.

"Let me give it a go" he said with his usual double meaning.

"Are you sure that's a good idea?" she asked him

"Well I can't make things worse, can I?"

"You can" she said knowing him too well

"Well I won't this time" he responded with a smile and began to make for Alonzo's den. Bomba looked after him hoping he wouldn't do anything stupid like he was prone to do.

* * *

Tugger bounced up the junk and burst into Alonzo's den. He found the tom sitting hunched over on his bed looking miserable. He jumped down next to the tom and greeted him with incredible inappropriateness.

"Hey, blotchy!" he said to the tom receiving not even a look from him.

"Not talking to anyone now?" he asked after a few seconds of silence, "What's got you in such a mood?"

Still no answer.

"It's to do with Munk, isn't it?" he asked with a sly smile

"…"

"I always thought you chose the wrong brother to get close to"

Alonzo shot him an angry stare that made Tugger smile even more.

"Don't look at me like that, 'Lonzy. All I'm saying is you'd never have any problems getting up close and personal with me"

Alonzo looked away feeling annoyed at Tugger's attempts to take advantage of his vulnerable state.

"Well you know what I mean" Tugger said, "Do you think you might be able to sort something out between you two though? It's making everyone worried"

Alonzo slumped down onto the bed and buried his face in the blankets. Tugger took a good hard look at Alonzo's behind as the tom turned away and had a great many evil thoughts. He decided he wasn't getting anywhere after bringing his eyes back up and knew it was time to tag in Bomba. He got up and made for the door but stopped just before he left,

"Hey, remember what I said. If you ever need to let off some steam, you know…physically, you know where to find me"

Alonzo gave no response and didn't even move as the bigger tom hit on him. Tugger left feeling smug, at least the seeds had been sown and if they grew: bonus.

He made his way back over to the larger group of Jellicles and spoke to Bomba,

"Your turn"

She rolled her eyes at him and made her own way over.

* * *

The red queen gingerly climbed to the outside of Alonzo's den. She hadn't a clue what to do and hoped she could improvise something that might make him at least leave his home. She coughed to announce herself as she lay her eyes on the patched tom inside. He was slumped on his bed with has back turned to her. His ears turned in her direction as he heard her approach but he didn't turn his body. There was a sense of malaise that hung in the air and Bomba felt strange attempting to talk to him. She begun in the only way she could think of,

"What's up, patches?"

She received no reply.

"Alonzo, I know you can hear me"

Still nothing.

"Alonzo, I need to talk to you, it's about Munk"

Alonzo seemed to stir a little but stopped himself from looking too interested.

"You and he need to talk to each other. The mood is becoming critical out there and we need to get things back on track. Now, the only way that's going to happen is if you two start talking again so you need to dry up and swallow your pride"

Alonzo would have felt angry at her audacity but he didn't have the strength or will to respond with fire. He merely sat up and with shadowy eyes looked up at her. She felt uneasy as he stared at her in such a dark way and he started to speak,

"You have no idea, Bomba. You have no idea"

The queen didn't really know what he was talking about so she asked,

"What do you mean?"

"You have no idea what's happened between us"

"Then why don't you tell me"

"No"

"Then how do you expect me to help you?"

"I don't"

"Alonzo, come on! Don't be so introverted! Talk to me!"

"Why?"

"Who else would you talk to?" she said bringing up memories of the conversation they'd had a little while ago. Alonzo stared back at her with knowing in his eyes. He reluctantly began to voice his troubles,

"Things have gone wrong" he started. Bomba waited patiently for him to continue,

"About three weeks ago, Munk tried to stopone of my dates"

"With that little black tom?" asked Bomba. Alonzo nodded before carrying on,

"I confronted him about it and we started to argue. One thing led to another and we kissed."

He stopped at that moment, he had to let the memory sink into him yet again.

"You kissed?" Bomba asked starting to piece together the problems in her mind

"Yes"

"How was it?"

Alonzo looked at her wondering how she could ask such a question at that moment but eventually let his memory take over,

"It was strange. Good strange. For a moment it felt right but then it just felt shocking"

"So, what now?"

"I don't know"

"You're going to talk to him, right?"

"I can't"

"Why not?"

"I just can't Bomba, okay?" Alonzo said raising his voice with the strain he felt surfacing vocally. Bomba didn't like indecision, she addressed him in a way that was very typical of her methods for dealing with such a remark,

"Stop being such a drama-puss! Everlasting, Alonzo! So you two kissed, big whoop! It's not like it's the end of the world. Why on earth would you complain anyway? You said you felt like there was something between you so why protest him trying to show you how he obviously feels. And yes, I know you could say it was a moment of madness but come on, he must have been showing how he really felt. If you ask me Alonzo you're being stupid, really stupid and I think you need to grow up and handle this like a real tom"

With that she hurried out of the den. Hopefully she had angered him enough to make him want to talk to Munk to spite her. Unfortunately for Bomba, Alonzo was not in a state to be spoken to in such a way. If anything she just made him feel even worse. He began to sniffle as he felt what she said was true, maybe Munk really did like him that way, after all it had certainly sounded like he did from what he said. He lay there for hours thinking over the deeper meanings.

* * *

Four days later on the 5th of November he raised himself up and began to walk forward shakily. He had decided that he needed to tell Munk how he felt and find out once and for all if he liked him back. He hadn't thought about what he would do if Munk said yes, he only knew that his life would be lost if he said no. He left his den in the middle of the night and slowly made his way to the quiet street where the silver tabby lived. At least, it would have been quiet had it not been Guy Fawkes night. There were loud bangs from fireworks everywhere and white smoke circled in the night sky. Alonzo felt rather intimidated by the bright flashes and squealing rockets but knew he needed to press on. He climbed over garden walls and under fences and eventually made it to the tom's human's house. He stared up at the green painted windowsill from his vantage point amongst some flowers. He knew he needed to climb up there to be able to see into the home but felt reluctant to do so. The next moment was going to decide whether Munk was in his future or not and he didn't want to have to bear a negative outcome. He stood there for a while as the air got gradually colder and he began to shiver. He was about to go for it when a noise behind him stopped him. He quickly spun around to see Munk looking back at him from the very middle of the lawn. Alonzo felt a warmth he hadn't felt in weeks at the sight of the almost glowing tabby in the moonlight. He wanted to run up and cling to his friend but knew he couldn't so they stared at each other for what seemed like hours. Eventually Alonzo spoke with a cracked voice,

"Hey, Munk"

"Hey, 'Lonz" replied the silver tabby, surprised and unsure at seeing his friend. The two began to walk towards each other like two cats who had never met. They stopped with some distance still between them. Alonzo spoke again,

"How have you been?"

"From the look of it I'd say about the same as you"

They were silent for a moment,

"What happened that night, Munk?"

"Something that shouldn't have"

"Do you really mean that?"

Munk wanted to tell Alonzo how he felt but didn't know how.

"What am I meant to say, 'Lonz?"

"Say what you feel" the patched tom said showing some of the pain he retained

"I don't know what I feel" Munk replied desperately

"Say anything"

Only the sounds of explosions from fireworks above them could be heard for a moment before Munk spoke again. He couldn't handle the stress anymore and decided to put their friendship on the line,

"I think I love you, Alonzo"

They gazed at each other again with fixed, unreadable expressions. Alonzo didn't feel shocked at his friend's words, he felt like he'd finally heard what he'd wanted to hear for a long time.

"I don't know what to say" said Alonzo

"Say anything" replied Munk echoing his friend's words.

"I feel like you can't be my friend anymore, I can't carry on without you being more. I know I love you."

One might think they would rush into each other's arms and live happily ever after at that point but they didn't. They continued to stare without faltering for a moment.

"I don't know what to do now" said Munk feeling rather numb inside

"Me either" replied Alonzo. Like they had been doing the whole time they kept staring at each other trying to crack the hard outer shell they both presented. Eventually Alonzo grew tired of the unchanging feeling of stillness. He turned to leave before Munk called out to him,

"Wait" he said. Alonzo stopped for a moment and looked back. Munk was reaching out to him and hoping desperately that his friend who he had said he thought he loved wouldn't go.

"Munk, I need you to know you love me like I love you, not just think"

"How do you love me?"

"I don't know, I just need to know that you do". The patched tom left the garden sadly. He had hoped their meeting might have gone a lot better than it did, or that it had gone in any way whatsoever. Their confrontation had felt bland, like it had neither gone well nor badly. What did this mean and where did they stand? Alonzo walked back to the junkyard in a daze unaware of the dangerous cat known as Macavity watching him from the shadows and following him in silence.

* * *

Munk remained still in the moonlight clouded with smoke. He hadn't told Alonzo he loved him in the right way and he needed to make it right. He needed Alonzo to be his.

* * *

Alonzo was at a loss as he returned back to the yard. He saw the other cats fixate on him expectantly, perhaps he and Munk had made up. That, however, wasn't so. Alonzo walked into the middle of the clearing and looked at the gathered Jellicles with darkness. Without speaking he told them exactly what they wanted to know and they seemed to deflate at the news. He looked at them each individually and eventually settled on Bomba. He stared at her with anger for making him do what he didn't want to and she stared back with regret. He was about to speak when a huge firework exploded in the air behind him. In the bright red light and commotion Macavity appeared looking fearsome. Without time to react the horrifying cat was on top of Alonzo and was hacking away at his body with his claws. Alonzo took a startled moment to comprehend the situation and then started to hit back . He hit back hard and fast and tried everything to throw off the bigger tom. With one heavy blow he made his attacker fall backwards and he managed to climb to his feet. The two began to circle each other and then they both jumped in to scuffle some more. Macavity was moving quickly and managed to make some good swipes at Alonzo. The patched tom – stricken with sadness and surprise – was doing his best to defend himself. He was losing though, and losing fast. With one hard blow to the stomach Macavity crippled his opponent and sent him writhing to the floor unable to breath. While he was down Alonzo was dragged up by his head fur and Macavity placed his claws on the tom's throat. Alonzo felt serious danger for his life and began to squirm. Macavity began to graze the skin under Alonzo's fur and drops of blood began to leak from his delicate throat. The evil tom stooped in low and whispered into the tom's ear, it was incredibly quiet but Alonzo's eyes widened and he seemed to become deeply horrified. Macavity began to go in for the fatal blow and raised his paw above his head. He brought it down with tremendous speed and claws extended but it was stopped in midair. He turned just in time to see a silver and black tabby grasp his arm and then claw him across the face. He fell back with a cry and Munk was on top of him in a moment, swiping and hitting the tom with ferocity. Alonzo flipped around and gazed in shock at the scene. If Munk hadn't shown up he'd be choking on his own blood by now and he began to shake from the fear and adrenaline. The tabby and the ginger cat continued to fight nastily whilst Munk had a crazed look of fury in his eyes. Alonzo had never seen him like this before and he for the first time in his life he felt scared of his friend. Munk kept fighting and fighting and eventually delivered the ultimate action. In the blink of an eye he closed his sharp teeth around one of Macavity's ears and tore it clean from his head. Macavity roared in pain and jumped away throwing Munk back in the process. The tabby spat his prize to the floor and looked at Macavity with blazing anger.

"I told you never to come back here!" he growled seeming to spit fire, "I warned you I would defend them to the death, Macavity! If you ever come back here I will kill you! Do you understand? I. Will. Kill you!"

With that Macavity ducked low and swiped his now detached ear. He turned to run but then stopped to deliver a few words. He looked directly at the horrified Alonzo and spoke with great evil,

"I will be back for you. Not for anyone else but you. Remember how afraid you are now, I promise you that you've seen nothing yet." With a spit of rage he took off into the night as if he'd never been there at all.

Alonzo lay slumped on the ground, Munk fell to his knees in front of the tom and pulled him close. The two shook as they held each other tightly and Munk spoke,

"I'm so sorry Alonzo. I had no idea he was there, it's my job to keep you all safe and I wasn't here. I'm so, so sorry"

Alonzo remained shaking in the slightly bigger tom's arms. While he was scared he suddenly felt much safer in the strong tabby's embrace. He buried his face in his friend's well defined chest and nuzzled the fur that covered it. He leaked a few small tears as he swam in the beautiful feeling that washed over him like a wave, so warm and so secure. From his position – wrapped in the silver tabby – he spoke quietly,

"You saved me, Munk. He would have killed me if you hadn't come. Why were you there?"

Munk swallowed hard and spoke timidly - something he never did,

"I had to tell you I love you. Properly. I didn't want to leave things like I did and I had to come and tell you. I want us to be together, 'Lonz. You're right, we simply can't be friends anymore." He pulled Alonzo tighter and tipped his head up by his chin to look into his eyes "I need more. I want you, I need you, please say you'll have me"

Alonzo felt shocked at the declaration of love. He'd never had one before and didn't know quite how to feel. He would have preferred the sentiments to be said under different circumstances but he felt so strongly for his knight in shining armour. He felt love for him, he knew it clearly now.

"I love you too, Munk. I love you so much"

With the two not needing to say anything more, they kissed. It was soft and beautiful as fireworks danced in the sky above them while the Jellicles all looked on in amazement. Munk and Alonzo knew nothing of it though. Once again they were happy, and now – finally - they were together.

**You think it's over? It's only just begun! I'm nowhere near finishing yet, everything still has to hit the fan!**

**Thanks for reading, your reviews are lovely, please keep 'em coming!**


	5. Talking

**Chapter 5! Yay! **

**Munk and Alonzo talk about their situation.**

**I'm not sure if outside the UK the phrase 'going out with someone' has any relevance. I tried looking it up on the internet but it wasn't very helpful. If that phrase doesn't work outside British English then it has the same meaning as 'dating someone'. **

_**Disclaimer: I do not own cats and I don't intend to make any money off of this so please don't ask me for any.**_

**A year in the life of the black and white toms**

**Chapter 5**

**Talking**

November can be a very varied month depending on where you are. For some it is full of clear blue skies and ice-cold mornings or copious amounts of rain and thick covers of cloud. For others it is full of sunshine and the time when it starts to feel rather warm. This certainly has a profound effect on one's mood and outlook, some may even change their entire view of the world as the seasons continue to change. In London, November is usually rather a wet month. It is the month in which temperatures begin their decent to the wintry conditions of December and in a way they provide a little snippet of what's to come. Some may find beauty in the changing season, some may just find disappointment. For two particular tomcats the month of November was a rather defining time in their lives. It came with an ineffable variety of emotions and feelings which not a day ago might have caused them deeper strife than what would be expected in a normal cat. Today though, they couldn't care less for what they had been so up in arms about.

Alonzo stirred gently from his peaceful sleep. Crisp morning light poured into his den from an opening in the doorway and seemed to tickle his fur as it touched him. He snuggled into the warmth that was encircling him and revelled in the feeling of happiness he experienced within while his morning drowsiness slowly dissipated. As he lay he began to look around, his den seemed brighter than it had been in the last few weeks and he liked the look of it. He flicked his ears slightly as he heard the distant chorus of birdsong and thought it strange that it could still be encountered at this time of year. He didn't protest as it was a beautiful sound to listen to. Another sound however muffled the singing and was accompanied by a hot feeling on the back of his neck. He turned his ears again and listened to the faint breathing of another form, as he did this he looked down and saw a silver and black arm wrapped around his midsection. The events of the previous night returned to him in a flash and elation set in. He could barely contain the feeling of ecstasy as he remained on the blankets but did so as not to ruin the perfect moment of stillness. He remembered how Munk had picked him up in his big strong arms and carried him over to Jenny. She – looking very surprised – had examined him for injury upon his saviour's request who had then taken him back to his den and placed him down. Alonzo had taken his paws in his and brought the tom down to his level so they were both sat facing each other. They had both stayed still for a while gazing into each other's eyes and letting the feeling of giddiness wash over them. Their smiles had grown bigger and bigger and giggles broke out between them. They had been so overjoyed at suddenly belonging to one another that they couldn't help but laugh from the glee. As they calmed down they had continued to gaze and eventually their faces had come together. They had kissed gently and it felt amazing, much better than any kiss either of them had ever had before. They had parted after a moment to take in the experience, savouring the tingle they both still felt on their lips. The silver tabby – usually incredibly in control of himself – didn't hesitate to clasp Alonzo's cheeks and go in for more. Alonzo had been slightly astounded at his friend's eagerness and enjoyment and eventually melted into his soft mouth. Their passion had slowly grown stronger and soon enough Munk had pushed against the patched tom making him fall backwards. The silver tabby then gently lowered himself over the other tom and they had resumed their kissing with soft moans of pleasure eliciting from both of them. Alonzo had grasped the tabby's head fur in his paw and rubbed gently at the soft coat. He pulled Munk even closer and their lips had been locked firmly together. Munk had slid his hands behind Alonzo and had made him arch his back and grind their midriffs together. They then paused and Alonzo put his head to the side of Munk's and pulled him close; the feeling of closeness and safety they had both felt was incredible and they remained embracing whilst loving the feel of each other's body. Alonzo marvelled at the sheer strength of the tabby and felt something stir within him as he took in the tom's sculpted arms and chest. Munk also explored Alonzo's beautiful body and gently stroked the tom's defined lines and delicate yet still very masculine muscles. Both tom's were very lithe and they both felt so lucky to each have been brought to such a good-looking cat. They had kissed a little while more before Munk had rolled to the side and begun spooning Alonzo's back. He had kissed his neck a few times before whispering into his ear,

"I love you, Alonzo"

The patched tom whispered back,

"I love you too"

They didn't make love that night, they simply enjoyed each other's company and cuddled tenderly in each other's warm embrace. Alonzo had quickly drifted off into a dream-filled sleep yet Munk had stayed awake for a while. He gazed at the back of Alonzo's head and traced the line where the black fur met the white with his eyes. He thought about his friend and all the things they had gone through together in their lives and then what had happened in the last hour. He smiled as he had held him and gently pulled the sleeping tom closer. He had listened to the cat's soft breathing and snuggled into his neck as the wonderful feeling of comfort wrapped around him. A short while later he had surrendered to sleep as well and the two toms – now openly in love with each other – stayed close the entire night.

The next morning Munk had awoken before Alonzo. He stayed completely still not wanting to rouse the sleeping tom and waited him for come to life on his own. He brightened as Alonzo stirred gently and took in the world around him.

Alonzo was still looking down after he had finished replaying the memories and stroked the arm holding him with his paw. The arm in question reached up and begun to rub his chest. Alonzo took it as a sign that Munk was awake and slowly turned to face him. The two remained in silence as they gazed dreamily and eventually their lips met to greet each other good morning. Munk was to first to speak once they parted,

"Good morning"

"Good morning to you" replied the patched tom. They continued to speak slowly and quietly,

"Interesting night last night, huh?"

"To say the least"

"It's lovely to wake up holding you, though" Munk smiled wider

"Would you ever have guessed it would be?" they kissed again

"So what are we?"

"What do you mean?"

"You and I. I love you and you love me…so what are we?"

"What would you like us to be?" giggled Alonzo

"I don't know, do you think we could be mates?."

Alonzo kissed Munk again before answering,

"Yes. I think we could"

"You? Alonzo the suave bravado? You would actually be tied down?"

"I said I would mate if the right tom came along"

"I must be the right tom then"

"Don't flatter yourself"

"Hey" Munk said as he was teased. Alonzo kissed him on the nose before snuggling into the crook of his neck,

"You know I love you really"

"I do now" said Munk closing his eyes and loving his new lover's warmth.

They stayed there for perhaps half an hour more before deciding to rise and step out into the junkyard. The process was interrupted several times when one or the other snuck in to steal a kiss and the gesture escalated into more making out.

* * *

Pouncival scattered around the junkyard as usual, it seemed that the kitten never slept. He was quite a tyke to handle and as he grew was learning to circumvent the grown-ups' attention. Some of the Jellicles - namely the toms – thought his growing into a fine hunter was incredibly admirable and yet others – namely Jenny – found it quite exasperating when trying to keep tabs on the hyperactive kit. This morning he was chasing a mouse he had noticed shortly after he'd awoken from a few hours of sleep. He jumped and ducked around junk and flew after the little creature determined to make his kill. He rounded a corner and entered the main clearing in the yard, he had nearly landed on his prey when an interesting sight stopped him. He looked up to the entrance of Alonzo's den and watched as he and Munk emerged paw in paw. He stood staring as the two kissed thinking no one could see them and puzzled at the situation. He knew that sometimes adult cats kissed but found it strange that these two particular toms were engaged in such an activity. Munk was the protector, he didn't kiss other cats, he just sat on his perch and watched over them making sure they were safe. Pouncival also found it weird to see the deputy leader wrapped around another tom, least of all Alonzo. His gazing and puzzlement allowed him to be seen by the infatuated toms and they hastily pulled apart as they noticed Pounce look upon their activities. Alonzo muttered something to Munk that was inaudible to the kitten and they looked at him as they did so. He watched as they linked paws again and began to walk towards him. He debated whether or not to run off but in the end stayed still. Munk and Alonzo passed Pouncival and swung their joined paws above him as they went.

"Good morning, Pounce" Munk said as they passed.

Pounce stayed where he was and followed them with his eyes as they disappeared from his vision. He stood puzzling for a little while longer before he decided to run off again. He couldn't quite make sense of the fact that Munk would be doing those sorts of things with Alonzo. What did it mean for the rest of the Jellicles? Would they have to be more careful now if Munk wasn't going to look out for them as much? What would happen if he got into trouble and Munk wasn't around to help him out of it? These questions clouded the little cat's mind as he carried on with his playing.

* * *

"Did you see the way he was looking at us?" Alonzo asked Munk as they walked in the early morning light. He and Munk had decided to take a little excursion and discuss their situation.

"Yes I did. You know what he's like though, that kitten has done far stranger things"

"Do you think he understands?"

"Understands what?"

"What we're doing"

"How can he understand if we don't?" said Munk smiling

"Do you think we don't understand what we're up to?" asked Alonzo smirking back

"Why don't you tell me"

"Well if you don't know then maybe I'm wasting my time"

Munk scowled playfully - a rare word to be applied to him.

"Alright, Stripes. What do you think we are?" asked Alonzo

"I wouldn't like to say too much"

"You haven't said anything yet"

"Is this what our entire relationship is going to amount to? You and I dancing around every subject?"

Alonzo laughed, he always knew how to wind up his friend – if he could be called that anymore. "Okay, okay, I'll start. I love you"

"I love you too"

"Good, we're half way there"

Munk smiled. Alonzo continued,

"I'd really like to spend more time with you"

"How can we spend more time together than we already do?" asked Munk as they entered a small park near the junkyard.

"I mean more time…you know"

Munk looked puzzled, "No, I'm afraid I don't"

"Romantically"

"Oh" said Munk blushing a little, he'd never been asked to be romantic with anyone before. It was a strange thought to him.

"Does that not sound good?"

"No, that sounds nice"

"I know it's not much, Munk" said Alonzo, "but I've realised I love you an awful lot, it just took time for me to realise it."

"Have you been in love with me for a while?"

They stopped and stared at an icy pond as the sun scattered on it's surface.

"I think I have but I never knew it. What's more I never knew how much either. Had you ever thought about me like that?"

"I haven't had the best time dealing with it these past few weeks" replied Munk, "I mean, I knew I loved you but I didn't think you'd love me back. I actually thought you'd hate me if I confessed it. Why do you think I stayed home all that time?"

Alonzo hugged his companion, "How could you ever think I'd hate you?" Munk relaxed in the patched tom's embrace.

"Stupid, I know"

"You are daft. It's nice to hear you say it though"

"Say what?"

Alonzo leaned back, "That you love me"

Munk smiled and leaned forward to kiss the tom before him. They carried on walking through the park.

"So shall give ourselves a label?" asked Munk

"What do you mean?" giggling internally at his friend's naivety in the subject

"Well, cats are going to ask so what shall we tell them?"

Alonzo thought for a moment, "Mates?"

Munk looked at him, "Are you ready to have a mate?"

"Doesn't seem to fit to me does it? Well…I love you, Munk. I don't want anyone else in my life, just you. I think I would be happily mated to you"

Munk's heart leapt in his chest but he tried to keep his cool, "I'd love to be your mate, Alonzo, if you'll have me"

Alonzo suddenly felt a wave of something wash over him. It wasn't a sad emotion and not overwhelming so he didn't cry. It was more of a feeling of completion. He turned to Munk and spoke gently, "Of course I will, as long as you'll have me in return"

Munk beamed, "I will". They kissed sweetly to seal their commitment to each other. It was a wonderful moment, very private and incredibly romantic. The two toms had made a decision to be mates but this would soon change as the day went on. They carried on their walk feeling giddy with happiness and simply enjoyed being together. They talked a little more and decided they would break the official news to the Jellicles as soon as they had gathered that day. They felt nothing could go wrong now, it was a shame that their plans would be skewed merely hours later.

* * *

Back in the junkyard Jenny had awoken at the sound of crashes and the scattering of small items. She groaned as she was roused from her lazy slumber and she knew of only one likely cause. She slowly rose up with her body protesting – she usually wasn't so active in the daytime, the night was her time to bustle about. She was careful not to wake her mate, Skimbleshanks – a ginger tabby tom – as she lifted her body from the bed they shared. She quietly left the den and squinted through the sun's rays to search for the one and only Pouncival. No other cat could make such atrocious noise at such a strange time.

"Pouncival" she called hoping he would appear. She was answered by a clattering of metal and a few small tins rolling away from a indentation in the junk. She waddled over and peered into the mouth of this cave-like structure. Inside she saw the brown and white form of the kitten and yanked on his tail which was hanging behind him. He fell back with a "oof" and looked up happily at the annoyed queen. Like a mother she spoke delicately but firmly,

"Pouncival, why are you making such a racket?"

"I want some milk" he blabbered

"First of all, how are we meant to say that?"

"I'd like some milk, please" he corrected

"Good boy. Now why on earth are you looking through the junk for some?"

Pounce studied his behaviour for a moment before shrugging at Jenny,

"Seemed as good a place as any" he smiled

Jenny rolled her eyes and pulled him out of the hole. She trotted him over to her den and told him to wait outside. A few moments later she re-emerged with a small bottle of milk which she gave to him. He happily started to scamper away with his drink before stopping mid-stride and turning back. Jenny wondered what had gotten into him as he approached her with confusion on his face.

"Was there something else?" she asked him

"Munk and 'Zo" he said quietly. Jenny wondered where this was going and remained silent for him to continue

"They look after us, right?"

"Of course"

"But last night they were…you know"

"They kissed?"

"Yeah"

Jenny tried to think of how to talk to the kitten as she barely knew what had happened herself. Munk and Alonzo had surprised everyone as they lay there on the ground and then spent the night together. She decided to ask him,

"What are you trying to find out, dear?"

"When grown-ups kiss they stay together right?" he asked innocently.

"Most of the time, yes" she replied not wanting to give the kit any Tugger-esque views of the world.

"Does that mean they won't be looking out for us anymore?"

"What do you mean?"

"If they're spending their time kissing then they won't be watching out for Macavity, will they?"

Jenny laughed to herself over Pounce's logic, he was just as a kitten should be: innocent and inappropriate. " I imagine they'll still be making sure we're all safe. It's very important to them, especially Munk. Now, we're all a little bit shaken by Macavity's showing up but I don't think you need to worry, you'll be okay as long as you stay inside the junkyard, alright?"

"I suppose so" said Pounce not really understanding but going along with the queen's wisdom.

"Drink your milk dear, you don't want it to get too warm"

He scuttled away again and this time remained out of sight. Jenny smiled as she thought about how the little tom was growing up and asking questions about life, although at the moment it seemed they all had the same questions such as what on earth was going on with Munk and Alonzo the previous night and what did it all mean?

Something caught her eye and she looked over towards the entrance of the junkyard. It was the very two toms that she had been wondering about returning from a morning walk. Seizing the opportunity she tottered over and intercepted them as they were walking through.

"Good morning, boys" she said mothering the two

"Hello, Jenny" smiled Alonzo

"May I talk to you two for a moment?" she asked with deeper meaning in her eyes. The two toms shuffled as they knew where she was aiming to take the conversation.

"…Alright"

"Lovely. Why don't you come into my den? I'll make us some tea, I'm sure Skimble will join us" she said marching back to her home.

The two toms awkwardly followed her after detaching paws and exchanging anxious glances. They were sure Jenny was going to grill them over their much-unexpected public display of affection. It was not going to be easy but they had decided they would tell the Jellicles about the stepping up of their relationship. With an unseen peck they assured each other and entered the den. Inside they found Jenny bustling about and Skimble pulling his head together after being awoken by the noise she created.

"Oh, morning gentlemen" said the sleepy tabby noticing them, "To what do we owe the pleasure?"

"Your mate invited us in for tea and a chat, we hope that's alright?"

"Oh, I see" replied Skimble realising what exact chat his wife was expecting to have. He himself was curious to discover the same information and simply looked at them inquisitively. It made Munk and Alonzo both feel a little more nervous to break the news.

"Here we are!" cried Jenny distracting them. She struggled with a large teapot and placed it down on an upturned butter tub in the middle of the den. The pot itself certainly wasn't large for a human but to a cat such items presented their carrier with difficulty. She produced four little thimbles from somewhere and began to pour the tea.

"I'm afraid I haven't any milk for the tea but I gave the last of what I had to Pouncival to stop him making so much noise"

"Really?" said Munk trying to be polite.

"Yes. He asked me quite an interesting question once I gave it him"

"What was that?" asked Alonzo feeling as if he were shrinking

"He was wondering if you two would be keeping as much of a watch for us now that you're romantically involved" she said dropping the subject on the table.

"I see" said Munk, "What did you tell him?"

"I said that our safety was of high priority to you both and he seemed to be satisfied. I, however, was wondering a little more. Now, you two, might I inquire as to the meaning of your affection last night?"

The two toms looked at each other and were suddenly lost for words. Munk tried to stutter something but it was incomprehensible. Jenny could see she had them by the gonads – so to speak – and probed a little deeper,

"How long have you two been so involved?" she asked with a smirk

With a big gulp Munk answered her, "Not long. We only really admitted it to each other last night."

"I see. So what are you both, friends? Friends with benefits – if you'll pardon the expression? Lovers?"

"Well…we talked this morning and we've decided to be mates" said Munk taking the shocked Alonzo's paw. Jenny's face fell a little at the revelation,

"Sorry, you said you admitted what to each other last night?"

"That we love each other" said Alonzo smiling at Munk and receiving one back

"And you've decided to be mates already?"

Alonzo looked at the queen, then at Skimble who was leaning forward just listening as his mate interrogated them, then back at Jenny, "Yes"

"Do you think that's wise?" she asked as gently as she could but still with inquisitiveness

"What do you mean?"

"I mean that you've only just told each other that you love each other and you've already jumped to being mates. It seems a tad fast, don't you think?"

The toms looked at each other again and suddenly doubted themselves, there was some truth in her words. Munk spoke up first,

"I've loved Alonzo for a while now, I know it's not infatuation" he said with assuredness.

"And I love Munk too. I've known it for weeks"

Jenny drew her lips thinly, "Not to be too intrusive but it all seems a bit too fast. Do you think maybe you should wait a little while before making a decision?"

"Why?" asked Alonzo, "We know we love each other and we don't want anyone else so why not be mates? We were planning on telling everyone later"

Jenny's eyes widened. "Really?" she asked with uncertainty, "Are you sure that would be wise? Think about what I've been saying, what if things go wrong in a little while?"

"And why would they go wrong?" asked Munk with a firm brow

"It's all so new, things might change without you realising"

"Jenny, I don't imagine they would" he said with a more annoyed voice

"Just think for a moment, though. Don't you think it would be a better idea to let your relationship grow before jumping straight to mates?" she said with concern. The toms looked at each other for a third time and didn't know quite what to say. Barely an hour ago they had found the one and now they were suddenly not so sure.

"I, uh…Maybe we should go and talk about this" Munk said meekly.

"Yes, maybe we should" replied Alonzo wanting to get away from the prying  
Jenny.

"Will you excuse us please, Jenny, Skimble?" said Munk as he rose to leave with Alonzo in tow. They exited the den leaving the queen and tom to their tea.

"That was interesting" said Skimble finally piping up

"Indeed it was. Do you think those two being in a relationship is right?"

"What do you mean, love?"

"Well, they're both so integral to junkyard life, what if an accident happened and they weren't prepared to help?"

"Everyone deserves some, dear"

"I know, but those two of all combinations?"

"I know what you mean, it does seem a bit compromising"

"Do you think we should advise them otherwise?"

"Maybe. It depends if they last or not"

"Do you think they will?"

"Too early to say, we'll just have to keep an eye on them"

"How do you think the others will take the news?"

"I imagine the same as us, that is if it gets to them"

"Very true" she said sipping her tea.

* * *

In Alonzo's den the two new lovers were trying to discuss their relationship. It did seem that maybe they were going a bit fast but they knew what they had decided was exactly what they both wanted. They spoke back and forth for a long time but came no closer to a decision.

"I know I want to be with you" said Munk to the patched tom.

"And I want to be with you, but what Jenny said made sense, didn't it?"

"So you think we are rushing things?"

"I'm not sure"

"But you said you were ready to have me as a mate"

"I know and I still want you as one"

"So what do we do?"

"Maybe we should take the title away for a little while and just let it grow"

Munk felt uneasy about their status changing barely after it had been instated. He reluctantly spoke to his mate – now temporarily not called that,

"Well…alright. When will you be ready?"

"When will you be ready?"

"I thought I was"

"Me too"

They both sighed with disappointment,

"Let's just be in love for a little while before we make it official" said Alonzo

"Don't humans have a word for that?" asked Munk trying to remember what he'd listened to in the past.

"Is it boyfriends?" asked Alonzo

"Yes, that's the one"

"So we'll be boyfriends?" asked Alonzo attempting a smile.

"Alright" said Munk echoing the expression. They kissed quickly all the while they both felt a bit put out at the step down from mates. It was adequate though, they were still together but just at an intermediate stage between friendship and commitment. It would suffice for now.

"So what should we tell the others?" asked Alonzo

"I suppose exactly that. We'll tell them we're in love and we're taking it slowly" replied Munk.

"Okay" said the patched tom as he hugged Munk., "I still love you"

"I love you too" the silver tabby said softly in his boyfriend's ear. They decided to go back out and enjoy the day, after all it would help the Jellicles come to terms with their relationship and soften the blow when they finally decided to become proper mates.

* * *

The day turned out rather nicely. Munk and Alonzo sat atop the large tyre at the edge of the clearing displaying themselves to the rest of the Jellicles. It felt a bit awkward at times when they would get an odd look but they knew it was mostly confusion. From time to time they would kiss when they pretended they thought no one was looking, for the rest of the time Alonzo sat in front of Munk with his boyfriend wrapped around him. It was incredibly comfortable for both of them as they snuggled in the cold wintry air and bright sunshine. Not everyone was having a great day though, there was one particular cat hidden away from anyone's view.

Across town down several dark, dirty alleyways and through a hole in the wall at the rear of a derelict warehouse fumed a dangerous-looking cat. The reddish orange tom with striking black stripes sat wincing at the sting on top of his head. The ear that had been ripped from him he had crudely stitched back on with immense torment. He had done it with a nasty looking needle and some old thread and the feeling as he punctured his skin had been excruciating. He had started the process as soon as he'd arrived in his lair after his fight with Munk in the junkyard the previous night and he had been in a rage that he hadn't managed to cause havoc amongst the Jellicles. He hadn't been looking for any trouble in particular that night, it just so happened that he had seen Alonzo walking by and decided to take the opportunity. It was true that he had intended to kill the tom, after all what would cause more grief to the oh-so-happy tribe than a death? He had fought with Alonzo before at a Jellicle Ball he had decided to invade but had lost and had wanted to take revenge upon seeing him. The Jellicles had caused him some considerable damage during that incident and he had been holding onto the anger ever since. Now he was livid. He'd had that disgusting patched tom in his very paws and was seconds from sinking his claws into the cat's neck. He would have had his revenge had that bastard Munkustrap not shown up and mutilated him. The silver tabby had seemed so full of rage, far more than he would ever be expected to have. There was, however, something else in the tom's eyes and Macavity knew what it was. He was an evil and malicious tom and he was quick to find another cat's weakness; he had most definitely seen fear in the tabby, it was unmistakeable. It was specific though, he seemed to be scared for the patched tom's safety and it was as if he was fighting for him instead of for the rest of the cats. At the time he'd been distracted by his missing ear but he could still remember the obvious desperation Munk had to protect Alonzo. A dangerous brew of ideas began to formulate inside him, his rage was for all of the Jellicles but specifically Munkustrap. It was twice now that he'd been beaten by the Jellicle protector and he felt serious retribution was in order. He began to think as he looked at his now misshapen ear in a shard of mirror. He threw the fragment at the wall nearby where it shattered in his fury. He needed to hurt the Jellicle protector and he needed to hurt him bad. He then stopped and centred on one thought for a moment: Alonzo seemed special in some way to Munk, could it be that maybe it was more than friendship? If they were, say, lovers then the patched tom would be a prime target. If he could do something to Alonzo then he could certainly hurt Munk, but what to do? He toyed with the idea of murder but thought it too quick. He was an evil, twisted tom and he never did anything quickly or mercifully. His mind then wandered to far darker ideas and he smiled a sickening smile as he formulated his vendetta. He began to laugh low in his chest as the thoughts encircled him and made him lust for blood and screams of pain. He would, however, first need more information in order to plan to the exact details so he began to make plans for spying. It wasn't hard for him to think in this way as it wasn't the first time he had committed an atrocity on this level. He set about putting his plan into action as he nursed his still screaming wounds.

* * *

A few days passed and some cloud rolled in silently above the junkyard. The grey November skies weren't going to stay away forever and the Jellicles began to spend more of their time indoors to keep out of the cold and wet. The rain would soon turn to snow and create a wonderful playground for the kittens but for the next few weeks it would be rather miserable. This didn't bother Munk and Alonzo, they were more than happy to keep each other warm in the patched tom's den. Munk had started spending nights there now and some of the other cats began to grow more inquisitive of their relationship. One afternoon Munk was sitting alone on his perch just watching the junkyard as usual while his mate napped when his brother approached him. Approached may have been the wrong word, it was more of a dropping in from nowhere as Tugger jumped on his brother from behind.

"Hey, bro" he blurted as he plonked down next to the silver tabby.

"Hi" replied Munk, "How are you?"

"Can't complain. So I see you're getting some" said Tugger completely inappropriately

"Ever modest, aren't you Tug?" replied Munk, annoyed.

"Just making polite conversation"

"If that's what you call polite conversation then I dread to think of what you call dirty talk"

"If you need any tips for 'Lonzy, just ask"

"Tugger!" exclaimed Munk turning to him

"What?"

"We're not like that"

"So you're not going out?"

"Well, yes we are"

"So you are getting some" said Tugger smirking, he loved teasing his brother.

"Well…no. Not yet"

Tugger feigned remorse, "Sorry to hear that. Is he not putting out?"

"Tugger!"

"Hey, come on. We can talk about this, right?"

"No"

"Why not?"

"It's not something I talk about" said Munk feeling slightly embarrassed

"Oh come on, Munk. We're brothers so we should be able to discuss this easily"

"I'm not so comfortable with that"

"Just tell me what's going on in the bedroom"

"No" said Munk firmly

"Why not? Please!" said Tugger playfully, "Is he not that good? Nah, I bet he's a firecracker. It must be you, do you suck in bed? Pun intended of course"

"Shut up Tugger!"

"Oh I see" Tugger said with a knowing tone, "You're not getting any at all, are you?"

Munk was silent and didn't look at his younger yet ironically taller brother.

"It's okay, Munk. Maybe you just need to stoke the fire a little" he said smirking

"You're disgusting" responded Munk at his brother's euphemisms

"Hey, if there's one thing I know how to do it's loving."

"Please just shut up"

"Come on, I know what I'm talking about and I bet I can be more creative with the thought of that sexy best in my mind" said Tugger and motioned with his head towards Alonzo's den. He smiled,

"Why aren't you shutting up?" said an exasperated Munk

"Do you think he's big, you know, down there?" continued Tugger stooping to a much seedier level

"Okay, that's it. No Tugger, we haven't had sex yet and I don't think we mean to until we're ready. I don't know when that will be but don't think I'd tell you anyway"

"When you're ready? What are you, a queen?" said Tugger surprised at his brother's – in his mind – wimpy attitude towards sex, "Just grow up, get in there and do him!"

"Tugger we've only been together a few days! It may surprise you but normal cats don't just jump into the sack within the first five minutes"

He smirked wickedly, Munk had given an opportunity for Tugger to make him really mad. He shuffled away a little before he spoke,

"Alonzo certainly used to"

Munk's head spun around and Tugger saw anger bubble within him. The tabby tried to swipe at his brother's face but he missed as Tugger jumped out of the way laughing.

"I'm gonna kill you, Tugger!" shouted Munk as his fury mixed with the embarrassment and slight hurt his brother had made him feel.

"You know it's tru-" Tugger said before being cut off by an arm snaking around his neck.

"That wasn't very kind" a silky voice said into his ear as the arm drew tighter. Tugger struggled but the attacker wasn't going anywhere. He looked down to see red and black fur covering the arm and forcing him to do as it's owner pleased. He knew the arm all too well, it belonged to Bomba.

"I think perhaps you ought to apologise to your brother" the red queen said as she held him in place.

"It was only a bit of fun" Tugger struggled

"It was totally uncalled for" she said strongly, "I don't think I like hearing you talk about Alonzo in that way anyway"

"Why? Is he your boyfrie-" Tugger began before stopping himself as she grabbed him in his most sensitive area

"Apologise or I'm gonna start squeezing" she threatened

"Alright, alright, alright! Sorry, Munk, for calling your boyfriend a slut"

Munk got ready to smack his brother before Tugger yelled sharply

"Properly" Bomba said as she began to tighten her grip

"Okay! Sorry, Munk!"

"What for?" she asked

"For being…I dunno…for saying that about Alonzo"

"Do you accept, Munk?" she asked the silver tabby

"I may as well, I imagine it's as good as I'll get from him"

"Alright then" she said as she released Tugger's private area. He stomped off in a huff mumbling things about not letting her get anywhere near him again and things of similar merit. She didn't care, she knew she had him wrapped around her little finger.

"Thanks, Bomba" said Munk, "did you hear what we were saying?"

"Some of it, I was just coming over to talk to you"

"Well I've got all the time in the world until Alonzo wakes up. What do you wanna talk about?"

"Well, you and he really"

"Oh" said Munk, "Well I'm glad someone's finally coming to talk instead of gawking from afar"

"Yes. Cats have been doing that a lot these past few days"

"Well I think it's best they get used to the idea of me and 'Lonz being together"

"So you are together then?"

"Yes. I can happily say that we are" Munk said baring his teeth in a smile

"How together are you?"

"There's no simple way of asking that is there? Well, we thought about being mates but decided maybe it was a bit too fast to go straight there, so we're boyfriends"

"Boyfriends?"

"I know what it sounds like, strange word huh?"

"Do you plan on becoming mates?"

"Eventually, I suppose"

Bomba smiled and rubbed at the tom affectionately as he gave her the news.

"It's nice to see the both of you having found someone" she said

"Yeah. Who'd have thought it would be each other?"

"Is he treating you nicely?"

"Oh yes. He's cheeky but I like that about him"

"You know, he was really torn up before you two talked. I thought he was having a breakdown"

"You two talked about us?"

"Yeah. He had all these feelings and didn't know what to do. He needed to talk to someone but you weren't available obviously"

"Really?" said Munk

"Yep"

"So why did he talk to you?"

"I suppose I was the next best cat"

"What did you say?"

"Oh nothing much" said Bomba hoping he wouldn't find out it was her that suggested Alonzo go on a date to distract himself from thoughts of Munk.

"Well, thank you Bomba. If you did anything to encourage him to talk to me then thank you. It's turned out really well"

Bomba smiled as she remembered her coarse words that she had said to Alonzo that night. They seemed to have done some good after all; it was quite a relief in actuality. Munk began to giggle and it eventually turned into proper laughter.

"What's got you so happy?" asked Bomba smiling

"That's just it, I'm happy. Really, really happy! Things were so bad but now they're awesome! I've got a boyfriend, Bomba!" Munk elated. The red queen was surprised to see him like this, it was completely out of character for him to express himself too strongly in any way. It was nice to see their protector in a new light. Some cats just surprised you from time to time and now it was Munk's turn. The two cats continued to talk about he and Alonzo for a while and didn't notice an irate Tugger sneaking into Alonzo's den.

* * *

Alonzo was napping peacefully on his bed and was curled up hugging a cushion. Tugger – feeling frustrated that he'd been embarrassed so – snuck in through the doorway to cause some trouble. It was in his very nature to be awfully annoying and there was nothing he enjoyed more than a horrible muddle. He slunk over to the sleeping form of Alonzo and sat down gently beside him. He looked at the quiet tom breath gently and liked the delicate features of his face. He reached out his paw and began to gently rub the patched tom's cheek as he slept and he smirked when he elicited a gentle moan from him. Alonzo shuffled gently and slowly blinked his eyes open. He awoke expecting to see his new lover caressing him but was surprised to see the Rum Tum Tugger gazing down lustfully.

"Hey, 'Lonzy" said the maned tom

"Tugger, what are you doing?" asked Alonzo with frustration as he sat up and attempted to shake the sleep from his head

"Just watching you sleep. You know you're incredibly cute when you're napping"

"Get out, Tug" commanded Alonzo feeling his privacy invaded.

"Oh, come on, babe. Let me stay a while"

"Why?"

"I could make it worth your while" Tugger said winking

"Do you ever turn it off?" Alonzo asked exasperatedly

"It doesn't have an off switch" said Tugger as he looped his thumbs into his belt and motioned towards his crotch.

"For Everlasting's sake, Tugger! I'm dating your brother!"

"He doesn't have to know. Come on, I won't tell him"

Alonzo shoved him off of the bed and went to remove him from the den. Tugger didn't protest, he just smirked some more and went towards where Alonzo was pushing him.

"As I've said before, the offer's still there" Tugger said with a wink as he left the den.

Alonzo remained inside feeling somewhat violated. Tugger had entered while he was sleeping and had propositioned him like it was everyday chitchat. How was he meant to feel? Angry? Flattered? Disgusted? He decided to try and put it out of his mind, after all it was just Tugger being a jerk. Still, he was incredibly sexy. Never mind, he'd gotten the right brother. A few minutes later he left the den himself and went to find Munk for some smooching.

* * *

Macavity had assembled many of his henchcats to inform them of his evil plans. They were all jet-black toms with wild fur and they all had a look about them which said danger. Macavity was specific in who he chose to do his bidding, he needed to convey the right kind of image so others would be scared of him. As he spoke he told them what he wanted; he needed information on two toms: Munkustrap and Alonzo. He needed to know what kind of relationship they had and how much they meant to each other. He needed to know any weaknesses and of any opportunities there might be for him to strike. Most of all he needed to know how bad it would be for Munkustrap to lose this particular tom and what lengths he would go to in order to save him. Macavity dispersed them after he had given them orders and sat back to wait. It would take time – a lot of time – but one way or another he would make Munk's life hell.

**Wow that was long, about 7,500 words in fact. Can you see why it's taking so long for me to update, I mean 3-4 days between chapters? Madness! Lol. The next one will be up fairly soon, keep looking out for it.**

**Thanks for reading, reviews are most welcome.**


	6. Snow

**I should be doing other work but I seriously couldn't give a toss. Never mind about my test tomorrow, I wanna do this.**

**The Jellicles play in the snow**

**A year in the life of the black and white toms**

**Chapter 6**

**Snow**

Days came and days went, the time flew by for Munk and Alonzo. That is how it is when you fall in love though, time seems to become irrelevant and all that matters is being with the one you care most for. Their relationship was getting stronger day by day which was quite surprising to the both of them. They had thought that they couldn't possibly become friendlier than they already were yet there they stood falling more and more in love. They enjoyed this time as it had a certain naughtiness about it and Munk liked being able to let his guard down for once. He in particular got incredibly excited whenever he and Alonzo might sneak off for a private moment leaving the other Jellicles wondering where they'd gotten to. Alonzo enjoyed watching his new boyfriend react in the way that he did as it was certainly out of character for him. He was surprised when Munk would push the envelope – so to speak – by suggesting they do something that even Alonzo wouldn't have thought of. Such things included sneaking out into the middle of the junkyard when no one was around and making out, just for the sheer thrill of being caught. Alonzo had outright refused when Munk had first asked him to do it but his curiousness and desire to encourage Munk's new behaviour eventually made him go. It felt so wrong to be doing such a thing but it thrilled them beyond all belief. They had returned to Alonzo's den later and had fallen over each other laughing. Alonzo was a little bit shocked that Munk of all cats had convinced him to do that but he was enjoying the exploits too much to care. Munk was pleased with himself as he explored this naughty new world and was proud that he would actually allow his mind to run away with him. From time to time he felt the nagging voice of pomp and circumstance tell him to behave but he was having a great time telling his modestly to shut up. He was having fun and he didn't care!

The first week of December arrived and with it came a thick blanket of snow. It was quite a treat for the kittens as some of them had never seen snow before. Pounce in particular emerged from the den where he lived and fell face down into a mound of the frosty white powder. He looked up, surprised at the sudden change in the junkyard and began to look around. Everything was completely covered in snow and he couldn't make out any particular features that he had come to know. He jumped up and began trudging through it finding it hard to gain any considerable speed. It dragged on his legs as he tried to run and many times he fell down again. He eventually made his way to the other kitten's homes and enticed them to come outside to see the wonderland. The group – consisting of Pouncival, Tumblebrutus, George, Etcetera, Victoria and Mistoffelees – made their way into the centre of the clearing and examined the new material. Victoria and Misto – being the eldest of the kittens and nearly adult cats themselves – watched as their younger companions discovered the snow. It was cute and it reminded them of when they had first seen it. Quietly they both picked up little pawfuls of snow and packed it tightly. With a silent nod from Misto they threw the snowballs at the kittens and went down to make more. Pounce and Tumble didn't know what had hit them and they puffed up in reflex. As they turned to look little lumps of snow thrown by the older kits hit them a second time and they charged away to get out of range. They began to giggle and follow suit as Electra and Etcetera joined them. The four youngest kittens banded together and started to throw snowballs back and pretty soon they were all having a great time in their little snow war. Munk – disturbed by the ruckus – charged out of Alonzo's den and looked around thinking they were under attack; in some ways they were. He didn't have long to look around before he was met with a snowball to the face. He stumbled back and wiped at his face with his paws to clear the blinding white snow. Once he could see again he focused on a cheeky looking Tumble who was certainly the owner of the missile. He smiled at their little game and bent down to pick up some snow himself.

"Run for your lives!" Tumble screamed happily as he saw the protector getting ready to retaliate. The other kittens laughed and started to throw snow in Munk's direction while Misto and Victoria went over to help the silver tabby. Munk had great aim and managed to send a small snow projectile right into the chest of a unsuspecting Pounce. The kitten retaliated by sending a wave of snowballs he had made back at the opposing team. Mere minutes passed and the conflict escalated as more cats came to join in. Everyone was having a great time save for some of the older cats who chose to stay away from the cold. Bomba and Tugger had arrived and begun to participate in the fight. The maned tom had at first wanted to stay away to prevent his fur from getting messed up but that didn't last long as Bomba climbed up the junk and sent a small avalanche in his direction. He fell down buried in snow and began to pout as he tried to get up. His inhibitions were soon forgotten as he swore revenge on the red queen and started throwing snow at her. They merged into the larger fight along with Demeter, Jemima and Victor and soon everyone had fallen down from fatigue and laughter. It was a wonderful way to begin the Christmas season and everyone felt the excitement that hung in the air. Munk picked himself up and gathered a little more snow into his paws. He tiptoed back towards Alonzo's warm den where he knew his boyfriend was still sleeping. He quickly made sure the tom was completely unaware before he sent a snowball flying at him. Alonzo flinched at the sudden freezing feeling and nearly hit the ceiling as he jumped up. His tail poofed up to many times it's normal size and he violently looked back and forth to try and find out what was going on. Munk found his reaction hilarious and nearly fell down cracking up. Alonzo was not best pleased and he jumped on his tom,

"You suck! You know that?" he said playfully pinning his tom down

"I was just saying good morning" replied Munk surrendering to Alonzo

"Well don't ever say it that way again or there'll be hell to pay"

"Oh really? What are you gonna do, Alonzo?" asked Munk with a smirk

"Wouldn't you like to know" responded the patched tom with an evil grin

They pecked quickly and rubbed affectionately before getting up off of the floor.

"There's snow outside" said Munk brightly

"You know what? I think I could have guessed"

"Wanna come out?"

"Okay, but no more ambushes"

"No promises" replied Munk

The two exited the den to find the cats helping each other to gather snow in the centre of the clearing. Tugger was directing the formation of a snowman – or rather a snowcat – and seemed very authoritative in the process. Christmas always brought out his inner-kitten and he could be quite bossy when it came to such matters. Munk and Alonzo went to join in and surrendered to Tugger's demands for perfection. They and the other cats exchanged smiles and quiet comments about him being adorable and sniggered privately at the joke. Tugger wasn't aware of any of this as he chastised Mistoffelees for accidentally melting some of the snow with his magic. He had only been trying to speed up the process but found his magic didn't always mix with the frozen flakes. He tried to argue his case with the bigger tom but eventually conceded as he knew he couldn't win. As time went on a large structure of several snow segments was formed in the clearing and Tugger began to demand accessories for his creation. He had ordered the cats to find him several items including a scarf, a hat and some pebbles to finish off the look. As some dispersed he went about moulding some snow into ears for his snowcat and smiled crazily as he got the shape right. Munk chuckled as he watched and pulled Alonzo close to share the warmth.

"He's so silly" said Alonzo as he snuggled into Munk's fur

"I know. He always puts on this big, sexy façade but when it comes down to the bottom of it all he's just one big kitten"

"He's always been like that, ever since he was young" a voice came from behind them. The pair looked round to be greeted by the appearance of Old Deuteronomy. They smiled as their leader came closer and hugged his son.

"Good morning, sir" said Munk slipping back into his usual, official character. Old Deuteronomy tilted his head forward and locked eyes with his son and smiled. He didn't need to vocalise what he was trying to say,

"Dad" Munk surrendered after a moment

"And good morning to you, Munkustrap. Hello, Alonzo" the leader said turning to the patched tom. Alonzo bowed in return.

"What brings you here, Old Deuteronomy?" he asked

"I saw the snow and I thought it would be nice to make an appearance. It's not everyday the junkyard looks as nice as this so I thought I'd come and see it whilst visiting you all"

"It's very gracious of you" Alonzo said trying to be as formal as possible

"Thank you. Now, what news have you for me, Munkustrap?"

Munk stopped for a moment, what news did he have? The only thing he'd really been paying attention to in the last month or so had been Alonzo and as such he was all he could think of.

"Umm, business as usual, I suppose…" Munk said trying to divert the topic

"You suppose?" asked Old Deuteronomy

"Well, yes…"

"Is something going on, son?"

"No" Munk said with widened eyes. He quickly flicked to Alonzo who was looking a little confused. Why was Munk so on edge?

"Are you sure?"

"Yes. Nothing at all has changed"

Alonzo cleared his throat whilst looking at Munk, then at Old Deuteronomy, then back at Munk as if trying to tell him to speak up. Munk looked away almost ashamedly.

"Well, when you're ready to tell me I'll be waiting" said Old Deuteronomy. He knew his son all too well, after all the younger tom did try and imitate him as much as possible. It was true that the likeliest of his successors was going to be Munk and he found it somewhat flattering that he tried to be as much like him as he could. Then again he'd always tried to impress his father, he seemed to think it was his place in the world. Of course it was all due to his becoming protector at such a young age and Old Deuteronomy had always felt sorry that he'd had that burden for almost his entire life. Hopefully he would be rewarded in some way one day. Little did he know that his son was already being rewarded with Alonzo.

That very cat had dragged Munk away and out of earshot from the others and then had begun grilling him over his objection to tell his father the news about them.

"What was that?" the patched tom asked

"What?"

"You didn't tell your dad about us"

"Well…no"

"Why not?"

"I don't know"

"Then go back and tell him"

"I can't" said Munk looking ashamed

"Why not?" asked Alonzo feeling put out. Did he embarrass Munk?

"It's just…I don't know, he's my father"

"You'll have to tell him"

"Why?" asked Munk immediately regretting his question

"'Why?' Are you ashamed of me?" asked Alonzo annoyed at Munk's desire for secrecy

"No, no! Of course not!"

"Then tell him!"

"I just can't"

"Do you expect us to keep it a secret from him our whole lives?"

"No" said Munk awkwardly

"So when do you plan on telling him?"

"I don't know!"

"I thought you said you loved me" Alonzo said. He really wanted Munk to be open with his father about their relationship and he wasn't afraid to stoop to devious tactics such as questioning his love.

"I do love you"

"Then please tell him"

"'Lonz, you don't understand." Munk was caught between a rock and a hard place.

"What don't I understand, Munk?"

The silver tabby sighed. He took a moment to think of what to say and eventually spoke delicately,

"I have a duty, 'Lonz. If he thought I was slacking then he'd be disappointed and I couldn't bear that"

Alonzo didn't know how to feel, was Munk telling him his duty came before him? Was he saying he didn't want his father to know about them so he wouldn't be disappointed? Or was he really saying that Old Deuteronomy would be disappointed in his choice of future mate? Alonzo felt a pang of sadness at that last thought and it was accompanied with a little pain.

"So what are you saying?" he asked trying not to let his emotion show

Munk put his arms on Alonzo's and pulled him a little closer, "I'm just asking you to wait for a while until I can figure how to tell him"

"He'd understand, Munk. He's always wanted you to be happy so why would you ever think he wouldn't understand what it is that's bringing you joy?"

"My duty is important, 'Lonz. It's the most important thing." He kicked himself again for saying the wrong words. Alonzo pulled away from him and looked at him with hurt,

"And I suppose more important then me. Munk we love each other, you can't say that your duty is more important than that"

"I'm not saying that 'Lonz"

"So you're duty isn't more important?"

"I'm not saying that either"

"Forget it" said Alonzo as he went to storm off. Munk caught him and pleaded for him to stay,

"Please don't go, 'Lonz. I don't want us to fight"

"When you've figured out what's more important you know where to find me." He shook Munk off and left for his den. Munk was left standing in the snow, what had he just done? He had angered his mate by a slip of the tongue and somehow he needed to fix it. He knew that Alonzo knew how important he was to him but it seemed it was necessary to remind him of that. Of course, he knew that he needed to sort out his priorities before that could happen. He kicked a snow-covered pile of junk sending its contents scattering around and sat down moping. Why was he so inept at being romantic? He spoke aloud the words he was trying to drum into his memory,

"Alonzo first, duty second"

He repeated himself over and over until he was sure he'd got it stuck.

* * *

Alonzo climbed back over the junk in a huff and walked across the clearing looking flustered. Old Deuteronomy saw him and wondered what had gone on. Alonzo and Munk had gone off behind the junk to talk and now the patched tom was coming back his way in a state. He spoke as the tom neared him,

"Is everything alright, Alonzo?" The tom had to stifle his annoyance in order not to snap at Old Deuteronomy,

"I'm fine, sir" he said stiffly

"You don't look fine, are you sure nothing's wrong?"

"I just need to be alone right now" Alonzo said wanting to go

"You know, a problem shared is a problem halved, will you walk with me?"

Alonzo was having trouble handling the situation. He certainly didn't want to be with the leader right now as it was him he wanted to tell Munk's secret to even though he knew it wasn't his place. He felt he might slip up if he went with him and really didn't want to go. It was rude to refuse though, and he did love Old Deuteronomy like all of the other Jellicles.

"Alright" he said reluctantly and took Old Deuteronomy's paw as he led him away. The older tom was doddery and slow but they managed to make their way from the clearing where Tugger was keeping everyone as far away as possible from his snowcat. It seemed he would fight anyone to the death in order to protect his work.

The old tom and the young tom made their way down one of the junkyard's many trails and were eventually out of sight from everyone else. They walked along making idle chitchat until they were completely out of earshot, it was then that Old Deuteronomy addressed the topic at hand,

"Now, Munkustrap certainly seems on edge today, I don't suppose you know what's going on with him?" he said in his deep baritone as they sauntered along.

"I would like to say, sir, but I don't think it's at all my place" replied Alonzo. He himself was extremely on edge.

"I see. It must be rather a big issue if it's only he who can tell me. Do you expect he will confide anything any time soon?"

"I don't imagine he will. He seems embarrassed by the matter and stubborn to mend it"

"Nothing to do with his health, I hope"

"No, just his pride" spat Alonzo

The leader chuckled a little, "He's always been so desperate not to look foolish, he doesn't realise that by trying too hard he succeeds in doing just that"

"Tell me about it" replied Alonzo. He felt comfortable talking to the leader despite the respect he commanded from the younger tom.

"I hope his problem isn't having too detrimental an effect upon you, Alonzo"

"I'm sorry to say it is, sir, but it's not really my problem. I feel more like a side note in this particular dilemma"

"You mean it's something he's struggling with and his decision affects you?"

"Yes, sir"

"And you're - of course - not happy by his refusal to tell me the issue?"

"No, sir"

Old Deuteronomy just nodded and looked at the tom with a twinkle in his eye. He then chose to drop the bombshell,

"It wouldn't have anything to do with you and he now being an item, would it?"

Alonzo stopped and spluttered at the shocking words. How on earth had Old Deuteronomy figured it out so quickly? He was certainly wise but his intelligence – it seemed - was unbeatable. Alonzo tried to speak from his jelly-like state but he was simply dumbfounded. Old Deuteronomy watched him and laughed at having figured the younger tom out. Alonzo blushed visibly through his white face fur and just wanted to die. He was mortified that he'd been skirting around the issue the whole time while Old Deuteronomy had just pretended to be ignorant. He continued to attempt to speak but still came up with nothing.

"Would you like a moment to gather yourself?" asked the Jellicle leader

Alonzo looked up and formed one word, "How?"

Old Deuteronomy looked at him kindly and smiled widely,

"Rum Tum Tugger"

Alonzo felt anger bubble up inside him, why was that jerk always telling cats things it wasn't his place to tell? Now a different feeling washed over him, it was worry. What if Old Deuteronomy didn't approve of him? He suddenly felt incredibly small and wondered what was going to happen. He looked up feebly and spoke quietly,

"I'm sorry, sir"

"Why would you be sorry?"

"For not telling you straight away. I just thought that perhaps Munk should tell you, being your son and all"

The older tom smiled, "It's quite alright, Alonzo. I know what he's like"

"I hope I'm, you know…good enough" he said both hopefully and worriedly

"Good enough?"

"To be with your son" Alonzo said feeling as if the next words could shatter him. Old Deuteronomy could see how difficult this was for the younger tom and pulled him into a hug, It surprised Alonzo as he was off his guard but he gently relaxed into the older tom before they parted.

"My child, why on earth would you deem yourself not good enough?"

Alonzo felt uneasy at having to explain his reasoning, "Well…I'm not perfect like him. Besides he's the son of the leader, he should be with the best whereas I'm just…me." He felt like dirt as he suddenly realised what he thought of himself compared to Munk and he wondered why one earth the tom had chosen him anyway. He let out an unexpected sob and turned to try and drag his emotion back inside. Old Deuteronomy felt awful for him and put a paw on his shoulder.

"Alonzo, any Jellicle of such good virtue as you would only make me too happy to be my son's partner. Besides, Munkustrap is not perfect but I'm sure someone like you could bring him closer to it"

Alonzo felt like a huge weight had been lifted from him. He suddenly couldn't contain the emotion and let tears run down his face. He jumped forward and hugged the older tom feeling as if in some way they had just come closer to being family. In some ways they had. Old Deuteronomy hugged the tom back and was glad that he'd managed to perk up his current companion. Alonzo dried his eyes as he stepped back and smiled at the older tom.

"Tell me Alonzo, do you love Munkustrap?"

"Yes, sir. I really do."

"Then worry no more about what I think. You can be sure that my opinion of you two will always be positive"

"Don't you mind that Munk won't be providing any kittens?" asked Alonzo feeling he might be pushing the bar a little bit.

"I think Rum Tum Tugger will provide me with more than enough grandchildren. Any way I can reduce that number can only be a bonus."

Alonzo smiled, "Thank you, sir"

"For what, my boy?"

"For understanding. I thought this was going to be far more difficult"

"I may be old, Alonzo, but I understand my children more than they understand themselves. Don't worry about anything"

"Shall we go back?" asked Alonzo

"Yes, I'd like to talk with the other Jellicles"

They made their way back to the clearing slowly with Alonzo helping the leader as he went. They hadn't realised their conversation had been eavesdropped upon from behind a junk pile. The henchcat who had been watching the Jellicles the whole morning had followed the leader and Alonzo as they walked away. He was under orders from Macavity to find out any information he could about the patched and the striped tom and he had just happened upon something very valuable. He smiled as he bolted from the junkyard without being seen, he would surely be rewarded for finding such gold.

* * *

The two were shortly back at the centre of the junkyard where they saw Tugger being restrained by Bomba and Misto with a very frightened looking Pouncival on top of a pile of snow that had not five minutes ago been a snowcat. Alonzo hurried over to Jenny who had seen the incident happen and asked her what had been going on. She told him that the kitten hadn't been looking where he was going and had run straight into Tugger's creation. As soon as it happened he had pulled the kitten up and shaken him back and forth in anger at the his accident. He had been pulled back by his friends and was spewing some very angry warnings and death threats towards the kitten. Pounce scampered away hoping Tugger would soon calm down and decide not to kill him for ruining the snow sculpture. He really hadn't meant to destroy it.

Alonzo laughed at Tugger's childishness as he stormed back to his den in a rage. The other cats just looked on and began to mutter amongst themselves; Tugger certainly could be a baby when he wanted to be. After a moment or two Alonzo noticed Munk join the circle and look over to him with a sorry look in his eyes. Alonzo just smiled and made the tabby feel confused, what had prompted such a change in expression? He began to walk over to his boyfriend and Alonzo began to move towards him as well. As they neared, Munk was about to speak before Alonzo cut in before him,

"He knows. You can apologise whenever you're ready" he said before walking off towards his den. Munk spun around and glared at the tom in horror,

"You told him? Alonzo how could you?"

"I didn't, Tugger did" Alonzo said smugly

Munk growled, "Oh I really am gonna kill him this time!"

"That doesn't sound very nice, Munkustrap" came a deep voice. Munk spun around a second time and faced his father. He looked at him and then looked down to the ground with his ears flattened against his head. He felt stupid and angry with himself as well as Tugger.

"Hi, dad" he said not making eye contact

"Hello again, son. Do you have a moment?"

"Of course, sir"

"Why did you think I wouldn't understand you wanting a relationship with someone?"

Munk sighed, "I thought you'd think I was not taking my responsibilities seriously" he admitted.

"Son, I know how hard you work. Please don't think I don't want you to find love"

"But I can't fail, father. I simply can't fail"

The father hugged his son, "Munkustrap, I don't ever expect you will fail. I know Alonzo will only make you stronger and you'd be foolish not to see that too"

Munk did feel stupid. He had succeeded in doing exactly what he wanted not to and that was make a wrong decision in front of his father. He talked a little while longer with him who told the silver tabby he was still fairly young and had a lot to learn. He told him that wisdom came with age and he was allowed to make many mistakes on the path to getting things right. Munk felt a little better but still a bit silly over making such a goof of himself. He excused himself shortly after this and went to find Alonzo to try and make up.

* * *

Alonzo sat patiently in his den, he was waiting for Munk to arrive and begin grovelling. It wasn't long before his tom slunk in and stood silently behind him. Alonzo turned his head to the side and spoke with a feeling of superiority,

"I believe you have something to say to me"

Munk slowly walked over to the sitting tom and placed his paws on Alonzo's shoulders. He squeezed gently and tried to think of some words,

"Tugger's always been an arsehole"

"Yes, he has" replied Alonzo

"I'm gonna have to give him a piece of my mind later"

"Do you really think there's a need to?"

Munk was about to say that there was as Tugger had told his father about Alonzo. He decided it was best not to rock the boat any more,

"I suppose not"

"Was there anything else you'd like to say?" asked Alonzo pressing on

"I love you" said Munk feeling awkward, he knew what the tom was getting at.

"And?"

Munk sighed, "Alright, I'm sorry"

"What for?" asked Alonzo making it as difficult as possible for the tabby

"For not saying that you are more important than my duty to protect everyone else"

"Am I more important?"

"Of course you are, you're everything to me, 'Lonz"

"So you're saying you'd save me before anyone else?"

"Yes"

"And you're saying that's because you love me?"

"Yes"

"And you're saying you think I'm more important than your responsibilities to the tribe."

Munk took in a deep breath, "Yes"

"Alright then" said Alonzo getting up and walking away

"Are we okay now?" asked Munk

"We'll see, maybe you need to get me a really nice Christmas present"

Munk sighed and gave in, "Alright, what do you want?"

"Surprise me" giggled the patched tom. He went to leave then den but placed a gentle kiss on Munk's lips before going.

Munk stayed in the den. How was it that Alonzo had always been able to run rings around him yet again?

* * *

In his lair, Macavity listened to the henchcat who had returned from the Jellicle junkyard relay his information.

"And you're sure he said he was in love with Munkustrap?" asked Macavity

"Yes, sir"

"I see, and do they seem like they're really devoted to each other?"

"I would say so, yes"

"Very good" said Macavity with an evil smile. His plan was starting to come together now. He leapt across the room and plucked an unseen rat from the floor. The poor creature barely had time to understand what was going on before the evil tom closed his jaws around it's head and bit it clean off. Blood ran down through Macavity's fur as he began to devour the still jerking rodent's body. He grinned as he did so.

"What do you plan to do, sir?" asked the henchcat from across the room

"Let's just say your little espionage mission has given me quite a good idea of how to really destroy that blasted Munkustrap" he said with a laugh. He threw the remaining rat carcass onto the floor and set about deciding exactly what he would do in the not too distant future.

**It seems maybe we've reached a turning point. Munk and 'Zo keep bantering back and forth and Macavity's getting ready to cause havoc. Keep watching for more trouble!**

**I have decided in a few chapters time to change the plot direction and include some very dark themes so I want you all to prepare yourselves for a sharp contrast. Warnings will appear at the beginning of their respective chapters so you can skip them if you want.**

**Thanks for reading, your reviews are all wonderful and I'd love to keep reading them.**


	7. Christmas

**Okeydoke, Chapter 7. Hope you like it.**

**Munk continues to try and find Alonzo a present.**

**Side note: I don't write the way Mungo and Teazer write phonetically because it's hard to read. Just imagine their thick cockney accents.**

**By the way, I've realised why it takes me more than a day to write these. This chapter alone is over 7800 words long. I'll see if I can break 8000 next time. **

**WARNING: There is a short scene of abuse in this chapter involving violent sexual themes. There are also scenes with sexual themes which do not involve violence. **

**Chapter 7**

**Christmas**

The snow stayed on the ground for many days and provided the kittens with many hours of enjoyment. Several dustings more provided Tugger with plenty of material to begin sculpting again and as such had created a small army of snowcats. He had made sure Tumble stayed at a great distance much to the dismay of the kitten in order to protect his snow family. He would spend hours tweaking his design and would stand on the snow-covered tyre surveying his creations once he'd finished. He felt very proud with what he'd done and began to explore other Christmassy options. From visiting Munk at his human's home during previous Christmases he had formed – in his mind – a good idea of what the celebration was meant to be about and as such he rounded up the kittens to do his bidding. He reluctantly allowed Tumble to join in but warned him not to go near his snowcats. Bomba from time to time watched him become a most unlikely father figure and found the concept rather funny. Tugger instructed the kittens to find anything that shone or sparkled from the junk piles and bring it back to the clearing. Within the hour he was presented with a considerable amount of what he'd asked for and began to thread the items onto lengths of string. When he'd completed this he enlisted Misto to help him rope them across the clearing so they hung above the Jellicles' heads. Everyone watched as Tugger's impromptu decorations added a sparkle to the junkyard that was rarely seen outside the Jellicle Ball. The maned tom smiled up at them, happy with himself. How was it that Christmas always made him loose his cool and yet for some reason he didn't care?

Munk and Alonzo had watched Tugger lead the kittens from their perch on top of the big tyre and they kept very close as they did so. The air was very cold if one wasn't moving too much so they snuggled into each other's think winter coat to keep warm. Munk held Alonzo tenderly and the patched tom produced a soft purr to let his boyfriend know he loved his closeness.

"Your brother is quite the character, isn't he?"

Munk chuckled, "I always thought he was more of a moron"

"That too. Do you think he would make a good father?"

"What an interesting question. I know what I'd normally say but seeing him like this you have to wonder…"

"I know what you mean"

"Can you really imagine Tugger with a kitten, though? Or in his case it would probably be more like ten kittens" laughed Munk

"No, probably not. It's nice to wonder, though"

"Yeah, it is"

"Have you ever thought about kittens, Munk?"

Such a question might have made Munk freak out about six weeks beforehand but their conversations had become far deeper in their time as boyfriends. They spoke about personal things and such a topic as each other's plans for kittens certainly fit within their plethora of playful banter and discussion. Munk barely reacted to the question as he replied,

"From time to time I have but I never really thought I would get the chance"

"Why's that?"

"I never thought I would have time for a queen with whom I could make kittens what with my obligations to the tribe. I rather think that my very being in a relationship with you is a massive advance on any plans I ever had for a family. Even if it will always just be you and I, I'll be happy"

Alonzo didn't think a response was necessary to that statement, he quietly mulled it over as they continued to watch the Jellicles frolic in the snow. Munk eventually returned the question,

"How about you?"

"Well I never expected to settle down with a queen so I suppose not. I'd love to have kittens but I guess it's just not on the cards for me"

Munk rubbed the patched tom's arm as he spoke,

"I suppose I have the same problem, come to think of it"

"Hmm?"

"The queen issue. Unless I'm very much mistaken, Alonzo, you're a tom and I'm pretty sure toms don't have kittens"

Alonzo looked at his tom confusedly, "What are you talking about?"

"If I'm dating you then I must, of course, be gay"

Alonzo laughed, "You mean you've only just figured it out?"

Munk laughed as well, "Of course not. It's just whenever I thought of kittens there was a queen somewhere in there just for the purpose of facilitating the kittens' production"

Alonzo nearly fell over from laughing at Munk's intense but silly logic. Munk chuckled as he watched his boyfriend crack up and scooped him back into his arms.

"I don't need kittens, 'Lonz, I have you" Munk said, smiling.

"And I have you" replied Alonzo. They shared a kiss before nuzzling each other affectionately.

Their special moment was cut short by Munk's thought process hijacking his mind: He hadn't yet found Alonzo a Christmas present and he knew it had to be a good one. Their first Christmas as partners was only about a week and a half away and he hadn't come up with an idea. He pulled himself away from Alonzo and asked him to watch the yard while he said he was going on patrol. The patched tom offered to go with him but the tabby who really needed the time to think fobbed him off. Munk soon found himself away from the Jellicles and began to ponder what on earth he could get for his boyfriend. Every now and then he stopped and pawed through the junk if he saw something that caught his eye but nothing really seemed good enough. He managed to find a rather nice wristwatch some silly human must have thrown away by mistake but decided Alonzo would have no practical use for it. Munk – having spent a large part of his life living in a human's home – had picked up a few human tendencies such as keeping an eye on the time and practicing organizational skills. He realised Alonzo - having spent most of his life outdoors, so to speak - would not have any use for knowing the time of day. A little while later Munk found a lovely looking hairbrush. He knew Alonzo always liked to look his best and keep his fur in perfect order so maybe he would like this. The tabby tried using the instrument on himself but found it rather cumbersome due to it's size. He began to get frustrated as he tried to make it work but eventually managed to tangle and pull on his own fur. He decided that maybe the brush was not so great either.

Munk plonked himself down on the junk wondering what on earth he was going to do. He had given Alonzo plenty of gifts before as friends but this one for some reason seemed more important than all of those put together. This present had to be special to show Alonzo how much he loved him but for the life of him Munk couldn't figure out what that could be. A few more ideas flittered through but he found them quite mediocre and ultimately not right. He knew he had to get a move on with finding this gift but for now he would just have to keep up the act for Alonzo. He wandered back after a while to see what else Tugger had gotten up to.

* * *

Alonzo remained on the tyre after Munk had left and watched over everything for his boyfriend. He'd done the job many times before but for some reason it felt better now. His mind was kept occupied with thoughts of Christmas with Munk and he wondered what they might do. Would Munk invite him to stay at his humans' house? It would be nice but would they even let a strange cat into their home? Probably not. They would probably stay at his den although now it was pretty much just as much Munk's as it was his. It felt nice to be living with someone after he'd lived alone for so long and he enjoyed teasing Munk about his living habits. There wasn't much to tease about since Munk was incredibly organized and very tidy but Alonzo always found something to irritate him with. He enjoyed seeing his boyfriend roll his eyes at him or pout or stand confused or whatever reaction was apt for his little games. Munk knew it was all in good fun and even managed to get a few tricks in himself from time to time. That was a great thing about them: they could be deadly serious or wildly immature, two characteristics that had previously defined Munk and Alonzo respectively. They seemed to have blended since they'd been together and enjoyed the new sides they were discovering about themselves.

Alonzo watched Tugger try and direct Mistoffelees into making something equivalent to Christmas lights. Misto didn't really understand what it was that Tugger was asking but seemed to enjoy the odd results he came up with. Tugger just got more and more huffy as the black and white tom's attempts proved wrong time after time. Alonzo didn't notice Bomba sneak and place herself down beside him.

"You look happy" she said brightly

Alonzo turned his head in surprise but then softened as he realised who it was,

"Just enjoying Christmas, I suppose"

"Do you understand any of this?" she asked gesturing around the clearing

"Not in the least but Tugger seems to know"

"He thinks he does"

"You're probably right"

"Where's Munk?"

"He's off patrolling. His mind seemed to be elsewhere though"

"Head over heels in love, I suspect"

Alonzo just giggled embarrassedly,

"How are you two?" asked the red queen

"Oh, you know…good" replied Alonzo containing his happiness

"Just good?"

"Fantastic. Absolutely wonderful. He's amazing, isn't he?"

Bomba smiled as she listened to Alonzo daydream about his tom,

"Meh, I've seen better" she teased

Alonzo shot her an icy glare but soon realised it was just Bomba being Bomba,

"I think I got the right brother" he retorted

"Speak for yourself. Munk's good and proper if you like that sort of thing but I prefer my toms with a wild side and packing a power tool downstairs" she said plainly and eliciting a blush with a grimace from Alonzo. She knew all too well how to make him squirm,

"Don't hold back, Bomba, say what you really like" he said sarcastically

"If you want. Tugger may not be a gentletom but I've got no problem with that. He's an acrobat in the sack and he knows just how just what I need"

Alonzo felt a bit dizzy at the thought, he decided to try and play her at her own game even though he had no ammunition,

"Well, I'm sure Munk must have some of the same moves. I've managed to unearth a devilish side to him if you can believe that and I reckon he's got what it takes to make me scream." Alonzo felt silly at what he'd said but he wanted to make Bomba think his boyfriend wasn't as by the book as he seemed. His argument was quickly unpicked,

"Wait, you reckon? Everlasting, Alonzo! You've been going out for nearly six weeks and you haven't even slept with him?" asked Bomba surprised

Alonzo shuffled a little and tried to regain some control,

"We've been having loads of fun, Bomba. There's no need to rush things"

"But it's you"

"What do you mean?"

"You're a regular Tugger behind those patches"

"I wouldn't go that far"

"Well you know what I mean. You love to have a good time with a sexy tom and Munk certainly fits into that category, if you don't mind my saying so."

"You think Munk is sexy?"

"Duh. I can't believe you haven't enticed him yet"

Alonzo shuffled even more and felt a little embarrassed. She was right, usually it didn't take him this long to bed a tom so why was he taking his time?

"It's not that I don't want to, Bomba. It's just…I don't know…"

"Are you sure?"

"What?"

"That you don't know?

Alonzo thought for a moment,

"I suppose I just don't want to rush things, you know? Munk's really special and I don't want him to think I'm some whore"

"He's gonna have to find out sooner or later" she said with a smirk. Alonzo shoved her as she giggled

"Seriously, Bomba, I don't want to mess this up"

"Why do you think you would just by mating with him?"

Alonzo stopped to think again. He supposed it couldn't hurt to give it a shot, but what if Munk wasn't ready?

"You really think it's time?" Alonzo asked

"Well, do you?" replied Bomba

"I don't know. I want to but I don't know if he does"

"He's a tom, 'Lonz. You guys are always after a bit of a tumble under the covers"

"Could you be any less appropriate?"

"You love it!" she said with an evil grin. Alonzo just responded with a sarcastic smile. "I'd say give it a go, what's the worst that could happen?"

"I might scare him away"

"Nah. You two seem pretty solid. You've been seeing each other for years, kinda."

"We were just friends before"

"Well now you've got all that getting to know each other out of the way why not jump straight into the perks of a relationship?" she said seeing Alonzo starting to come around to her way of thinking.

"I don't know"

"You know you want to…"

"But still, I don't thin-"

"I bet he'd love it…"

"Well how can you kno-"

"You know I reckon he probably does have a few of Tugger's tricks up his sleeve, you know, embedded in the genes" she said with a wink

"Bomba!" said Alonzo giggling. She had managed to win him over now, "Alright! I'll see how he feels but don't think I'll tell you anything if something happens"

"Oh come on, 'Lonz! You can't keep me in the dark now!" she said with fake frustration, "Pleeeease!"

"Nope, sorry" he said with a smile. A small explosion of sparkling dust and a very startled Tugger sitting on a pile of snow drew their attention away. It seemed that Misto had tried to accomplish something Tugger had described but had gotten the wrong idea for what seemed like the hundredth time – probably due to Tugger's poor explanations. The bigger tom had fallen back at Misto's bang and had landed on one of his snowcats. He took a moment to comprehend what he had done and then started wailing,

"Nooooo!" he cried into the air, "Misto I'm gonna kill you!"

"What did I do?" replied the magical tom

"You destroyed one of my snowcats!"

"I think you did that!"

"Well you made me fall!"

"Hey if you'd described what you wanted properly then none of this would have happened!"

The row escalated and pretty soon they were yelling like spoilt kittens. It was at that point Munk returned to the clearing and jumped in to break up the furore. Alonzo and Bomba just sat and laughed at the display and found it hilarious as Munk tried to calm his brother down. Tugger really was such a kitten at Christmastime.

* * *

The day passed with it's usual glee hanging in the air. The kittens of course got overexcited and eventually fell asleep wherever they dropped as kittens tend to do. They were soon scooped up by Jenny and placed in their respective homes with Munk's help. As he carried a tuckered out Electra back to the den she shared he thought about the conversation he'd had earlier with Alonzo about kittens. He liked the thought of being able to pick up someone so small and take care of them like he was doing now but moreover he liked the idea of bringing up a kitten with Alonzo. He sighed as he placed the sleeping kit on her bed as he realised it probably wasn't a likely option for him but cheered himself up again when he thought of how he had Alonzo to make up for it. It was that very tom he found patiently waiting for him from his vantage point on top of the big tyre. Alonzo rose and extended a paw as he did so,

"Shall we?" he asked suggesting they go to bed. Munk took his paw and was lead home by his boyfriend. The two snuggled down facing each other on the blankets and nuzzled gently in the darkness. Munk scratched at the back of his tom's head eliciting a small purr and receiving a gentle rub.

"Goodnight, patches" said Munk quietly

"Goodnight, stripes" replied Alonzo kissing his tom on the lips. It didn't take long for their kiss to become more passionate and pretty soon they were making out like they had been doing a lot recently. Perhaps inappropriately timed, Bomba's voice began to echo in Alonzo's mind. He remembered what it was she had been saying about taking things a little further with Munk and he debated whether or not to try it now. On the one paw he felt a bit embarrassed at the idea but on the other he really was desperate for a release. His libido eventually got the better of him and he started rubbing Munk's back suggestively and moaning into the kiss. Munk just enjoyed the feeling and let his tom be passionate and copied his actions. Alonzo took Munk's imitation as a sign that he liked what he was doing and began rubbing at Munk's lower back just above his tail. The patched tom began to play with the tabby's tail and thread it suggestively through his fingers while stroking it. Munk kept his paws where they were and didn't seem to change his expression as he continued to kiss Alonzo. They carried on this way for a few moments more before Alonzo couldn't wait any longer. He decided to go for it and placed his paws on Munk's behind, grabbing it firmly. At the same time he slipped his tongue further into Munk's mouth and began exploring. Munk hadn't known the sudden turning up of the heat was coming and flinched at Alonzo's actions. As a result of Munk's reaction Alonzo jerked as well and through an unknown series of fumbling and jumping the silver tabby fell off of the bed and landed on the floor with a bump. He looked up at the ceiling in a daze and wondered how he had ended up there while Alonzo puzzled at the now missing tom. The patched tom slowly scrambled to the edge of the bed and looked down at the confused Munk who just stared back. They didn't know what to do so they just stayed gazing at each other until Munk finally broke the silence,

"What was that?"

Alonzo swallowed hard and feigned ignorance,

"What was what?"

"That. You know…the grabbing…and the tongue…"

Alonzo blushed through his fur and looked away,

"I, uh…thought maybe…you know…"

Munk puzzled, "You thought what?"

"Well, do I really need to spell it out?" asked Alonzo sounding frustrated but really just embarrassed. The two locked eyes and Munk eventually got it,

"Oh" he said simply, "you wanted to…"

Alonzo felt like he was shrinking, "Well, yes…" he said quietly looking away. Munk stayed quiet as he tried to think of a response.

"It hasn't – so far - gone the way I'd hoped we first might…you know"

"Certainly not" replied Alonzo

The tension and embarrassment that hung in the air was unbearable. The silence between them made it worse and pretty soon Munk couldn't handle the pressure anymore,

"Maybe I should sleep at mine tonight…"

Alonzo looked at him disappointedly but really was relieved as he just wanted to die,

"If you want…"

"Is that what you want, though?"

"I dunno…"

"Do you want to talk about it?" asked the tabby putting on his authoritative voice as an attempt to escape the tension. It didn't work.

"I, uh…do you?"

"I dunno"

They stood again in silence for a moment wondering how to salvage the conversation. Clearly it was already beyond rescue.

"I think, maybe, I'll just get some air" said Munk turning to leave

"Okay" replied Alonzo meekly. As Munk left Alonzo's paws flew to his face and flattened across it. He rolled around in mortification and felt like a complete idiot.

Munk stood outside the den and went through the preceding few minutes in his head. He went a bit dizzy when the memory of the fall came and he screwed up his eyes in humiliation. He had thought that his first time with Alonzo would be really great and memorable but so far it was a catastrophe. Perhaps tonight wasn't the night.

A minute or two later Munk re-entered the den and Alonzo jumped off of the bed to stand bolt upright. They looked at each other with blank expressions waiting for the other to react. In the silence their bodies began to shake slightly and the unmistakeable sound of muffled laughter greeted both their ears. They began to laugh more and more and soon they clung to each other for support as they roared with hilarity. Alonzo's attempt to have sex with Munk had really gone all wrong and they both found it so funny that the tabby had actually fallen out of the bed as a result. They soon found their way back to lying positions and calmed their laughter.

"Is that how you treat all your toms?" chuckled Munk

"First time someone's ever fallen out of bed" replied Alonzo in a similar state.

"You know, I thought our first time would be more romantic and less painful"

"I'd hoped as much"

"Shall we try again another night?" asked Munk smiling.

Alonzo sniggered, "Alright, I'd prefer not to try and save this train wreck"

They kissed through some more laughter and eventually found their way to sleep. They slept with smiles on their faces, glad that their mishap hadn't turned out as horribly as it could have done.

* * *

In the backstreets of London an evil cat toyed with his prey. He certainly didn't intend to eat what he had caught but he certainly was going to enjoy it. A pretty looking young queen had her wrists bound and chained above her head. Her legs were also chained to the floor so she was forced to stand with her arms extended above her. Had she been just a little bit shorter she would be hanging by the metal that bound her strained wrists. As she suffered through her imprisonment she shook with fear and despaired at what her captor was going to do to her. The poor queen struggled and thrashed as she tried to break free but it was no use, Macavity had made sure his toy wasn't going to get away. In complete silence the tom entered the area he had chained the queen up in and circled her a few times while looking at her with hunger in his eyes and an evil grin. The petrified queen stared back as she felt his eyes explore her body and flinched when he extended his paws to touch her soft fur.

"Please…" she sobbed, "Please don't hurt me"

Macavity's chuckling echoed in the silent warehouse and he revelled in the fear that emanated from the small queen. He slowly extended his claws and grazed up and down her body concentrating on her lower back and chest. She sobbed as he slowly took advantage of her immobile state and let out a small cry as he scratched at her skin forcing it to shed a few drops of blood. The small queen looked into the psycho's eyes and pleaded with him to let her go. Every move or sound she made seemed to make him look even more maniacal.

"What is your name?" asked Macavity in a low, lustful voice.

"G-…G-…Georgina" the queen stuttered feeling the red, ginger and black tom get far too close to her from behind.

"Well, Georgina, you should be very glad…"

The queen looked up at him again hoping he might have mercy. She waited silently for a few moments for him to continue,

"…Yes. You're about to make me very happy" he said with fire in his eyes and began to laugh, filling the warehouse with the evil sound. The queen screamed and thrashed as Macavity proceeded to violate her. She had never mated with a tom before and Macavity's violent and fervent actions were agonizing. She screamed and screamed until her voice ran out and in the end she resigned to her awful situation. She cried as the evil tom did his evil business and when he was finished he withdrew and looked at what he'd accomplished. Georgina hung limp in the chains as it seemed she had fainted from the shock and pain. Perhaps this was best as Macavity extended his claws to her throat and quickly sliced through.

With his early Christmas present to himself thoroughly enjoyed he sauntered over to his living area feeling very pleased. He fell down on his bed and slowly let sleep take hold of him. As he slowly went off the image of one particular cat crossed his mind. He smiled as he thought of the black and white tom and relaxed knowing soon he'd have him. In the seconds before he went under he released a few soft words into the air,

"See you soon, Alonzo"

* * *

Another week came and went and Munk and Alonzo didn't attempt any more bedroom play. They had found it funny but it was still quite embarrassing and they preferred not to think about it. Other things were on Munk's mind at the moment though, he was still having no luck in finding Alonzo the perfect present and he began to get worried that he would have nothing to give him. Alonzo began to wonder where Munk kept sneaking off to at strange moments without even so much as an 'I'll be right back'. He had seen the tabby get more restless over the last week or so and it worried him. As the evening arrived he welcomed Munk into his den affectionately and asked him what was bothering him. Munk quickly deferred the conversation and began to talk about other things. The patched tom could see it was a touchy subject for his boyfriend and it only made him more curious. That evening he attempted to bring it up several more times but still got nothing. He was desperate to know the secret and he barely got any sleep that night from wondering. He hoped everything was okay.

Christmas Eve arrived and all the Jellicles were settling down to enjoy their night. Old Deuteronomy had arrived and was telling the kittens Christmas stories as they gathered around him. Tugger - of course - was sat right at the front, cross-legged and staring intently up at his father with wonder on his face. Many of the Jellicles found it adorable where as others found it somewhat pitiful. The maned tom didn't care what they thought, he had loved listening to these stories ever since he was a kitten and no cat was ever going to take that away from him. That's not to say some didn't try, Bomba attempted to entice him away from the leader with promises of a good time but she had no success. Tugger was too engrossed. She might have felt annoyed at him but knew there was no way to grasp his attention now he had locked onto his father. She resigned to this and waited patiently for Old Deuteronomy to finish his tales. As the night fell the other Jellicles all gathered around and snuggled together in the cold air as Old Deuteronomy spoke. They all felt a little wonder and detected a sparkle of magic in the air. Perhaps this is what Christmas was about.

Munk, on the other hand, was far from serene. He had spent all day trying his hardest to find a gift for his tom but still nothing. He grew frantic now as Christmas was merely hours away. His desperation to please Alonzo began to take it's toll on his upstanding character. As the Jellicles listened he quietly made his way over to a very notorious pair of cats: Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer. These two had similar markings of orange, white, black and yellow in striped patterns and in a way their coats seemed to match their characters. They were the greatest cat burglars in town and they had managed a few massive jobs in their time. Munk took them out of earshot of everyone else and began to relate his predicament,

"Guys, I need a favour"

"What's that then?" asked Mungo in his thick cockney

"Well, let me explain. I have to get Alonzo a really great present for Christmas this year because I really want our first one to be special. The problem is it's Christmas Eve and I've not found anything good"

Mungo and Teazer knew what he was getting at and cheeky smiles graced their faces as they looked at each other.

"What do you need us for?" asked Teazer

"I was hoping you might have some…merchandise that might be right?"

"Sorry, Munk. Ain't got nothing at the moment"

The tabby seemed to go from hopeful to crushed in no time at all, what was he going to do now?

"However" said Mungo making Munk perk up again in anticipation, "We might be able to do something for you"

Munk knew he should never trust these two but couldn't think of an alternative at this moment in time.

"Go on…" he said curiously

"We happen to know of a little place not too far from here that might have what you're looking for"

"Yes?" Munk said with anticipation

"Follow us" the pair said scampering towards the entrance of the junkyard. Munk just followed them, blinded by his desperation to find a present.

After twenty minutes of running Munk found himself looking up at a pet shop amongst a row of closed stores. The inside was dark as it was now late on Christmas Eve and the only light came from the pub at the end of the street filled with joyful humans. Munk continued to look up until Teazer snatched his attention.

"What d'you think?" she asked smiling

"Depends what you're suggesting" the tabby replied

"Think there's something in there that Alonzo might like?"

"Well probably but I don't know if-"

"Great! Go for it Mungo!" she called

Munk barely had time to think as he heard a small crash in front of him. It appeared that Mungo had taken a stone and used it to break a small hole through the shop's front window. As quick as a flash the two robbers jumped inside and beckoned for Munk to follow them.

"Guys! What are you doing?" yelled the protector

"Shhh!" they both hissed, "Come in, quick!"

"What if someone's in there?"

"There ain't no one! It's fine, come on!"

"Of for Everlasting's sake…" huffed Munk as he climbed through the glass. His reservations were quickly dashed as he looked around at the shop's contents. To his left were stacks of bagged pet food, to his right were a bunch of plastic toys for rodents and in front was a little aisle filled with all sorts of things. Munk knew what he was doing was wrong but couldn't quite make his sensibility see that.

"Oi, Munk! 'Round here!" called Mungo. Munk followed the voice around a corner and found the pair gesturing up to a series of racks above them, "Anything take your fancy?"

The tabby looked up and noticed a great many shiny objects. There were leads for Pollicles and muzzles too, there were small plastic toys and little furry things but above all there were collars. Many of them. Munk seemed to brighten up as he looked at the little things and jumped up to see them more clearly. There were collars of many different colours and designs and they all had shining silver or gold buckles making them stand out. Some even had bells on which made Munk laugh as he tinkled them. Alonzo would surely love one of these, after all he'd been after Munk's for years. Maybe if Munk got him one of these then the perfect present would be found. He continued to look and found the perfect one, it was made of black leather and was bedazzled with shining silver studs which Munk knew would look great on his boyfriend. He was absolutely sure this was what to get him and he began to reach out to take it.

Something stopped his paw in mid-air and he hesitated as the implications of what he was about to do circulated. He had always lectured Mungo and Teazer over how wrong it was to steal things yet here he was about to do exactly what he had given them such a hard time about. And what if the Jellicles found out? How could he begin to explain this?

Mungo and Teazer were confused at the delay. Eventually the tom spoke,

"Go on, Munk. Take it!" he encouraged

Munk continued to stare at the garment he was reaching for.

"He'd love it, Munk! Just take it, no one will know!" called Teazer

Still, the tabby stood.

"Just do it now!" they both yelled together.

Munk looked down at the two who were gazing back with anticipant smiles and wide eyes. He looked back at the collar and very slowly lowered his paw.

"I won't do it" he said sadly

The other two cats looked at each other with confusion and then back at their protector,

"What are you on about?" asked Mungo

Munk climbed down to their level and looked at the ground as he explained himself,

"Stealing is wrong, guys. It's not something I want hanging over my head"

"Oh don't worry, I'll get it for you!" said Teazer getting ready to jump up. Munk stopped her as she bent down to leap and looked her in the eye,

"No, Rumpleteazer." She knew he was serious, when did he ever use her full name?

"But Munk, Alonzo…"

"Not like this"

"But it's right there, all it would take is…"

"I said no, Teazer, that's the end of it. Now come on, let's go home. Everyone will be waiting for us"

The trio climbed back through the broken glass and walked home in silence. Munk felt awful that he now had to go and face Alonzo with nothing. He had tried, really he had, but there was nothing he had found which was right. The tabby plodded along sadly as he tried to think of an excuse but his thoughts just made him feel lower. How can he have messed this up?

* * *

Old Deuteronomy finished his last story and wished everyone a Merry Christmas. It was very late now and the kittens were dropping off as they tried to listen. Tugger also looked a little drowsy from his position and was the first to rise up and return to his den. Slowly, the Jellicles began to wander back to their homes leaving Alonzo looking around through the dissipating cats for his boyfriend. Old Deuteronomy saw the tom wondering where his boyfriend had gotten to and went to join him.

"Lost something, Alonzo?"

"Just Munk" replied the patched tom

"Yes, I noticed he wasn't here. Did he say anything about where he might have gone?"

"Nothing at all, sir"

"Well, will you wish him a Merry Christmas for me? I must go now if I want to be back here early in the morning"

"Of course, sir. Merry Christmas to you" he said bowing

"Merry Christmas" said Old Deuteronomy returning the gesture before walking home. Alonzo was left alone puzzling at his tom's disappearance. A few minutes passed before he noticed Munk together with Mungo and Rumple shuffle through the entrance. The tom and the queen spoke to him inaudibly and seemed sympathetic before they scampered away. Munk didn't look right at all and barely reacted when he saw Alonzo smiling and waving from across the yard. This was the moment he had been dreading but he had to face it. Very slowly he went to join his boyfriend,

"Hi, 'Lonz" he said quietly as he approached

"Hello, Munk. Is everything alright?" the patched tom asked grazing Munk's cheek with his lips whilst hugging him.

"Well, I'm better having seen you" Munk said hoping to salvage what he could.

"You big softy!" Alonzo said nuzzling his fur

Munk smiled at his boyfriend's affection, it always felt good when they were together. A feeling of dread began to fill him as he tried to summon up the courage to break the news,

"Um, 'Lonz?"

"Yeah?" replied Alonzo brightly. Munk hated himself for having to disappoint his tom.

"I need to tell you something"

"What is it?"

"Well…you know I've been sneaking off these past few weeks?"

"Yes?" questioned Alonzo

"Well, it's because I've been trying to find you a Christmas present"

"Aww, that's so sweet of you" said Alonzo kissing him again. This was it, no going back now,

"Well, I…I mean I haven't…I tried really hard but I…well…"

"Go on"

Munk took a deep breath, "I wasn't able to find the perfect gift. I'm really sorry"

Alonzo looked at him blankly for a moment before smiling weakly, "It's alright. I didn't want anything anyway"

Munk could see he'd disappointed his tom and felt absolutely awful, "I mean it, 'Lonz. I'm really, really sorry. I wanted this Christmas to be perfect but I just couldn't find anything good enough, and you're so amazing that I wanted to wow you. I'm just so sorry" rambled Munk. Alonzo silenced him by outing his finger to the tom's lips.

"It's fine. Don't worry about it, I still have you" he said before kissing him.

"You're so great" said Munk ashamedly

"Come on, let's go to bed" said Alonzo turning away. Munk watched the tom go and felt really stupid. He rubbed the back of his neck as he felt the awkwardness well up inside him. It was then that he felt something. Munk's eyes shot open as he pressed harder onto his neck feeling something hard. How had he been so blind?

"Alonzo, wait!" called Munk with cheer. Alonzo turned around to see Munk bounding towards him and fiddling with both paws behind his head.

"Are you alright?" the patched tom asked. Munk managed to pull what he'd found free and hold it out to Alonzo.

"Merry Christmas!" Munk beamed. In his hands he held his own collar with it's black leather band and shining silver studs – just like the one he'd found in the pet shop. He suddenly felt warm inside as he'd figured out what to give Alonzo for Christmas. The patched tom just stared back in amazement as he realised what the gesture meant. Munk loved his collar, he'd always loved it. It had been a symbol of him since before Alonzo could remember and he'd always been jealous of the garment. He had tried to convince Munk to give it to him many times in the past but the protector had never relinquished it, not even for a second. He had guarded the collar with his life and it was his single most important possession. Besides it looking good it also showed that he had a human's home to live in and by removing it he was essentially giving up that right – something he never thought he would consider. Now, though, he was offering it to Alonzo as a gift. Was this really happening?

Alonzo continued to stare in shock and didn't know what to do.

"Hey! Silly puss! Wake up!" called Munk joyfully

Alonzo shook his head and looked his tom in the eye,

"I couldn't…" he said breathily

"Of course you could, Merry Christmas!"

"But it's your collar, Munk. You love your collar."

"I love you more, 'Lonz. Besides, I know you've always wanted it. Well, now I'm giving it to you"

Alonzo took the strap from Munk's paws and held it in front of him. After a few moments he spoke again only more quietly this time,

"I don't know what to say." He was utterly amazed and Munk smiled at his shock

"Do you like it?" the tabby asked

Alonzo gave him an almost vacant stare and tried to speak. Only a choked squeak managed to come out as he clasped his paw to his mouth and let a small tear stream down his cheek. Munk smiled wider and pulled his tom into a hug, he'd really hit the nail on the head with this idea. He was pleased that his boyfriend liked it so much. After a moment he pulled away and took his tom into the den. He took the collar from Alonzo and pointed him at a fragment of mirror. Slowly, he placed the item around the tom's neck and buckled it so it stayed there. Alonzo gazed at his reflection and gently touched the leather strap. It looked amazing against his black and white fur and he absolutely loved it. He spun turned slowly to face Munk – who incidentally now felt naked. The tabby didn't care though, all he could think about was Alonzo's expression.

"Thank you" whispered Alonzo

Munk put his arms around him and kissed him lightly. Alonzo stood there feeling the love they shared cradle him, it was a spectacular feeling.

"This means so much" said Alonzo quietly, "You're amazing"

"You're amazing" replied Munk leaning back and looking into his tom's eyes. They gazed at each other for a few moments before Alonzo pulled away. He gently took Munk's paw and lead him over to the bed. They both lay down and held each other tenderly in the soft moonlight that came in from outside. Alonzo whispered softly to his tom, "I love you" before kissing him lightly.

"I love you too" replied Munk and went in for another kiss. Their lips pressed together sweetly as they expressed their love for each other and Alonzo shifted pulling Munk's body on top of his. Passion began to fill them both and soon Munk's grey fur and Alonzo's black and white blended as they pressed against each other. Munk took control and began to rub and grind against Alonzo's body making the patched tom responded with soft moans of pleasure. Munk began kissing the tom's neck around his new collar and began to nip at his skin under the fur. Alonzo smiled at the sharp little bites and loved the feeling, he responded by pulling Munk closer to his body and they shared each other's wonderful warmth as they lay together. Munk then began to explore with his paws, he moved them down to Alonzo's arms, feeling the strong muscles within and then moved onto his chest feeling the power that lied beneath. He moved his head down and began kissing that firm chest and eliciting little whimpers from the black and white tom. Soon he had made his way down to Alonzo's naval and placed tiny kisses on the shorter fur that graced it. In this position he was in a perfect place to hold Alonzo's legs and as he worked his way up the other tom's body he lifted the tom's left. He placed his hips against Alonzo's and moved into position while the patched tom began to tremble in anticipation. He felt safe as the big, strong tom holding him moved but nervous towards what was coming. He had, of course, done this many times before but now it felt like the first time again. And it was in a way, after all he'd never slept with anyone he'd been in love with. Munk kissed Alonzo's lips as he entered him and they moaned together as they bonded. They proceeded to make love in the dim light of the den as the snow once again began to fall outside. Their love for each other escalated and multiplied many times over as they expressed it physically. The world seemed perfect in that moment of bliss and there was nothing that could ruin the beauty of their lovemaking and the bond they both felt so strongly for each other.

* * *

Hours later, the two toms lay side by side. They had both reached the height of their pleasure a while ago now and had curled up in each other's arms letting the comfort of having one another keep them warm. Munk held Alonzo with his head above the black and white tom's and gently stroked his back. He was so in love with Alonzo he had no idea how anything before could have seemed more important. He smiled as he felt his tom breathe gently in the darkness.

There was something Alonzo wanted to tell Munk and now that they had made love he felt it was the right time to say it. Very gently he pulled his head back and looked up at his tom. Munk looked back with dreamy eyes and a soft smile.

"Munk" he whispered

"Yes?"

"I'm ready"

"What for, dear?"

"To be mates"

Munk felt his heart jump head over heels and he smiled widely

"You're sure?"

"I've never been more certain of anything. I love you"

Munk felt his eyes sting a little as tears gathered, this had to be the greatest moment of his entire life. He managed to hold them back as he spoke with such incredible happiness,

"I love you too. Promise you'll stay with me for ever"

"I promise" replied Alonzo as he reached up to kiss his mate.

**Awwwwww! Munk and 'Zo are finally proper mates, and at Christmas! How romantic!**

**You are gonna hate me for what I've got planned coming up. Everything's gonna change so be warned. **

**Thanks so much for reading, I'd love to hear what you think.**


	8. Billy

**Right, no more Munk/'Zo fluff. Well, some. Not as much, things get nasty now. Well they will eventually but probably not in this chapter. Actually there is some nasty at the beginning. Just read and you'll see.**

**A year in the life of the black and white toms**

**Chapter 8**

**Billy**

Macavity awoke from a drunken haze. Christmas for him was a time to be enjoyed mostly with alcohol and he had certainly been having his fill during the week since Christmas. He was a mystery cat and could always defy the law in order to get what he wanted. In fact he had never felt bound by any rules - human or Jellicle – and always did what he wanted whenever he wanted to do it. This included taking whatever he wanted as well and more often than not it included cats. He would often go on the prowl for a feline toy to amuse himself for a while. He would capture them and enjoy what they had to offer – obviously through force - and then dispose of them in some way; most of the time terminally. Lying on his bed buried deep in his lair he combed through the foggy thoughts in his mind as he felt the suggestion of a hangover threatening to take hold of his body. He often awoke in this state and had become rather used to it by now. Very slowly he stirred and forced himself upright. He wobbled a little before slapping himself into a clear line of thought – metaphorically of course. The evening he had awoken in was cold but with clear skies and the moonlight shone fiercely through the dusty warehouse windows bathing it's interior in a spooky white glow. Macavity liked the night as it allowed him to go without being seen, this was important when it came to kidnapping unsuspecting toms or queens.

The wild-looking tom began to walk away from his bed and around his lair; he had built up quite a complex home in the warehouse where no one ever visited and his needs were more than taken care of. In here he was able to steal things and make sure their owners never found them and he was also able to provide space for his henchcats who had proved rather invaluable during his time of having them. Most of all he enjoyed the facilities he had created for imprisoning his prey. He could snatch a cat and chain them up where no one would ever think to look and then hold them for days or even weeks before he grew tired of them. Truly he was a happy cat, despite his sick, twisted mentality. After all, what kind of sane cat would ever take such pleasure in others' pain?

Macavity enjoyed pain, or more accurately: he enjoyed other cats' pain. He enjoyed inflicting it upon those he would capture and loved the reaction he received. Perhaps if the red and black tom were studied one might discover the root of his disgusting pleasure but surely no one could ever start to comprehend his vile mind. Macavity liked to hear his victims screaming and the surge of power he felt when they begged for mercy was indescribable. There was no other feeling like it and he hungered for it constantly as he went from day to day; that and the feeling of owning the cat he would abuse sexually. Right now though he entered the space in which he'd chained up, raped and killed a queen that had become his prisoner just two weeks ago. He had released her hanging paws a day or two after he'd sliced open her neck and let her bleed to death. He had then dumped her cold, lifeless body down a drain for some unfortunate human to find in the future. The blood he had drawn from the queen was really quite copious and had covered the entire floor above which she had hung. It now existed as a rough, brown skin having dried shortly after it had been shed and the claws on Macavity's paws created little marks as he walked across it. He took in a deep breath through his nose and revelled in the queen's scent that still hung faintly in the air and he recalled the fun he'd had with her – fun for him at least. He had taken her with help from his henchcats as she had been walking alone in the darkness. The offending toms had gagged her with a strip of cloth and tied her up with rope before carrying her off into the night. She barely had time to understand what was going on as she was captured and had tried her best to scream. It had proved to be no use as the world around her grew darker and darker as she reached her final destination. The experience happened so quickly that the next thing she knew she was standing with her arms chained above her head in a dark, dank building. She had cried as she hung there for hours without anyone hearing her except the villainous cat that watched her from the shadows. When she had quietened down he had approached her and performed his awful act of abuse striking intense fear and grief into her heart. She was just another victim to Macavity and he had had no care for what kind of life he had been destroying.

A small black and white kitten had waited for hours that night for his mother to return. As the days passed the scared little tom kit grew less and less hopeful that his one and only parent was going to come back and all of a sudden the world seemed a very scary place to be in alone.

Back in the present, Macavity was pacing back and forth. His mind had drifted back to a lovely-looking Jellicle he'd sworn to himself that he would own. He saw the black and white tom tremble in his mind as he thought of what he might do to him. Something as beautiful and as valuable as him was certainly not something he wanted to rush and thought how lovely it would be to use him for days before the time came to get rid of him. He then thought about how wonderful it would be to see his rival – that silver tabby Jellicle protector – crushed as he was told of what the red and black tom had done to his lover. Perhaps he would be so overcome with grief he'd surrender to him and he could have his way with Munk as well. The thought made him roar with sickening laughter and he smashed objects around him in his twisted joy. He simply couldn't wait for the time to come to pluck Alonzo from his perfect little world and begin breaking him. It wouldn't be long now.

* * *

Tumblebrutus emerged from his den near to the clearing and sniffed the cool January night air. He had enjoyed his Christmas as it had come and gone and was now wondering what to do with himself. Tugger's melancholy during the past week over the passing of his favourite holiday had had a negative effect on many and a general din hung in the air when he was around and making them all aware of his feelings. Tumble didn't really understand why it was such a big deal and shrugged it off with ease. As usual, he bounded away from his home and went to find the other kittens to play. He ran into the clearing and looked around for anyone to pounce upon. No one was there. He looked around a little while longer wondering if maybe the others hadn't woken up yet. Surely they couldn't sleep that long? He decided to sit himself down in the middle of the clearing and wait for anyone to show up. As he sat he had a strange, nagging sensation that he was being watched and began to flick his head around to try and see if he could pick anyone out of the junk. A few more minutes went by before he gave up on the feeling; it was then the spying kittens took their action. In utter silence Etcetera sprinted over and pounced on him from behind. He instinctively puffed up at the sudden ambush and bared his tiny kitten claws at the attacker. He blushed a little as the other kittens emerged from their hiding places and rolled on the floor with laughter over his reaction.

"That wasn't funny, guys!" he pouted

The other kittens continued to laugh and soon he giggled along with them. He shoved Etcetera playfully and all the little cats started to roughhouse on the junkyard floor.

Munk - just beginning his watch for the evening - jumped brightly out of his and Alonzo's den and watched the kittens as they played. He smiled at their childish antics and continued to observe them from his usual vantage point. He sat peacefully as the other Jellicles began to come out into the night and provide the junkyard with life. He nodded to his brother who had by now resumed his normal flirtatious routine and Munk frowned as the maned tom sent the frolicking kittens crazy. Munk rolled his eyes and turned away hoping to keep his mind on more important matters and soon enough he noticed his beautiful mate slink sleepily out of their den. Munk smiled warmly as he watched Alonzo stretch and come to life in the night air, he really was a very handsome tom. He yawned widely as he ambled over the junk towards his mate and nuzzled him affectionately in greeting as he sat down. Munk kissed the top of his head nuzzled him back. To look at them was see exactly what a cute couple looked like.

"Did you sleep well, darling?" asked Munk

"I don't remember there being much sleeping last night" replied Alonzo enticingly

Munk smiled at their little secret. Since their first lovemaking they had been exploring each other's bodies much more extensively whenever they got a private moment. As a result they were both left a little sleepy but neither of them cared, they were having too much fun. In a way they felt like kittens again doing something naughty where if the grown-ups found out they would be in trouble. On some evenings they had to stop themselves from spending the entire night together and make sure to show their faces so their activities wouldn't be too obvious to the others. Surely the older Jellicles knew what they must have been up to but they needn't know the extent. When they were sure no one was looking they stole a kiss or two from each other and held each other close in the striking moonlight.

Their romantic moment was cut short by a gaggle of kittens pestering the two toms for something.

"Muuuuuuuuunk!" cried Pounce from below the two embracing toms

The silver tabby reluctantly pulled his attention away from his mate and looked down wondering what on earth the kitten was about to say.

"Yes, Pounce?"

"We're bored." The other kittens nodded and looked up in anticipation.

"Isn't there a game you can play?" cut in Alonzo wanting to disperse them in order to get his tom back.

"No" they all said together

"What do you want me to do?" asked the protector

"Take us out"

"Out where?"

"Out of here"

"To where?"

"Anywhere" bubbled Tumble

Munk and Alonzo looked at each other and shared similar looks of doubt and annoyance.

"Guys, I really don't think it's best for you to go out at night"

"Why not?" asked Electra

"Because it's not very safe"

"But it's still early!" cut in Pounce, "And you'll be there"

"Guys, I'm gonna have to say no" said the tabby putting on his protector voice. It was a pity that in this case it had no effect. The kittens rambled on and on and after about twenty minutes of pleading and arguing Munk and Alonzo cracked.

"Alright! Alright! We'll go!" said Alonzo exasperatedly

"Thank you!" the sang the kittens and they began hopping around in excitement. It was rare that they would be allowed outside the safe confines of the junkyard and they jumped at the chance. It may have been a bad lesson to give to the kittens - showing that by persistent nagging they could get what they wanted- but Munk and Alonzo didn't care at that moment. All they were thinking of was getting the kittens out and about as quickly as possible so they could enjoy the rest of their evening together.

"I'm just gonna go and tell Jenny" said Munk with a wince

"Better you than me" chuckled Alonzo

"Hmm"

Munk quickly walked over to the den Jenny shared with Skimble and tapped on the doorframe as entered. Jenny – famously coming alive at night – was pottering around and seemed to be doing a hundred things at once. She stopped as she saw Munk enter and greeted him warmly.

"Hello, dear. What brings you here?"

Munk took a deep breath and tried to speak authoritatively,

"I just came to tell you that Alonzo and I are taking the kittens out for a little while"

Jenny stared at him with a look as if to say 'Are you joking?'

"Out?" she asked stiffly

"…of the junkyard" replied Munk waiting for her to begin her rebuttal, and she certainly begun it with a bang.

"Are you out of your mind, Munkustrap? They're only kittens! What would you do if you lost one of them? What if something horrible happened? What if they develop a taste for it and decide to go off on their own one day?"

Munk managed to get a word in edgeways, "Jenny, calm down. They merely asked if we would take them out to have a look around. I said no at first but they were very persistent and we wondered 'what harm could it do?'"

"What harm could it do? Did you not hear me?"

"Yes, Jenny, I certainly heard you but please think for a moment. We won't let them stay out for long and what better company could they have than Alonzo and myself"

"What better company? I'll tell you what company!" she turned and squawked to her mate, "Skimble! Get ready, we're going out!" She tottered off behind her to tidy the job she had been in the middle of. Munk just resigned to Jenny's presence on their little outing and nodded to the ginger tabby who entered looking confused,

"Evening, Munk. What's going on?"

"Alonzo and I are taking the kittens out and according to your mate both you and she are coming with us"

"Oh" said Skimble giving Munk a knowing look. He knew the whole story now and resignedly complied with his mate's wishes as he and Munk were bustled out of the den by the flustering queen. The trio joined with the waiting group of cats and began to head towards the junkyard entrance with the mothering queen flittering around each of the kittens making sure they were alright. She could certainly be over-bearing - to phrase it lightly.

A little while later the group reached the park in which Munk and Alonzo had first spoken about their relationship. The kittens didn't wait for a signal as they scampered off leaving a panicking Jenny trying to keep tabs on their whereabouts. The three toms followed them slowly and watched as the kittens enjoyed their freedom. It was a lovely sight to watch as they saw them explore their new playground and run rings around the queen that was trying to keep control. The toms laughed as the kittens encountered the human children's play set and started to explore it. They climbed up the wooden frames causing Jenny to feel a little bit faint at the prospect of the kittens falling and she shrieked as they began jumping around that high in the air. The little cats didn't hear her as they played, this really was a lot of fun and they would certainly have to convince the adults to bring them here more often. Pouncival began to show off and hung upside down from a beam that ran across from one section to another. His swinging back and forth is what really made Jenny start to feel woozy. She attempted to call out and tell him to stop but started to stagger from the shock and was sat down by her mate.

"They'll be fine, love. Just let them have their fun" comforted Skimble

Jenny let out a series of incomprehensible words that made the toms snigger. It was lovely to see that she cared so much for the kittens but absolutely hilarious that she would literally go loopy when they acted to dangerously – in her eyes at least. Munk and Alonzo held paws as they watched the kittens play and smiled as they recalled the days when they had been just like that. As kittens they had played for many an hour in this very park under the watchful eye of Munk's father Old Deuteronomy. This climbing frame hadn't been there when they were young and they both wondered what it was like to climb on. Both of them were hesitant to suggest that they throw caution to the wind and it was Alonzo who eventually piped up.

"Wanna have a go?" he said smiling

Munk looked back and was so glad that he'd been asked to play,

"I can't believe it took you this long to ask" the silver tabby said as he walked forward.

The two toms jumped up the structure and raced to the very top to see what kind of view there was. From here they could see across the whole park and in the distance the junkyard where they lived. It wasn't long before they were roped into the kittens' game of tag atop the wooden construction and soon they were behaving just like those very kittens. It was very out of the ordinary for them to play around like this – especially Munk – but it was nice to get back in touch with their inner-kittens. Pounce tagged Alonzo and the patched tom went after the nearby Tumble who screamed as he was chased. Alonzo allowed him to think that he was good at evading the older tom and let him get away with some very poor attempts at subversion. Tumble giggled as he supposedly thwarted his pursuer and jumped away in delight. Alonzo decided to switch targets to Munk and flew towards his mate. Munk easily dodged Alonzo and swung away from his laughing tom. They jumped and ran and eventually Munk found himself at the top of a long metal slide. Alonzo stood behind him and smiled knowing there was nowhere for Munk to go but down. Munk looked back at his waiting mate and considered his options, he couldn't get around the patched tom and knew he'd have to make a leap for it. He smiled back at Alonzo and held out his paw for the tom who smiled widely and took it firmly. They both stood on the edge of the slide and looked down. They laughed as they jumped in unison and began to hurtle down the long metal strip landing in a pile of giggling fur at the bottom. The kittens had seen them go and joined in the fun by hurling their own bodies down the slide. They landed on top of the older toms and they all lay on the ground laughing until they cried. Munk and Alonzo had really enjoyed themselves even though they knew their behaviour had been kittenish. They kissed each other quickly making the kittens around them squirm and stick out their tongues as kittens do when they see adults being affectionate. They taunted the older toms with rhymes and smooching actions which made them all laugh some more.

They carried on giggling until Munk startled suddenly. The others watched him and grew nervous when he made them all be silent as he gathered them together behind him. He looked around fiercely trying to figure out what it was that had put him on edge all of a sudden. He knew the feeling all too well, something was watching them. He kept looking forward as he grabbed Alonzo and whispered quietly to him,

"Something's around here. Keep them all together, I'm gonna take a look"

Alonzo turned and bundled the kittens together while surrounding them with help from Jenny and Skimble. Munk slowly stalked forward toward the space beneath the climbing frame and stared into the darkness within. He could feel the presence of a living creature and took a few small steps into the space. His fur puffed up instinctively and be bared his teeth as he advanced towards the spying being he knew was hiding from his view. As he made his way further under the construction he heard the faint sound of breathing and unsheathed his claws, ready for the attack. He quickly spun his head around as he heard a small scuffle and through the darkness saw the unmistakeable of shape of eyes watching him. He turned to the creature and hissed at the glowing orbs in the blackness which seemed to quiver as he made his threats. He saw fairly clearly through the darkness and noticed the eyes came with a small pair of ears, a nose and a black and white furry body.

"Show yourself" said Munk as he watched the creature try to hide.

"I won't ask you again" he said with power in his voice, "come out now!"

The small ball of fur slowly came forward a few steps and stopped not too far from it's hiding place. The creature looked up visibly shaking and Munk could see what it was he had been hissing at. Before him stood a tiny, black and white male kitten that was absolutely terrified for his life. He gulped as he looked at the much bigger, frightful-looking silver tabby that had demanded he present himself. He began to sniffle as he waited for the tom to do something. Munk didn't know how to act. Here, before him was a tiny little kitten that can't have been much older than the ones they had brought to the park that night and the sight of him broke the silver tabby's heart. He immediately softened his expression as he looked upon the trembling, sobbing young feline and tried to walk over to him. As Munk went he saw the kitten recoil and try to hide himself again.

"It's okay. I'm not going to hurt you" Munk said gently to the frightened creature. The black and white kitten stayed where he was and the tom suddenly felt like a monster for striking fear into the little cat's heart.

"I promise I won't harm you, I didn't realise you were a kitten. Please come out" he said lowering himself to a crouching position. Still, the kitten stayed where he was only peeping around the corner of the wooden pillar that he used as a barrier. Munk suddenly had a thought and called out from the darkened alcove,

"Jenny, would you come here, please?"

The queen outside puzzled at Munk's strange request,

"Why?" she called back

"Just come here. Don't worry, everything's safe."

Slowly, the tabby queen made her way under the climbing frame and saw Munk crouching whilst staring into a corner.

"What on earth are you doin-" she began before being shushed by the protector. He gently gestured towards the wooden support and Jenny followed the direction until she saw what Munk wanted her to see. The little kitten that hid himself from the strange cats was watching them with great trepidation wondering whether to run or to beg for mercy. If he ran he would – of course – bump into the other cats he had seen playing outside and they would probably slice him to pieces. If he tried to speak to these two cats in front of him they might do exactly the same thing and he began to sob harder at the idea of being hurt. Jenny stood in front of Munk and motioned for him to move away as she took the position he had been in. She smiled at the kitten she saw and spoke very softly,

"Don't worry, dear, we're nice cats and we wouldn't dream of hurting you. My name is Jennyanydots, what's yours?"

The kitten remained silent but stopped sniffling and gazed back at the kindly queen who was speaking to him.

"Pay no attention to that big ball of fluff" she said pointing towards Munk, "he thought maybe you were a Pollicle that wanted to eat us all up"

The kitten stifled a small giggle at the queen's light heartedness and came a little further out of his hiding place.

"We were bringing some kittens here to play tonight, are you here with anyone?"

The kitten shook his head at the queen's question,

"Is your mummy here?"

The tiny cat's voice crackled a little as he spoke,

"She didn't come back"

Jenny frowned a little at the kitten's answer, had he been abandoned?

"How long have you been here, sweetie?"

"I don't know" he replied

"How many times has the moon come up and gone down?

"Three, I think"

"Is that when you last saw your mummy?"

"No. I haven't seen her for a long time"

"More than three nights?"

"Yes, lots more"

"Did she say where she was going or when she was coming back?"

"She just didn't come home one day. I waited for a long time but then I got hungry"

"Do you live far away?"

"I don't know. I tried to find some food but I kept going and I got lost" said the kitten before starting to cry again. Jenny slowly went over to the kitten and hugged him gently. He seemed to take a shine to the queen and buried his face in her fur.

"It's okay, dear. We'll find your mummy"

The sniffling kitten looked up, "Really?" he asked

"We'll give it our best shot" said Jenny smiling but knowing the queen in question had probably abandoned this poor little thing weeks ago. "Now, will you tell me your name?" she asked nicely

"Billy" the kitten mumbled

"Well, Billy, don't you worry about anything, we'll keep you safe, won't we Munkustrap?" Jenny said looking over at the accompanying tom.

"Of course" he said gently and approached the two of cats before him. Billy looked up at the magnificent tom as he came closer and felt scared to be in the presence of someone so much bigger and stronger than he was. He flinched as Munk gently stroked the fur on his head and slowly began to feel safer as he realised the silver tabby meant him no harm. He looked up at the smiling tom and returned the expression,

"Will you really find her, Mumbuskrat?" asked Billy. Munk chuckled as the kitten mispronounced his name. Munkustrap was certainly a difficult word for a kitten so young and he remembered how much time he had spent with Pouncival when he was younger as he taught him to say it properly.

"We'll do our best, Billy. And my name is Munkustrap" he said saying it slowly for the kitten to hear. "You can call me Munk though". The kitten smiled up at him and pulled away from Jenny allowing her to get up.

"Perhaps we ought to go back" suggested Jenny and turned Billy, "I bet you're hungry, sweetheart"

Billy nodded up at her and suddenly felt pain in his stomach from being so empty. It had been days since he'd even had a morsel and that was bad news for a kitten. Not knowing where to find food he had started to watch other groups of cats when they were eating and then hurry over when they had left to see if anything remained. More often than not he had gone hungry.

The trio of cats emerged from the dark alcove and the kittens stared inquisitively at what the familiar cats brought with them. They remained silent as they examined the new kitten and Billy felt nervous as he was about to meet them. Munk put a paw on the back of his neck and looked down at him affectionately giving him a glimmer of courage. He then turned to the waiting group and spoke,

"Everyone, this is Billy. He's a little lost so we're going to take care of him for a while"

Munk then went around introducing everyone starting with Skimble. Billy didn't understand Skimble's accent when he greeted him and looked at Jenny confusedly until she told him what the ginger cat had said. Alonzo was introduced next and the black and white tom smiled at the black and white kitten. Everyone else stopped to take a look as they realised just how alike the two cats appeared. The resemblance wasn't a mirror image but it was still quite close. Munk then introduced each of the kittens starting with Etcetera and finishing with Pounce. The freckled kitten advanced towards the smaller one and leaned forward holding out his paw. Billy instinctively copied him and they touched each other gently in a silent hello. Munk looked down and smiled at the Jellicle gesture before beginning to herd them back the way they came. As they walked Munk quietly brought Alonzo and Skimble up to speed while discussing with Jenny how to handle the situation. Old Deuteronomy would need to be informed and he would probably want to meet this kitten if he was going to be staying in the junkyard for a while. Munk also thought about how to go about finding this kitten's mother – this is if she could be found - and asked Alonzo what he thought they ought to do.

"I guess you should find out her name and then ask around" suggested the black and white tom.

"Do you think Tugger would know the right cats to ask?"

"Perhaps. If you can get him to take any interest that is"

"If he has any suggestions then I'll make sure he's interested"

Soon they were back in the junkyard and the kittens bid good morning to Billy before scampering off. The kitten felt a little better having talked with them for a while and felt much safer in the company of these kind cats. Munk and Jenny spoke for a little while and decided Billy would stay with her and Skimble until his mother was found. Munk then crouched to the same level as Billy and spoke to him,

"Now, Billy, I'm going to go and make a start on finding your mummy. I need to know her name though if you wouldn't mind telling me"

Billy thought for a moment as he couldn't quite give an answer. He knew his mother as 'mummy' but he had heard her been called something else before. It took him a minute but he got it eventually,

"Georgina"

"Thank you. Now, you go with Jenny and Skimble and they'll find you something to eat."

With that the tom and queen with Billy in tow went off to their den and disappeared from site. Munk and Alonzo were left alone in the centre of the clearing now finally having a few hours to themselves. It was a shame that neither of them really felt like doing anything they had originally planned. Munk related how he felt to Alonzo,

"I can't imagine how scared that kitten must have been when I first started speaking to him" said Munk shamefully

"What happened?" asked Alonzo

"I had no idea he was there so when I heard a sound I hissed and drew my claws. Then I told him to come out from hiding and show himself. He must have been so terrified, 'Lonz, I wish I'd known"

Alonzo hugged him, "It's okay. How were you to know? You were very brave going in there not knowing what you'd find, I'm just glad it wasn't anything nasty"

"That kit has been alone for a long time which means his mother probably abandoned him"

"You can't be serious" said Alonzo sadly

"I'm afraid I am. Little Billy has no one else in the world, 'Lonz. How could anyone leave such a lovely little thing like him to fend for himself. You know, I think if we hadn't found him he wouldn't have lasted much longer"

"Well, thank Everlasting that we did. What are you gonna do now?"

"I guess I'll go back out and see what I can find out about his mum. He said her name was Georgina, didn't he?"

"That's right"

"Okay, see you later, hun" said Munk kissing Alonzo before he turned to leave

"Do you want me to come with you?"

"Nah, you stay here. Besides, I need someone to be around in case something goes wrong"

"You can count on me, dear. See you later"

"Bye" said Munk before quickly pacing out of the junkyard and off into the city.

Alonzo turned and made for his den, it had been such an interesting evening. He had had a great time with his mate being kittenish but then Munk had noticed Billy. He really hoped they would be able to find the kit's mother and that she would be happy to know he was safe. He felt warm as he thought about how his mate was so caring that he would actually start searching for Billy's mother right away and he dreamily climbed up the junk to enter his den. He startled as he noticed a dark figure standing in the middle of his den with his back turned to Alonzo. Something didn't feel right as he took a few steps towards this mystery cat.

"Hello?" said Alonzo wondering who had intruded into his home. The strange cat with red and black fur spun around revealing a dangerous-looking face with a sharp, evil grin and fire in his eyes.

"Hello, Alonzo" said Macavity, his voice dripping with lust

The patched tom had no time to react before he was jumped upon by a group of henchcats and his mouth was gagged. The awful tom must have snuck in while he and the protector had been out with the kittens. Alonzo struggled and thrashed on the floor of his den before he was placed into a sack and dragged out of the den by the henchcats. Nobody was around to witness Macavity and his minions steal Alonzo from right under their noses. Alonzo remained in the dark for what seemed like hours as they carried his writhing body through back alleys to Macavity's lair. Alonzo felt terror as he remembered how Macavity had sworn to take him one day - now it was actually happening. What on earth was going to happen to him?

A little while passed and Alonzo felt the sack he was enclosed in dumped on the cold, hard ground. He struggled as he was removed from it and tried to look around at his surroundings. He had no time to see through the darkness before he was hit on the head with something hard. His last thoughts before he succumbed to the blackness were of Munk. Would he ever get out of this alive to see his mate again?

**Uh oh. Now stuff's going bad. **

**Thanks for reading, please review.**


	9. Destroyed

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**Things go wrong now. Really wrong.**

**Alonzo is helpless to get out of his perilous situation.**

**WARNING: Strong violent themes including scenes of physical abuse, torture and mutilation. Also scenes of sexual violence and disturbing imagery. **

**A year in the life of the black and white toms**

**Chapter 9**

**Destroyed**

The pristine black and white tom awoke in darkness. The air around him felt cold and dank as he slowly opened his eyes. There was very little light and it was hard for him to see where he was. He felt dizzy and lightheaded and after a few minutes a thumping pain took hold of his head. He winced at his aching mind and tried to remember what had happened. He could remember being taken somewhere by someone but it had been very dark. He remembered thrashing around as his captor or captors restrained him and he suddenly remembered something hitting him over the head, and that's right: there was more than one. The world had gone black after that but there was something still there just before the memory cut out. The tom tried to claw his way through whatever it was that was clouding the image in his brain and soon he could see the unmistakeable devilish glow of Macavity's eyes. He remembered how Macavity had looked down at him with pure evil on his face just before the memory stopped and he snapped his eyes open to look around and make sure it wasn't real – how wrong he was. He couldn't see anything but he knew Macavity was nearby – he could feel it. Alonzo tried to get up but then realised he was already standing or at least hanging in an upright position as it seemed his arms were being pulled above him. He looked up and saw the faint glimmer of metal chains wrapped around his wrists making him hang from the ceiling. As he saw where the metal dug at his skin he suddenly felt the pain they caused and immediately kicked life into his legs to support his hanging body. There wasn't much room to bring them down as he had been restrained so he almost had to stand on tiptoes. He couldn't bring his arms down at all and his aching muscles screamed as the blood that had been within remained absent having drained hours ago. Alonzo struggled against the ties but found it no use. He pulled and pulled but only hurt himself more as he made desperate attempts for freedom. He stood there breathing heavily in the darkness and tried to listen for any noise that might indicate his location. The area was deathly silent save for every now and again a few scuffles – surely it was the sound of rats keeping their distance. Perhaps they knew something Alonzo didn't.

The passage of time was difficult to decipher and he did not know whether he had been hanging for minutes or hours before he heard something moving behind him. He attempted to turn but discovered his paws had been chained to the floor and then found his neck wouldn't turn far enough for him to see his captor.

"Hello?" called Alonzo quietly into the dimness. In the shadows he could just make out the shape of quite a large figure and he stared intensively to try and make out any distinguishable features.

"Hello?" he tried again as he watched the cat walk in circles around his hanging body. It was silently examining it's prisoner and watching the restrained Alonzo adapt to his situation. The black and white tom watched until the cat once again walked behind him and out of his view. He felt violated as he felt invisible eyes scan over his exposed body. There was a nagging in the back of his mind telling him whom this mystery cat was but he didn't want to believe it. If it was who he thought it was then he was in a considerable amount of danger and he was sure admitting it to himself would make him break down in fear. That was certainly something he didn't need his suspect to witness because if he saw Alonzo show any vulnerability then he wouldn't hesitate to do unspeakable things to him. As Alonzo turned his ears to listen behind him he made out the sound of the hidden cat's breathing as well as slow paces that seemed to be getting nearer. Without being touched he sensed the cat stand very close behind him and felt the heat which radiated from his body. Alonzo flinched as he heard the now obviously male cat take in his scent and breathe it back out onto his exposed neck. The warm breath made Alonzo shiver in disgust as he imagined what the cat must have been thinking. He knew of only one being that operated in this manner and it was of course his worst fear.

"Macavity?" whispered Alonzo looking straight ahead with wide eyes and beginning to shiver with fear.

The invisible cat began a low rumble of laughter and brought his mouth close to Alonzo's ear before speaking in a gravelly, dangerous voice,

"I promised you I'd have you, didn't I?"

* * *

Munkustrap was having no luck in discovering the whereabouts of the queen he was looking for. This 'Georgina' was seeming to become imaginary as cat after cat told the tabby they had never heard of her. He had happened upon some of the seediest, darkest places during his search and he was beginning to feel uncomfortable being there. He jumped back as two rough-looking toms burst out fighting from an overturned bin and he quickly hurried along so as not to be noticed. He really wanted to get home but knew the sooner he found Billy's mother, the better. As he rounded a few more corners he saw a small group of nasty-looking queens that gazed at him as he walked by. Some of them called out as he went,

"Hey, sexy. You lookin' for a good time?"

Munk grimaced as he looked at them but responded as politely as he could,

"No, thank you, ladies"

"Your loss" one of them said turning away. Munk was about to carry on but reluctantly decided to ask them,

"I beg your pardon…madam. I don't suppose you know of a cat named Georgina, do you?"

The shabby queen who had last spoken turned back and looked him up and down,

"I might do, who wants to know?"

"Well, it's like this. Me and my tribe have found her son and we were hoping to find her so she could take him back"

"Is that so?" the queen said licking her lips, "She's gone missing, has she?"

Munk felt a twinge of hope despite the reputation of this sort of cat.

"Yes, well, we think she might have done" the tabby said, "I assume you know her?"

"Couldn't say I do. Cats sometimes go missing 'round here, sunshine. You know Macavity works in these parts, don't you? Perhaps he got to her"

Munk felt his stomach turn, could it be that the biggest psychopath going had kidnapped Billy's mother? If so there probably wasn't a strong chance she'd be found in a pretty state.

"Thank you, madam" said Munk turning to hurry away

"Anytime you feel like coming back, gorgeous, you know where to find me" the queen cackled as Munk ran off. He felt dirty simply having spoken to her and he wanted to get away as fast as he could. The silver tabby was tired now and the morning had almost come to an end with the sun flying high in the sky. He decided to return home and rest before trying a different part of London later and quickly made his way through the backstreets towards his home.

It was strange but he could have sworn he could smell Alonzo's scent in the air as he ran past a derelict warehouse. He passed it off as his exhausted mind playing tricks on him, surely Alonzo was waiting for him in his den.

* * *

Back at the junkyard, Pouncival scampered around as usual. He was recruiting the kittens to play and pretty soon he had his regular troupe in tow. They began to tumble around in the clearing and were soon laughing and shouting and causing a great hullaballoo. The noise enticed a tiny black and white tom from Jenny and Skimble's den and he peeked out at the joyful kittens. Billy didn't notice Jenny creep up behind him and jumped when she spoke,

"Why don't you go and play with them, dear?"

Billy looked at her, then looked back at the kittens, then looked at her again,

"What if they don't like me?" he said timidly

"Oh, poppet, of course they will! Come on, I'll bring you to them." Jenny took Billy's paw and pulled him along with her. She marched over to the pile of kittens and presented Billy in front of her.

"Ahem" she announced making the kittens stop to look, "My dears, would you be very kind and show Billy around?"

The kittens looked down from her face to the hopeful-looking kitten whose paw she held. They took a moment to examine him but then smiled happily and dragged him away from her.

"Don't be too rough" she called as they ran along with the little cat, he seemed happy to be accepted so freely into their pintsized gang. Jenny smiled but with a heavy heart, it was lovely to see the kitten happy after having gone through so much in that past few weeks.

As she turned to return to her den she saw Munk walk tiredly back into the junkyard. She smiled at him as he trounced by and called to him as he went.

"Any luck, Munk?"

The silver tabby looked as her as he began to ascend the junk to his and his mate's den.

"Not yet. I'm gonna try again later"

"It's very good of you, dear. Sleep well"

Munk smiled weakly and entered his den hoping to curl up with his sweetheart. He came back out a moment later looking puzzled and called to Jenny before she went inside,

"Jenny, do you know where Alonzo is?"

The tabby queen turned back to him, "No, sorry. Is he not home?"

"No. Did he say he was going anywhere?"

"No, he didn't. I'm sure he'll show up, dear, maybe he went to ask about Billy's mother himself"

"Alright" Munk said resignedly. He knew Alonzo must have been safe whatever he was up to and went back into the den he shared with the tom. He lay down on his bed and closed his eyes waiting for sleep to take him. He tossed and turned for a long time before he finally dropped off. There was a scent in the air and it bugged him. He knew it was crazy but it seemed as though he could smell Macavity.

* * *

Alonzo breathed heavily as the red and black tom with the wild mane continuously exhaled on his neck. It was becoming harder and harder for him to keep it together as Macavity lusted over his restrained body. He didn't move for fear of exciting the evil tom as he didn't want to give Macavity any form of encouragement - regardless of how small. After a while his captor backed away and seemingly disappeared. Alonzo let out a sigh of relief and closed his eyes to calm down from the adrenaline-induced rush he felt. Little did he know Macavity had swooped around to his front and was playing with his mind. He certainly wasn't going to stop until he had destroyed all of his prisoner's courage and solidarity. Alonzo's relaxation didn't last very long as Macavity suddenly popped up right in front of him and grabbed his face whilst glaring deep into Alonzo's eyes. The black and white tom let out a yelp of surprise at the fire he saw within and chastised himself for showing any sign of weakness. Macavity smiled as he brought his face closer to his prey's and looked over Alonzo's delicate features. They stood there for what seemed like an eternity before Macavity pulled away and ran off into the darkness. Alonzo tried to follow him with his eyes but soon lost sight. It wasn't long though before blinding white light filled the space around him making the tom try his best to turn away from the blaze. Macavity had pulled a large, heavy, black sheet down from where it had been hung over the warehouse's dusty windows and the light made Alonzo's fur glisten as he hung. He could see his prison clearly now and looked around at the dull, grey concrete walls. It was dirty and there was dust and broken glass everywhere as well as what Alonzo could immediately see as dried blood all over the floor and splattered on the walls. He gulped and began to sweat nervously as he started to liken himself to a similar fate. He looked back up to where Macavity had been standing but once again the evil cat had vanished – it didn't matter as Alonzo knew he was still being watched anyway. Macavity again stood behind his victim and analyzed his body in the daylight – it looked even better with the sun making his fur shine. He viciously licked his lips before approaching Alonzo for a second time only on this occasion he extended his paws towards the tom. Alonzo flinched as he felt Macavity's paws start to explore his lower back and slowly work their way up to his shoulders. Alonzo shuddered as he thought of what the mystery cat was going to do to him and closed his eyes to try and stop a tear from gliding down his cheek. He was having an incredibly hard time handling this type of manipulation and the thought of what was going to happen to him was becoming unbearable. He knew he was nowhere near as strong as Munk and he whimpered as he thought of his mate. He really needed him more than ever at that moment yet the silver tabby probably didn't even know he was in danger. As the bombshell of nobody knowing where he was dropped on him he let out a pained sob in his struggle to keep control. The sound made Macavity bare his teeth in a psychotic smile as he felt his mind games working. He decided he would shatter any fragment of stability the black and white tom had left and proceeded to wrap his arms around him. The action made Alonzo shiver as he felt the dangerous tom's paws rub through his soft fur. Macavity rubbed and stroked Alonzo's chest as he silently drummed in the omen of what was coming – Alonzo by this point knew all too well what Macavity intended to do, he had heard many an awful story on the grapevine. Alonzo did his best to control his breathing and keep his heart from beating out of his chest but in the end he failed miserably. He began to shake with sobs of fear and helplessness as Macavity molested him and the tears he had managed to courageously hold back now leaked from his tortured eyes. He sniffed as he quietly cried and Macavity smiled wider at the tom's slow realisation what was in store. He took Alonzo's breaking down as a sign to drive the final nail into the coffin and brought his paws up to rub Alonzo's neck. He grazed gingerly at the patched tom's throat with his claws causing the prisoner to whimper loudly in panic as his breathing picked up. The evil tom chuckled,

"Not yet" he whispered, "Soon, but not yet"

As he brought his mouth down from Alonzo's ear he firmly licked from the tom's shoulder, along his neck and back up to that ear. Alonzo gagged at Macavity's vile display of lust and malevolence and without thinking turned his head downward and bit down hard on the paw which was abusing his throat. Macavity staggered back and yelled at the sudden sharpness then glared as he saw blood begin to seep through the fur on his paw. With blazing anger he rushed forward and sunk his knifelike claws into Alonzo's side making the tom cry out in pain and thrash wildly. Without mercy Macavity ripped them out through Alonzo's tender flesh leaving shallow but heavily bleeding gashes on the sides of his body. Alonzo screamed in agony as he felt the claws tear through him and the unmistakeable warm trickle of blood beginning to run downwards away the wounds. He stood there in the middle of the space trying to stifle his wails which of course gave Macavity intense pleasure. The evil tom rushed back up to his victim and gripped him roughly around his ribs. He brought his mouth close to Alonzo's ear and screamed,

"You had better behave, you little bitch! Do not underestimate me!"

With that he bit down onto the shoulder he had violated causing Alonzo to scream again. As Macavity watched the little rivers of blood which flowed from the tom he leaned forward and licked at the precious, red fluid. Alonzo winced and shook as the feel of the sick tom's rough tongue stung the bite marks. He managed to pull himself together for a brief moment to attempt a warning,

"You'd better not try and hurt me any more, Macavity. I think you know all too well what Munkustrap will do to you"

Macavity cackled at the tom's words,

"As if I'd be afraid of that silly kitty. He's about as useful as a old, damp sock"

"Don't you remember what he did to you last time?" squeaked Alonzo. Macavity felt a small twinge in his crooked ear at the reminder. He swiped at Alonzo's back leaving three distinct grazes and making the tom wince again.

"I think I'll consider you my revenge. Now, I'd best teach you not to talk back, you little whore!" He growled and took a small step away from the restrained tom. In a shameless and sickening display of violence and hate he began to strike the already afflicted tom with his claws. He made knew slices through the patched tom's skin and caused more blood to run from the open wounds. Alonzo screamed and cried as Macavity went into a frenzy of mutilation and within minutes Alonzo's back was soaked in torrents of blood and mangled fur. The sight was truly horrific as Macavity continued to slash at him and Alonzo just hung there and cried in agony as he felt his blood run down his legs and onto the floor. He was covered in gashes and grazes and it was then that Macavity started to make lots of little puncture wounds all over Alonzo's remaining untouched body with his claws. The terrified tom hung in his chains and prayed to the Everlasting Cat for his ordeal to come to an end and felt a glimmer of hope as Macavity began to let up. It was then that the real atrocity took place.

Alonzo stood panting in the bright afternoon light and tried to deal with the agonizing sting that radiated around his entire body. As his head hung forward he could see his own blood run off of his heels and pool around his paws. Some of the blood dripped from his upper body and he sobbed at the horrible sight. He didn't notice the sound of Macavity fumbling with himself behind him until he once again grabbed Alonzo by the hips. He yanked the tom's tail upwards eliciting a shriek from his victim and moved himself into position. He whispered into Alonzo's ear as the tom shook with grief and hatred,

"I love how you cry, Alonzo. It's music to my ears. Now, I reckon you're going to enjoy this"

Alonzo's eyes snapped open as he felt what Macavity was about to do.

"Macavity! No! Please don't! I'll do anything! Please don't do it! Please!"

The evil tom grinned diabolically as he listened to the tom's begging and then – without mercy - forced himself inside of Alonzo. The patched tom shrieked with pain as he was raped and continued to cry out as Macavity's movements became more and more violent. Alonzo had never felt lower as he sensed the evil tom move inside him. The pain was unbelievable but the stabbing shame and loss of self-worth he experienced was soul destroying. He had never felt more vulnerable or abused in his life and he carried on wailing as Macavity moaned sickeningly. Tears streamed freely from Alonzo's eyes and dripped onto the floor to mix with his drying blood; he had never known such cruelty could exist in any one cat.

The ferociousness of the rape continued and it wasn't long before Macavity let out a vile groan of pleasure and finished his horrible act with a series of gut-wrenching jerks. He pulled himself away from his prey and Alonzo suddenly silenced his desperate cries. He didn't want Macavity to be gratified by the sound of his sobs yet he felt the awful tom had already gotten the reaction he set out for. The black and white tom – stained with red – hung in sheer misery as he waited for whatever was to come next. His legs no longer supported him since he had lost all feeling except that which came from his afflictions. The last shreds of hope he had been hanging onto seemed to have fluttered away now that the atrocious deed was done. He had no hope anymore and simply wanted to die – after all what else remained for Macavity to do other than that to make him feel any lower? He had done the unspeakable and the shame Alonzo felt was completely crushing.

Macavity moved around to his front and Alonzo peeked to see his blood having rubbed off onto the rapist from the proximity of their bodies a few moments ago. He returned his eyes to the ground not wanting to see the evil tom's expression. His wish not to look was disrupted when Macavity grabbed his head and placed a dreadful kiss on Alonzo's lips. After a few seconds he threw the toms face away letting Alonzo hang limp again. He hadn't reacted when Macavity had assaulted his mouth, he simply didn't care anymore. He felt worthless and as if the world had forgotten him. The free cat sauntered away from his prisoner quietly with a feeling of smugness and deep satisfaction. He stopped to give one final, harrowing message,

"You're mine now. Don't think that was the last you're gonna to get"

He left the space leaving Alonzo hanging silently with a fuzzy mind. Macavity had stolen something from him but he didn't know what it was. All he knew was that he would never feel right again.

* * *

Munk startled from his nightmarish sleep. Something was wrong. Something was very, very wrong. He ran out of the den to check if anything was happening in the junkyard but he was greeted by the early evening silence that was always found at this time. He tried to think through what he was feeling to determine the cause and centred on Alonzo. He hadn't been there when Munk had woken up just like he hadn't been there when he'd come back earlier. Munk didn't panic, he simply put himself into his protector mindset; it wasn't proper for a figure such as him to lose control, he had far too much solidarity for that. Still, the nagging that Alonzo was in trouble kept pawing at his mind and he began searching for his missing mate. He trotted around the junkyard looking for the patched tom and caught none of his scent in the air. As the light began to fade and the air began to grow colder the silver tabby started to run and eventually sprint across the junk piles. He told himself to be calm but the feeling of Alonzo being in danger grew stronger and stronger as the night approached. He soon ended up back in the clearing and there were now assorted Jellicles hanging around. Like a bolt of lightning he shot over to the first cat he saw and spun him around. Tugger startled at the sudden grab and was about to voice his annoyance before Munk spoke first,

"Have you seen, Alonzo?" the tabby said firmly

Tugger looked at his brother, he was obviously distressed but in his trademark statue-like expression he was doing a good job of hiding it. Tugger chose the wrong moment to be cocky,

"Run off with another tom already, has he? Never mind, bro, you'll get another one someday" he said with a smirk. He was surprised as Munk - who was now showing more desperate concern - shook him roughly.

"Tugger!" he said loudly causing other Jellicles to turn and listen. "I need you to be serious!"

The maned tom looked back confusedly and decided it was best not to be a jerk for the moment,

"I haven't seen him. Is everything alright?" Munk didn't answer the question as he ran towards Bombalurina.

"Bomba, have you seen Alonzo?" he asked

The queen just shook her head apologetically but with the same expression of confusion and concern that was adorning Tugger.

"Has anyone seen Alonzo?" shouted Munk to all the cats present but receiving no response except blank stares.

"When was the last time anyone saw him?" he shouted again becoming more frightened now.

Silence remained until a few of the Jellicles mumbled their answers,

"I think it was when he went into his den early this morning before you left to search for Billy's mother. Was he not there?" said Jenny

Munk looked grim, "No, he wasn't" he replied. "Anyone else?"

The surrounding cats had no answers to give and just looked back at their protector.

"Everlasting Cat!" mumbled Munk as he began to start moving again. Before he ran out of the junkyard he turned to give a command,

"Nobody leaves until I get back. If Alonzo returns don't let him out of your sight"

With that Munk vanished from their view and began sprinting around backstreets looking for his lost mate. He knew something was horribly wrong and he needed to find his tom quickly. He felt uneasy as a horrible feeling of dread crept into his heart and made him more frightened.

* * *

Time was irrelevant; it no longer mattered to the stricken tom that hung from his chains. Nothing mattered anymore; he was a damaged cat that wasn't worth the air he was breathing. He knew it had gotten dark but he didn't care. His mind was empty and he simply gazed in shock at the concrete floor covered with his and some other cat's blood. His bleeding had stopped now but the awful sting still lingered in his flesh. Every speck of happiness he had possessed before this terrible occurrence had somehow splintered and was lying as shards of his broken soul. Macavity had ruined him and he felt utterly worthless, unclean and despicable. He hated Macavity for what he'd done but he hated himself more. He didn't want to live anymore in his tainted body and he once again began to sob in his solitude. Flashes of random thoughts flew through his mind and confused him to the point of madness until his mind's eye settled on one particular image: Munkustrap. He felt a stabbing pain in his heart as he thought of his mate and what the tabby what think of him now. How could the spectacular, beautiful, powerful Munkustrap want anything to do with him ever again? How would the tabby ever think of him as unique or special anymore? He was dirt. In fact he was less than dirt and he felt as if he had no right to life. As the thought of Munk rejecting his tattered, useless body began to manifest in his head he sobbed harder and let out pained cries into the cold, dark air. He hadn't only lost his dignity that day, he'd surely lost his mate – his one reason for living - as well. He was alone in the world; defiled, destroyed and completely alone.

Darkness eventually closed in around him and left him to cry into the abyss. No one heard his pained sobs as he spilled his grief into the chilling night air.

**I know how horrible that was but please just go with it for now.**

**Thanks for reading, please review. Next chapter will be up soon so keep checking.**


	10. Shame

**Sorry for making the previous chapter so grim but no promises for this one being any better. **

**Side note: (Thanks to x-Stage-STARR-x for bringing this to my attention) There might be some confusion about Billy's parents. Georgina – the queen Macavity abused and killed in chapter 7 – was Billy's mother. You'll remember that Macavity raped Georgina and that has led to some confusion over whether he is Billy's father. He is not. Billy at this point has no parents left in the world.**

**A year in the life of the black and white toms**

**Chapter 10**

**Shame**

A silver tabby panted desperately as he propped himself up against a dumpster. He had been running for the whole night in search for his missing mate but had not found him. It wasn't at all like Alonzo to wander off and stay away without letting anyone know where he was. He had certainly given the Jellicles a scare in the past but he'd always returned – usually drunk and with a tom or two wrapped around his waist. Munk knew he wouldn't be up to his old tricks now that they had been mated which in some ways made him worry more. In the past it wouldn't take very long to search a few hangouts before he happened upon the black and white tom whereas now he had no idea where Alonzo might have gotten to.

The protector caught his breath and shoved himself off again at a rapid pace. The night was ending now and the faint glow on the horizon signalled a new day. As time went on Munk became internally more frantic when idea after idea for where his tom might be was proven wrong. He had run all over southeast London – an area he'd never expect Alonzo to venture as far as – and had checked in parks, under bridges and in shady alleyways. His beautiful tom hadn't been there and the feeling of failure started to nag at Munk. It was his duty to keep all the Jellicles safe no matter what and the thought became bitter as he fought to keep it at bay. His mind began to jump to conclusions and soon he centred on what his father might think of his handling of the situation. Munk had been charged with the Jellicles' protection years ago and he had never let anything bad happen. What if after all this time he slipped and something terrible occurred; what would his father say? It shamed him to consider the thought and only made him more desperate. As he ran back in the direction he had come the stress and pain of the situation started to grip him. He seemed to vocalize each breath as the panic slowly crept up his throat. After a few paces he stopped to lean against a wall with his face buried in his arms. It wasn't often that emotion got the better of him but then again he had changed so much as a cat in the last few months anything could happen. He did his best to channel his desperation and worry into anger and started hitting the bricks with his fists – not enough to injure himself but firm enough to vent some rage. He let out a small cry of frustration at his situation and tried his hardest to deal with it so as not to allow himself to cry. He stood there for about ten minutes before composing himself and taking off into the morning mist once again, he had to get home to see if Alonzo had come back. If he had then he was in for a good scolding.

* * *

The air felt as ice as the patched tom rose from sleep. Sometime in the night he must have dropped off and he couldn't remember what had been going on when he had. He hung from the ceiling and was calm for the first few silent and thoughtless moments of the day. As he looked around he began to notice features of the jail that had become familiar to him in his short time there. The memory of the previous day's events hit him like a shower of bullets and befittingly reminded him of the pain that had been inflicted upon him during the atrocious ordeal. As he shifted in his slumped position an agonizing, stabbing sting shot through his body and he gently groaned in discontent. The poor tom was absolutely exhausted and desperately in need of care. His wounds may not have been deep enough to cause any fatal damage but they were certainly done in a way to cause lasting excruciation. Alonzo grimaced as he knew Macavity must have had plenty of experience in maiming his subjects right up to the brink of death. The tom delighted in other cats' agony and was a master at getting the reactions he craved. Alonzo silently wondered what that vile cat was going to do to him next; he didn't react with fear or anger though as he had near enough given up hope. Whatever Macavity wanted to do: that was fine. After all, what more could he do apart from kill him? The prospect of death was nearly appealing to Alonzo as shameful feelings towards himself grew stronger. The sensation of personal disgust he had felt the previous day had arrived once again and he hung limply in his metal ties. There was no use for a cat like him anymore; he was damaged and unlovable. This he knew as the truth and silently resigned to his eternity of loneliness. Who could love him now? Certainly not Munk, he deserved only the best and that most definitely wasn't him.

Alonzo didn't move as he heard Macavity re-enter his containment area. He simply hung as the tom came around to his front and tilted his head up to look into his eyes.

"Good morning, my dear" the red and black tom said with sarcastic warmth. With no reaction from his captive he slid around behind the stricken cat and began to run his paws over Alonzo's tender body.

"You felt so good yesterday, I couldn't wait to come back for seconds," he said lustfully. Alonzo didn't move as he waited for Macavity to violate him again. He did, however, flinch at the tom's next words.

"That's a very nice collar you have. I believe it's Munkustrap's, isn't it?"

Alonzo's eyes shot open as he remembered he was still wearing his Christmas gift.

"It's mine!" he tried to say forcefully. He squeaked as Macavity slunk his fingers through the leather loop and began to constrict it around his neck. The patched tom felt his breathing cease as his air was cut off and he struggled as he tried to shake the evil tom away. A streak of panic crossed him as he was slowly suffocated.

"Oh I see" the evil tom said, "Munkustrap gave his little whore a collar to show you're his property. How clever of him"

As quick as a flash he ripped the small leather strap from Alonzo's neck making him cough and wheeze as he once again sucked in air. Macavity threw the snapped garment across the room where Alonzo saw it land in a mess.

"You're mine, you fucking slut! Don't ever forget that! You belong to me!"

A tear seeped from Alonzo's eye again as he looked upon the nicest thing he had ever been given in ruin. The little studs glinted in the morning light and seemed to offer the patched tom a glimpse of his life before he had been taken and also remind him of how different his life was now. The collar reflected him: once beautiful and glorious but now broken, dirty and of useless. The likeness crushed him and his head flopped forward again in defeat. Macavity reeled in the effect his actions were having on his prisoner and knew it wouldn't be long before he completely gave up. He smiled as he once again prepared himself to sexually abuse the forlorn tom.

* * *

Munk flew through the junkyard entrance. With heavy, bloodshot eyes he scanned around as he ran hoping to lock eyes with his mate. Nearly all of the Jellicles were waiting outside hoping for some good news and watched the silver tabby stop in the centre of the clearing. He stood panting as the other cats watched him; he had never looked more terrible. He was lightly swaying on his paws and the look of sorrow on his face was heart wrenching. Nobody said anything in the crisp morning light and after a long interval of silence Victoria rose and crept across the ground to her protector. Munk looked up as he saw her approach and took her paws as she offered them. He longingly stared into her eyes and struggled as he whispered to her,

"Is he here?"

The white queen gently shook her head and watched as Munk seemed to visibly shrink. She didn't know what to do and flung her head around to look for some kind of sign from one of the others. Bomba noticed how much difficulty Munk had in accepting the news and glided over to place her paws on his arm. He didn't look up as she touched him and did her best to comfort the wretched tom. The two queens stood with him until he once again started to move a few moments later. He turned and began to walk towards the junkyard entrance again and spoke as he started to leave,

"What I said before still goes: No one leaves until I say so"

The Jellicles watched him walk sleepily and looked at each other hoping that someone would do something. It was eventually Jenny that ran after him and made him pause.

"Munkustrap, dear, please rest. You're in no fit state to search for anyone"

He looked at her with coldness before responding,

"I love him, Jenny. I won't rest until I find him"

"Sweetheart, look at yourself. Send someone else while you take a break. You need it, dear, you really do," she said pleadingly. Munk shook her off and continued to leave.

"He's my mate. He'd do the same for me"

With a groggy mind the silver tabby once again took off into the city. He knew what Jenny had said was true but couldn't bring himself to rest while his tom was missing. What could have happened to him by now? So much time had gone by that he could be anywhere and in any state? Munk had to stop himself before he entertained the idea that his mate might even be dead. He simply couldn't bear that thought; Alonzo had to be alive. He just had to be.

Jenny watched as the protector disappeared. She felt awful for him and couldn't imagine what he must have been feeling. If Skimble were missing she knew she wouldn't be able to bear it and counted her blessings that it wasn't her mate in Alonzo's place. The patched tom's disappearance had shocked everyone as it became more and more apparent that something must have been very wrong. No cat ever stayed away from the junkyard for that long without a good reason and some of the Jellicles mumbled rumours to each other. They, of course, had no idea where Alonzo really was and jumped to conclusions as to the reason of their friend's vanishing.

Jenny turned to face the expectant faces and saw that they needed an answer. She cleared her throat and spoke in the firmest manner she could muster,

"Munkustrap says all of you are to remain here. Not a single one is to leave until Alonzo is found. Is that clear?"

Many of the cats nodded and began to slink away to their dens. Jenny began to round up the kittens for their lunch and she watched Billy as he scampered along with the others. If Munk couldn't find Alonzo then what hope was there for him to find the kitten's mother?

* * *

Many days passed. The situation for both Munk and Alonzo got worse respectively as their individual torments continued along with the mounting feeling that Munk would never find his mate and Alonzo would never be rescued.

To the patched tom the days began to blend into each other as they slipped into a routine. He would awake in a haze each morning, he would hang from the ceiling for a long time before Macavity would come to see him, the cat would either slash at him or do more unspeakable acts and then leave him until the next day. Alonzo resigned to this pattern as he realized there was no chance of escape. Every hour he was awake he thought about his mate and silently wished the tabby would find him yet. He knew the chances were slim but he prayed he would see him again even if the tabby didn't want him anymore. All he needed was to see his tom again and to know he could be happy in whatever in he chose to do. That's all he wished for as he was held captive. The ever-strengthening feeling of hunger and thirst plagued him and he groaned when his stomach cried out for food. Every few days a henchcat would appear with a stale piece of bread and a thimble of water and force it down his throat. He knew Macavity was sustaining him only until he grew bored of his body and would then either let him starve or kill him without a second thought. Alonzo simply waited for his fate to be revealed, it was all he could do.

Munk experienced a similar amount of turmoil. It had been nearly two weeks since Alonzo had disappeared and he grew ever more exhausted as he went from day to day. He had barely slept within the fortnight he had been searching for his mate and the ordeal was noticeably taking it's toll. Some of the Jellicles would notice him return to the junkyard after ten or eleven hours of searching to see if Alonzo had come back and then watch him sadly turn around and head straight back out when he got his disappointing answer. The silver tabby's splendour had taken a huge hit and his usual bright-eyed, intelligent and statuesque appearance was replaced with a shabby, uncared for and generally tired-looking demeanour. His sleek silver and black coat looked increasingly dusty and in need of grooming as he scoured the city day in day out and he ran along with heavy eyelids and sore eyes. He didn't once allow himself to break down though; he couldn't allow himself to admit defeat. He was going to find Alonzo; he just had to. If he couldn't then what reason would he have to live? He wouldn't have a mate to rely on for comfort and he most certainly couldn't be protector anymore. If he failed to keep any Jellicle safe then he didn't deserve the role.

Another cloudy, mid-January evening came and Munk once again hobbled back into the junkyard on strained legs. He slowly climbed his way up to his vantage point on the big tyre and lay down for a moment to catch his breath. He stared up to the sky as he lay and looked at the stars between the gaps in the clouds. Somehow they looked dimmer and further away than usual and he scoffed as he turned his head away. Even the heavens were beginning to let him down and he felt as if no one cared for his plight. The conclusion made him angry and he threw his fist out to the side to hit whatever he could in frustration. His paw made contact with a rusty, old can which tumbled away down the side of the tyre nearly hitting a small, black and white figure on it's way. Munk didn't see the little kitten creeping up on him as he lay there contemplating where to try searching next. He jumped a little as Billy timidly came into his view but then returned his gaze to the sky hoping he wouldn't be too greatly disturbed. The tiny kitten looked down at the cat he had seen degrading over the past weeks and puzzled at his display of discomfort. He spoke very quietly as he felt nervousness take hold of him,

"Munk?"

The tom didn't look at him as he replied with closed eyes,

"Yes, Billy?"

"Are you alright?"

Munk felt anger towards the question as it only fortified the assumption that nobody cared for his situation. He managed to quash the hint of rage as he realized whom it was that was asking,

"No, Billy, I'm not"

"What's wrong?"

Again he stifled his anger only this time letting some of it show in his voice,

"You know Alonzo has been missing, Billy, and I'm incredibly worried for him"

"Have you found him yet?"

Munk nearly lost his temper but then stopped himself with his last shred of patience. Billy was a kitten and it was in his nature to be naïve. Still, the kit was pushing all the wrong buttons at that moment and Munk really could have done without being asked those questions. He spoke stiffly,

"No, Billy. I would have stopped looking by now if I'd found him, wouldn't I?"

"Oh. Sorry"

"That's alright"

There was a moment of silence before Billy unknowingly drove in the final nail.

"Have you found my mummy yet?" he asked hopefully. Munk's eyes shot open and he rose up to look at the kitten with fire burning within him. He knew the little cat was only asking simple questions but that last one was the straw that broke the camel's back. It could have been anyone he finally lost his temper with and unloaded his stress onto but unfortunately it was Billy that happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. He rose to his paws and towered over the kitten looking dangerous and intimidating. The kitten recoiled in fear and flinched as Munk lost control,

"Don't you think I have more important cats to find than your dratted mother, you little swine? I am up to my ears with worry and you're snivelling for your mummy! How damn selfish can you be, Billy? Just how damn selfish? Tell me that!"

The kitten fell to the ground and yelped as he made impact. He held his paw over his face in an attempt to shield himself from any more anger the tabby spouted and once again feared for his life as the livid tom got closer. A shout rung out across the junkyard that was enough to make anyone jump,

"Munkustrap!" came the shrill, stabbing shriek, "What in Heaviside do you think you are doing?"

The voice belonged to Jenny and she came sprinting over to cradle the shaking Billy. She had just been emerging from her den when Munk had begun his tyrannical screaming and she had seen everything. She looked down at the scared kitten she held and whispered closely to his ear,

"It's okay. Everything's going to be alright, I'm here"

She snapped her head back to the tabby who seemed to look at them in shock. She stood, picked Billy up and held him in him in her arms before turning to the supposed protector,

"How dare you!" she spat, "How dare you shout at a kitten like that! He's so young, Munkustrap! You've scared the life out of him!"

The silver tabby quickly felt the weight of what he had just done and was completely lost for words. He stared at the cowering kitten Jenny held and felt a horrible pang of guilt and shame within him as his anger completely dissolved. He tried to speak but only managed a few broken words,

"…I'm sorry…I didn't mean to…Everlasting!...I…"

"Shut up, Munkustrap!" shouted Jenny, "I simply cannot believe you've done this!"

With that she stormed off carrying the tiny kitten in her arms. Munk saw the gleaming, teary eyes of Billy look back at him as he was carried away and the sheer disgrace he felt was absolutely indescribable. He turned and saw some of the Jellicles looking at him in disgust, some even hissed and bared their teeth as he looked at them. Then – as if things couldn't get any worse – Munk heard a voice,

"Munkustrap" came the deep, wise baritone. Munk turned to see his father – Old Deuteronomy – looking at him from the junkyard's entrance. The silver tabby simply wanted to die as the weight of the situation just doubled and he slowly made his way towards the grand, old tom. As he walked he looked to his sides and saw cats back away as he got closer to them. This must have been how he had made his mother Grizabella feel once upon a time. The shame was crushing.

He felt as if he was getting smaller as he got closer to his father and kept his head down as he approached not wanting to see the leader's eyes. He didn't feel worthy to be the son of such a great cat and wanted to sink into the earth to hide his humiliation. He stopped a little way in front of his father and stood waiting for him to say something. After a moment or two the wise tom did,

"Munkustrap, look at me"

The silver tabby attempted to lift his head but couldn't find the strength. He felt like a kitten who had just done something very bad and didn't want to bear it's parent's scolding. He kept his head down in shame.

"Look at me" the leader repeated

This time Munk couldn't avoid the command and slowly lifted his gaze to meet his father's eyes. They were the kind of eyes which could convey whichever emotion they chose with great depth. At that moment they were making the tabby feel like the worst cat in the world and he had never felt anything like it. There was a silence as they looked at each other before Old Deuteronomy spoke again,

"I am very disappointed in you, Munkustrap"

Those words finally made Munk crack. He fell to his knees sobbing and then to the side so he was lying on the cold ground. He lay limp on the floor as he for once in his life bared his heart and soul. The torment of the past two weeks and the stress of the current situation all bundled together with his father's words had finally broken him. He may have been able to handle a few words of warning but the actual admission that his father was disappointed in him was soul destroying. Before he had been mated to Alonzo he lived for his father's approval and would do anything to keep himself from faltering. Now – all for the sake of one lapse in judgement – the words he never ever had wanted to hear had been spoken and he just couldn't handle it. He was the protector, but what good was he now that he had failed so badly? He cried painfully as the Jellicles all looked on; it was very unnerving for them to see Munkustrap – their rock – as helpless as any one of them. Many had never expected that he was capable of allowing his emotions to take him over yet here was: defenceless. Many of them didn't know how to react; the world seemed to be falling apart. Some stood in shock and others started to sniffle themselves as they felt the tabby's pain. It was truly a sight none of them ever wanted to have experienced.

Old Deuteronomy bent down and propped up his bawling son then put his arms around him to hug the tom tightly to his body. The silver tabby clung fiercely to his father and continued to let out his strife. He had no idea where to go from this point and couldn't handle the pressure. Old Deuteronomy – who knew him all too well – could feel his pain and did all he could to comfort his son. He thought it best that maybe he take the tabby into his and Alonzo's den to keep hold of some dignity and pulled him to his feet. The old tom – supporting his fragile son – helped the tabby across the clearing, into the den and then placed him down on the bed. The other Jellicles watched up until the two cats had left their view and then began murmuring to each other. What had just happened and what did it mean?

Inside the den Old Deuteronomy cradled his son like a kitten until he had calmed down. It took a while but eventually Munk composed himself and sat away from his father feeling like an idiot for behaving so childishly. The old tom watched his son sit silently and quietly waited for him to look back. After a painfully long silence Munk turned around but did not look at his father. He tried to speak but what he said was barely audible. When Old Deuteronomy gave no reply the tabby looked up briefly and then tried again,

"I'm sorry for losing control like that, sir"

Old Deuteronomy's soft expression turned even softer at his son's words. Even now the tabby was doing his best to look strong and the turmoil he felt must have been unbearable. The wise tom smiled at his son and replied,

"Munkustrap, even the strongest of us have limits. I know you will try but even you cannot bear the weight of the world on your own shoulders."

Munk disagreed, "I must, though. I have to do it for the tribe"

"My dear boy. No cat can keep all others safe single-handedly, not even you"

"It's my duty" the tabby whispered

"A cat whose duty is a mountain which he makes ever taller will lose himself during the climb"

Munk thought for a moment but couldn't make sense of the proverb,

"What do you mean?" he asked

"It means that if you make what you consider your duty impossible then you'll destroy yourself in striving to honour it. Munkustrap, your role as protector is a huge burden but it should never come between you and happiness. What was that I saw a little while ago, son?" He asked the question with sympathy.

"I couldn't handle it anymore" replied Munk shakily, "My world is falling down around me and I snapped. I didn't mean to shout at Billy but I couldn't hold in my frustration and pain any longer"

"Well, why don't you talk to Alonzo about it? I'm sure he would do anything to help you take off some of the load"

Munk had to swallow a choke that manifested at those words. He sadly told Old Deuteronomy of the situation.

"Alonzo is missing, dad. He's been gone for nearly two weeks and I've been searching for him since day one. I've looked all over London but I haven't found a trace and I'm…" he took in a deep breath before completing his message, "…I'm scared that I may never find him"

A tear seeped from his eye again and he quickly wiped it away to try not to look weak. Old Deuteronomy suddenly understood his son's grief.

"Do you know why he left?" asked the older tom

"No, not at all. He had no reason to leave, I mean, he was perfectly happy here. We were…are so in love, we're mates. He wouldn't just go."

"What are you saying, son?"

Munk took a moment to formulate the words, "I think something bad has happened, dad, and I don't know…" Munk sniffled again trying to fight back tears, "…I don't know if he's even alive".

Old Deuteronomy once again stepped forward to hug his emotionally stricken son. He knew the pain the tabby felt, after all he'd buried many wives in his time and knew exactly what it was like to lose the one you loved most in the world. He stood there holding the tom and decided to try and keep as much faith as he could.

"We'll find him, Munkustrap. One way or another, we'll find him."

* * *

About an hour or so had passed since Munk's outburst. The silver tabby had been sitting quietly in his and his mate's den to try and find some clear thought after he had spoken with his father. He knew the old tom spoke only the truth and reluctantly had taken some time to try and centre himself. It was, however, a mammoth task as the umbrella of shame which covered him seemed to get bigger for every second he thought about his loss of control. By now he couldn't handle the wondering of what Billy must have felt like and exited the den to find the cat he had done wrong. As he jumped down from the junk and began to walk across the clearing he saw many of the Jellicles stare back at him. Out of the blue he suddenly thought about his mother and how she must have felt the night of the Jellicle ball when she had ascended to the Heaviside layer. The way the cats were treating him now was exactly as they had treated Grizabella when she had attempted to regain their trust and it only made Munk feel more ashamed of himself. Some of the Jellicles jumped away as he got closer and he did his best not to look at their judging eyes. The walk seemed to take forever before he finally reached Jenny's den and began to climb up. Seemingly out of nowhere his father appeared behind him and helped the tired tom as he went and then followed him into the queen's home. The pair found Jenny gently rocking the kitten as he silently nuzzled her fur and she looked up as they came through her door. At first she glared at the so-called protector and was about to chastise him further before she saw Old Deuteronomy follow him in. She recoiled from her angry demeanour and waited for one of them to speak; it was Munk who began,

"Jenny" he said pausing for a moment before continuing, "I wanted to come and apologise to Billy"

The queen cocked her head slightly at the tabby's intention and gave him a hard, questioning look before responding,

"Would you really mean it?"

"Yes, Jenny, I would."

"I'm not sure…"

Munk felt truly awful and tried his hardest to convince her that he was genuinely sorry,

"Jenny, please. You know I haven't been myself since Alonzo went missing. I just boiled over for a moment and I absolutely didn't mean to loose my temper. Please let me talk to him"

"Munkustrap, I think maybe you should-"

"Jennyanydots, if I may…" cut in Old Deuteronomy. The queen nodded and gave him her attention. "Munkustrap has been under far more pressure than I hoped he would ever have to handle recently and I think some of us may have forgotten that he is still a cat like any one of us. I'm sure you'll agree that even he can only handle so much before being overwhelmed so I hope you can see that he didn't mean to scare little Billy"

Jenny was silent for a moment and looked down to the snoozing kitten. She spoke without looking up,

"Munkustrap, how can I know something like this won't happen again?"

"I can only give you my word Jenny" said the tabby desperately hoping she would come around, "Please. You know me so well."

After a few moments of contemplation she responded,

"Alright. But don't you ever frighten any kitten like that again. Are we clear?"

"Of course" said the tabby feeling strange being commanded for once.

Jenny gently shook Billy awake and the black and white kitten looked up at the mother figure. She spoke softly to him,

"There's someone here to see you, Billy"

The kitten looked behind him and clung firmly to the queen as he noticed the tom who had scared the life out him a short while ago. He stared with wide eyes and nervousness as he waited for the silver tabby to do something. Munk tried to speak,

"Billy…What happened earlier…I didn't mean to…Well, I never meant to…"

He felt an absolute fool for not being able to form proper sentences, he always knew exactly what to say but right now his mind failed him. Old Deuteronomy saw his son struggling and jumped in again,

"Billy, what Munkustrap is trying to say is that he's sorry. He never meant to shout at you and didn't mean to loose his temper. You know how important Alonzo is to him, don't you?"

Billy silently nodded,

"Well, as you know Alonzo's been missing so Munkustrap is very upset and sometimes when grown-ups get upset they get angry for strange reasons. Munkustrap isn't angry with you, Billy, do you understand?"

Billy looked at Munkustrap to try and figure out whether Old Deuteronomy was telling the truth. Munk reaffirmed his father's words,

"He's right, Billy. I'm truly sorry for shouting at you. I didn't mean a word of what I said and I take it all back. As soon as I find Alonzo I'm going to carry on searching for your mum. Please understand that I would never do anything to hurt you. Are you alright?"

The kitten looked back at him and slowly got down from Jenny's grasp. He gingerly made his way over to the big tom and looked up at him. He responded with words which seemed to be right on the ball,

"I forgive you. Alonzo will be alright, Munk"

His innocent, kittenish statement made the silver tabby feel a hundred times better and he hugged the tiny tom to affirm the safety he promised. It was surprising to hear the kitten say such an appropriate and mature statement and Munk felt a glimmer of brightness within him as the kitten hugged him back. Maybe everything would be all right and this horrible day would finally turn around. The two cats parted and Billy spoke again,

"You don't look very well, Munk, maybe you should go to bed"

The cats around him smiled at his innocent suggestion and shared humorous glances.

"I agree" said Old Deuteronomy brightly, "Munkustrap, you ought to get some rest"

The tabby smiled but declined the suggestion,

"I can't. I need to keep looking for Alonzo"

Jenny started being bossy again at that point,

"Munk, you're in no fit state to do anything; just look at you. Billy is right: you look ill. Off to bed with you straight away; you can start looking again when you've had a rest."

"Jenny, I-"

"I'll hear no more about it, Munkustrap. Bed, now!"

"You'd better do what she says" whispered Billy to the bigger tom with an adorable look of knowing all to well what she would do if he refused. Munk looked at the determined Jenny and then to Old Deuteronomy who was laughing at Billy's interjection. The tabby knew it wasn't a battle he was going to win and decided maybe a short respite would be a good idea. He nodded to the mothering queen and turned to return to his den. His father followed him and escorted him across the clearing to his home before letting him go inside. He waited until his son was out of sight before turning to the Jellicles which looked on in both confusion and uneasiness. He put on his most authoritative demeanour and addressed them all,

"Everyone, I would like to talk to you about Munkustrap…"

The Jellicles all listened as their leader explained the situation to them. Some found it difficult to make sense of everything they had seen happen both during the last two weeks and within the last hour but they knew Old Deuteronomy must have been correct. Besides, they knew Munkustrap was the sanest and most decent cat around and felt in their hearts that he meant no one any harm.

Old Deuteronomy had successfully restored a small amount of order in the junkyard by the time he'd finished speaking and sent the Jellicles on their way. If there was nothing he could do to help find Alonzo then at least he could make his son's life a little bit easier while he searched.

* * *

The silver tabby slept for longer than he had intended, a full ten hours in fact. He would never have consciously allowed himself to go that long without starting to search for his mate again but knew somewhere in the back of his mind that the rest did him good. As the early morning light began to illuminate the den he stirred gently and lay in a daze as his body slowly came back to life. He allowed happy memories of him and Alonzo to hug his curled up form and relished in the joy they brought with them. It wasn't long before the loneliness and heartache once again set in and he grimaced on his bed as he felt his mate's absence. The tabby buried his face in his pillow desperately trying to suck up some of the patched tom's scent so it might feel like he was there - if only for a moment. Munk inhaled deeply and was met with many different smells. Obviously there was his own scent along with Alonzo's, there were several everyday scents which one might encounter anywhere and there was also a scent that had been lingering for a while now. Munk had been certain he was going crazy as he day after day thought he smelt Macavity. Up until now he had brushed it off as his mind playing tricks but at that moment he stopped to think. How long had he been thinking that? Was it about two weeks? In fact, wasn't the day he first smelt it around the same time Alonzo had gone missing?

Munk bolted up from his sleeping position and stared straight ahead into the abyss. Could it be that the cruellest, most evil cat in all of London had stolen Alonzo? Pieces of the puzzle suddenly started to slam together and Munk's heart sank as the realisation is his mate's whereabouts instantly became apparent. Macavity had promised he'd come back for Alonzo, hadn't he? Had he actually gone through with it, though? Munk began to babble in horror as the thought began to make more and more sense,

"Oh my darling! Oh my sweet Alonzo! It can't be!"

He shakily forced himself to his feet and burst out of the den. Several cats looked at him as he began to climb down the junk with a terrible expression of horror gripping him. The tabby started to quickly walk towards the junkyard entrance and nearly made it into a run before being caught by Bomba.

"Munk, what's going on?" she pleaded hoping he would tell her something. The tabby shook her off and began sprinting from the junkyard. He remembered where else he had smelt Alonzo's scent recently and flew through the backstreets to his destination. He was terrified to think about what he might find when he arrived but was blinded by desperation to find his mate. Finding Alonzo was all that mattered now and this sudden bombshell seemed to fit perfectly. He would have prayed he was wrong and Macavity wouldn't have taken his mate but knew all too well that any other scenario was by now very unlikely.

The tabby didn't stop running until he was standing outside a crumbling, old warehouse. With a deep breath he slowly made his way inside; he knew Macavity was here, he could smell the tom.

* * *

Alonzo – as usual – hung silently as he waited for his new owner to come and use him. It wasn't long before the evil cat came in and set about making one-sided conversation. Alonzo didn't dare respond, he didn't want to give the cat any reason to think he had won even though in his heart he knew he essentially had. Alonzo simply waited for Macavity to abuse him again and wondered whether the tom was in the mood for humiliation, torture, rape or all three. As the red and black tom finished his chitchat and set about beginning his evil acts they were interrupted by a henchcat. Macavity did not take kindly to the intrusion and shouted at the cat,

"What have I told you about interrupting when I'm dealing with a prisoner?"

The flustered jet-black tom flinched as he received the brunt of his master's anger and quickly tried to tell him the news,

"Sir, there's an intruder in the lair. What should we do?"

"Just kill it, you idiot!" said Macavity with annoyance

"It's the Jellicle protector, sir!"

Both Macavity and Alonzo jerked as the henchcat spoke.

"Munkustrap" whispered Alonzo as he gazed. Suddenly he was filled with hope and relief, his saviour had come.

"Munkustrap" echoed Macavity darkly, "I knew it was only a matter of time." He commanded the henchcat to tell him the tabby cat's whereabouts and in the darkness of the lair fled from Alonzo's prison. The restrained tom began to panic internally as he heard Macavity leave; what if caught Munk? Without thinking Alonzo started to scream,

"Munk! Look out! Macavity knows you're here!"

He kept screaming hoping his mate would hear him wherever he was.

* * *

Munkustrap felt his way through the darkened building and stumbled over unseen items on the floor below. The smell of decay and death hung thickly in the air and made him want to turn back. He would have had it not been for his determination to find Macavity. He felt as if he was out of his mind as he rounded corners in search of the evil tom; how could he actually be searching out the most dangerous tom in all of London?

He stood stock-still and perked his ears up when he heard a faint noise. It was the sound of a tom shouting. He listened in the thin light which came through cracks in the ceiling and tried to make out any words. The voice echoed through the lair and was very hard to decipher. Munk knew the owner all too well though.

"Alonzo?" he said quietly before becoming sure. "Alonzo!" he shouted back, "I'm coming!"

He started running blindly towards the source and didn't hear his mate send dire warnings as he flew. He bumped into walls and other objects as he sprinted and nearly fell down as he ran. With every step he was getting closer to his tom and he began to feel something he hadn't felt in nearly two weeks: joy.

His jubilation didn't last very long as he tripped and fell flat on his face. In the dusty air he looked up to see a huge cat standing in front of him and instantly recognized it as Macavity.

"I would expect you of all cats to know it's rude to enter someone's home without being invited, Munkustrap" said the dangerous tom.

Munk had no time to reply before he was jumped upon by several henchcats and the world went dark.

**Uh oh! Now Munk's been captured too!**

**Thanks for reading, please review if you get a moment.**

**Next chapter will be up soon, until then though, Merry Christmas. x**


	11. Fury

**Sorry this one took nearly a week to get up; Christmas is a busy and the only time I've had to write has been at night. That, and I wanted to get this one as good as I could since it's a crucial chapter. I hope you like it.**

**Macavity takes care of Munk and Alonzo once and for all.**

**WARNING: Strong language and scenes of violence**

**A year in the life of the black and white toms**

**Chapter 11**

**Fury**

There was an enormous amount of commotion in the minutes following the silver tabby's capture. He hit out at empty air as the henchcat assailants that held him dodged his swipes and bids for freedom. His vision was blinded by some strip of cloth brought forward by one of Macavity's guards and the evil cat himself stood laughing as the Jellicle protector was bound by ropes. Munkustrap couldn't see a thing as he felt his ability to move become more and more inhibited. He struggled and did his best to break the ties around his arms and legs but it was no use; Macavity had got him. He panted angrily as he slowly stopped endeavouring to escape and waited for Macavity to do something. The red and black tom looked down at his new prisoner feeling very smug and with evil positively spilling from his eyes. What an achievement to not only have captured the Jellicle protector's mate but also the protector himself within the space of two weeks. He felt a horrible sense of pride build within his heart and the feeling of excitement began to take him over as well. What fun he could have with Munkustrap! He simply didn't know where to begin and told his henchcats to take the silver tabby away until he could think clearly. Macavity turned and headed back to where he was holding Alonzo, this was the perfect opportunity to mess with the patched tom's head some more.

Alonzo was deeply on edge as he waited in silence for his captor hoping he might hear something to let him know what was going on. Since Macavity had left there had been a long silence, then some very faint shouting and what sounded like fighting. He knew his mate was incredibly good at defending himself but how would he fare against Macavity with any number of his henchcats in as strange a place as this? It wasn't long before the red and black tom came back to Alonzo and stood in front of him smiling sickeningly.

"What did you do with him?" asked Alonzo angrily

Macavity turned away from his prize and walked forward a few paces before responding,

"Your dear mate? Oh, I'm sure you'd love to know"

"Tell me!" spat the patched tom

"Are you sure? After all I could have done a great many things. I might have slashed his throat as soon as I laid eyes on him or maybe I invited him in for tea. How would it benefit you to know his condition?" he teased

"I swear, Macavity, if you did anything to him I'll make sure-"

"You'll what, Alonzo?" laughed Macavity as he turned around and approached the tom. He bent down to his level to look into his eyes and smiled even wider. He slapped Alonzo firmly across the face making him let out a small grimace of pain, "What on earth could you possibly do?"

"I give you my word, Macavity. Do not lay a finger on him!"

"Silly kitty" said the evil tom before lurching forward and biting Alonzo on the cheek. The patched tom yelped in pain and struggled to hold in his need to scream. Macavity soon let go and watched as blood began to seep from the punctures left by his teeth. He bent forward to lick at the fluid which made Alonzo want to be sick.

"So sweet" the evil tom whispered, "I wonder if your pathetic mate would like to know that?" he said as he got up to leave. He laughed at the afflicted tom he had bitten as he strode away.

* * *

Munkustrap had been carried for an undecipherable distance down what he could only assume were dark, dank passages. It wasn't long before he felt the henchcats holding him turn a corner and throw him onto the cold ground. He then heard the metallic jangling of a chain and felt the cool metal wrap around his bound wrists making any attempt to escape even more superfluous. Once the henchcats had finished they left him lying there in the quiet space with his improvised blindfold still tied over his eyes. He couldn't see the area he had been deposited in but could sense it was disgusting. He would have gone crazy had it not been for the mild scent of his tom hanging in the air; Alonzo's delicate smell – though faint – seemed to hug the bound tabby as he lay and it brought with it a warmth which had been missing in Munk's life for the past two weeks. He silently swore to his mate that somehow he'd save him and began trying to think of how to get out of this prison.

A long time passed before Munk heard the heavy footfalls of the beast that had commanded his imprisonment become louder. Macavity neared and slowly circled his Jellicle prisoner. Munk remained still and listened intently to the evil tom's movements and tried to determine his intentions. The silver tabby had always been good at reading his enemy but his lack of sight certainly presented him with a challenge. If that wasn't enough Macavity was just as good if not better at being invisible to his opponent and enjoyed watching the bound tom on the ground before him try to work out his actions. In utter silence he bent down and loomed over Munk making the tom feel his presence very closely. The tabby didn't know what to do and stayed still so as not to influence the red and black tom. After a long period of waiting it was Macavity who finally spoke,

"Better luck next time, old chap"

The light hearted and friendly tone to Macavity's voice confused Munk and made him realise the tom had become even more deranged and psychotic than the last time they had been together. He decided to vent some of his frustration by taunting the evil tom whist still remaining a gentletom,

"I've always gone by the phrase 'May the better tom win', it's rather a shame that didn't apply today"

Macavity just scoffed at the remark before Munk continued,

"Tell me, Macavity, how's your ear?"

The evil tom flinched at the dig and tasted bitter anger. He instantly changed the subject, "I told you I'd have my revenge, didn't I?"

"I'm not sure you did"

"Well I had it anyway, didn't I? I had no idea Alonzo was so enjoyable"

Munk paused before he responded, "Was?"

"Or is. I forget from time to time what I did with him, or is that what I am doing?"

"What have you done to him?" asked Munk struggling not to let his anger show

"Oh, wouldn't you like to know…" said Macavity airily as he rose and turned away

"For Everlasting's sake, Macavity, take this silly blindfold off."

"What do you say?"

"Please" replied Munk reluctantly

Macavity complied and returned to the chained tom on the floor. He propped up the tabby and tore off the strip of cloth covering his eyes. Munk looked up at his captor but not with anger, he employed his usual expression which was mysteriously absent of emotion but all the while showing light speed contemplation below the surface. The expression frustrated Macavity; he relished feeding on other cats' fear but received none of it from the tabby. He wanted so desperately to strike horror into the Jellicle protector and fumed at the difficulty he was presented with. All was not lost, though; he decided to try harder and fortunately for him the ball was still in his court. After all, he still had Alonzo.

He lifted Munk's chin with his finger and looked over the tabby's face. He smiled before speaking, "Tell me, Munkustrap, how is it that you – a cat of such upstanding moral character – came to be mated to a tom like Alonzo – an even bigger whore than that layabout brother of yours?"

"How did you know we were mates?"

"I know everything" said Macavity darkly and with smugness

"Alonzo is not a whore" said Munk without showing the anger Macavity had stirred within him

"I beg to differ. You know he loved it when I fucked him, he practically begged for more"

Munk's eyes widened slightly; he was shocked by Macavity's words, surely he hadn't done anything like that to his mate. "Don't stoop to that level, Macavity, even you aren't so low as to lie about something like that"

"Who's lying?" smirked Macavity

"I swear if you've done anything to him I'll rip you to-"

Munk was interrupted by Macavity laughing hysterically; he was starting to chip away at the walls the tabby had erected in his mind.

"Oh, Munkustrap, you are funny! What on earth could you do? In case you've forgotten I've got you right where I want you and you can't get away. I think if you want the chance to see your slutty mate again then you should try to be nice to me."

Munk stayed silent and waited for the tom to continue. Macavity went on after he felt the tabby silently give in,

"He's got such a lovely body hasn't he? I've never felt anything like it in my life. I would have complemented him on how he's managed to keep himself looking so lovely but it wasn't quite the truth after I had finished with him"

Munk stayed silent.

"He does love to be rutted doesn't he? I'm sure he loves it when you give it to him as hard as you can. I suppose you can't keep up with him most nights, he certainly gave me a work out"

Munk was still silent but positively fuming on the inside,

"In fact he's such a harlot I suppose it's no wonder he can withstand so much pain. I certainly gave him a beating when he first got here but he just took it all in his stride like it happens everyday. I bet you rough him up a bit from time to time, don't you? It's alright, I know how you feel: sometimes you love the cats you own so much you have to discipline them. Tell me, how hard have you beaten him since he's been your property?"

It took every slither of strength Munkustrap had not to scream at his captor.

"Oh, you don't hit him? You really should, you know. Keeps them in check. Unless…you don't love him. Of course! How could I be so stupid? You don't love him at all, do you? You're just keeping him for sex; you've never loved him!"

That was the last straw, Munk couldn't hold in the anger any longer, "Shut up, Macavity! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!"

Macavity smiled and laughed sickeningly; he was winning. The red and black tom continued after gripping Munk by the neck and digging his claws in,

"Calm down, pussycat. For your information I haven't actually done a thing to him. That's not to say I won't if you don't keep me happy. Now, will you do what I ask of you?"

"Never, you bastard!" spat the tied down tom. Macavity threw him back to the floor.

"Well maybe it's time to get rid of Alonzo if you're not going to comply" said Macavity rising up to leave. Munk lay panting with hundreds of thoughts flying through his head. He yelled before Macavity disappeared,

"Stop!" After a short pause he continued, "Alright, I'll do what you say." He couldn't believe what he'd just said, he had actually agreed to do whatever Macavity commanded of him. He felt dirty over the obedience and sneered as he saw Macavity turn back. The evil tom in question felt like Christmas had come again after his second prisoner's agreement. For the first time ever he actually had the Jellicle protector wrapped around his little finger and could do absolutely anything. He was so excited he almost skipped as he walked back to the tabby.

"That's very nice of you, Munkustrap, but I think I need to let you know the magnitude of this little situation. First of all you must remember I have your dearest darling Alonzo and I can do anything I want with him; if you behave then maybe I won't hurt him, if you don't I'll torture him to death. Secondly, if you decide to try to be sneaky and escape then I will destroy you. I will rip your head off if you even try to fool me, do you understand?"

Munk had no choice. He lay on the ground panting whilst considering his options. For now he would have to play along so he could have a chance at saving Alonzo.

"Alright, Macavity" he said quietly without looking at the cat

"Sorry, what was that?" replied the evil tom feeling unbelievably powerful

"Alright!" repeated the angry tabby

"Okay then, shall I untie you?"

Munk didn't respond and continued to stare forwards as Macavity began to untie the ropes. As he worked he warned the tabby,

"Remember what I said, Munkustrap, if you try anything I will kill you and Alonzo; slowly and painfully"

Munk took in a deep breath and realised it wouldn't be in his favour to attempt an escape at this point. He needed to bide his time and wait for the right moment - if only he'd known that moment was coming sooner than he thought. Macavity finished unbinding his prisoner and stood waiting for the cat on the ground before him to rise. Munk pushed himself to his knees and waited for the evil tom to do something. He didn't wait long before Macavity extended his claws and swiped him across the face leaving three clean wounds on his left cheek. Munk leant to the side with a paw to his face, when he pulled it away he saw his blood staining the fur on his paw. Every bone in his body told him to jump up and strangle the sick cat but his heart told him not to. Macavity chuckled in his throat and looked pleased,

"That was just a test, well done!"

Munk - without saying a word - attempted to climb to his feet. As he moved his legs he heard a jangling and looked around to realise Macavity had left a chain locked to his leg. Of course, why would Macavity let him run free? He returned his gaze to the red and black tom and waited for the next affliction as the blood from the claw marks began to run down his cheek and dry on his neck.

Macavity spent the next few hours teasing and taunting his captive hoping that in some way he would wear him down to a pulp. Munk remained strong despite the pain and torment he had felt during the previous two weeks and the horrible words Macavity spoke now. He may have been emotionally exhausted but the feeling of his mate nearby gave him strength. He managed to shut out Macavity with warm, uplifting thoughts of Alonzo and he basked in the love that he felt in his heart. It was a wonderful feeling that let him know he and Alonzo could go through anything and still come out on top. He just had to be patient and strong.

After trying so hard to break his prisoner Macavity became frustrated. How had he managed to touch on a nerve earlier but now the same words were having no such effect? Could it actually be that Munkustrap was adapting to his methods of psychological torment? If he were then he would have to step up his game.

He left Munk looking almost dreamy and stalked off in a huff but not before slapping the tabby one more time. If he couldn't crack this tom then he certainly knew of one who was more susceptible.

* * *

Through passageways and dark spaces he eventually stumbled back in on Alonzo who jerked to life as the tom arrived. He glared at Macavity which gave the evil cat a sense of relief; he knew he could get a reaction from the black and white tom. As he went in he began his usual routine of silent circling and lustful stares. Over the time he had held Alonzo he had learned what really made the tom feel awkward and preyed on those weaknesses. As Macavity leered Alonzo began spouting gibberish. He was trying to find out what Macavity had done with his tom and was making threats against his captor should he have done anything to harm him. Macavity smiled and simply listened to the patched tom's futility until his voice began to become hoarse and he had to stop. Changing his expression from that of vague apathy to dangerous fury within a split second he flew forward from Alonzo's right side and once again mercilessly sunk his claws into the long-abused tom's body. As he had done during his entire imprisonment Alonzo cried out from the agony. He knew he'd surely be scarred from Macavity's consistent strikes and once again the feeling of ugliness engulfed him. He desperately wanted to know where Munk was but was very anxious to be seen by him. The silver tabby would be absolutely horrified to look upon his mangled body and might not even save him. Again Alonzo felt low – a feeling he had become all too accustomed to.

"Are you quite finished?" growled Macavity

Alonzo sniffled and tried not to let his captor see just how much pain he was causing him. Macavity withdrew his claws and allowed the punctures to bleed freely before carrying on,

"I bet you're wondering what I've been doing to your big, strong tom, aren't you?"

Alonzo gathered himself slightly and looked up. Macavity bared his teeth in a vile grin,

"I'm sure you're hoping he'll spring up at any moment and rescue you, aren't you? Well I'm sorry, Alonzo, but that's not at all going to happen"

Alonzo silently thought to himself '_Munk will find a way' _as the evil tom spoke. That thought was sent on its way instantly as Macavity dropped heavy, corrosive words with sick joy accompanying them,

"He's dead, Alonzo. Your precious mate Munkustrap is dead"

Every muscle in Alonzo's body tensed as his mind froze. Munkustrap was dead? Had he heard Macavity correctly? Had he actually said his mate – the most important cat in the world – was dead?

"What?" whispered the patched tom blankly

"I killed your mate, Alonzo. I slashed his wrists and let him bleed to death right after I made him admit he didn't love you"

"You're lying!" screamed Alonzo firing up with rage, "I know you're lying! He'd never say that!"

"It's true, you disgusting bitch! He's just a cold, rotting corpse now!" laughed the red and black tom

"Shut up, Macavity! What have you really done with him? Tell me!"

"Tell you? I just did, he's dead!"

"No he's not!"

"Are you in any position to say otherwise?"

"I just know he's not dead. You're lying!"

"Maybe you're right, these things do tend to slip my mind…"

"Just tell me what you've done with him!"

"I think we had sex, you know, I'm not entirely sure. In any case he certainly doesn't love you. As a matter of fact I remember: we did shag and he loved it! He screamed for more and wouldn't let me go; haven't you wondered why I've been gone for so long? I suppose that in bed you're just not good enough for him"

Macavity's mind games were not detectable to Alonzo and he only became more and more distraught as the cat degraded his sensibility – if only he had Munk's strong mind.

"Stop it, Macavity!" shouted Alonzo with a choke of sadness in his voice, "Just stop it!"

"But you know I'm not lying, don't you Alonzo? You know exactly how hideous you look now and how Munkustrap could never love you in this state. He won't want you; you know that" said Macavity with pure evil. Alonzo couldn't respond as a lump caught in his throat. He didn't want to cry over the truth that Macavity spewed but couldn't speak for the risk his words would turn to jelly. Macavity continued,

"There's no use for you anymore, Alonzo. The only reason you were here on this earth was to be a bed slave for some tom. Now that you're all used up there's no need to keep you. If you want I could end it all right now" he said sliding his claws up to the patched tom's throat, "Wouldn't you prefer it this way?"

Alonzo began to shake and tears seeped from his eyes; what was he meant to do? He didn't want to die but Macavity was absolutely right: he was useless. He began to sob as the claws tickled at his skin and Macavity began to laugh loudly as he saw the tom go to pieces. He stepped away and began to exit before leaving Alonzo with a message,

"Think it over, I'll be back for your answer later"

He left Alonzo alone to cry quietly over his ever-stronger resignation to worthlessness. The patched tom's stability was by now hanging by a thread and both Macavity and Alonzo knew it.

* * *

The red and black tom left both of the cats alone for a long time – two days in fact. He knew that one of the strongest tools he had was keeping his prisoners waiting as it made their minds play tricks on them and forced them to conclusions. Every few hours he would spy on each of them and watch what they were doing. Munk was not very interesting to Macavity as most of the time he lay on the floor waiting patiently. He was strong and wouldn't allow his captor any further into his head. Alonzo was for more entertaining as he always seemed to be sobbing quietly. Macavity would watch him silently for long periods and bask in the sound which emanated from his prisoner. It was the sound of a crushed soul and a pained plea for help and together they were music to the evil tom's ears. The sick pleasure he took from Alonzo made his heart race and his breathing quicken and he had to stop himself from rushing to the patched to tom to indulge in some torturous playtime. He wanted nothing more than to go up to Alonzo and tear at his flesh but managed to stick to his plan. He had had an idea for how to break Munkustrap since just after the first time he'd left him alone and intended to execute it that night. With ugly anticipation he licked his lips and tore himself away from peeping at the hanging tom who cried gently; he skulked off further into his lair to prepare himself. He was going to have some fun; that was for sure.

* * *

Another evening came and Munkustrap sat cross-legged on the floor of his prison. He kept his mind busy thinking about the Jellicles and how he would really have to step up his guard when he got back. He knew he had been slacking recently and felt some evaluation of his priorities was in order. He also thought about Billy and how he would need to keep looking for the kitten's mother once this ordeal had ended. He smiled as he thought about the tiny tom and wondered how any queen could ever abandon him. Surely he had just wandered off one day and his poor mother was probably trying to find him. It would be sad to see him go, after all he was such a lovely little thing or so he had appeared in his short time with the Jellicles. Munk hadn't been able to pay him much attention since he'd found him due to Alonzo having gone missing but knew he was a good kitten. He smiled wider as he thought about how if he ever had a son he'd love him to be like Billy. The kitten was a blank slate and with Munk's help he could surely be moulded into the perfect tom as he grew older; that and Old Deuteronomy would be very proud of him if he could achieve such a thing. When they got out of there maybe he and Alonzo could talk about starting a family. They could adopt a kit and raise him or her as their own and be a proper little family. But of course: why stop at one kitten? How about two or three or four?

Munk chuckled to himself quietly as he played these thoughts through in his mind. One might have thought he'd be intensely on edge due to his situation however strangely enough he was quite content. He knew the reason: it was because he knew Alonzo was alive. He had been so worried when he had vanished but at least now he knew his tom was nearby and safe as well. Macavity had said he hadn't done anything to Alonzo and even though he may have been lying Munk found it easier to assume – at least for now – that he was telling the truth. To start wondering if Alonzo had been hurt or was in danger was a worry that he didn't need circulating in his mind and so he concentrated on pleasant thoughts. If there was nothing he could do but wait then why not wait comfortably?

From this point of view maybe it was better he didn't know the truth at that moment; he would find it all out soon enough anyway.

After having been gone for a very long time Macavity slunk into where he was holding Munk with an incredibly sly look on his face. Munk watched him carefully as he moved in front of the silver tabby.

"Good evening, Munkustrap"

"Good evening"

"How have you been?"

"Perfectly pleasant. Yourself?"

"Just as fine. Have you been up to much?"

"No, not really. This chain is rather restricting"

"Yes, I imagine it is" replied Macavity approaching the tom and lifting him up by the scruff of his neck. Munk felt incredibly uncomfortable but took the action in his stride. "Why do you think I haven't done anything to you yet, Munkustrap?" asked the red and black tom dangerously

"You must be afraid of me, after all you know I could destroy you in an instant"

Macavity gripped Munk's skin tighter, "Is that so? I'm sure you've heard some of the things I've done to those who annoy me, haven't you?"

Munk teased his captor, "Do you take them out to dinner and have a good old heart to heart?"

Macavity threw the tabby down and kicked him. Munk stifled a moan of pain and struggled to force his diaphragm to start working again; it had been a while since he was last winded and he remembered exactly why it wasn't a feeling one could grow partial to. The evil tom bent down, gripped the tabby's head and spoke firmly,

"Let me tell you a little story, Munkustrap. A little while before I stole that stupid Alonzo of yours I had a beautiful queen as my pet; she was incredibly pretty I'm sure you would have agreed. Anyway, this queen – her name was Georgina I believe - behaved herself rather well and did exactly what I wanted but do you know what I did when I got bored with her? I killed her. I drove my claws deep into her neck and ripped right through it. Now, you'll remember I said she behaved herself. If I did that to her then don't underestimate what I'll do to you if you don't do as I say"

Munk bit his lip; could the queen have been Billy's mother? What did Macavity say her name was? Ah yes: Georgina. Munk's heart sank and he suddenly felt a coldness within him. Everybody knew that a name never belongs to more than one cat so it must have been Billy's mother that Macavity had kidnapped and murdered. How on earth was he going to tell the little kitten he had no family left?

The silver tabby's train of thought was interrupted as he saw a group of henchcats pour into the room. Macavity stepped away from him and allowed his minions to drag the chained tom to his paws. One of them disconnected the metal binding and they frogmarched Munk out of the space and into the darkness. He was dragged along numerous passages and around countless corners and eventually saw a soft but cold light up ahead. Macavity followed closely behind and let his low, evil laughing echo around his lair. Before Munk could fully understand what was going on the henchcats tightened their grip and pulled him into this new space. Munk looked at them with frustration as he entered and didn't see what was in front of him before he started speaking,

"Alright, Macavity, what are you-" he stopped himself. As he turned his head and looked forward he saw a truly atrocious sight and a feeling of fear mixed with anger and horror quickly filled him. His body began to loose strength and his knees wanted to buckle as he looked upon the awful form in front of him. It was an image from his worst nightmare and something he had never hoped to see through all the days of his life. There, in front of him hung his mate from chains attached to the ceiling. His body was limp and lifeless and covered with dried blood which was also splattered on the walls and pooled on the ground beneath him. Alonzo's body was covered in gashes and scars and his once pristine beauty was unnervingly missing. Munk gawped at his mate and couldn't tell if he was alive or dead. His heart seemed to stop beating as he stared at the tom in shock whilst hoping by the mercy of the Everlasting Cat that Macavity hadn't killed him.

Tears exploded from Munk's eyes as he saw Alonzo stir from his treacherous slumber and shift uncomfortably in his chains. The patched tom didn't look up as he came into consciousness and simply hung where he was waiting for anything to happen. Munk couldn't speak; he simply couldn't form words due to his amazement. His breathing was rocky as he continued to stare at his mate and take in the horrible sight of what Macavity had done. It was then that utter fury sprung to life within him. He spun his head towards the sick, twisted tom that stood nearby and spat words with sheer hatred and outrage,

"You said you hadn't done anything to him! You lied!"

Macavity brushed off the accusation and stared at the hanging tom, "Yes, I did."

"I'll kill you! I swear I'll kill you!" screamed Munk as he struggled violently against the henchcats who held him where he was. He desperately wanted to break free from their iron-like grip and tear his captor apart. He had never wanted to kill a cat before but this atrocity he had committed upon Alonzo made him snap.

The fire in Munk's heart suddenly died as he heard a mouse-like, crackly voice,

"Munk?"

The tabby's eyes shot back to Alonzo and he painfully whispered back to him,

"I'm here, darling"

Alonzo slowly lifted his head up to look at his mate with sore, red eyes and smiled weakly as he looked at him. He had trouble speaking as he felt absolutely terrible but managed a few simple things,

"I knew you'd find me"

Munk felt a great sadness within him as he watched his hurt tom struggle to speak through obvious agony,

"I'd never stop looking. You're everything to me, Alonzo"

Alonzo tried to smile wider before his head fell forward and he groaned in pain. He was happy to have been found but his humiliation due to his appearance with like a knife stabbing at him. He had never wanted Munk to see him like that and he felt truly disgusting.

The tabby didn't know what was wrong but it looked as if his tom was dying. He needed to do something to help him and once again started struggling to get away from the henchcats. He tried and tried but the toms wouldn't budge and only made Munk more frustrated. He cried out as he pulled and pushed but nothing worked; Macavity silently watched him struggle and grinned as he made desperate attempts for freedom.

The display went on for a little while longer before the evil tom decided it was time to begin his awful plan and then began to walk towards Munk. The silver tabby looked up at him in time to see Macavity's fist fly at his face. The paw made contact with his cheek and the protector's head flew violently to the side. He was instantly silenced as Macavity's paw made contact and his mind became dizzy. Munk felt sick as he tried to pull himself together and breathed heavily as he slumped in the henchcats' hold. Sounds seemed to echo and his vision was made fuzzy; Macavity had certainly packed quite a punch. The red and black attacker waited patiently for the tom he had hit to compose himself before bending down to his level and looking into his eyes. Munk was still a bit woozy but stared straight back at his attacker and spoke groggily,

"Let him go, Macavity"

The evil tom smiled and shook his head before replying,

"Ah, Munkustrap; you always were such an idiot. I'm afraid neither of you are going anywhere ever again" he said as he rubbed the tabby's bruised cheek making him wince. "You know, I've always been able to do whatever I wanted and no one could ever stop me. That is everything but destroy your little tribe, I could never quite crack that one. You know the reason though, don't you? It's always been because you got in the way. Whenever I try to hurt the Jellicles you're always there to defend them to the death; big brave Munkustrap always comes to the rescue, doesn't he? Well I hate you, Munkustrap. I despise you right down to your fucking core! I've always hoped I might be able to break you one day and I'm glad to say that day has come. Now here's what's going to happen: I'm going to have some fun with your hideous mate one last time and then I'm going to kill him right in front of you. Afterwards I'm going to rip you to pieces making sure you feel every last drop of agony I can make you feel. And why am I doing all this? Because I want you to suffer! I want you to feel absolutely awful, after all it's what you deserve for getting in my way all those years! Then, when I'm finished I'm going to kill your tribe one by one and I think I'll start with that doddery old bastard father of yours"

Macavity rose from his crouched position and walked away leaving Munk reeling in the henchcats' paws. That was a lot of information to take in and sheer panic began to rack his entire body. He yelled back at his captor as the tom circled his mate in contemplation,

"I'll never let you do this! I'll kill you first! Let me go, you bastards! Let me go!"

The silver tabby thrashed and pulled at his restrainers with renewed strength and made it very hard for them to keep hold of him. The henchcats did all they could to hold on but it was incredibly difficult. Munk was strong and a fair match for all of them.

Alonzo stared at the ground in a stupor. This was it; he was going to die now. There was nothing he could do and there was no way for him to escape. He heard his mate scream desperately but knew there was nothing more to be done. He looked up gradually and locked eyes with the tabby. The two stared at each other in horror as the evil tom stopped pacing behind Alonzo. The patched tom let his head go forward again as he couldn't bear to see his mate look upon his ugly body. Macavity started to pick at Alonzo with his claws making the patched tom whimper and yelp as he felt the tom begin the murder he had promised. He felt warm blood run through his fur again and began to shake as the thought of impending death filled his mind. It wasn't dying that scared him the most though, it was that he would never get to see Munkustrap again and the very thought destroyed him on the inside. He wanted to say something but simply couldn't think of the words as his shame filled him up and Macavity kept tearing at his flesh.

Munkustrap found it excruciatingly painful to look at the disgusting display and jerked around as he tried to escape. He had to stop Macavity before he fatally wounded Alonzo but he was being kept at bay by the strong henchcats. He tried to swipe at them with his claws but his arms were restrained and couldn't move far enough to make contact with them. He kept yelling and screaming for Macavity to stop as the evil tom gave up his mutilation and stood behind his mate, then lifting the patched tom's tail. Munkustrap screamed louder,

"Macavity, no! Don't you dare!"

The evil tom smiled and laughed maniacally as he prepared to penetrate Alonzo in front of Munkustrap. The black and white cat shivered in fear as he felt his fate come closer. This would surely crush the patched tom from the sheer mortification of being raped right in front of his mate. Munk surely wouldn't be able to bear it either and would certainly be defeated before the red and black tom killed him too. Macavity said a few words before beginning the wicked act,

"This is for my ear and everything else you've done, Munkustrap"

Time seemed to slow down and the world seemed to become silent as the silver tabby stared at the spectacle. Macavity was just about to force himself inside of Alonzo and the look of terror in his mate's eyes was heartbreaking. Out of nowhere the silver tom was filled with an incredible surge of energy and he ripped his restrained limbs from the henchcats' grasps. In a split second he shot forward like a bolt of lightning and sunk his claws into Macavity's torso. The evil tom didn't have time to process what had happened before was torn away from the patched tom and thrown to the floor in a daze. In a flash Munkustrap was on top of him and slashing at his body. Alonzo couldn't see the two toms but saw drops blood fly through the air from behind him and spatter on the wall in front. He heard the horrible sound of claws ripping through skin and the shocked blabbering of Macavity echo in the air. Munkustrap – filled with blinding fury and hatred – sunk his razor-sharp claws into Macavity's head and pulled him forward. The last thing Macavity saw was the cold, dirty ground as Munkustrap smashed his face against it. The silver tabby kept crashing his captor's head against the floor until he stopped moving and blood ran copiously from his mangled face. With one final impact a sickening crack emanated from the evil tom's head and he lay still without breathing.

The henchcats – having seen their master destroyed – didn't wait to be dealt with. They scarpered instantly leaving the two remaining toms to the silence of the lair. Munkustrap stared down at the cat he had just killed and lifted his paws into view. They were stained a deep crimson and his jaw dropped open as the realisation of what he had just done sunk in. His stomach lurched as the thought of the murder he had just committed filled his mind and it took all his strength not to vomit. As he watched the pool of Macavity's blood grow larger he began to shake and fell to the floor in amazement. He had just killed a cat; how could he have done this?

"Munk?" called Alonzo quietly. Munkustrap gave him no answer as he stayed in his daze. The patched tom tried again when he received no answer only this time with a hint of nervousness in his voice,

"Munk? Are you there?"

The tabby turned his face to Alonzo who still hung by a chain. Without thinking he jumped to his paws and ran to his mate. He stepped in front of him and cradled his worried face with his blood-soaked paws. Munk's breathing was shaky and tears slid slowly from his eyes as he stared in shock at his mate. His mind was completely blank; he simply didn't know what to do. All he knew was that Alonzo was safe again.

A few seconds went by as Alonzo took in his mate's appearance. The tabby looked terrible and was covered in blood although thankfully none of it seemed to be coming from him. The patched tom forced his muscles to comply with his mind and propped himself up as best as he could.

"Munk, are you okay?" he whispered.

Munk nodded his head gently and gasped for air as he regained some clear thought. His eyes flicked upwards and he threw his paws to the chain. After a few moments of fiddling Alonzo's arms flopped down to his sides and screamed with cramps. The patched tom was wobbly on his legs and began to topple to the floor before Munk caught him and laid him down gently. The tabby released his mate's legs as well and then scampered up his body to pull the patched tom into the tightest, most desperate hug he had ever given. He shook as he clung to his tom but Alonzo didn't hug him back; he just didn't feel he deserved Munkustrap anymore. They huddled on the floor of the awful jail and cried in relief to have each other back. Munk covered his mate's face in kisses as he embraced him and let his tears mix with Alonzo's as they dripped onto his cheeks. Alonzo eventually managed to put his paws on Munk's body but simply couldn't return the feeling of happiness that flowed from his mate. He wanted to be happy but didn't at all feel he deserved to be. They stayed together for what seemed like an age before filling each other with enough courage to part.

Once again Alonzo looked upon his mate and gasped at the amount of blood on his fur. He looked down and noticed how some of it had soaked into his coat as well and rubbed at one of the red patched with his fingers. The patched tom looked around and let out a small yelp of fear as he saw Macavity's cold, dead and now glazed eyes stare back at him. He may have been dead but there was still evil in him and he haunted Alonzo even now. He recoiled with fright into Munk's fur regardless of the blood and the tabby rubbed his back gently as he shivered. Alonzo felt torn; he needed his mate more than ever but didn't feel right being cradled by him at that moment. For Munk a sense of relief filled him and his heart sang as he held his mate once more.

"Oh, Alonzo" he whispered as he smiled widely. His mind was telling him to feel wretched after having killed a cat but his heart drowned out the nagging. He was overjoyed to have Alonzo back and he didn't want anyone to take their moment away.

It was, however, quickly snatched from them. Alonzo made a few babbling sounds and Munk leant back to tilt his mate's head up to look at him. What he saw was Alonzo looking very dizzy and it wasn't long before the tom went limp in his arms.

"Alonzo? Alonzo, please!" begged Munk as he gently shook the tom to try and rouse him. It was no use as his tom remained unconscious but mercifully still breathed. Without a second thought Munk scooped the patched tom into his arms and took off running. He darted through the darkness and soon broke out of the lair in a panic. He began running as fast as his legs would carry him in the direction of the junkyard and all the while tried to reassure his mate.

"Hang on, Alonzo! Everything's going to be alright! You're safe now; I've got you!"

* * *

In the midnight darkness Jenny watched the kittens play in the middle of the clearing. She was wracked with worry and fiddled with her paws nervously. Munk been had been missing for days now and she feared for the safety of the Jellicles. If their protector had gone then what hope was there if they were attacked. Skimble had tried to reassure her that everything would be fine but she couldn't accept that. Munkustrap was the only one strong enough to keep them safe but he was gone and she didn't have a clue where he was.

Her thoughts were hijacked as she noticed the kittens freeze as they looked towards the junkyard entrance. She puzzled at what they were looking at and turned her head to see what they had seen. The queen elated as she saw the protector rocketing towards them and jumped up to greet him as he came near. Her happiness was dashed as he approached and she made out his appearance while noticing whom he was holding. The silver tabby was stained a horrible, rusty red and in his arms lay the wrecked body of Alonzo. She heard the desperate panting of the protector as he ran in and she stared flabbergasted at the sight of the stricken tom he held. The tabby looked at her and gasping for air said her name,

"Jenny…"

The tabby queen didn't wait for him to continue as she rushed forward and looked closely at the limp Alonzo. Her lip began to quiver as she took in the sight of his lacerations and scars and was completely lost for words. In her silence she beckoned to Tugger who had just emerged from his den with Bomba and was beginning to take in the scene. The maned tom trotted over nervously and put his paw to his mouth as he made out the details of what Jenny had summoned him for.

"Take Alonzo to my den, Tugger" said Jenny quietly. The tom didn't move as he continued to gaze in shock.

"Now!" shouted the queen snapping him out of his daze. Bomba rushed over and helped Tugger take the injured tom from Munk's arms before carrying him to the queen's den. Jenny gripped Munk's outstretched arms and looked him in the eye as she spoke,

"Everlasting Cat! What happened?" she asked frantically

Munk watched as his tom was taken away and felt dizziness creep in. The world seemed to start spinning and he clutched onto Jenny for support. The last thing he felt was his entire body impacting the ground as blackness took over his mind and unconsciousness washed over him.

**Oh no! They're free but Alonzo's not at all well! We've got a long way to go before he'll be right again.**

**Thank you for reading, please let me know what you think. **


	12. Scars

**I feel like such a bastard for putting Munk and Alonzo through of all of this. I'm truly horrible.**

**Alonzo and Munk come to terms with the aftermath of their kidnapping.**

**A year in the life of the black and white toms**

**Chapter 12**

**Scars**

Munkustrap jolted from an awful nightmare. As he had slept the lingering memory of Macavity kept coming at him and the dream felt so real that it seemed he had come back from the dead. The silver tabby stared straight ahead from his upright position on his bed and watched the fiery eyes of Macavity slowly fade away from his vision. He sat panting fiercely as the remnants of his dream lingered; he knew he was afraid of something but as with most dreams he couldn't remember what it was that had given him such a fright or left him in a cold sweat. As he slowly calmed down he flopped back down onto the bed and screwed his eyes shut while covering his face with his paws. He winced as he touched the bruise Macavity had left him with and quickly remembered the events of the previous night. The memories made him feel lousy and he brought his knees up to his chest as he tried to hide himself away from the world. His body felt stiff and ached exhaustedly as he moved. He felt like a kitten as he curled up and knew he was behaving utterly stupidly – at least in his eyes. He had instilled within himself the principles of never being afraid and never hiding away years ago; so how could it be that all he wanted to do at that moment was disappear? Munk remained silent as he lay alone in the gently illuminating den. Morning was here and was encouraging him to get up.

Across the junkyard in another den Alonzo's eyes cracked open. His vision was blurry and he took in a deep breath as he stirred. The first thing he noticed was that he was laying on his front and wondered how he had ended up like that. The second thing he saw was that he was not in the same place as he last remembered. It was warm here and the familiar, welcoming smell of the junkyard had replaced the smell of death in Macavity's lair. He began to raise his head up and look around and soon laid eyes on a bright but tired looking face. A tabby queen looked back at him and as she became clearer he recognized her as Jennyanydots. After a few more seconds he realized he was in her den and felt a wave of relief wash over him. He was safe and in a place where that evil tom couldn't hurt him anymore. He closed his eyes as he basked in the feeling of security. The emotion didn't last long as he remembered what he had been through in what must have been the past few hours. He gritted his teeth as he remembered the sound of his mate hacking away at the tom that had abused him so much and then the same cat holding him tightly on the floor of the prison. He nearly felt a twinge of hope in his heart until he recalled how he had felt as Munkustrap hugged him. A sickness filled him as he thought of how disgusting he surely appeared and lay his head down in remorse. He instantly figured out why he had been lay down on his front in the first place: Macavity had concentrated most of his handiwork on his back and Jenny must have already treated the numerous wounds there. Alonzo shifted slightly and felt the restricting pull of gauze covering most of the surface of his body and experienced a strange mixture of sadness and comfort. The good feeling came from knowing Jenny was making him better but the bad came from realising just how bad the inflictions must have been. He sighed gently as he thought of how he would soon have to see how badly he had been cut up. It was sure to be a hideous sight but at least he would know firmly the reason why Munk didn't want him. The tabby hadn't rejected him yet but he knew it was only a matter of time.

He didn't feel like crying; what was the use? He had surrendered to Munk eventually discarding him what now seemed like a long time ago and had done a lot of his grieving during his imprisonment. The pain still didn't dampen at all and he still felt a sharp stab at his heart. His eyes shot open when out of nowhere he heard the sickening laughter of Macavity echo in his mind. He quickly pushed himself up and started fearfully looking around the den and working himself into a panic. As he started hyperventilating Jenny rushed forward and put her paws on the tom's shoulders. She looked deep into his eyes and did her best to calm him.

"Alonzo, it's okay. You're safe. Calm down, dear. No one can hurt you."

The patched tom stared back at her but couldn't see her. In his mind's eye he only saw the dangerous claws of the tom that had kidnapped and tortured him only a few hours ago and he began to shake and yelp with terror.

Jenny kept reassuring him he was safe by speaking slowly and softly. As her words slowly broke through the wall of fear Alonzo had within him his breathing slowed and his eyes relaxed. His stiff body gradually started to go limp and it wasn't long before he started to collapse. Jenny shook him and spoke loudly to try and keep him awake,

"Alonzo, come on. Stay awake for me, dear. Alonzo!"

It was no use; after a few seconds the tom fell forward completely out cold and Jenny held his entire weight in her arms. She shifted him back into a comfortable position only this time on his back and made sure his bandages hadn't come loose. She sighed as she stepped away and looked at the tom; that was third time he had bolted awake terrified since he had arrived in her den. She wondered what on earth could have happened to him to put him in such a state and felt deep pity for him. She returned to her seat and resumed watching Alonzo hoping the next time he awoke he wouldn't be haunted by whatever it was that was sending him into these episodes.

The morning light crept silently into the den and showed the rusty tinge of the bandages wrapping the afflicted tom.

* * *

Munk - despite protest from his aching body – stepped stiffly out of the den he shared with his absent mate. He squinted in the crisp morning sunshine and did his best to stretch out his body. It was an uncomfortable process but he welcomed the feeling of looseness he regained. He was emotionally exhausted for sure and the turbulent rest he had taken since he had brought Alonzo back hadn't really recharged him as much as he would have liked. Internally he was still cut up about having killed Macavity and he didn't feel worthy enough to be tasked with protecting the Jellicles anymore. He always knew that fighting a cat to the death was a last resort but this hadn't been a fight. He had thrown the evil tom to the floor and ripped him apart and no matter which way he looked at it he hadn't fought a fair fight. A clear-thinking cat would have known that he was purely protecting his mate but Munkustrap didn't see it that way – he felt like a murderer and was deeply ashamed of himself.

Munk looked around and saw some of the cats come out into the morning and they smiled and ran up to him when they noticed him standing on top of the junk. Pouncival hurried up to the silver tabby and threw his arms around the tom's waist. The kitten was overjoyed to see his protector again as the he and his companions had fabricated many stories detailing his condition during the short time he had been missing.

"I knew you weren't eaten by a Peke!" squealed the freckled kitten happily

"I beg your pardon?" replied Munk

"Tumble said you had probably been eaten by a Peke and that's why you didn't come back. But you weren't!"

"Pekes don't eat cats, Pounce" assured Munk

Pounce let him go and scampered off to find the other kittens and tell them the good news. The tabby's attention was diverted to Bomba who had followed the kitten and waited for her turn patiently.

"Munk" she said simply before rushing forward and hugging him. He gently hugged her back but felt rather empty inside. He knew he should have been feeling glad to be back with his mate but recent events overshadowed that. Bomba let him go and smiled at him,

"We were so worried that whatever had happened to Alonzo had happened to you too when you didn't come back. We're so glad you're both safe"

"Thank you" replied the tabby neutrally

"You gave us a scare when you collapsed last night, you know. What on earth have you two been through?" she asked concernedly

The silver tabby looked at her and tried to tell her the tale. Something stopped him and he stood gawking at her with his mouth open. He shut it after a few moments and looked away with his face darkening,

"I'd rather not say right now" he replied quietly

"It was that bad?"

"Terrible" he said grimly

"I'm so sorry"

"Don't be. Macavity was an evil cat and it was only a matter of time until someone did that to him"

Bomba looked shocked, "Macavity did that to Alonzo?"

"Yes"

"Everlasting" she whispered and placed a paw to her heart. After a few seconds she refocused on the protector with a curious expression,

"What did you mean when you said it was only a matter before someone did that to Macavity?"

Munk gritted his teeth – how could he tell her what he had done? He took in a sharp breath and tried to think of any way to get out of the question; he came up with nothing. Glancing at her quickly he quietly said "I have to go" before taking off over the junk. Bomba wondered if she should follow him but decided not to pursue him at that moment; something didn't seem right and she didn't want to aggravate him.

Munk stumbled as he ran and stopped when he was out of sight. He climbed into a small alcove in the junk and sat rigidly as he panted. He had just been asked what had happened to Macavity and he feared to reveal the truth to anyone. Only Alonzo knew and the tabby was fairly sure he'd feel the same way. But wait a second, what if Alonzo didn't want to know him as a murderer? Munk choked briefly on the air he was breathing and put his paws to his head. He hadn't considered how Alonzo would feel now that he had killed someone; what if he looked at him and only saw a killer? How could he want to be Munk's mate after that?

The worry and fear that he had felt in that dingy, disgusting room where his mate had been held crept into him again and it felt as if the world was judging him fiercely. That didn't matter as much as whether Alonzo would want Munk anymore though; the tabby painfully imagined his mate leaving him and wanted to cry. With a stiff upper lip he prevented himself from leaking tears and swallowed the emotion that so desperately wanted to break free from within him. Doing his best to slip into his authoritative manner he forced himself to believe a simple fact: If Alonzo didn't want him anymore then he would just have to accept that and carry on. The silver tabby pushed himself up but instantly collapsed again. The distress that accompanied the statement he had made was too much to handle and he let out his grief in the solitude of this part of the junkyard. He quietly cried over the thought of Alonzo leaving him and couldn't stand to imagine that his one true love might not be there for him anymore. He had never loved another tom as much as Alonzo and he had become Munk's very life force. If he was gone then what was left for the silver tabby to live for?

Munk stayed in seclusion for a good half an hour before pulling himself together and exiting the hiding place. He was glad no one had seen him look so weak, or at least that's what he thought. As he climbed back over the junk towards the clearing a small black and white form emerged from behind a junk pile. Billy had seen the tabby run off and silently followed him. He had watched the protector without being noticed and had seen him go to pieces. The kitten was incredibly confused as he had rarely seen an adult cry. In fact the only cat he had seen so distraught had been Munkustrap when Alonzo had been missing and he wondered if this was a regular occurrence for the tabby. He stayed watching the tom until he had left and once he had vanished Billy took off via another route back to the clearing. He wouldn't tell anyone what he had seen; he didn't know how.

* * *

The day slowly crept on and the need to know what had happened grew ever stronger amongst the Jellicles. The anxiety that manifested in many of them showed and as Munk watched them between visiting his sleeping mate he began to feel quite scrutinized. In his fragile state he supposed that they were all gradually working out what he had done and were looking upon him with shame. The stable part of his mind knew that was impossible but he couldn't shake the nagging that it was true. It may in fact have been true amongst some of them; he got a strange feeling whenever he noticed the psychics Coricopat and Tantomile gazing at him with intensity. It wouldn't be beyond them to see what he had done and he felt nervous that they might tell everyone if indeed they knew. The silver tabby tried to appear unfazed and sat atop the tyre in the clearing watching out as usual. From time to time a cat would come close and speak to him but he always brushed them off with the same unbreakable façade; inside however he was torn up. It wouldn't be good for the Jellicles to see him break down again, the confidence they had in him was too important a factor in holding them all together and he needed to remain strong for their sake.

The conflicting emotions noticeably wore him down and from time to time some of the Jellicles would see him dozing and then quickly whip his head up again. He was very tired and sleep tried to take him wherever possible. The tabby would certainly have welcomed the rest but there was always the nagging of _'You're a murderer' _hanging in his mind. Munk did his absolute best to shift the thought but it really wasn't any use; for now he was stuck with it.

* * *

Night came swiftly and Munk felt himself snoozing again. He decided to go to his bed and let exhaustion finally put him under. When he got to his den he fell down on his bed and it didn't take long for the nightmares to begin. Many times in the night he startled awake in cold sweat and had to deal with the haunting of Macavity. When he awoke the next morning he felt no more rested than when he had gone to bed and his body still ached intensively. When he finally turned to get up the sight of the psychic twins staring down at him from across the den startled him. His tail bushed up instinctively at the surprise and he excused his reaction when realized who it was. As he got up Coricopat began to speak,

"You're not feeling right, are you Munk?"

"And Good Morning to you to" replied the sleepy tabby

"Your mind is torn in many different ways, isn't it?"

The tabby resigned to the style of conversation as it was rather the norm with these two,

"I'm dealing with it as best I can"

"No you're not" chimed in Tantomile, "You're incredibly conflicted inside. You don't know how to feel, do you?"

"Well, no"

"Tell us what's bothering you" they said together

"Don't you already know?" asked Munk

"Of course we do but it's better for you to say it"

"Guys, I'd rather not"

"It will help"

"Thank you but I'd rather just leave it; I'll be fine."

"No you won't"

"Guys, please"

"It'll feel even worse the longer you leave it"

"I'll deal with it"

"No you won't, it's too big for you to handle"

"I am the protector, I'm sure I can handle it"

"Not even you can handle this"

"Stop it!" shouted the tabby feeling the twins read him like a book. They said they knew and he felt panic well up inside him. Along with that he felt frustration; who were they to tell him he couldn't handle his problem? He took in a deep breath and regained some composure before asking them timidly,

"Please don't tell anyone"

The twins nodded simultaneously and Coricopat spoke,

"When you're ready - if you want - we can help"

"I don't need help" snapped Munk fiercely but feeling scared inside

The twins turned to leave and Tantomile looked back at him just before they exited,

"You did what you had to do to protect your mate, Munk. It's okay"

"Get out!" yelled the tabby feeling emotion threaten to spill from him. He felt tears building up but wouldn't dare let anyone see them.

Tantomile looked at him with warmth before she left. Munk stood alone in his den ready to punch something due to the stress. He balled his fists and crushed his sadness deep inside himself to try and remain sturdy. After a few minutes he decided to quietly leave the den and find the alcove he had concealed himself in the previous day; at least no one could see or hear him there.

When he arrived he freely let out his emotional strife in the comfort of the solitude that surrounded him. The feelings weren't getting any weaker but at least the tribe wouldn't see him vent the pressure they applied – again: so he thought. As before, Billy had snuck along behind him and was watching the tabby let out his grief. The kitten felt quite sad by watching his protector in such a state and got more and more confused as the reason for Munk's pain became no clearer. He really didn't understand what was going on and began to grow anxious as he continued to watch.

After Munk's short period of despair he stepped out of the indentation in the junk and returned to the clearing. It was time to visit Alonzo again and he hoped with all his strength that his mate would have some stability today.

* * *

Jenny let out a long yawn as she watched Alonzo. She had barely slept since she had received the patched tom as she didn't want to miss him waking up. He had awoken seven times since arriving and each occurrence had come with the same panic and fear after a few moments of consciousness. Sometimes he would go into an episode and faint shortly after awaking, other times he would become terrified and lay on the bed staring into the abyss and mumbling incoherent words. His behaviour was very unnerving for Jenny as psychological problems what not her area of expertise. All she could do was tend his wounds and make sure he didn't hurt himself any more. Although what she was doing helped massively she couldn't shake the feeling of failure, after all she was the cat who could always fix a medical problem. Now she was presented with something that was beyond her and she felt very low at not knowing what to do. The tiredness didn't help either but she daren't go to sleep. Alonzo was prone to falling off of the bed if she wasn't there to catch him and she couldn't risk him causing any more injury.

She was surely one of the most caring and compassionate cats there ever was; if only she knew it.

Once again Alonzo began to stir and Jenny got up to walk over and prepare for another of his frights. As she walked a shadow was cast over the den and she looked to the door to see Munk standing there. She smiled warmly at him and he did his best to return the gesture.

"How is he, Jenny?" the tabby asked hopefully

"He's coming around again, dear." The queen replied and motioned to the tom she was caring for. Munk joined her at his mate's side and watched him crack his eyes and begin to look around. The silver tabby positioned his face close to Alonzo's and smiled down at him. Alonzo stared back with a hint of fear marking his expression and remained fixated on his mate's eyes. Munk quietly spoke to him,

"Hey, Alonzo. How are you feeling?"

The patched tom remained silently staring.

"You look a lot better" continued Munk, "I reckon you'll be back to normal in no time"

Alonzo closed his eyes and turned his head away from his mate. He took what Munk was saying as only an attempt to make him feel better where as he knew in his heart that the tabby would soon dump him. The ugliness he had been feeling had not diminished at all and he felt utterly disgusting. He flinched when Munk began to caress his face and pulled away in embarrassment with a tiny whimper. Munk took Alonzo's actions to mean that he didn't want to be near him and slowly took his paw away. The silver tabby wanted so desperately for his mate to not see him as a killer but it seemed that that was how it was going to be from now on.

How awful that they both felt ashamed in front of each other and what a terrible twist of fate that they would both – unknowing to each other – feel unworthy of one another's love after their ordeal with Macavity.

Munk rose and turned away from Alonzo trying his best not become emotional. His mate needed to see him being strong even if the patched tom didn't want him anymore. Bottling up his fears Munk turned back and continued to smile at his mate; somehow or other he would see him through all of this and make sure he was alright for the future. In his heart he felt that Alonzo deserved nothing less and only wanted him to be happy. If he couldn't have him then at least he could make sure he had a happy life. Munk took some comfort from this decision despite how hollow it felt, he then once again attempted to talk to his mate,

"I bet you're looking forward to getting out of those bandages, aren't you darling?"

Alonzo nodded weakly.

"I'm sure they must be quite uncomfortable. Jenny certainly did a good job though, didn't she?" said Munk smiling at Jenny who smiled back

"You know, the mornings are coming a little earlier now. It's still quite icy but there's been more sun recently; I'm sure you'll be glad to see it"

Alonzo felt guilty for taking up his mate's time but wouldn't dare ask him to leave. He loved having him near and treasured the time he had left with him. He decided to try and reply but as he looked to where his mate was he was met with the spectre of Macavity. Alonzo bolted up and began to cower in fear. He did his best to scramble away from the evil tom who was smiling evilly at him and Jenny darted forward to stop him falling. He whispered two silent words with a shaky voice,

"Stay away"

Munk didn't know what was going on. He tried to step forward and reach out to his mate but that only seemed to make him more terrified. Munk looked at Jenny with worry and silently begged for an answer.

"It's not you, dear" she said noticing him looking at her, "He's seeing something else." The queen put her paws over Alonzo's eyes and gently reassured him was safe before speaking to Munk again, "Talk to him, dear. Tell him he's okay"

Munk didn't know what to say and had trouble finding words,

"Umm…it's okay Alonzo…everything's fine…I…"

He placed his paws on his head; it wasn't working.

"Keep going, dear" said Jenny as calmly as she could as she held the shaking tom

"You're okay, Alonzo. I'm here" continued Munk, "Nothing can hurt you, I promise. I'll keep you safe"

Alonzo seemed to calm a little bit but still looked frightened. Munk gradually stepped forward and gently put his paws on his mate's arms.

"Do you feel me, Alonzo? It's me, Munk. I'm here for you"

Slowly Alonzo placed his paws over Munk's and squeezed them tightly. He relished the feeling of his mate and suddenly felt a lot safer. He didn't feel worthy of the contact but enjoyed it anyway. It reminded him of how much love he still felt for Munkustrap and made him start to sob. The silver tabby saw his mate break down and leaned forward to hug him. Alonzo wrapped his arms around the tabby and sobbed quietly into his fur. The feeling of security was unbelievable and for a moment he felt as if everything was going to be alright. Jenny took her paws away from his eyes and let the two toms share their moment of desperation. She saw how tightly they held each other and prayed that the love she saw would see them through.

After a few moments Alonzo opened his eyes and saw the beautiful criss-crossing pattern of silver and black that was unique to Munk's coat. The ghost of Macavity had disappeared and he relaxed slightly into the embrace. He knew he'd have to let go soon but couldn't pull away just yet; the warmth coming from Munk felt perfect and he didn't want it to let up.

"I'm sorry, Munk" whispered Alonzo

"Why on earth would you be sorry?" replied the tabby

"For keeping you"

Munk reached his paw up to the back of Alonzo's head and rubbed gently before replying,

"I'll never let you go, Alonzo. I promise"

The patched tom smiled and nuzzled into his mate's neck. It was a long time before they eventually pulled apart and Alonzo lay down again. Munk stayed with him and watched him silently doze off once again. The tabby didn't know how to feel; what on earth was going on in his mate's mind?

* * *

A few days passed with the same routine over and over again. Munk kept visiting Alonzo and usually snuck off afterwards to let out his grief. It wasn't long before Jenny deemed Alonzo well enough to go back to his own den and Munk did everything he could think of to make his mate feel welcome. The patched tom timidly returned and for most of the time sat staring into the air not saying a word. Munk grew even more worried as time went on but couldn't think of anything to help his mate. This only made him sneak off more as the building emotion was becoming too much to handle. Alonzo noticed his mate's increased absence and only assured himself that Munk was trying to stay away from him. The thought made him cry when the tabby wasn't around and kept him in his despairing state. His visions of Macavity were becoming rarer and rarer but in their place was the feeling of disgust towards himself and in many ways it was far worse than hallucinations of the cat who had raped and tortured him.

And so a cycle of pain was established keeping both toms in terrible sorrow. The Jellicles noticed how increasingly awful they both looked but were helpless to do anything about it. Many of them didn't know if there was anything they could do and it was unnerving watching the two strongest toms get worse. Above all this though they didn't understand what it was that was making them look so terrible. Perhaps if they knew then they could help but nobody wanted to pry. It must have been quite an awful thing that happened whatever it was.

Three weeks went by with nothing changing except Alonzo spiralling further and further downward. It pained Munk to see his mate look so sad but hoped he would feel better now that the time had come for his bandages to come off. Hopefully it wouldn't be as bad as what he assumed the patched tom thought.

One early February morning Munk gently awoke his mate and greeted him with a warm smile. Alonzo stared back at him with coldness; this was the day he had been dreading. After stalling as much as he could he reluctantly crossed the clearing with Munk and entered Jenny's den. They were greeted with the sight of Jenny smiling and holding a gleaming pair of scissors. Alonzo felt his lip begin to quiver as he felt the moment of truth become ever closer. As Jenny approached him he considered running away but his fear had paralyzed him. He screwed his eyes shut as the tabby queen carefully cut away at the gauze that covered most of his body. As she went he heard Munk try to stifle a gasp as the coverings came away and began to tremble from what was going to happen. After several painfully slow minutes the queen stepped away and looked at the tom. She wanted to tell him something positive but she was lost for words. Alonzo did not look good. The wounds had healed up well but in their place were big, brutal scars. Jenny felt a tear slip down her cheek as she looked upon the afflicted tom.

"What on earth happened to you?" she whispered with a shaky voice just before Alonzo opened his eyes. He couldn't bear to look down and simply stared at the two cats who gazed back at him and were doing their best to uphold smiles. He could see they were having trouble doing so.

"Well, you've certainly healed quickly" said Munk trying to say anything positive.

"Really?" replied Alonzo still too afraid to look down.

"Oh…yes, of course you have" babbled Jenny realising how she must have looked, "Would you like to see?" she said gesturing to a mirror across the den. With a deep breath Alonzo slowly walked over and looked into the mirror. He was so afraid he didn't hear Munk and Jenny gasp as he turned and displayed his back. Alonzo looked into the mirror and saw what the other two had first seen. The were some rather nasty scars on his front but he took some solace when he saw some large areas of fur just like they had been before Macavity had taken him. He smiled weakly and supposed for a moment that he had been overly worried and that Munk might still want him. Maybe he had thought the remnants of his injuries would be far worse – at least that's what he thought until he turned around and saw his mate and carer gawking at him.

"What?" he asked confusedly and looked back into the mirror. Then he figured it out. He quickly spun around and turned his head to see what the other two saw. He stopped breathing the moment he saw his back in the mirror. There, in the glass he saw the reflection of huge, ugly scars that nearly covered every patch of fur he had once had. Little sections of his coat still remained but they were like jagged islands on a sea of scarred skin. He let out a pained cry and dropped to his knees still looking into the mirror. His once pristinely beautiful coat was missing and in it's place was a great ugly mass. He felt sick as he took in the sight and gagged as the full extent of the injuries sunk in. He returned his gaze to his mate who he noticed had tears in his eyes as he watched Alonzo come to terms with the loss of his previous appearance. As Munk looked down he saw Alonzo start to wobble and rushed forward to catch his mate before he collapsed. Alonzo flinched wildly as he felt Munk's paws on his back and began to cry hysterically into his fur. He really was ruined.

Jenny sniffled quietly to herself and watched the spectacle unfold in front of her. She felt so bad for Alonzo but was glad he had Munk to get him through.

The silver tabby rocked Alonzo gently as he comforted him,

"I still love you, Alonzo. I love you so much"

After a while Alonzo felt numb. Munk had told him he really loved him and from this he felt confused. Did this mean the tabby wasn't going to leave him? He then felt incredibly guilty for subjecting Munk to his horrible body. The silver tabby deserved more than him; how could he allow him to settle for far less than he deserved?

The two stayed on the floor of Jenny's den holding each other for a very long time. Neither of them knew what to do.

**Poor Alonzo feels worthless. I feel so bad for putting him through all of this. Besides we all know people do crazy things when they're really upset, what if Alonzo does something drastic?**

**Thanks for reading, next chapter will be soon. x**


	13. Falling

**Happy New Year!**

**Very nearly 650 visitors and well over 1,700 hits for the month of December, wow! Thank you all so much for taking the time to read my work!**

**This is the longest chapter yet so you'd best go to the loo before you begin. Also, it might help to look at a picture of Tower Bridge in London before you read as it will help you to visualise my descriptions towards the end. **

**A year in the life of the black and white toms**

**Chapter 13**

**Falling**

Alonzo sat atop the big tyre in the clearing of the junkyard. He hadn't been sleeping much since he'd discovered how bad his scars had been and that was weeks ago; exactly how many he couldn't remember. When the rest of the Jellicles were awake he secluded himself in his den so they couldn't look at his mangled coat. He crept out when he was sure no one was around to take in some air and to be alone. Munk had stayed with him as much as he could but had been sneaking off even more now that his mate wasn't wearing any bandages. Alonzo assumed the tabby was repulsed by his appearance and was only spending time with him until he couldn't bear to look at him anymore. Whenever he came back the silver tabby looked haggard and had red, puffy eyes and Alonzo could tell he had been crying. He thought it must have been because Munk was finding it too hard to honour his commitment to him and needed some time away so the vile scars wouldn't sicken him.

Alonzo took in a deep breath and looked down at his paws. He was the reason Munk wasn't happy and he felt like an absolutely atrocious cat. He thought he had known himself pretty well but here he was being more selfish than he thought possible. He felt an incredible self-loathing and resigned to the thought that the world would be better without him. He felt more and more crushed as he became the obstacle between Munk and happiness and brought his paws up to his face. As he hunched over he didn't notice a red queen approach him from across the clearing and stand in front of him.

"Alonzo?" Bomba asked quietly

The patched tom looked up at her and she could see there was pain in his eyes. He did his best to keep facing her so she wouldn't be able to see his back; to his knowledge only Munk and Jenny had seen what a mess he was and he desperately wanted to keep it that way.

"Go away, Bomba" he said wanting to be alone

"Please don't send me off, 'Lonz. I only want to talk to you"

"I don't want to talk"

"Then we can just sit. You look like you could really use some company"

"I want to be alone"

"Alonzo…"

"Please, Bomba. Just go-" he choked on his words and began to sniffle. The queen saw him crack and approached him with her paws outstretched.

"Don't come any closer! Please, don't!" spluttered the tom as he saw the queen approach him

"Oh, Alonzo. What happened to you? Everyone's so confused by you and Munk and the way you've both been acting and we don't know why."

"I just don't want to think about it, Bomba. It was so terrible"

"At least let me sit with you. Please!"

"No"

"Alonzo, you're in no condition to be left alone. We all love you so much so please let us help"

Alonzo was quiet for a moment before he slumped and returned his face to his paws and spoke through his fingers, "Stay in front of me"

"Why?" asked the queen

"Please, just do it"

"Okay" said Bomba sitting quietly in front of the upset tom. After a short period of silence between them she spoke up, "It's nice to have you back, I've missed you since you disappeared and then when you got back you stayed out of sight"

"I haven't really felt up to coming outside"

"I knew it would take you a long time to recover, you looked so terrible the night Munk brought you back"

Alonzo looked up at her, "Munk brought me back?"

"Yeah, he carried you in his arms. There was so much blood it must have been hard not to drop you"

"I don't remember getting back"

"You were unconscious. Me and Tugger carried you into Jenny's den"

"You saw me?" he asked frightfully

"Yeah, we did. You were in such a bad way we could barely believe it was you under all that blood. What on earth happened to you?"

Alonzo shook his head giving the Bomba the sign that he still couldn't say.

"I hope you can tell me one day. I was so worried about you, 'Lonz"

"YOU were worried?"

"Of course I was"

"Hmm"

"What's that supposed to mean?" she asked with a hint of a smile

"It's just…I never expected you to be too worried if I ever went missing"

"Come on, patches. You know I'd always worry if you vanished"

"Even though we don't always get along?"

"Of course"

"Thank you" he whispered

Bomba smiled wider and reached out to rub him affectionately on the arm. Alonzo recoiled so she couldn't touch him and looked away in shame.

"'Lonz, why don't you want me to touch you?"

" I just...can't let anyone touch me"

"Why?"

"Because…because…because I'm disgusting"

"Disgusting? Of course you're not disgusting, whatever gave you that idea?"

"You don't know, Bomba. You just don't know"

"Then tell me"

"I can't!" he cried painfully, "I just can't think about it because he's still inside! He's still inside me, Bomba!" The tom stared at her with desperation and despondency and her heart practically broke at the sight.

"Who's still inside, Alonzo?" she asked timidly

The patched tom took a moment to summon his strength and eventually whispered the word which struck fear into his heart,

"Macavity." At that he placed his face back in his paws and began to shiver from the sobs.

Bomba sat in amazement and found it difficult to find the words to respond,

"Macavity?" she repeated, "What did he do?"

Alonzo looked at her and shook his head while tears streamed down his face. He wanted to tell her but couldn't manage it.

"Alonzo, tell me!" she said desperately, "You're safe now, he can't hurt you anymore!"

Through panting and shaking Alonzo whispered the awful things that had happened to him,

"Macavity…he…he did terrible things"

"What things?" she asked gently

"He…he…raped me" he struggled to say the last two words and Bomba placed her paw to her mouth.

"Oh, Alonzo, no" she breathed. The tom nodded without looking at her and then took in a deep breath before he rose to his feet. Very slowly he turned around and showed the red queen his back. He heard her gasp and shuffle backwards as she looked upon the hideous slashing claw marks that were left on his skin. She shook her head in disbelief as the sight filled her mind. She felt positively awful and her heart went out to the tom; what a horrible thing to have to carry around. Being raped was horrifying but mutilated as well? What an evil cat Macavity was.

"Oh, Alonzo, I'm so sorry. I'm so, so sorry"

The patched tom turned back around and looked down to the ground. Bomba shuffled forward and slowly pulled him into a hug. She simply didn't know what else to do; she now understood why Alonzo had wanted to keep this a secret and the sadness and pity she felt for him was unbelievable. It kept escalating as she gently traced the trails of scar tissue with her paws.

"Did Munk save you?" she eventually asked through the grief she held within

"Yes" whispered the forlorn tom, "Macavity was going to rape me in front of him but Munk killed him before he could do it"

Bomba's eyes went wide and she looked straight at the fragile tom, "Macavity's dead?"

Alonzo nodded and Bomba pulled him back into a hug. She couldn't believe Munk had it in him but she felt sympathy. She supposed she would have done the same thing if someone had done all those horrible things to the cat she loved. The queen began to stroke the back of Alonzo's head as he stood in her arms. The poor tom didn't feel comforted but he was thankful for her concern.

"He really must love you to kill for you" said Bomba

Alonzo sighed before replying, "He shouldn't have to. Not anymore"

"What on earth do you mean?"

Alonzo stepped away and slowly turned in a circle, "Look at me"

Bomba once again took in the sight of his damaged body and understood what he was getting at. She swallowed her sorrow and responded,

"Of course he still loves you, 'Lonz. Why would you think he'd stop for something like this?"

"He said he still loves me but I don't think it's fair that he does"

"Why?"

Alonzo looked up into the sky, "He deserves the best. I'm ruined now"

"You should know love is more than what's on the outside. You and Munk were best friends long before you were mates so why do you think he would stop loving you or even liking you because you're…" She couldn't find the words to finish and let the silence speak for her.

"I wouldn't care if we were still just friends but it's different now. I always thought out of all of us he deserved an amazing mate and I thought for a while that maybe I could be that. Now, though, I'll never be good enough" He spoke with his voice showing ever-stronger emotion and had trouble finishing his explanation. Through sad chokes he continued, "Macavity may be dead but in the end he still won, Bomba. He's still in my mind and even now I can feel him torturing me and I know he's never going to leave. For as long as I'm living with these scars he'll always be hurting me"

Bomba didn't know what to say; what was it that Alonzo meant? She decided to ask,

"What do you mean 'for as long as you're living'?"

Alonzo wiped his eyes and looked back at her, "Nothing" he responded. He wouldn't tell her the thought that had just crossed his mind. "It doesn't matter anyway, I'll never be good enough for Munk now"

Bomba grabbed his arm and made him look at her. She looked really quite fierce as she held him and spoke,

"Now look, patches. You and Munk will always be perfect for each other whether you're the hottest cat in all of London or just a head in a jar. You know why? Because it doesn't matter what you look like. Munk loves you for you, not your body. Why do you think you and he were friends for so long? It's because he loves you as a cat, Alonzo, not as a beauty queen."

Alonzo looked down at his feet. He knew she was right but she hadn't shaken the feeling of unworthiness. He simply fell forward into her arms and tried to find some comfort.

The two cats stayed together until the day came. They didn't talk much but they enjoyed the company they provided each other with. Alonzo didn't tell her how undeserving he felt of Munk's love as he didn't want her to worry. He did, however, keep circulating the words he had said earlier: 'for as long as I'm living with these scars he'll always be hurting me'. Implications of the phrase began to creep into his mind and he felt darkness enter his soul as he watched the junkyard brighten.

* * *

Munk was awoken from another fragmented night's sleep by the weight of Alonzo reintroduced onto the bed. The silver tabby blinked in the morning light and looked to his side where the form of the black and white tom lay turned away from him. Munk had attempted to snuggle up to Alonzo several times since he had been back but the tom had always kept his distance and did not look at the tabby. Munk took this as a sign that his fears were really becoming true. He desperately wanted to ask Alonzo how he felt about him now that he had killed Macavity but the tom's actions seemed to provide him with all the answers he needed. Munk sighed as he watched his tom lay still and wanted nothing more in the world than to shuffle over to him and hold him tight. As the grey, dewy March morning came to life Munk felt increasingly alone even though the one he wanted was merely an arm's length away. There was a huge empty space in his arms that Alonzo should have been filling but he wasn't there. The tabby clasped the empty air and desperately wished he could feel his mate's warmth once more; but how likely was it that he would ever feel that again?. He really needed to feel some love at that moment but knew it probably wouldn't be there if he tried to find it. He was so lonely.

Munk looked upon Alonzo's scars and felt anger ignite within him. He felt awful for having killed Macavity but he wouldn't have it any other way. That cat had left Alonzo with those marks and done things which he never wanted to think about again. Macavity deserved to be dead even though Munk felt awful for killing him. Perhaps it wasn't the cat he had killed but the killing itself. He felt utter hatred towards the tom who had done that to Alonzo but wasn't in turmoil over killing him specifically. Munk looked up to the roof of his den and made out patterns in the junk as his mind wandered. As he lay there listening to Alonzo breathe softly many thoughts went through his mind. Yes, it was true that he was upset for having killed a cat but no, he didn't feel bad for killing THAT cat. So what was he meant to feel? Some parts of him told him to feel terrible but other told him to feel as if he had served justice and as he mulled them over the tom became incredibly confused and frustrated by his musings.

He decided to get up and leave the den so as not to disturb his mate should he inadvertently think out loud. As he quietly padded towards the door he turned to look at Alonzo; he appeared to have fallen asleep. Munk decided to take advantage of the situation, after all Alonzo wouldn't be able to shy away when he was sleeping. Very slowly the silver tabby bent down to the patched tom placed a soft kiss on his cheek. He then gently rubbed his face against Alonzo in affection and whispered as he did so,

"I love you so much, Alonzo. Please forgive me"

With that he quickly left the den and breathed deep in the morning air. Unbeknown to him Alonzo cracked open his eyes once he was sure Munk had left and stared at the doorway he had gone through. He hadn't been sleeping, he just didn't want Munk know he was awake. His heart had leapt into his throat when Munk had said he loved him; what was he meant to believe? He desperately longed to hold Munk again but knew he shouldn't. He really didn't feel like it was his place anymore. His mind began to wander down a dangerous road and soon some bad thoughts came into his head. All the while he was around Munk would feel pressured into staying with him. Having known his mate for years he knew the tabby always honoured his commitments despite how much they compromised him. Alonzo didn't want to be the ultimate obstacle to Munk's happiness and he sat up straight looking dead ahead. He knew what he had to do.

* * *

Munk decided to stroll around the junkyard to try and clear his head. He set off on one of his home's many trails and took the longest route he could think of. The Jellicles rarely came to this part of the junkyard and there were barely any clear paths. As the junk got thicker and thicker he began to climb over the piles and soon all the walkways were behind him. He stood looking out ahead and saw only heaps of rubbish. The solitude he felt here was a little unnerving but he pressed on hoping his alone time would do him good.

He walked on a fair way further and soon the feeling of being watched tickled at his senses. All cats are able to tell if they are being followed and at that moment Munk distinctively felt the prying of eyes on his body. The silver tabby turned around and scanned the junk but did not see anyone. He stooped low and sniffed the air to try and pick up any scent. There was nothing and he thought maybe he had been mistaken before he turned around. He jumped back as all of a sudden Coricopat and Tantomile were standing right in front of him. His paw caught on the junk and he tumbled backwards and landed on his back.

"For crying out loud, you guys! Announce yourselves or something next time!"

The twins didn't wait to exchange pleasantries before they delved right into what they had on their minds,

"You've been thinking" they said in unison, "you've made some progress over how you feel"

Munk rolled his eyes and groaned with frustration as the twins read his mind.

"You haven't told anyone, have you?"

"No one"

"Good"

"Are you ready to talk about it yet?"

"I don't need your help"

"Yes, you do"

"Guys, I'm serious! Leave me alone!" said Munk feeling angry at their intrusion into his thoughts

"You killed Macavity for a reason, Munk. There's no shame in protect-"

"Shut up! Shut up, shut up!" shouted Munk, "I don't need you two psychos to fix me! I'm fine!" The tabby began to growl and bare his teeth at the twins.

"You won't be fine until you talk about it. Trust us, we know" said Coricopat

"Trust you? You break into my mind and you expect me to trust you?"

"We know exactly how you feel, Munk. We understand"

Munk felt livid and screamed in white hot rage, "You don't fucking understand!" In a mad fit of anger Munk leapt forward and punched Coricopat hard in the face. The tom fell backwards and lay on the junk looking – quite appropriately – gobsmacked. As he came to terms with what had happened he puzzled over why he hadn't seen it coming and looked at his sister who crouched over him looking just as surprised as him.

Munk looked down at the twins with utter shock. His fist was still suspended in the air and tingled from when it made contact with Coricopat's cheek. He looked at his outstretched paw and then back at the accosted tom on the junk with his sister fussing over him frantically. What had he done?

"I'm sorry" whispered the silver tabby before tearing off across the junk. As he ran he began to hit himself in the chest over the sheer frustration that was his life. First he was a killer, then Alonzo didn't want to be with him and now he was attacking any cat that got in his way? What had happened to him? How could he have gone from the sanest most upstanding cat in the junkyard to the murderous, loose cannon he now was. As he entered the clearing his vision was obscured by tears that welled up in the corners of his eyes and he didn't look where he was going. As if he wasn't already going through enough he collided with the huge, great form of his father and the two toms fell to the ground in a heap. Old Deuteronomy was just checking in as usual and he hadn't seen his son running blindly. The two lay on the ground for a moment before they both looked up. Old Deuteronomy looked at his son who appeared absolutely distraught as he struggled to get up.

"Munkustrap, are you alright?" he asked worriedly. He got no response as Munk jumped up and began running off over the junk again. Something was desperately wrong and the old tom knew he had to get to the bottom of it. But where to begin? The leader looked around the clearing at the cats who had seen their collision and gave them looks as if to say 'what was all that about?'

He spoke to some of them but they all came back with the same answer: Munk and Alonzo had been acting strangely ever since they had both gone missing and none of them knew why. Old Deuteronomy was almost lost when he finally decided to ask Billy. He didn't expect the little tom to answer any differently but he valued each and every Jellicle's opinion and Billy was certainly becoming one of those since his arrival to the junkyard.

"Billy, my boy. I don't suppose you know anything about what's going on with Munkustrap and Alonso, do you?"

The black and white kitten shook his head but continued to look intently at the leader. Old Deuteronomy straightened up and wondered what to try next. As he turned to walk away he stopped when a small voice called out to him,

"He cries when no one can see him"

The Jellicle leader turned back around and stared at the kitten,

"He cries?"

"Yes. He always goes to the same place and cries"

"How long has he been doing this, Billy?"

"Since he got back, sir"

"Does he know you know this?"

"No"

"I see. Could you show me where he goes, Billy?"

The small kitten nodded and reached out to take the older tom's paw. Billy lead Old Deuteronomy up over the junk and after a short while of clambering the sound of painful sobs filled their ears.

"Thank you, Billy. I'm sure I can find him from here. Why don't you go back?"

Billy scampered back the way he had come and left the leader to seek out the source of the sobs. He could tell they came from his son, they were very distinctive.

* * *

Alonzo continued to stare intensely into nothingness. He had been that way for hours as he silently mulled over the method he had devised to eradicate the anguish he was causing Munk. He didn't feel upset, he almost felt happy that soon his mate wouldn't feel guilty for staying with him anymore. He knew how he could give Munk a fresh start and while it meant he wouldn't be in the tabby's life he would at least know that Munk would be free to go on without painful reminders hanging over him. Alonzo took in a deep breath and made his final decision: he would take his own life in order to give Munk back his.

Alonzo looked out of the door of his den. The day was moving on now and the afternoon would soon be here. He smiled at the sunlight which bathed the junkyard; it was a beautiful sight to see new life finding it's way into his home. It seemed to symbolize the new life the Jellicles would have without him and he it looked nice to him – albeit making him feel a little anxious. He wouldn't have to wait too long to go ahead with the solution he had thought up as night would arrive in a few hours. Then he could do what he had to do in order to make things right again. With a small twinge of fear he returned to the bed to try and sleep. He would need energy in order to get to where he intended to go later on.

* * *

Munk sat in the alcove that had now become the only place in the world he felt was safe enough to open up. That place used to be in Alonzo's arms but his perceived loss of trust left Munk with only the dark, cold junk to seek solace from. Munk was truly beside himself and he leant against the hard walls of the concavity as he let his sadness flow out. He didn't feel like he knew who he was anymore and he certainly didn't know where to go from here.

He was so despondent he didn't hear the heavy footfalls of the Jellicle leader approach his hiding place and stop when he reached the opening. Old Deuteronomy bent down and looked into the dark hole. He was greeted with the sorry sight of his son in the most vulnerable state he could have imagined. The leader's heart went out to him and he almost lost his ability to speak as he looked upon his dismal offspring. Munk looked up as a shadow fell across the light that came from the entrance and he did his best to look composed when he noticed his father looking at him. His best wasn't particularly convincing and it wasn't long before his façade – like a dam holding back too much water – went crashing down. The silver tabby simply didn't have the energy to keep up appearances anymore and he turned his face away as he sobbed violently with the shame of crying in front of his father washing over him.

"Please go away, sir" pleaded Munk

Old Deuteronomy continued to look at him with an incredibly heartfelt expression. If there was one thing he knew how to do it was speak straight to his son's soul without muttering a word; he'd gotten rather good at it over the years and knew his expression said more than words ever could. It wasn't long before Munk peeked at his father and recognized the huge amount of love he had for him. The tabby slowly shuffled forward and buried his face into his father's shoulder. He didn't want to appear so weak but he needed the comfort he knew was waiting in the older tom's arms. His body racked gently as he let out a huge amount of his strife into the leader's fur and he was reminded of how safe he had felt in this very position when he had been a kitten. What an incredibly long time ago that had been. Old Deuteronomy gently rubbed his son's back and comforted him as he cried.

A long while passed until Munk found enough composure to lean back and begin the awkward explanation as to his sorrowful display. He decided to keep his line of sight low until his father spoke first.

"What's wrong, Munkustrap?" said the old cat in his deep, wise baritone

Munk sighed before responding, "So much, sir"

"My boy, why is it you always call me sir especially at times like this?" chuckled Old Deuteronomy

"Sorry…dad"

"Much better. Now, why don't you start at the beginning?"

"There's just so much…and it's so…hard"

"I've got all the time in the world"

Munk was once again silent for a moment before beginning,

"Well, do you remember when Alonzo went missing?"

"Yes"

"I was searching for him for days before I figured out where he was. I followed my senses and I found I was right"

"Well that's brilliant, isn't it?"

"No, dad. Macavity had taken him and chained him up"

"Oh…"

"But that's not the worst part. He tortured him, dad! He slashed at him with his claws and made him bleed so much! He's got so many scars on his back now that you wouldn't recognise him from behind. And it's my fault, dad! I should have been able to stop all of that happening but I didn't."

Old Deuteronomy tilted his head forward and smiled gently, "Munkustrap, Macavity is the most devious, most evil cat around. You could have built walls around the junkyard a mile high but he still would have found a way in. You of all cats should know that when Macavity wants something he'll give everything he's got to obtain it. Munkustrap, you are so good at what you do but you can't keep everybody safe all the time. You did nothing wrong. Can you see that?"

"That's not the last of it, though…" said Munk shakily

"Oh?"

The tabby took in another deep breath and struggled to tell his father, "Macavity raped him too." Munk hid his eyes with his paw and turned to keep himself from letting out a torrent of woe.

Old Deuteronomy stared at him wide-eyed for a moment and then closed them in heartbreaking contemplation; those words were hard to get one's head around, even for him. He understood completely now: Macavity had done far more than torture his son's mate, he had forced himself upon him and taken his dignity. What an evil cat he was. After a moment he looked down and cradled his son trying to show him just how sorry he felt for him.

"I'm so sorry to hear that, Munkustrap. That's truly a terrible thing"

"I'm still not done…"

Old Deuteronomy breathed deeply waiting for yet another bombshell; what more could the evil cat have done to Alonzo?

"One day Macavity dragged me into where he was keeping Alonzo chained up and forced me to watch while he raped and tortured him again. But just before he was about to do it I broke free and tackled him."

"Surely that's good" said the leader hopefully. Munk shook his head.

"I was so angry and scared I didn't know what I was doing. At the time I meant to do it, I wanted to get revenge and it seemed like the only way. It all happened so fast but I remember it so clearly and I can't believe I actually managed to do it…"

Old Deuteronomy was confused by his son's babbling and asked him very carefully,

"What did you do, Munkustrap?"

"I killed him"

There was complete silence for a few minutes as the two cats simply thought through the words. Old Deuteronomy eventually spoke up,

"Macavity is dead?"

"Yes" whispered Munk

"How?"

"I hit his head against the ground until I was sure"

" I see."

There was silence once again. The old tom took his time to think through the implications of this revelation and eventually came to a conclusion. He lifted his son's chin and looked at him with extreme wisdom in his eyes.

"Macavity did some awful things to not only Alonzo but so many other cats. I'd wager that if you hadn't done what you did he would have killed you both. I'm not saying that I condone killing anyone but it's okay that you did this time. Macavity was a sick, evil cat and I can only wish he hadn't done some of the things I've heard he has done in the past." he paused before continuing, "Son, you did what was necessary – you are not in the wrong."

"But I'm a murderer; how can Alonzo want me now that I've got blood on my paws?"

"Alonzo must of course love you for destroying the cat that had done those terrible things to him. Why would you think otherwise?"

"Because he doesn't even let me touch him anymore. Ever since he's been back he's been keeping to himself and barely talking"

"And you think that's because you killed Macavity?"

"Yes" mumbled Munk quietly looking down

"Oh, Munkustrap. Do you know how ludicrous that sounds? Alonzo must love you so dearly for saving him. He would surely have been killed had you not come to his rescue so of course he still loves you."

"Do you think so?" asked Munk hopefully but still with sadness

"Definitely, my boy"

"Then why is he acting so strangely?"

Old Deuteronomy thought for a moment, "Are his scars really that bad?"

Munk nodded grimly.

"Have you considered how he must be feeling having to display them to everyone? Or to be more specific: to you? He's quite the looker I'm sure you'll agree so he must feel quite upset to have the same coat he had before he was kidnapped"

Munk furrowed his brow; how had the simple explanation his father had just offered passed over his head for so long? It seemed so simple: Alonzo had always been proud of his looks but he must now be really unhappy that he had been changed so much. Munk scoffed in amazement over his stupidity; how had he been so blind?

"Is all this why you've been sneaking off so much?"

Munk looked at his father and puzzled, "How did you know?"

"Billy has been following you. The poor little thing is completely stupefied by how you've been. It might help to explain to him why you've been so upset once you and Alonzo have sorted everything out"

Munk felt his heart sink; his father didn't know about Billy's mother.

"I've just thought of one more thing" said Munk awkwardly and Old Deuteronomy grimaced as he prepared himself for yet another blow.

"Yes?" the old tom said timidly

"Billy's mother, I think Macavity killed her too."

Old Deuteronomy sighed and felt horrible. The poor little kitten that had so much hope in Munkustrap to find his mother would have to be told she was dead. How on earth had Macavity managed to do so many awful things in such a short length of time?"

"I see" said the leader, "The poor queen, and poor Billy."

Munk nodded sadly knowing that he would have to break the news to him soon. One thing at a time though, Alonzo had to be dealt with first.

"Are you feeling better now?" asked Old Deuteronomy. Munk looked at him not really knowing how to feel before replying,

"I think so"

"Good. You should go to him now, son, and tell him how much you love him. Find out how he feels and work from there."

The two made their way out of the hole and looked at their surroundings. The evening was approaching now and long shadows were cast across the junk. Before they set off back to the clearing Munk grabbed his father and asked him,

"Do you think he and I will be okay?"

Old Deuteronomy smiled warmly at his son, "Of course, my boy. I'm sure of it"

For the first time in weeks, Munk actually felt a speck of happiness begin to grow inside him.

* * *

In the warmth of his den Alonzo sat feeling cold. It was almost time for him to leave and suddenly a great feeling of fear gripped him. He didn't cry out or react in any way, he just sat staring straight ahead. It seemed that he had truly lost his mind as he thought more and more about what he was intending to do that evening. His silent contemplation was interrupted when Bomba burst into the den with a huge smile on her face.

"Hey, Alonzo! I've got some good news!"

The tom just looked at her without expression as she continued,

"Tugger wants to take us all out tonight, he thinks it would do us all good since it's been so droopy around here lately. And I know how much you love to party so I thought you'd jump at the chance. What do you say?"

Alonzo turned away and looked down,

"I can't. I'm busy."

"Busy? With what?" asked Bomba sarcastically

"Just stuff I need to do"

"Is it more important that going out and feeling good?"

"It is this time" he trailed off.

"Well, what is it?"

Alonzo got up and looked out of the door behind Bomba. It was about mid-afternoon now and the sun was just about to begin it's descent. He spoke quite airily,

"It's become quite a nice day, hasn't it Bomba?"

"Yeah?" she said feeling more confused

"Perfect day to finish on"

"Finish on? What do you mean?"

"Never mind. Did cats worry about me when I was missing?"

Bomba looked at him feeling completely confused; how on earth was that relevant?

"Umm…yes, they did. You know they did."

"Do you think they'd miss me if I went again?"

"Well…Yeah? Why? Are you going somewhere?"

"What about if they knew where I was going?"

"Alonzo, what are you talking about?"

He hesitated for a moment and then looked to the ground looking blue,

"Nothing" he said quietly, "Just a thought I had"

"Are you alright?" asked Bomba wondering if the tom in front of her had snapped

"I think for the first time in a while I'm actually okay. I know what I have to do now."

"Alonzo, seriously, what are you talking about?"

The black and white tom looked at her solemnly and then smiled warmly before speaking,

"You're a good friend, Bomba. Thank you for always being there"

By now Bomba was utterly confounded; she absolutely did not know what Alonzo was talking about and it started to worry her.

"Alonzo, what's going on? Please, tell me."

"I've got to go now, Bomba" said Alonzo stiffly turning back to the door and beginning to walk towards it. The queen grabbed his arm as he went and pleaded,

"Alonzo! Please tell me what you mean! I don't understand!"

Alonzo shook her off and jumped out of the den. She followed him out but by the time she was outside he was already running across the clearing. As he went the queen was sure she could see him glistening at the eyes. The queen shouted after him but it was no use, he was gone. Bomba didn't know what to do; partly because Alonzo had acted so strangely but mostly because she just didn't understand. She stood outside the den feeling incredibly worried that something very bad was about to happen.

* * *

In the clearing there was a huddle of cats all centred around the psychic twins. They had returned quietly not wanting to cause a fuss but it hadn't been long before the kittens had started prying. Tantomile was trying to pass off a false explanation as to why her brother couldn't speak. Neither of them wanted to let the tribe know that Munk had lost his temper and hit Coricopat in the jaw rendering him unable to talk from the swelling. Mistoffelees was gently manipulating the psychic cat's mouth and getting a good look so as to figure out how to fix it. He had quickly talked with Tantomile and they had decided it was best not to involve Jenny, she would certainly make far too much of a fuss. Besides, Misto could probably fix this without a problem. Rubbing his paws together he warned Coricopat,

"This might sting"

The psychic simply nodded and closed his eyes; he had already seen what Misto had in mind. Blowing into each of his paws Misto raised them up to the sides of Coricopat's head. In a flash he threw them back and then slapped the cat in front of him; first on the left, then on the right. There was a flash of light with each impact and the psychic tom groaned as each paw made contact.

A second or two passed before he opened his mouth again and moved his jaw around slowly.

"I think you did it" he said cautiously and then smiled when the words came out as clear as crystal. "Thanks, Misto"

The tuxedo tom smiled smugly and stood feeling very pleased with himself.

"Anytime, Cori" he said happily. He loved it when he could help using his magic.

"Please don't call me Cori"

"Why not?"

"It's girly"

"Then it's quite befitting, wouldn't you say?" snickered Misto

Coricopat playfully punched him on the arm and they laughed together.

"So, how did that happen in the first place?" asked Misto

"Didn't you hear Tantomile?"

"Yes but I reckon there's more to it than a slip and a fall"

Coricopat looked a tad shifty and spoke with his eyes averted,

"Just a little scuffle, nothing to worry abou-"

The psychic tom was cut off by a new voice. It was deep and solemn,

"Coricopat, could I talk to you for a moment, please?"

The conversing toms looked to the side and saw Munk seeming to have appeared from nowhere. He looked quite rough and they could see he was rather embarrassed by the question. Misto puzzled at the protector's appearance but Coricopat smiled and took Munk to the side. A few of the Jellicles watched them as they walked away from them and saw them speaking very quietly. Cats may have excellent hearing but the toms spoke so discreetly none of them could make out what they were saying.

Coricopat waited for Munk to begin. He knew exactly what was going to happen, after all he was psychic. He patiently waited for Munk to find the words,

"Right…so..." began the silver tabby. He felt like a complete idiot for having given himself reason to apologise in the first place and he blushed as he tried to say what he wanted to say.

"Coricopat…I would like…I mean, I really want you to know…Well…"

'_Why is this so hard?_' he thought.

"You want me to know how sorry you are for hitting me?" chimed in Coricopat

Munk looked down and nodded gently before replying.

"Yes. I should have listened to you and Tantomile in the first place; you were right: it would have been better to talk about what was going on. I just couldn't manage it, you know? I was so cut up about everything that I just couldn't face dealing with it."

"But you can now?" asked Coricopat curiously

"Yes, I think so. Old Deuteronomy and I spoke and he made things a lot clearer for me."

"Well that's good. We were hoping you'd figure out that you weren't a murderer sooner or later"

"Well, yes. At least I feel I can talk to Alonzo about it all now. Above everything, though, I really want you to know I never meant to hit you. I'm really, really sorry"

"I accept" said Coricopat raising his paw. Munk did the same and they touched them lightly in silent understanding.

At that moment Bomba ran up to the two toms and grabbed Munk forcefully. She held on incredibly tight and Munk could see the queen was distraught.

"Bomba? What one earth is the matter?" asked Munk thinking something dreadful had happened.

"It's Alonzo!" she said through frantic tears, "I think he's going to hurt himself! I tried to talk to him but he left and now I don't know where he is or what he's doing! I'm sorry, Munk!"

"Bomba, what are you talking about?" asked Munk feeling that sense of urgency once again ignite inside him.

"He was talking but he sounded really far away. He was saying things that didn't seem to make any sense. I tried to talk to him but he ran"

"Such as what?"

"Such as it being a nice day to finish on and whether cats would miss him if he went missing again"

"Where did he go?"

"Out of the junkyard"

Munk's heart sank. Alonzo had certainly not been himself lately and this erratic behaviour gave him cause for alarm. Now his mate had left the junkyard and he could be anywhere, what's more if Bomba was right then who knew what he was capable of doing?

"Did he say where he was going?" asked Munk feeling frightened now

"No" squeaked Bomba as Demeter came over and comforted her flustered friend.

Munk didn't know what to do and spun around to ask Coricopat. He was met with the sight of the tom and his sister locked in intensive stares; they were having a vision and they spoke jaggedly as they saw into ether,

"Alonzo…Up high…Falling…"

Munk got close to the twins and listened intently to what else they said,

"Bad thoughts…bad thoughts…water…drowning…"

"Guys, what do you see?" asked Munk hoping they could hear him

"Water…water everywhere…darkness…"

The twins' heads flopped down as their vision ended and a few seconds later they bolted back up again looking very scared.

"Alonzo's in trouble" they said quickly

"What's wrong?" asked Munk trying his hardest to keep it together

"He's going somewhere. Somewhere high up, and he's falling."

"What do you mean?"

"No, wait! He's jumping! He's going to jump off of something high!"

Munk felt sick; could they really be saying this? They continued,

"He feels worthless, that's why he's going to do it. And there was water. He's going to jump off of something high into water"

"Oh, Alonzo…" said Munk looking towards the junkyard entrance and feeling atrocious again. How could his mate have been feeling this bad? How had he not prevented this? How had he not seen the signs of Alonzo deteriorating to this level of instability?

"Where is the something high?" asked Munk desperately

The psychics looked at him with the same intensity before simply saying,

"Tower Bridge"

Without waiting Munk took off towards the junkyard entrance. As he ran Old Deuteronomy caught him and tried to ask him what was going on. Munk shook him off and darted away. He simply couldn't allow Alonzo to hurt himself. He loved him far too much.

The tabby ran off into the night; he had never run so fast in his life.

* * *

Alonzo had made his way slowly through the dangerous streets of the city with a light head. He had walked with an empty expression as he played memories of himself and Munk and all the times they'd enjoyed together. Every now and then a smile would spread across his lips and he felt glad for the time he'd spent with his mate. However, on top of it all was the deep-rooted knowledge of his worthlessness and it was the prospect of ending his self-hatred and giving Munk his life back that spurred him to keep moving. Deep within himself he knew the previous cat that he had been was with it's dying breath telling him not to go through with his plan. That voice was weak now and drowned out by the compulsion to go ahead with his fatal solution. Night fell as he got ever closer to the silent, unfathomable waters of the river that flowed through the city and it wasn't long before the black and white tom was the water's edge. Up in the distance he could see the glorious splendour of Tower Bridge and the beautifully lit up structure seemed to beckon him mystically. He felt drawn to the bridge as if this night was always meant to be and without thinking he slowly began to walk towards it. Humans stopped and stared as they watched Alonzo walk by airily; it was very odd to see a cat stroll along a central London street as if he were a man. Some bent down and tried to give him affection but he walked straight past not seeing them. He was almost trance-like as he went on and didn't notice the hustle and bustle of the city around him.

The tom's sense of time had been gone for weeks and it was impossible to tell how long it had taken him to arrive at his final destination. He looked up at the bright, granite construction and marvelled as the moon shone down from high above it. He had always felt comforted when looking at the moon but not now. Now it was cold and frightening and seemed to stare down at him with as much hate as he had for himself. It seemed to tell him he was sickening to look at and that he was truly filthy. The bridge however seemed to offer him hope; a final lifeline – ironically speaking – to put things right again. It welcomed him with it's brilliant light and made him feel almost happy once more.

If any cat could have heard Alonzo's thoughts they would be able to see that he was not well and desperately needed help. The tom really needed someone to knock some sense into him but it was all too true that when it came to love: nothing is ever as straightforward as it ought to be. Alonzo's plan to provide a solution to his and Munk's plight was coming together very quickly now and it seemed that nothing could stop him. Very carefully the patched tom walked up to the stone wall and placed his paws on it. Unsheathing his claws he found gaps in the stone and began to pull himself up. He kept going using his sharp claws to scale the outside of the structure and stopped every few metres to catch his breath. He groaned and panted as the climb quickly wore him down and the weight of his body pulling downward on his claws made his paws ache brutally. As he went his claws scuffed and scratched the stone and left a trail where he had climbed. The sharp little blades were slowly ruined as he pulled himself upwards and were very quickly wearing out. He nearly fell many times as he lost his grip and slipped; when this happened he clung on for fiercely and reaffirmed his desperation to get to the top. It took a very long time but eventually the tom pulled himself all the way up to the roof of the tower he was climbing. He threw himself over the ledge and lay on the cold stone trying to catch his breath. Once again he noticed the moonlight blaring down at him and he could swear he heard it speak. It constantly told him how vile he was and that no cat could ever love him. He clutched his paws to his head and rolled around as a flurry of thoughts and emotions crowded his mind. In his head was a horrible mixture of hatred, self-loathing and sadness but also love and joy. He didn't know what to believe and he began to cry out in anger and confusion. He couldn't handle the pain anymore, his mind had given up on him just like he had given up on himself. He knew he would never again be the cat he once was, and why? All because Munkustrap, the only cat he truly loved and needed in the world didn't love him anymore. Choking sobs rushed out of him and soon he was bawling on top of the bridge. How could it be that as soon as he'd found happiness it had been ripped away from him? How could it be that the cat he had known since before he could remember had sworn to love him but now not be there? Alonzo could barely believe it; how could Munk have stopped loving him? It simply didn't seem possible but in his mind it was the unbreakable truth. His heart told him that Munk still loved him but his mind shouted and screamed that he didn't. Alonzo had been siding with his mind for a long time now and couldn't see himself as anything other than an ugly, mutilated wreck. This view of himself stabbed at him and he felt unbelievable pain inside. Through the tears he saw the ghost of Macavity appear and smile down fiercely at him in the moonlight. The evil cat had won and in a short while he would have effectively killed Alonzo from beyond the grave.

"You win" whispered Alonzo at the horrifying apparition of his captor and he lay his head down and closed his eyes as he shivered in the cold night air.

"I should have taken care of you before that bastard mate of yours killed me. You were mine to do what I liked with" said the spectre of the evil cat

"You win" repeated Alonzo wishing his captor would disappear, "Please go away"

"I'll never go away, Alonzo. You belong to me and that means I'll always control you"

"But you've won! Just leave me now" begged Alonzo with closed eyes

The ghost of Macavity that Alonzo's strained mind had conjured up began to shriek with evil laughter and the horrible sound seemed to echo around the city. It tormented Alonzo and he began to cry fearfully. Back in reality he kept whispering between sobs,

"You win."

He did his best to block out the vision of the red and black tom and concentrate on his plan.

It wouldn't be long now.

* * *

Munk sprinted past stomping humans and the loud noises of the city. He dodged black cabs and red busses as he flew through the streets towards where Coricopat and Tantomile had seen in their vision. He simply couldn't believe what they'd said, it wasn't clear but it seemed Alonzo had decided upon a horrible fate for himself. Munk tried not to think about it and just kept running. He prayed he wasn't too late and worked himself into a frenzy as he went. What would he do without Alonzo? Sure, their relationship had been rocky since they had been kidnapped but surely it wasn't something they could work through. Especially now since Munk had come to a new realisation that Alonzo can't have hated him. Munk loved Alonzo and he felt like an idiot for thinking he didn't love him back. But now, would he ever get a chance to tell his mate just how much love he had for him? What if it was left like this and Alonzo died not knowing how much he meant to the tabby?

Munk hit himself for thinking such awful thoughts and did his best to refocus on getting to Tower Bridge in time. He knew he was close but every second counted. After winding through several more streets and jumping around big groups of humans he saw the huge, looming bridge presented in front of him. He had horrible thoughts of seeing Alonzo plummet just as he got there and shook his head to try and think clearly. As he got close he scanned the structure intensively as he tried to pick out the distinctive form of his mate. He couldn't see anything from this side so he began to run along the length of the bridge to get a different view. He felt himself become more and more scared when he didn't see Alonzo from this side either and ran back into the centre. He threw his head from side to side hoping he would spot the black and white tom and stop him before it was too late. He began to scream the tom's name hoping he might hear him but it was no use. He couldn't see him. Munk began to feel numb as the thought that Alonzo had already jumped began to creep in. He staggered backwards and came to rest against the wall at the side of the pavement. He grew dizzy as time went on and found his head rolling around. As the world spun he managed to look up at the striking white moon that shone back at him. The light filtered through the holes in the structure above him and it seemed to sparkle as he watched. A sick feeling started to make itself apparent and his mind started to clear up as he concentrated on the impending need to vomit. As his vision stilled he was about to turn away before he noticed something. There, high up on the upper part of the bridge was a white lump. As Munk stared at it the lump appeared to have black patches and also had a shape. The form became familiar as he started to notice it was a cat and soon his heart leapt when he made out the figure of his beautiful mate.

"Alonzo!" he shouted up with terror. The tom was standing right at the edge of the upper walkway and was looking down at the water below. Munk looked around and simply couldn't think of a quick way to get up to him. He became desperate and started to pace frantically as he thought. He spoke aloud in his craze,

"Think, Munk! Thin, think, think!" He groaned when he came up with nothing and flipped his head up to look around again. He fixated on something as he looked towards the end of the bridge and in a split-second took off running. Just before he got to the end of the bridge he jumped up onto the railing and then onto the huge suspension rods which reached all the way up to the top. As quick as a flash he raced up along the suspender and was only slowed down as the gradient got too steep. In a fit of desperation he sunk his claws into the suspender and dragged his body up the rest of the way. When he reached the top of the tower he pulled himself over the ledge and panted for a few seconds as he looked for his mate. He clasped his paw to his mouth as he saw his mate standing right in the middle of the walkway looking incredibly uneasy. He didn't waste another moment and began running towards the tom to save him from himself. As he got closer he felt both feelings of happiness and fear get stronger and stronger within him. He begged that he wouldn't be a second too late.

Alonzo stared fearfully at the flowing, dark waters down below. He hadn't thought he'd be so frightened when he got right to the brink and was almost at the point of reconsidering. With a deep breath he reassured himself that this was the only way and set about preparing himself for his final leap. He closed his eyes and shut out the sounds of the city; he wanted his final thoughts to be of Munk and how much he loved him. In a few moments he decided he would simply step out into the air and allow himself to fall to his end. He hoped it wouldn't be too painful when he hit the water and that it wouldn't take too long for the darkness to take him. He really, really hoped. He smiled and began to sob as he thought about Munk and the warmth they once shared. He only had a memory of that comfort now and it's absence made him feel like his heart had been sliced in two. His body began to shake from fear and he heard the frantic beating of his heart. The fast throbbing in his ears became all he could hear and he knew it was time to take the final step.

Alonzo struggled to find the courage as he very slowly contracted the muscles in his right leg. He shook uncontrollably and tears streamed down his face as he began to lean forward towards the freezing abyss. His heart's throbbing was deafening as it pounded in his head but strangely enough there was another beating mixing with it. It wasn't his heart but it was just as quick. This sound, however, was like heavy footfalls and above all it didn't come from within him. Filled with fear he brought his leg back from the empty air and reluctantly cracked his eyes open. He looked towards the direction of the thumping and opened his eyes completely when he saw his silver tabby running towards him. He simply didn't know how to feel. Should he run to him? Should he jump before Munk reached him? Should he run away? A thousand questions filled the patched tom's mind and he quickly settled on one idea before Munk got too close. He shouted at him,

"Stay back!" He did his best to sound fearsome but it came out as very constricted and showing deep, unrelenting fear.

Munk stopped still with a look on disbelief on his face. He stared at Alonzo with an intensity the cat had never seen before and it almost scared him how strong the look of horror on Munk's face was. There was a long, frightening silence between them before the tabby finally spoke with his voice cracking,

"Alonzo, you can't!"

The patched tom stared back and sobbed more,

"I have to"

"No you don't! You don't, Alonzo! Please, come away!"

"You don't understand, Munk. I have to do this, it's the only way you can be happy again"

Munk stood dumfounded; how on earth had Alonzo come to that conclusion?

"You can't be serious! How could I ever be happy without you?" the tabby spluttered

"I know you don't love me anymore! Just look at me! How could you?" screamed the black and white tom with an incredible look of pain on his face. Munk dropped to his knees in disbelief; what was Alonzo saying?

"How can you say that? Alonzo, I adore you! You're my very reason for living! You're the only cat I wake up for in the morning and without you the world is empty! Do you hear me? I live for you, Alonzo! You're my world!"

"Don't lie!" begged Alonzo, "I've seen how I look. I'm hideous! How could you ever want me now? Macavity won, Munk! He did kill me in that prison because he took you from me!" The patched tom let out a yelp as he heard the echo of Macavity's laughter again.

"You're wrong!" pleaded Munk, "You're so wrong! He didn't win because I killed him. I killed him to take you back from him. I'm still here, I'd never leave you, 'Lonz!"

Alonzo sniffed hard through the tears, "You've been spending so much time away from me since we got back; I know it's because you can't bear to look at me!"

"No! Never! You're beautiful! How can you not see that?"

"Look at me!" screamed Alonzo making humans down below look up to where the sound had come from. "I'm horrific! Once I looked good but now I'm just vile! It's makes me sick to look at what Macavity left me with and I can't believe that anyone could love me like this!"

"I love you, Alonzo! I love you so damn much! How can you not see? You're everything to me and I can't live without you!"

"But you've been gone so much. I can't believe you."

"'Lonz. I've been gone because I thought you didn't love me anymore. I've been hiding away so the tribe wouldn't see me break down from the pain. I couldn't bear the thought of you not loving me anymore and every moment I was near you made me feel so guilty for forcing you to stay with me"

Alonzo was awestruck. Was what Munk was saying true? The next thing he said came out just above a whisper,

"How could you think I didn't love you?"

"Because I killed Macavity. I didn't think you'd love a murderer"

Alonzo clapped his paw to his mouth; could it really be true?

"I'll always love you, Munk. How can you not know that?"

"How can you not know that I'll always love you?"

The two toms stared at each other both of them paralyzed. This was a lot to take in and their minds were reeling from the shock of it all. It was Munk who eventually spoke first,

"I adore you, Alonzo. I'll love you forever. I never, ever want us to be apart."

"I love you too, Munkustrap. I was so scared that you didn't but it's so wonderful to hear you say you do"

"I swear I do!" said Munk fiercely, "You have my heart!"

"Oh, Munk. I love you! I love you, I love you, I love you so much!" said Alonzo amazedly. He couldn't stop saying the words and only ceased when he ran out of breath. Munk shook with every gasp he took, he was so frightened that his mate was still standing so close to death. With a strained voice he begged his tom,

"Please come away from there"

Alonzo looked over the edge and gasped; he'd forgotten where he was. He began to shake even more and feel dizzy as adrenaline flooded his body.

"Help me, Munk. I can't move" the patched tom whispered in fear. Munk darted forward and grabbed onto his mate tightly. Alonzo felt cold and was shaking like a leaf. The silver tabby could practically smell the terror pouring from him. He gently began to lead Alonzo away who staggered as he tried to walk. A bright flash of hope filled Munk as he held his fragile mate in his arms. The feeling of having his one and only safely back was utterly indescribable and it was perhaps the greatest feeling he had ever had in his life.

Alonzo's shaking began to subside a little and his breathing began to return to normal as he was led away. Just then, from the bustling world below a shrill whistle came and the traffic stopped at the sides of the bridge. The high-pitched scream made Alonzo flinch wildly and the tom slipped on the damp walkway he staggered on. The noise made Munk – just for a moment – release his grip and it was precisely at that moment that Alonzo fell from his grasp. He flung his paws around to try and catch his mate but it was too late. Alonzo landed on the very edge of the walkway, his legs collapsed beneath him and before he knew what had happened he bounced over the edge. Just before he disappeared from Munk's horrified vision the two tom's eyes met and the silver tabby saw the most heartbreaking, scared look he had ever seen in his life in his mate's eyes. Alonzo plummeted into the black waters that quickly flowed beneath the bridge and the last thing Munk saw as he desperately peered over the edge was his mate disappear under the surface of the freezing river.

Without hesitating Munk hurled himself off of the bridge and into the dark, icy domain that had consumed his Alonzo. Painfully slow seconds went by with neither of them resurfacing and the bridge opening up above them.

**Oh my goodness! Munk and Alonzo disappeared into the Thames! What if they don't came back up?**

**Thank you so much for reading, your reviews are absolutely wonderful. They really give me the drive to write. **

**Check back soon for the next chapter.**


	14. Freezing

**So here's something interesting: I saw Love Never Dies (Andrew Lloyd Webber's newest musical) on the West End last night. It was absolutely spectacular but how does it relate to this? Well, it's showing in the Adelphi Theatre which is where Cats the movie was shot. It made me happy to think that 14 years ago that wonderful cast was standing on the very stage I was looking at and were singing to the rafters. What was even more interesting was the size of the theatre, they make it look so huge in the film but in reality it's nowhere near as big as that. Overall though Love Never Dies was spectacular and I got to have a Cats moment as well. All together a wonderful evening. **

**A year in the life of the black and white toms**

**Chapter 14**

**Freezing**

In dangerous and exciting situations it seems that far too many things happen within a relatively short space of time. It is this that influences us to feel that time has slowed down and it bends our minds so the world seems to be moving at a slower rate. The way our bodies work at such times is quite amazing and what is perhaps most interesting is the way we simply do not think about our decisions; they're instinctive.

It was this manner of reaction that threw Munkustrap off of the bridge after his mate who had fallen just seconds before. The silver tabby's heart seemed to skip a beat as the cold, glassy surface of the water got closer and closer and the tom braced himself for the impact. The tabby broke the surface of the river with such force it felt like he had jumped onto concrete. He fell deep into the icy waters and opened his eyes in this new world desperately searching for Alonzo. The need for air coupled with the freezing sting of the water forced the silver tabby to propel himself upwards. He could see the distorted orange glow of the city through the water's surface and dragged his body towards it. Like a torpedo he burst into the air and sucked in a huge breath for his desperate lungs. He whipped his head back and forth hoping Alonzo had come back up but he only saw the tide flow past him – at least, that's all he saw until he noticed the bridge opening up in front of him. He looked through the brightly lit arc of the structure and to his horror saw a huge, menacing boat ready to come through. He began to panic and started to shout Alonzo's name as he struggled to keep above the water. He kept looking around but couldn't see the beautiful black and white tom anywhere. Taking another look at the boat which now started to move towards him he drew in a deep breath and descended back down into the murky depths of the Thames. The water tasted foul as some of it worked it's way into his mouth and it stung his eyes as he desperately looked through the cold, dark world below. He quickly whipped his arms and legs around doing his best to glide through the water but swimming is not something a cat is best at. He felt the need to breath once more scream at him and he was about to rise to the surface once more before he saw a dark shadow. A little way beneath him he saw a shape with light and dark patches. As he focused on it he saw the object had fur which was gently flowing in water that rushed around him. Without hesitating Munk pulled himself through the tide and swiped at the form. At first it was just out of reach but in seconds he had grabbed onto it. As he pulled at the body it spun around and Munk saw the fear-stricken, paralyzed face of Alonzo. Munk tried to signal him to swim upwards but Alonzo was completely petrified and seemed to become further and further away from consciousness. Mere milliseconds later Munk fastened his paw around Alonzo's arm and began perilously pulling him upwards. The task was monumental and the resistance of the water really slowed the silver tabby down but he pressed on; he wasn't about to let his mate drown. Several more horrible seconds crawled by and Munk's head once again broke the surface. He sucked in a breath and with all his strength dragged Alonzo's weak form up from the depths of the river. The tabby wrapped his paws around his mate's waist and supported the lifeless tom as his head hung in the air. Alonzo was limp and his eyes had now closed since he had been brought out of submersion. Munk barely had time to look at his mate before he saw the huge, looming shadow of the approaching boat come right at them. Without thinking he grabbed Alonzo even tighter and began frantically kicking away from the path of the gargantuan vessel. The hard, metal hull of the boat got closer and closer and Munk cried out as it came right at them. With one final thrust to the side the tabby pulled his mate out of the way and the boat glided past missing them by an inch. Munk didn't look back as he continued to heave the black and white tom towards the shore. The short journey through the water seemed like miles as the tide as well as the wake the boat had created pulled against them and very nearly sent them further out into the river. By the time Munk had struggled to the edge of the water he was exhausted and he felt his freezing body slowly giving up on him. With one final burst of energy he grabbed onto Alonzo and dragged him onto the riverbank. The black and white tom lay still as Munk – completely drained of energy – collapsed next to him frantically panting.

The silver tabby's mind began to spin as the oxygen slowly returned and the cold air was like ice on his sopping wet fur. After a long moment of respite the tabby pushed his paws against the muddy riverbank and flipped himself over and onto all fours. He shakily crawled over to his mate and pulled on that tom's arm. Alonzo fell onto his back and lay lifeless on the soft mud beneath him. The water from the river soaked his fur through and his head lay at a slanted angle with closed eyes and not a hint of breath. Munk's eyes stared widely at his mate's still body and watched intently for any sign of movement. Not even Alonzo's chest was moving up and down as Munk took hold of his mate's paw; it was so cold and limp. The silver tabby began to feel sick and shivered as he looked over his dear mate's still body; he looked unmistakeably dead.

* * *

In the junkyard Coricopat and Tantomile were surrounded by all of the Jellicles. From time to time they would receive visions of Munk and Alonzo's situation and would reveal to the cats what they saw. The situation had seemingly become bleaker and bleaker and as the twins fell into their trance once again they delivered the harrowing message,

"Alonzo is hanging by a thread…He hasn't got long"

Some of the Jellicles gasped and were shocked by the news. Alonzo simply couldn't be dying. Bomba and Demeter huddled together and held onto each other tightly and hoped desperately that the twins wouldn't tell them their friend had gone. The two queens gripped each other and would have made each other yelp in pain had they not been so fixated on the psychics. The kittens held onto each other too and were kept in a tight bunch as Jenny and Skimble surrounded them. Billy sat right in the middle of the group and was very confused by what was going on around him. He didn't understand what the situation but knew it was serious. He looked around at all the other cats and pondered their expressions; he knew he should have been feeling the same way yet he didn't know why and wouldn't ask as he was far too timid.

The Jellicles continued to gaze and pray as the twins became increasingly silent. As they told the gathered cats the last thing they saw – Alonzo's soaked, unmoving body lying on the shore of the river – they stopped speaking . The message of what had apparently happened began to spread and some of the cats burst into tears.

* * *

Munk was completely flabbergasted, Alonzo couldn't be dead. He was Alonzo, no cat ever had more life than him. How could it be that the very life he'd known in him now seemed to be absent?

The silver tabby gently began to shake his freezing mate by the shoulders in an attempt to rouse him. Alonzo remained still and didn't make a sound.

"Alonzo?" called Munk softly. As soon as the words left his mouth he slowly started to come to terms with Alonzo's apparent state. "Wake up, 'Lonz" said Munk as his voice began to crack from the sorrow that was filling his heart. He started to shake the black and white tom with more force and as he did his tears fell onto his mate's chest and mixed with the water that was held in his fur.

"Please, 'Lonz. Please wake up" pleaded the tabby as he moved his paw up to Alonzo's face and began to gently shake his head from side to side. The wet tom below him still didn't respond. His lips seemed to be turning blue and the white fur on his face looked even paler.

"Alonzo" called Munk loudly and becoming more frantic as he returned his paws to Alonzo's shoulders and shook him vigorously. Munk began to shout, "Alonzo! Alonzo, please!"

Munk broke down there and then at his mate's side. He cried loudly and ruthlessly into Alonzo's damp chest fur and clutched at his tom as he lay still. It wasn't long before Munk came to a shocking conclusion: Alonzo was dead.

"No, Alonzo!" cried Munk, "You can't go now! Please, come back! Please!"

The tabby brought his legs around and lifted Alonzo's heavy upper body off of the ground. Munk sat cross-legged and cradled his mate's limp form in his arms and kissed him before crying into his shoulder. He rocked Alonzo back and forth as he let out his pain. He couldn't believe he would never again be able to tell Alonzo he loved him or look into his eyes or kiss his lips. He placed Alonzo's head on his own shoulder and continued to rock him back and forth.

What happened next was wildly confusing for Munk. As he held onto his supposedly dead mate the black and white tom gave a shudder, made a horrible gurgling sound and coughed up a torrent of water down the silver tabby's back. Munk's eyes shot open as he felt the lukewarm fluid run down his body and leant back to see his mate gasping for air. Alonzo – not knowing where he was or what was going on - suddenly gripped onto Munk tightly and pulled at his fur making the tabby wince. Munk didn't care, he was too confused. With each breath Alonzo made a strained, wheezing sound and he continued to splutter water from his mouth and nose. Through the panting he began to yell for his mate,

"Munk! Munk, where are you?"

The silver tabby replied shakily in amazement,

"I'm here, 'Lonz! I'm right here!"

The two toms remained in each other's arms shivering madly for a long time. Alonzo hadn't a clue what was going on and Munk was simply too awestruck for words.

* * *

In the clearing of the junkyard the mood was dismal. Many of the cats had drifted away and those that had were sitting up on the junk staring blankly or sobbing quietly. What Coricopat and Tantomile had apparently seen was the worst news they could have possibly imagined and the feeling of having lost one of their own cut deep into the heart of the tribe. Alonzo had been such a special cat; he may not have been the most moral or the most upstanding of characters but he could always put a smile on a cat's face. He had a demeanour which brightened a cat's day and the Jellicles were despondent at the thought that they had lost him.

The air was quiet and the near-silent sound of the twins slipping into a trance again was for once incredibly audible. The cats all looked up worriedly and braced themselves for even more bad news. The psychics stared intently into nothingness but this time did not say a word. The Jellicles found their silence unnerving and hated not knowing what they were seeing. After a long moment the twins' heads drooped and were slowly raised up showing identical expressions of amazement. The awe didn't last long as joy broke through.

"He's alive!" they said together.

The Jellicles erupted into a huge cheer and the kittens jumped around with gleeful ignorance – they hadn't really understood what had been going on in the first place. For a short while the Jellicles had never been more upset and now they found it was all for nothing. Their beloved Alonzo was alive and suddenly everything seemed to be alright again.

* * *

Munk and Alonzo were still embracing on the mud of the riverbank long after Alonzo had spluttered back into consciousness. The black and white tom had stopped his frightened shouts and was now shivering in Munk's arms. The tabby held him very close and just breathed deeply. He felt truly relieved to see Alonzo breathe again and never wanted to let him go. He simply couldn't bare to loose him a third time to he made sure not to let him slip away. Munk's arms were a little constricting but Alonzo in his daze didn't care. He revelled in the feeling of being in his mate's arms once again and realised just how much he had missed being there.

"Munk?" Alonzo struggled to say

The tabby barely heard him, "Yes, Alonzo"

The black and white tom shuddered violently as he attempted to speak.

"I'm…sorry"

"It's okay, everything's going to be alright"

"I'm…s-…s-…sorry" repeated the patched tom

"I know, darling, but it's okay"

"I'm…s-…sorry"

"Shhhh. It doesn't matter, I should have been there for you all along. It's my fault"

Alonzo wanted to tell him otherwise but couldn't form words as he was so cold. He simply huddled closer to his tom and tried to soak up his warmth.

After a few more minutes Alonzo started to feel the cold of the night air even more closely and began to shiver. Along with his bare back his coat was soaked and did nothing to protect him against the chill.

"Munk?" the patched tom managed to say shakily

"Yes, darling?" replied the tabby leaning back to look into his mate's eyes

"I'm cold"

The tabby began to rub his back, "We should get home"

"Okay" whispered Alonzo and Munk stood. The tabby tried to help his mate to his paws but his legs simply couldn't find the strength. Each time he tried to rise his shivering form prevented him from getting any higher than a squat and he fall back down into the mud. After a few attempts he looked up at Munk pleadingly and silently begged him to find a solution. The tabby thought for a moment and then looked bravely at Alonzo. He stooped low and grabbed his mate around his back and at the knees. Using all his strength he scooped Alonzo into his arms and cradled him to his chest. The patched tom felt wonderfully safe being held by his mate and latched his arms around the tabby's neck whilst burying his face into his tom's shoulder. Alonzo continued to shiver from the cold as Munk began to walk in the direction of home. As they climbed from the riverbank and onto the streets humans once again stopped and stared at the strange display. Never had they ever seen one cat carry another and the spectacle was amazing. Munk didn't care for the huge beasts' prying eyes and carried on walking past them – '_humans are so stupid'_ he thought.

After a long time of walking Alonzo's shivering began to subside but he still snuggled close to his mate's body. He told his mate he would like to try and walk again but Munk wouldn't hear any of it. The tabby – for the first time in months – once again felt like the protector he was meant to be. The strong sense of pride he had known so well started filling him back up and his usual intelligent and strong expression showed outwardly – only this time with the indication of a smile at the corners of his mouth. He stared straight ahead concentrating fiercely on where he was going and felt unbelievably powerful. The feeling of properly protecting another Jellicle is what gave him a lot of his strength yet it was the love in his heart that gave him most. The bond he felt with Alonzo as he held him in his arms was not like it had ever been before. It was huger than he could have imagined now and felt stronger than steel.

In his heart Munk knew that somehow things were going to be okay again. Maybe not right away but soon.

* * *

The early morning began to appear over the horizon and Jemima watched high up on the junk as it approached. The young kitten had Billy at her side and they shared each other's company like the good friends they had become should. The sun – still hiding below the horizon – illuminated the sky more and more and the two kittens chatted happily as they waited for their protector and his mate to return. Billy was sleepy but would not dare drop off, he wanted to see the toms come back safely. He may have been excited to see Munk and Alonzo but was still worried. He had grown attached to Munk since he had seen him at his most vulnerable and realised he was a cat just like any other. The kitten hadn't spent much time with him since he had been in the junkyard and was scared to death when the tabby had lost his temper but none of that mattered anymore. He had seen Munk show real feline emotion and that in Billy's mind was evidence that there was more beneath the protector's hard exterior. Billy knew it was something good and he felt incredibly drawn to it.

Down on the ground many of the remaining kittens were laying in a big pile of fur. Their young bodies hadn't been able to stay awake for so long and they had crashed soon after the excitement of knowing Alonzo was alive got the better of them. Jenny and Skimble attempted to separate their intertwined little forms and carry them off to bed – it was certainly not an easy task.

Over on the tyre Old Deuteronomy sat waiting patiently. Many of the other cats were gathered around him and keeping a close eye on the junkyard entrance just like him. A few of them upheld light conversation to pass the time and they spoke very happily. They were almost excited to know their protectors were coming back after what had apparently been a critical few hours. None of their reserved happiness rubbed off on Old Deuteronomy – not yet. He had lived a very long time and knew all too well that things were not always as they seemed. He would believe everything was alright again when he saw it; he wasn't about to get his hopes up. He continued to sit silently and carried on waiting for his son and his mate.

* * *

Hours of walking through empty streets passed and Munk could really feel the weight of his mate by now. Alonzo had drifted off to sleep some time ago and had become more difficult to hold on to; Munk didn't mind though, he thought it was cute to see Alonzo so kitten-like. The silver tabby stopped from time to time to adjust his hold on the tom he carried and grimaced slightly from the strain. He took it as a labour of love and ploughed on since they weren't far from home now.

As he walked he wondered how he would begin to talk to Alonzo about this ordeal, after all what Alonzo had intended to do was a very serious matter and would need to be handled delicately. At least he knew why Alonzo had thought to jump off a bridge in the first place: he was clearly depressed and hadn't felt he could talk to anyone. That was where Munk would start. He decided the best thing he could do was reassure Alonzo that he was safe to talk to but above that he needed to let him know he loved him. He remembered how much it had hurt to hear Alonzo say he didn't feel loved and how desperate he had been to let him know he was. The silver tabby held on even tighter to Alonzo and promised himself he would make his mate feel perfect again. It was what he deserved.

The sun was just about to peek over the horizon when the junkyard finally came into view. With Alonzo in his arms Munk walked proudly towards the entrance and felt he was right to look triumphant. There was certainly a nag of there still being a long way to go but for now he had succeeded. He had brought Alonzo back from the brink and he had won over the haunting of Macavity. Most of the Jellicles of course didn't know this but he didn't mind; he knew and he was proud.

From her position on top of the junk Jemima cast her eyes across the junkyard and out to the road where the entrance led. A short distance away she saw a small, dark shape moving along the pavement. She moved to see it better and focused intently on what it was she was looking at. As the object got closer she noticed it was a cat and closer still she saw it was Munk. She smiled and was about to call out to the Jellicles when she noticed him carrying Alonzo. She paused and held her breath as she saw the black and white tom hanging there and thought for a moment that the psychics had been wrong. Was Alonzo dead or alive?

Munk began to smile as he approached the junkyard and took large strides towards where he could see the Jellicles sitting. As he crossed the threshold of the entrance it was Misto who turned his head and noticed them first. The tuxedo jumped up and gazed at the two toms happily. His action made the other cats turn to look as well and they followed Misto in kind. There was silence as Munk got closer with Alonzo as the Jellicles were a little apprehensive as to the patched tom's condition. They began to encircle Munk as he walked up to the tyre and looked around at them and Alonzo remained sleeping in his strong arms.

Old Deuteronomy rose with reservation on his face and began to descend from the tyre. Munk waited silently for his father to approach him and in a moment the old tom was standing in front of his son. The two looked at each other and took in each other's expressions. Munk knew what his father wanted to know. Looking down at his mate's head that rested on his shoulder the silver tabby whispered and gently shook him,

"Alonzo, wake up"

The black and white tom stirred quietly and scrunched up his face. He buried himself into Munk's fur as he took a moment to come to terms with how he felt – his body felt quite lousy but he certainly wasn't wondering why. After a few seconds of gentle squirming he turned his head upwards and cracked his eyes to look at his mate. Munk smiled down at him and made him feel slightly better just by the look in his eyes. Alonzo smiled back and then began to look around at his surroundings. He was surprised to see the Jellicles looking back at him and realising he was okay. Some let out excited bursts of laughter as their happiness filled them and they started to crowd around the toms. Soon everyone was talking and trying to find answers and the moment became quite animated. Old Deuteronomy soon silenced them and spoke straight to the black and white tom,

"Welcome back, Alonzo"

The patched tom replied quietly,

"Thank you, sir"

"I hope you can feel better in time. We have no idea what happened to you when you were missing but please rest assured that you can always feel safe here"

Alonzo responded with a small smile and acknowledgement of thanks. Old Deuteronomy then looked up to his son,

"Well done, Munkustrap" he said simply

Munk gave a nod of respect which was returned solemnly – the tabby was secretly elated that his father had praised him. With that he turned still holding Alonzo and slowly made for their den; Alonzo needed a proper rest and he knew he could certainly use some respite as well. As he walked the Jellicles smiled and reached out to touch them both as they went past. It was a wonderful way of showing the toms just how glad they were to see them safe and both Munk and Alonzo felt truly honoured by their tribe's gestures. They soon ascended the junk to their den and were about to enter before Munk felt a tugging on his fur from behind. He turned his head to look down at the cause and found Jemima and Billy looking up at them. He hadn't noticed them as they scampered down from their outlook atop the junk and wondered what they wanted. The two kittens stared up and neither party spoke for a few moments. Eventually Jemima piped up timidly,

"Is he really alright, Munk?"

The tabby smiled and bent down to show them Alonzo who had returned his head to Munk's shoulder. The tabby nudged him and he looked up curiously. The patched tom noticed the kittens and smiled to show them he was okay. Jemima and Billy smiled back and then scampered off excitedly – they were convinced.

Munk and Alonzo laughed at them as they went and then turned to go into their den. Munk set Alonzo down on the bed and was about to stand before the patched tom grabbed his paw. He pulled Munk down who came to rest as his side. They didn't say anything as they gazed into each other's eyes and held each other close. They rubbed their heads together affectionately and were drifting off to sleep as Alonzo whispered,

"Thank you"

Munk continued to rub against him as he replied,

"What for?"

"For saving me…again"

Munk smiled, "I'll always be there to save you." He kissed Alonzo lightly before pulling him closer and drifting off.

They slept the entire day in each other's arms.

**Thing are looking up! BUT it's not over yet!**

**Thanks for reading, reviews are most welcome.**


	15. Reaching

**This is gonna be a slightly fluffy one. Not a load of drama but it has to be here for progression. **

**Munk tries to help Alonzo with his depression**

**A year in the life of the black and white toms**

**Chapter 15**

**Reaching**

For the first time in what seemed like forever Munk watched Alonzo sleeping soundly. He had awoken at around midday and had stayed in his position watching his mate silently. When Alonzo was sleeping it looked as if he'd never been gone; he was so sound and calm and Munk longed for him to be alright again. At least they'd made a huge leap in the right direction the previous night on top of Tower Bridge – figuratively speaking of course. Munk played the memory of the incident through in his mind and grimaced as he remembered the sheer terror his mate had displayed. The silver tabby took a deep breath and reassured himself that as soon as Alonzo woke up there would begin with a clean slate. He promised himself he would work as hard as he could to put everything back to normal as he looked upon Alonzo's sleeping face. He really was a beautiful cat, how could he ever have thought otherwise? What's more how could he ever have thought Munk would stop loving him because of his scars?

Munk's questions kept going further and further down the wrong road and he might have worked himself into a mess had Alonzo not soon woken up. The tabby was distracted from his musing when he saw Alonzo's eyes flicker open and he smiled down at his tom. Alonzo looked into Munk's eyes and felt happy to wake up and see his mate without feeling ashamed right away. He remembered this feeling from months ago when they'd first gotten together and recalled how amazing it had made him feel. He knew he was still a long way off but he felt he had made progress then and there as he basked in the feeling of being loved by another come what may. With a smile he closed his eyes and snuggled up to Munk who snaked his arms further around him as he got closer. It was as if Alonzo was rediscovering the emotions that were involved by being so close to his mate as he lay there. He secretly marvelled at the different feelings that sprung up whenever he moved a certain way or looked at Munk from a certain angle. It felt nice, really nice.

But then, as if on cue, the nasty, nagging feeling of being undeserving of Munk tried to take hold of him. Screwing his eyes shut Alonzo fought with all his strength to keep the thoughts at bay yet some of them managed to slip through. As if someone had pulled off a sheet covering his body he suddenly felt ugly and wanted Munk to let him go. He began to wriggle and the blissful tabby released him while wondering what was going on. Alonzo turned over and propped himself up so he was sitting on the side of the bed. He sat hunched over with his face in his paws and Munk timidly crept up to try and find out what had happened. In some ways he had expected Alonzo to become like this sooner or later. Depression doesn't disappear just like that.

"Alonzo? Honey?" asked Munk quietly

The patched tom tilted his head around to look at his mate; he was doing his best to work through the bad feelings.

"Yeah?" replied Alonzo

"Is everything alright?"

"I don't know"

Munk scooted over and sat next to him, "Do you think you could explain it?"

"I'm not sure. I don't really know how I feel"

"I see. How do you want to feel?"

Alonzo thought for a moment, "Like I did before…you know?"

"When we first got together?"

"Yes"

"And how did that feel?"

Alonzo closed his eyes and smiled softly, "Really great"

"Describe it to me"

Alonzo blushed a little and shied away, "It's embarrassing"

"Come on, kitten, how did it feel?"

"Just…you know…good"

"Good how?"

"I don't know…it felt right. You and I were such good friends so it felt like something finally clicking into place"

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. It wasn't like having a one-nighter with any old tom, it was like we fitted together. Plus it was fun like having a really great day with your best friend but all the time"

"I know exactly what you mean"

"But now everything's messed up. It's like we don't fit"

"Why don't we fit, darling?"

"It's not you, it's me. It's like Macavity bent me out of shape and now I'm so damaged that we don't go together anymore"

Munk took in a deep breath; he knew this was going to be hard but he hadn't quite prepared himself for it.

"Why would you feel damaged, 'Lonz?"

"Because of what he did. I don't know what it was but he took something from me. That and it's like he left his mark to show that I'm…well…garbage"

Munk put his arm around his tom, "You could never be garbage, darling. You'll always be my beautiful Alonzo and no one could change that no matter how hard they tried. As for taking something from you, well, maybe he just hid it. You were such a strong, confident cat before I can't believe he could ever take anything away that you couldn't find again"

Alonzo was silent, he didn't know what to believe. Munk carried on,

"'Lonz, I know you can work past this. There's nothing stopping you from being yourself again"

"But there is" the patched tom whispered, "I don't feel the same"

"You are, 'Lonz. You're still you. You know why? Because I can see it. You're still right here but you just don't realise it"

"I don't know…" said Alonzo trailing off

"Trust me" said Munk kissing him on the side of his head, "You'll see it soon"

Alonzo took his mate's paw and held it tightly, he hoped there was hope for him like Munk said.

"Come on" said Munk getting up and extending a paw for Alonzo. He took it and together they went to leave the den.

Outside the air was warmer than it had been recently and the sun shone brightly. It made Munk squint for a moment as he adjusted to it's brilliance and he took in a deep breath of fresh air. It felt much nicer today. Munk scanned the junkyard quickly and took in what was going on. He saw the kittens jumping about as always and making a huge racket. The tabby smiled as he watched them run around and fall over each other.

"Oh to be that young again, huh 'Lonz?"

There was no reply and Munk turned around to find his mate wasn't there. Munk rolled his eyes and stepped back towards the den to peer inside. He saw Alonzo looking out from the safety of inside and looking a little nervous.

"'Lonz? Honey, are you alright?"

"I don't know if I can come out" said Alonzo timidly

"Why not?"

"Because everyone's out there. What if they see me?"

"They've already seen you, dear, there's no need to worry"

"But what if they think…you know"

"What?"

"The scars…"

"They won't care. I promise they won't"

Alonzo bit his lip and fought against the voice in his head telling him to stay inside. He slowly walked forward and took Munk's paw when he offered it to him.

"Just for a little while?" the patched tom asked

"Okay, for as long as you can manage"

Alonzo took in a deep breath and stepped out into the bright afternoon. He squinted in the light just like his mate had and looked around. Where as Munk had seen a lot of life Alonzo saw something close to danger and he didn't quite feel safe out there. He hung on to Munk and slowly began to walk with him across the junkyard. As they went some of the other Jellicles seemed to appear and Alonzo felt like they were all staring. In all fairness he was right as this was the first time many of them had seen his scars in proper light and they found them quite shocking. They hadn't yet been told what had caused them and their curiosity only added to their blatant gawking. Alonzo felt their eyes roam over his body and the feeling of scrutiny and judgement picked away at him. His body became stiff and his movements rigid as he went with Munk up to the big tyre and sat down. He didn't let go of his mate as they sat together and from this position he could see everyone looking at them – or more precisely him. The patched tom tried to avert his eyes from theirs but every now and then he would catch a look of curiosity mixed with deep sympathy. Unfortunately in his fragile state some of it looked like anger and judgement and he began to feel uncomfortable. He turned his face to Munk and scooted as close to him as possible.

"They're all looking at me" he whispered discreetly

Munk looked around and cast everyone a look as if to say 'mind your manners, Jellicles' before replying.

"Don't worry. This is the hardest step, things will be easier once they get used to it"

Alonzo didn't feel entirely calmed by his mate's statement but he did his best to tough it out. The two watched the junkyard together for a few more minutes before a few of the cats began to approach the tyre. They walked up anxiously and looked as if they might run away at any second and Alonzo wasn't put at ease by any means by their actions. They looked as if they had never seen him before and were being wary of approaching him. At that moment they didn't feel like the cats he had known for so long, they felt like strangers who were unpredictable and potentially dangerous. Gradually the cats got closer and closer all the while fixated on him. In reality they were timid to go to quickly as they didn't want to frighten him off but Alonzo didn't see it that way. The approaching felines came to the bottom of the tyre and gathered there looking up at him and it was Victoria who first stepped forward with her paw outstretched. Alonzo should have understood the gesture but he took it the wrong way. He didn't want anyone but Munk to touch him and he became more and more nervous as the white queen reached for him. Inch by inch her paw became closer and he began to feel adrenaline rushing around his body. A small smile crept across the young queen's lips as she was about to touch him but Alonzo couldn't handle the situation anymore. He jumped back and stood up on the tyre looking quite fearful. Victoria backed away instantly and looked at him with worry. Had she done something wrong? Alonzo stooped low and looked around at all of them with frightened eyes. Munk looked at him with concern and tried to reach out to him,

"'Lonz, what's wrong?"

The patched tom looked at him and spoke quickly,

"I'm sorry, I can't"

With that Alonzo ran forward and jumped over the gathered cats. He belted across the clearing and jumped into his den without looking back. Munk sighed and got up to follow him and descended the junk carefully to make his way across. Before he left Victoria pawed at him and he turned to look at her.

"Did I do something wrong?" she asked nervously

"No. He's still quite fragile from what happened."

"What did happen, Munk?" asked Misto who stood behind his sister

Munk looked at him and then at all of their curious faces. He thought for a moment and then replied,

"I'll tell you all soon, just not yet"

He walked across the clearing and followed his mate into their den. He found Alonzo sitting on the bed with his knees brought up to his chest. He had his face buried and he didn't move much. Munk gently approached him and stroked his head softly when he was close enough.

"It's okay" he said lightly, "as I said the first step's the hardest"

Alonzo looked up at him and Munk could see he had tears in his eyes.

"They don't like me, Munk. Did you see how they stared?"

The tabby sat down next to his mate and pulled him close,

"They just want to know why you have the scars, 'Lonz. They definitely like you, they're just curious"

"Did you tell them?"

"No. I thought I'd ask you first"

"I don't want them to know what he did. I don't want anyone to know"

"I think it might be good if they did know. Not that he…violated you but how he…attacked you…" said Munk steadily. He didn't really know of a nice way to say raped and tortured.

"Why do they have to know?"

"I can't really think of another explanation. Look, we won't tell them everything by which I mean the…you know…the…"

"Rape" said Alonzo bluntly; the word left a bitter taste on his tongue. Munk took in a sharp breath at the word and continued as best he could,

"Yes, that. But I think we should tell him what else he did so they know just how dangerous and crazy he really was"

"I don't want them to know the details"

"They don't have to, just the basics"

Alonzo leant into Munk and took in his scent. It always made him feel better.

"Okay. But will you do it for me?"

The tabby looked at him and thought about the request.

"You don't want to tell them?"

"I can't. I just don't think I could manage it without falling to pieces"

"Okay. Don't worry, I'll be sensitive"

"Thank you" said Alonzo looking up at his mate. He felt the compulsion to kiss his tom and moved close to his face to do it. However, when he got close enough to lean in he stopped. He turned his head as he closed his eyes from feeling ashamed.

"Sorry…" he whispered.

Munk sighed and assured him it was alright. They hadn't kissed in a while and he missed the feeling but he wouldn't rush his tom. He didn't want to make him feel any more fragile than he already was.

"Do you want to try again?" the tabby asked the patched.

"In a while, maybe."

"Okay. Do you want me to stay?"

"No, it's alright. I'll be fine."

"You're sure?"

"Yeah."

"Okay. I'll be right outside if you need me"

Alonzo nodded and watched his mate leave. He uncurled himself and lay down on the bed. As he stared at the ceiling he thought: 'What a mess I am.'

* * *

Munk returned to the big tyre where the Jellicles were still waiting and hoping for some news. They were quiet as Munk came back and resumed his position of surveillance. There was silence for a while before Victoria spoke up,

"Is he okay?" she asked

"He'll be fine. It was just a bit much to take in for now"

The white queen nodded and looked down still feeling a bit guilty.

Munk looked around at all of the cats who looked back at him. He knew what they were after and also knew he would have to tell them sooner or later – it may as well be now.

"I suppose you all want to know what happened to him?" said the tabby without any emotion whatsoever. The cats perked up and gazed intently. He saw many of their ears flicker and turn towards him as he said the words.

"I'll tell you but I need you all to promise a few things first"

The Jellicles nodded

"Okay then. First, I don't want to hear any of you speaking about it where Alonzo might hear you; second, I don't want any of you to talk to Alonzo about it; third, I want you to treat him like you normally would, I don't want anyone looking at him differently or acting strangely around him and what's more I don't want to see any of you avoiding him. Is all that clear?"

He heard a few replies of 'yes' and looked around to see them all in agreement.

"Good. Now, what you all have to understand is that what happened to Alonzo was horrible. I really don't want to describe the magnitude of what went on so I won't but I will give you an overview. You might remember at the last Jellicle Ball when Macavity broke in to the junkyard and Alonzo and I fought with him. Well, you may also remember that I managed to take off one of his ears in the process. Macavity held a grudge for a long time and decided to kidnap Alonzo and imprison him so just before Alonzo went missing he snuck into the junkyard and took him away. He took him back to his lair and chained him up so he could barely move and kept him there for the entire time he was gone. While he was restrained Macavity did some awful things to him. Amongst other things he beat him and clawed at him and now that you've all seen the scars you can understand just how badly he was abused. By the time I finally got to him he was so bloodied and…mangled…that I could barely handle the sight. I hope now you can understand why Alonzo has been so scared to be seen by all of you and why he has been so depressed. He feels damaged and that none of you will be able to see past the scars anymore. I've tried to reassure him that you don't feel any differently about him but he's having trouble working through the grief. I just ask that you will all be understanding as he comes to terms with his appearance."

Munk saw the cats nod again.

"Anyway, it doesn't stop there. Macavity had intended to kill him in front of me and then kill me too but I managed to break free and k-"

Munk stopped. He hadn't been thinking about himself at all and suddenly realised he was about to tell the tribe he had killed a cat. He looked around at their shocked faces and wondered whether or not to tell them.

"And…what?" said Misto timidly

Munk looked at him as his words caught in his throat. He tried to look away but caught Bomba's eyes. He looked at her and saw she was looking straight back at him but not with the same expression as everyone else. She had an understanding look and gave him a single nod as if to say 'it's okay'. Did she know? Had somebody told her? Who could have told her? Munk thought for a moment and then wondered if perhaps Alonzo had told her himself. After all they did speak from time to time.

He took a deep breath and readopted his authoritative expression, "He was going to kill both of us but I broke free and…killed him instead"

The Jellicles' eyes widened and they all stared at him in amazement. Had their leader had actually said he had killed someone?

Munk looked around to see all of their horrified faces and tried ever so hard to remain solid. He felt very unnerved by their reaction though and found it hard to continue,

"I know how that must sound but I love Alonzo more than anything and I wasn't going to let Macavity take him any further away from me. That cat had stolen my mate and was about to keep him from me forever; I had to stop him. If any of you know what real love is then you know you'd do anything to protect the cat you care most for"

Silence surrounded them all for a while and Munk felt as if he'd just made a huge mistake. He braced himself for their reaction before somebody spoke. Surprisingly it was Skimble that rose and stood before them all. He cleared his throat and in a wise voice began to speak,

"Munk is right. If anyone ever stole Jenny I know I'd stop at nothing to get her back, even if that meant killing. I understand why Munk did what he did and I hope you all can see why I don't judge him and why neither should any of you"

It was a lot of information to take in for many of them but slowly they seemed to come around. Munk saw several of them look at him with understanding and others nodded for the same reason. Skimble turned and looked at the protector and extended his paw. Munk took it briefly and smiled at the ginger tabby in thanks for his interjection. Once Skimble stepped back he addressed everyone again,

"I understand how some of you must feel. I've been struggling with this myself and I questioned my own authority to be your protector. I had to kill Macavity to protect Alonzo who is one of our own and I hope you can see how it was the only way. I vowed to protect you all many years ago and that is what I intend to do for the rest of my life. I really hope you can see that."

Once again silence surrounded them as the cats mulled over his words. They exchanged both confused and wondering looks and tried to decipher what each other were feeling. Munk became nervous when nobody said anything and he wondered if they were going to react badly. He felt regret inside as he saw his brother rise up in his usual over-confident, cocky way and slowly pace towards him. He looked at his brother with the steeliest eyes he could manage but he knew his desperation shone through. Very slowly Tugger extended his paws to Munk and offered him to take them. Munk mirrored the action and exchanged a small smile with his sibling as they stood in silent understanding. As soon as Tugger made the gesture other Jellicles followed suit and soon everyone was reaching out to Munk. He felt incredibly glad that they accepted him for doing what he did and felt deeply indebted to their actions of good will. Some of them rubbed affectionately at him and made him feel very happy to be accepted. This was what he had been desperate for and what he had been scared wouldn't happen. He had thought the tribe might reject him and send him away but they hadn't. They accepted what he'd done and he couldn't have asked for more caring and compassionate cats to live with.

His gladness was interrupted when he saw Alonzo cross the clearing standing just outside their den and looking across. He stood as he watched his mate and the Jellicles followed his line of sight to the black and white tom. Alonzo looked nervous but he bravely began to advance stiffly towards them. The Jellicles exchanged brief looks and began to move away from the tyre. They began to approach Alonzo who stopped as he came closer. The Jellicles responded in kind and halted when he did but they reached out to him as an offering of compassion and acceptance. They understood now why he had been avoiding them and desperately wanted him to know they didn't care about his appearance. Alonzo remained stock-still and couldn't manage to go any further. He simply didn't know what to do.

After a few more long moments Victoria once again attempted to make contact with him. She gingerly stepped forward with her paws stretched out as far as she could reach hoping Alonzo would see she meant no harm. The black and white tom breathed heavily and considered running away but stopped himself before he could. With all his strength he delicately raised his own paws and reached out towards the white queen. He felt his heart thump as he moved them slowly forward and felt as if he was about to grab onto a power line he was so apprehensive. After a painfully long moment of reaching out Victoria crossed the final few centimetres of empty air and brushed their paws together. Alonzo was frozen as he felt the queen's soft touch and felt his paws go rigid as she caressed them with her own. The queen lowered her face to his paws and rubbed against them affectionately and Alonzo's mouth slowly dropped open at the warm touch. He had expected her to scratch him in rejection but she hadn't, she had actually accepted him even though he felt hideous. The two stayed in that position for a long time before either of them moved.

There was still a long way to go but as Munk watched his tom make contact with cat after cat and his expression changing from that of fear to humbleness he knew Alonzo could work through his depression. The tabby smiled and thanked the Everlasting Cat for slowly bringing his mate back.

* * *

A few days passed and Munk was once again found atop the big tyre looking out for any trouble. It would soon be April and spring would be in full swing. The tabby was happy to think the chill would be leaving and was even more delighted to think that the last winter would be over. In some ways it had been the best winter of his life but also the worst. He decided it was best that it just pass on and be left to the ages, after all there was far too much conflict to define it.

As the sun began to go down and the night began to appear the tabby looked up and saw the first evening star. He smiled as he was filled with a sense of wonder that all cats feel when they look up into the night sky. The moon would soon appear and bathe the junkyard in it's cool but soothing light and the Jellicles would all come out into the night air. Alonzo hadn't been so fond of the moon since his evening of madness a few nights ago. Munk knew he still hadn't completely recovered from the incident atop Tower Bridge and was still acting a little strangely. At least he was being more sociable now and coming out into the junkyard. He had experienced a few moments of panic but Munk admired how he managed to restrain himself from freaking out completely. He took it as a sign that Alonzo was healing but still helped him out where he could. That patched tom would occasionally beckon him after some interaction with the other cats and let his anxiety flow out in the comfort of his mate's arms. Munk constantly reassured him that he was beautiful and it seemed to help him relax. He did his best to match his sleeping pattern to Alonzo's so he wouldn't wake up alone but that was not always possible. Tonight was one of those times when he had to leave the tom alone to watch the junkyard since he hadn't yet woken up. He felt bad for doing it but he still had a duty which in fairness he enjoyed upholding. He felt in some way qualified to perform his tasks as protector again after his spell of doubt and the feeling allowed him to feel useful once more. Still, he worried about Alonzo.

His thoughts were cut short when he noticed Billy scamper out into the early evening. It seemed the kitten barely ever slept and was always up and about before anybody else. The kitten saw him guarding and bounded over to the bigger tom.

"Hey, Munk!" sang the kitten happily

"Good evening, Billy"

"What's going on?"

"Nothing at all. Things are just as they should be"

"Where's Alonzo?"

"He's still sleeping but I'm sure he'll be about soon"

"Is he still acting weird?"

Munk's lips thinned at the inappropriate question but gave Billy some slack, he was after all still a kitten.

"He's not acting weird, Billy, he's still just a little nervous"

"Why?"

"I told you why the other day, remember?"

"I didn't get it"

Munk sighed, "Well, there was an evil cat called Macavity and he hurt Alonzo really badly"

"Is that why he has all those marks?"

"Yes"

"Oh" said Billy as he thought about it. "Why didn't he run away?"

"Because Macavity chained him up"

"Why didn't he wriggle out?"

"They were very tight, Billy"

"Why didn't he just fight Mervacacy off in the first place"

"It's Macavity, and I don't know Billy, Macavity was very strong"

"Stronger than you?"

"I don't know…" said Munk trailing off

"Will he be back?"

"No"

"Why not?"

"Because he's dead"

"How did he die?"

Munk rolled his eyes, this kitten was relentless. He tried to think of how to explain why he had killed Macavity to Billy but couldn't. He was still cut up by what he'd done and found it even harder to find the right words.

"Well, he was going to kill Alonzo and the only way I could protect him was to…well…kill Macavity."

Billy looked at him not with shock but deep thought.

"You killed?"

The simple question brought back the awful feelings Munk had been having about himself and he struggled to say the right things.

"I had to, he was going to kill us if I didn't do it first. I didn't mean to…it just happened"

"You couldn't stop yourself?"

"Billy, what you don't understand is that Macavity had killed lots of cats in the past and he wouldn't have stopped at Alonzo had I not put and end to him. In fact it was he who killed your m-"

Munk slapped his paw to his mouth, he had nearly told the kitten the same cat who had tortured Alonzo had murdered his mother. He kicked himself internally and wondered why he hadn't thought about what he was going to say. Billy was fixated on him and was waiting intently for him to finish the sentence. Munk looked down at the kitten and took in his youthful innocence. How could he possibly tell the kitten his mother was dead?

"Never mind" said the tabby, "Macavity is dead now and he won't be hurting anyone anymore"

"What were you saying before?" enquired Billy.

"What do you mean?"

"Right before you slapped yourself you were saying something about me, what was it?"

Munk rubbed the back of his head as he tried to think of what to do. The kitten – though young – was sharp as a tack and was clearly not about to let this one go any time soon.

"I wasn't saying anything" attempted Munk

"Yes you were. You said 'In fact it was he who killed your' and then you stopped"

"Are you sure?"

"Yes!" said Billy smiling, "What was the rest?"

Munk looked down at the kitten's cheerful face and felt a great sadness well up inside him. If he told him he would ruin the kitten's life, how could he possible do that?

"Does it really matter, Billy?"

"Yes!"

"Look, now's not the right time"

"Just tell me!"

"Billy, I can't-"

"Please! Just say it!"

"Billy-"

"Say it!"

"Billy! That's enough!" snapped Munk. He didn't mean to get angry but the kitten's pleas for the truth were becoming too much to bear. The little tom just looked silently at the protector with his big, blue eyes and practically broke the tabby's heart with his expression.

"I'm sorry, Billy. I didn't mean to shout but now's really not the right time."

"Sorry…" whispered the kitten looking down

Munk had to stifle a choke of sadness as he watched the kitten recoil. How could it possibly be that a kitten so young would have to bear not having any family?

"Don't be sorry, Billy, I know you were just curious. Listen, why don't you go and find Pouncival? I'm sure he's ready to play by now"

"Okay" said the kitten quietly before running off. Munk watched him go and his heart felt heavy as he thought about the kitten.

"Feeling glum?" came a voice from behind him. The tabby turned and to his surprise saw Alonzo climbing up the junk.

"What are you doing over there?" asked Munk bewildered

"I managed to come out on my own" said Alonzo happily, "I went for a little walk and I wasn't freaked out once"

"That's great, dear" said the tabby as the patched sat down and snuggled up to him. Munk put his arms around his mate and smiled as their faces got closer together.

"So, what's got you down?" asked Alonzo

"Just Billy, you know?"

"No, what's wrong with him?"

"About his mother"

"Still haven't found her?"

"Well, no. Of course not"

"Don't worry, you'll find her eventually" said Alonzo assuredly

Munk thought for a moment and then his eyes went wide, he hadn't told Alonzo about Billy's mother yet.

"Umm, 'Lonz? I won't find her"

"Sure you will, you're great at finding things that have gone missing. You found me" said that patched tom smiling

"No, you don't understand. When we were back with…him…he told me about a queen he had killed after doing the same sort of things to her as he did to you"

Alonzo grimaced and shook his head to try and get rid of the memory his mate had just stirred up.

"Did you really have to bring that up? I was having a nice evening so far"

"Well, yes because he said her name was Georgina and you might remember Billy said his mother's name was Georgina"

Alonzo was quiet for a moment or two and then looked back at his mate,

"You don't think…"

Munk nodded grimly.

"Oh that poor kitten" said Alonzo looking over to where Billy had run off to, "Have you told him?"

"I can't, 'Lonz. I just don't think I could do it"

"What are you going to do?"

"I'm going to ask Old Deuteronomy, he already knows so I hope he's thought about what we should do"

"Does anyone else know?"

"No, just him."

Alonzo pulled Munk closer and placed his head in the crook of the tabby's neck.

"Do you think he'll be okay?" asked the patched tom

"I hope so. I just can't imagine how he'll feel when we tell him"

"No…" sighed Alonzo quietly, "I don't think I can either"

They sat together a while without talking. They both thought about poor Billy and how alone he was. The worst part was that he didn't even know it and his world would probably come crashing down when he finally found out. It made the two toms very sad but at least they had each other.

A long time passed and the sun disappeared to make way for the moon. It shone down fiercely and illuminated the junkyard in white. The Jellicles slowly started to appear and come out for the evening. Things had seemed to have gone back to normal as if nothing had happened recently. The queens were gabbing on and on as Jenny and Jelly knitted together, the kittens caused mayhem amongst each other and zipped back and forth as they played before being distracted by Tugger and reforming his fan club. The Maine Coon happily gyrated and flirted with them and everyone watched as Jenny rushed over to try and break up the display. It would have made Munk and Alonzo laugh but they didn't really feel like there was much to be happy for. They just watched silently as the regular night-time ballet ran it's course.

Eventually Munk broke the silence,

"So, how are you feeling today?"

"Not bad. Not good but not bad either" replied Alonzo quietly

"What's on your mind?"

"I caught my scars in the mirror before I went out. I still can't believe they're that big"

"Sweetheart, you know I think you're beautiful"

"I don't deserve you" said Alonzo quietly

"No, I don't deserve you" said Munk as he placed a kiss on the side if his mate's head. Alonzo looked at him and smiled and held his head in that position. They stared at each other for a long while and soon Alonzo began to lean in. Munk's heart began to beat faster as he thought Alonzo might finally want to be intimate with him again. The tabby closed his eyes and advanced slowly as well so their lips could meet. He kept going until his neck was craned forward and at that point he opened his eyes. He saw Alonzo with his head turned away and looking rather glum.

"I'm sorry, Munk" he said quietly. The tabby just rested his head against Alonzo's.

"It's okay. One step at a time"

"But that's it. I want to be able to kiss you right now, I just don't know why I can't"

Munk sat up and turned to wrap his legs around Alonzo so he was encircling him,

"You know I think you're wonderful, right? And you know you're the only cat I ever want to kiss?"

Alonzo looked down again, "I know. I just don't think I deserve you"

Munk began to stroke his mate's head fur, "You do, darling, you really do"

"Then why don't I feel like I do?" asked Alonzo feeling frustrated, "All I want is to kiss you but Macavity's still inside and getting in the way!"

"He's gone, 'Lonz. He can't get to you"

"But he can. I don't know how but he's still…feeding"

"Push him out, he doesn't rule you. You're your own master, you always have been"

Alonzo shook his head slowly and sadly, "I just can't do it. He won't go"

"Let me kiss you then" said Munk trying to think of anything to help

"I told you I can't"

"You said you can't kiss me but I'm sure I can kiss you. Let me try"

"Munk, no. It won't feel right"

"Just try" said Munk as he went in to kiss his mate

"No, I can't. It won't be right" protested Alonzo leaning away

"Please" said Munk trying harder, "I only want to help"

"No, Munk!" yelled Alonzo jumping up. The noise made the Jellicles turn to look at them and as Alonzo noticed them staring he suddenly didn't feel comfortable anymore. He looked down at his mate who looked like he was feeling quite ashamed of himself.

"I'm sorry, 'Lonz" the tabby said meekly, "I only wanted to do something to help, anything."

"I have to go inside. I don't feel right." With that Alonzo walked across the clearing and into his den. Munk once again sat alone and chastised himself for being pushy. He didn't want to rush his mate but he really wanted to feel properly close to him again. He just wanted to kiss him softly and feel his mouth move – was that so much to ask?

The tabby remained there for the rest of the night on his own. He felt a lot of turmoil inside and once again felt the pressure of his duty wear him down.

It was going to be a struggle to get everything back in line again.

**I know, I know, not much happened but bear with me as more stuff will happen in the next chapter.**

**Thanks for reading and reviewing. **


	16. Extreme Measures

**HumanGuineaPig: I hope you're okay down in Australia with all the flooding and such. Best of Luck!**

**Okay, the reason it's taking me longer than usual to write the chapters is because I'm also revising for exams at the moment. I'd prefer to be doing this but apparently the exams say otherwise. I'll keep updating probably about twice per week even though I'd prefer four or five times. In a couple of weeks it'll all be over and I can update as frequently as I usually do.**

**Munk feels bad for Alonzo and keeps trying to help him. Alonzo becomes frustrated with himself and jumps to extreme measures to try to mend his broken self with awful consequences.**

**WARNING: Sexual themes**

**A year in the life of the black and white toms**

**Chapter 16**

**Extreme Measures**

He had said 'I Love You' over and over again. He was sure he had made him realise that he was loved no matter what. He had rescued him from oblivion. He had been holding his hand through his grief. Why did none of it seem to be working?

Munk stared up into the sky as his mind went over the same thoughts over and over again. He looked quite blank as he sat atop the big tyre all on his own. To say he was confused was an understatement but to say he was unhappy was nowhere near appropriate. It seemed that every time Alonzo was making progress it was taken away from him and he'd wind up exactly where he'd started: scared and fragile. That wasn't the Alonzo he knew well. He knew an Alonzo who had strength and courage but the cat he was looking after was one of fear and self-resentment. The tabby felt really bad for not being able to fix his mate's troubles and as the days went by the situation seemed to become more and more bleak. It was true that Alonzo had started making progress but ever since their awkward moment in that very same spot a week ago when Munk had tried to kiss him Alonzo seemed to revert back to his state of being quiet and timid. The tabby blamed himself for setting his mate back and had tried to fix what he assumed he'd done. He had made sure to hold Alonzo close whenever they slept and told him as often as possible how beautiful he was but his gestures didn't seem to have any effect. He wanted so badly to have his mate back that he was beginning to become frustrated at the lack of results. It took a lot of his strength to subdue his strife and it certainly wore him down.

As with most nights he waited on the tyre for the Jellicles to come out and made sure everything was in order as they went about their night-to-night activities. Alonzo tended to remain inside and the lack of seeing him made Munk feel all the more useless. He longed to see his mate emerge from the den and come up to him just for the sake of being close but he never came. Munk wanted to hold him close so desperately but it just wasn't that simple. He felt like a failure, that he was sure of and it hurt since for a brief time he'd felt like the protector that he was supposed to be. He had felt that things were going to be alright but it seemed that it just wasn't that easy. Why couldn't it be that easy? Why couldn't things just go back to how they were? Every question he asked himself lead back to Macavity and Munk knew his evil impression was left on both him and his mate despite the cat being dead. That was what had been so evil about him: he stayed with you long after you'd left him and he tormented you when you were at your most vulnerable. Munk understood what Alonzo meant when he said Macavity was still inside and it hurt to think that there wasn't anything he could do about it.

He was meant to be the protector and keep the Jellicles from all types of harm. How could it be that there was finally something hurting a cat that he couldn't stop?

The tabby took in a deep breath and let his head lean forward. He had been staring at the sky for a while and now his neck ached from being held in that position or too long. He wanted the night to go faster so he could go back to bed and escape the feeling of failure. That and when Alonzo was laying still it felt like everything was normal and he loved that feeling. To hold his mate and feel his warmth had become the greatest experience in the world and that time of day when he was lying with Alonzo had become the only time he felt truly happy. He craved it and it drove him crazy when it had to end whenever Alonzo woke up.

Still he sat on top of the tyre as the world span around him. His tired, desperate expression broke through his natural steeliness and attracted unwanted stares of wonder from some of the Jellicles. Some of them came up and tried to make idle chit-chat as he went about his duty but he didn't really respond all that well. They would soon leave him alone when he became blank and unresponsive and they wondered why he had become so down. It wasn't until Bomba happened upon him the next night and began to pick at his mind that he managed to open up at all. The air was warmer and smelt rather sweet since spring was there to stay – at least for the time being. The red queen once again saw her protector sitting alone on the tyre and felt bad for him looking so lonely. She decided to saunter over and sat down beside him without speaking for a little while. The two cats remained silent until Bomba thought of something to say.

"Rough day?" she asked off the cuff

Munk took in an audible breath and his voice was rough as he replied, "Yep"

"Wanna talk about it?"

"Not really, Bomba. I'd rather be alone to think"

"You've been alone thinking for nearly a week now, maybe you should try talking"

"To whom?"

"Well, how about me?"

Munk looked at her with sarcasm,

"You?"

"What's wrong with me?"

"You and I have never really talked about anything too deep"

"Well, who else have you got?"

Munk thought for a moment and then suggested, "Tugger?"

Bomba snorted with laughter and looked at him with a smile and wide eyes. He knew it was a stupid idea before he even said it.

"Alright, so maybe 'Lonz is who I'd go to when I want to talk about something but he's obviously not available."

"I'm available"

"Really? You and me talk?"

"Look, stripes, I'm offering you a chance to open up and vent some frustration. That's got to be worth something, right? Besides Alonzo and I have talked about you and he before so maybe I can help clear some things up for you"

"You and he talk about us?" asked Munk with surprise and wondering just how much information she knew that he assumed had been private, "Exactly what has he told you?"

"Wouldn't you like to know…" she teased

"Bomba, really"

"Calm down Mr. More Tightly Wound Than A Ball Of String, I'm only offering a shoulder to cry on and maybe some advice"

Munk thought about what she had said for a moment and then decided to concede,

"Alright then"

"So what's up?"

"Just the usual"

"'Lonz being a tough customer?"

"Mmhmm"

"Is he still feeling ugly?"

Munk nodded

"I see" said the queen, "No progress at all then?"

"There was some but I think I set him back when I tried to kiss him last week"

"Oh that's what that was. So you guys aren't even kissing yet?"

Munk shook his head

"Wow"

Munk felt the need to tell her what was really troubling him and he couldn't think of any way to prevent himself from doing so,

"I just wish I knew what to do Bomba. I really want him to be intimate with me again but I can't get him to understand that he's capable of it. I know he is but he just can't get over his appearance"

"Is that all that's getting in the way?"

"It seems to be. He feels hideous so I don't think he wants to let me get close to him in the way we would if we…you know"

"Had…sex?"

"Yes" said Munk uncomfortably

"Does he let you touch him at all?"

"Yes, but only when we cuddle. I want to show him that I still love him so much and the only thing I haven't tried is making love to him"

"You've tried everything except that?"

"Yes. I don't want to try mating with him though because I know how he'll react and I don't want to put him through the torment of having to refuse"

Bomba sat back and looked away, "That's a tricky one…"

"I know"

Have you asked him how he feels?"

"Yes but I think he feels too embarrassed to tell me. He knows how much I want to get closer to him but I still don't think he sees himself as…worthy. Besides, I don't think he wants to have sex at all anymore."

"Is that because of what happened when Macavity was holding him?"

"Well yes but it's not what I told you he did that's making him feel like that"

"I know Macavity raped him. I know he raped him a lot"

Munk looked at her with horror, "How did you know that?"

She tried to look calming, "Alonzo told me. He sneaks out when everyone's sleeping from time to time so no one can see him and every now and then I'd be up at the same time and we'd talk"

"And he told you about being raped?"

"Briefly, yes"

"Everlasting Cat…" said Munk exasperated, "He said he didn't want anyone to know"

"Well it was before he tried to…you know, jump off the bridge and I think he had too many thoughts flying around his head to keep them all in"

"Huh…"

"It's okay, Munk. He'll want to have mate with you again one day, you are mates after all. It'll just be tough getting him there if he still associates that with what Macavity did to him."

"I don't know if he considers Macavity raping him the same as us making love. After all we are in love and I'm pretty sure we both enjoyed mating and I definitely know he hated being violated by HIM."

"Maybe you should ask him how he feels about both of those things"

"I don't know if I can, Bomba. I don't want to force him to think about it"

"It might be the only way"

"Still, I just can't bear seeing him revisit it. It's heart-breaking to watch"

"I see"

Munk sighed, "I feel like a failure, Bomba. I should be able to fix this for him but I just can't"

The tabby put his face in his paws and seemed to shrink in despair. Bomba felt awful for him and scooted close to put her arm around him in comfort.

"Munk, there's nothing you could have done or can do to make this right. Alonzo will need to work through this on his own and all you can do is support him. I know you feel you need to fix everything but not even you can do that"

Munk remained silent but brought his head back up. He didn't look satisfied by any means but he did remember that his father had told him something very similar not too long ago.

"Just stay strong, stripes. He'll get through it eventually"

"I hope you're right Bomba. I really do."

* * *

Billy scampered around aimlessly as he tended to do. Being the youngest kitten in the junkyard he somehow seemed to have more energy than anyone else and it wasn't easy for so much life to be contained in one tiny kitten. He didn't particularly mind though, he had grown to love the junkyard and loved exploring new parts. Sometimes he would be led by his new friends and other times he would run around alone, it really didn't matter to him. This particular time he was on his own and he jumped perilously from one junk pile to another. He was having so much fun jumping around where no one could see him and was barely paying attention as he made his leaps. He really should have thought twice about making one particular jump but it was too late for him to do anything about it once he'd leapt into the air. He realized in the split-second when he became weightless that he didn't have enough momentum to clear the gap and started flailing wildly as he plummeted towards the ground. There wasn't much time to spin his body so he could land on his feet and he hit the junk below with an almighty clatter. Fortunately, kittens tend to bounce so Billy sprung back up into the air and then started to tumble down the side of the junk pile. There was barely any time to think before he landed with a thud on the bare ground of the clearing. He slowly pushed himself up feeling his young body ache as he went and looked around to see where he'd ended up. The first thing he saw was the entrance to the junkyard and he realised he had landed quite close to it. Normally he wouldn't think anything of it but this time he continued to look out of the junkyard, down the road and off into the distance. He suddenly felt a longing for his mother and realised that he couldn't remember just how long it had been since he last saw her. His kittenish smile disappeared and he felt saddened by his mother's absence and wondered if he would ever see again. He quickly shook the thought from his mind; of course he'd see her again. She was after all his mother and she always came back. Billy thought surely this time she had simply gone for a lot longer and he didn't expect that it would be long before he saw her again. As a matter of fact he hadn't asked Munk in a while if he'd found her yet. Come to think of it he hadn't actually seen Munk go out looking. He couldn't have stopped, could he?

The kitten puzzled for a little while longer before getting up and walking back into the junkyard. He decided he'd need to ask his protector about his mother again, he must have had heard something by now.

* * *

Munk and Bomba had been chatting for a while by now. Munk liked being able to talk to someone about his and Alonzo's situation without having to mind his words. He would usually talk to Alonzo about everything but he simply couldn't while his mate was still such a mess. Bomba was surprisingly easy to talk to. The two had never really spent much time together before due to each having closer friends to confide in and it felt strange talking to someone other than Alonzo so deeply. It felt nice though.

The two were interrupted when they heard a loud clattering across the junkyard. By the time they turned their heads all they saw was Billy pushing himself off the ground looking confused and a little dizzy. The two watching cats were about to jump up and go over to him but he seemed to recoup incredibly fast.

"Do you think he's okay?" asked Bomba cautiously

"I think so," replied Munk, "Kittens are like elastic, you can bend them into any shape and they'll always spring back"

Bomba smiled at what Munk said and they continued to watch Billy as he cleared his mind. After a while it seemed strange that the kitten hadn't moved from his position, he seemed to be fixated on something neither of them could see. Munk craned his neck to try and follow Billy's line of sight but he couldn't see anything of great interest. He was about to excuse himself from Bomba and ask the kitten what he was looking at but before he could do so Billy stood up, dusted himself off and started to walk in their direction. His face seemed to brighten up as he laid eyes on Munk and he happily bounded over to him. Munk had grown wary of Billy's innocent-looking approaches and braced himself for whatever it was the kitten was about to come out with.

Billy hopped up onto the tyre in front of Bomba and Munk and sat smiling broadly. The tom and the queen exchanged different looks: Munk as if to say 'here we go' and Bomba as if to say 'isn't he sweet?'

"Hello, Billy" said Munk simply

"Hi" chimed the kitten,

"How are you?"

"Fine. Can I ask you something?"

"If you must…"

"You know you said you would find my mummy?"

Munk suddenly looked like a deer in the headlights, "…Oh bullocks…" he said as he was swept off-guard. He hadn't even thought about that today. Bomba jabbed him for swearing in front of a kitten and made him flinch.

"What does that mean?" asked Billy curiously as he tilted his head to the side

Bomba glared at the tabby who looked quite sheepish. She spoke for him,

"It's not a nice word, dear. Don't repeat it, okay?"

Billy smiled naughtily and lied, "Okay." He would tell the other kittens later.

"So you were asking about your mum?" said Bomba trying to revert back to his question.

"Yep. I remember you were looking before Alonzo went missing but when you got back I don't think I saw you start looking again"

Munk bit his lip and tried to think fast. What was he going to tell the kitten?

A few moments passed silently and Billy poked Munk on the arm when he looked like he'd floated off into another world.

"Oi. Are you alright?" asked the kitten

Munk tried to speak but all that came out was a bubbling, mushy mess of noise. Billy looked at his queen companion as if perhaps she had understood the nonsense that came out of the protector.

"Munk, are you in there?" asked Bomba jiggling him a little bit. The tabby shook his head from his daze and quickly looked back and forth between them before speaking,

"I…uh…you're right Billy, I haven't been looking…I've actually forgotten to…I've been so busy trying to help Alonzo that I forgot she was missing…I'll start looking again soon, okay?"

"Alright" said quietly. It wasn't the answer he had been hoping for but it would do for now. At least there was hope. He still felt a little lonely though and asked the tom and queen to help,

"Can I sit with you two? Just for a while?"

Munk rolled his eyes where as Bomba beamed. Billy was admittedly incredibly cute and she was only too happy to let him stay with them. Munk wasn't so happy; he wanted to tell Bomba right away why he wasn't looking for Billy's mother but now he would have to endure the guilt of keeping the kitten in the dark.

"Umm…alright" said Munk begrudgingly. Without waiting Billy jumped between them and pulled their arms around him. He snuggled down and seemed to instantly drift off into a nap. '_How is it that kittens seem to go to sleep instantly?' _thought Munk as he felt the kitten rest against him. He didn't like admitting it but his heart felt like it was melting as he supported the kitten. He really liked being able to care for him and had to fight a smile as it tried to spread across his lips.

Bomba practically burst from the adorable sight before her and couldn't help but giggle quietly. Munk – not really knowing what to do – put his arm further around the kitten as he slept and supported his young body. It seemed to him like the right thing to do but in all honestly he didn't have a clue. He had never thought about being a parent and at that moment the concept seemed baffling. He let his protector instincts take over and took solace when it seemed he was doing the right thing. Bomba marvelled as she watched the tabby gently bring the kitten onto his lap and cradle him as he slept. She could have sworn she saw a tiny smile creep onto his lips as he looked down at the kitten but it was certainly marred with worry as well. She assumed it was just Munk enjoying the idea of being fatherly and thought they both looked incredibly cute.

Neither Munk nor Bomba spoke so as not to wake Billy and soon Jenny came by looking for the kitten. With practiced paws she effortlessly took the kitten from the protector and carried him off to her den leaving the tom and queen on the tyre. As soon as Billy was out of earshot she began to squeal at Munk,

"That was absolutely adorable! If only you could have seen yourself!"

"Really?" asked Munk not believing her

"Really! I think you'd make a good dad"

"Oh, no…"

"Shame he has to go really, you two seem like a good father-son match"

"I rather thought he looked more like Alonzo"

"Then I suppose it's lucky you two are mates. Still, it doesn't matter. He'll be gone when you find his mum"

"Everlasting…" said Munk with frustration

"Oh yeah!" said Bomba changing her tone as she remembered Munk's slip of the tongue, "What was that when you said bullocks in front of him?"

Munk sighed and lowered his voice, "He caught me off guard. Has Alonzo told you about his mum?"

"I don't think so"

"She's dead," whispered the tabby making the queen gasp, "Macavity got to her before he kidnapped Alonzo and well…you know"

"Oh my" said Bomba amazedly, "How horrible"

"I know"

"What are you gonna do?"

"I don't know. I've been meaning to ask Old Deuteronomy but I haven't had the time"

"Poor Billy…" breathed Bomba, "He's all alone"

"I know"

"How is he going to survive?"

"I suppose we'll take care of him as best we can until he's old enough to decide for himself what to do. I'm still going to ask Old Deuteronomy though, he'll know where to go from here"

"Of course…it's just so sad. I can't believe that sweet little kitten's mother was killed by…him"

Munk just nodded and stared out across the junkyard. They remained silent for a long time.

* * *

The next morning Munk awoke holding Alonzo and enjoyed lying still with him for as long as he could. Eventually Alonzo stirred and after a few moments of silent cuddling Munk felt his mate become restless and begin to pull away. The tabby didn't fight it; he didn't want to make things worse. He simply got up and extended his paw for his mate to take. The patched tom delicately took it and together they left the den to find some breakfast.

Munk planted Alonzo on the big tyre and rubbed against him affectionately before running off to find some rats. Alonzo was incredibly grateful to his mate for taking care of him but he really wished he didn't have to. He was annoyed that whatever it was inside him that was keeping him from being normal was doing just that. He just wanted to be the same as he once was and he had no idea why it was so hard. He knew the cause: Macavity had made him feel like dirt and he felt embarrassed to go around looking like he did. However, that shouldn't be too hard to get rid of with his mate's support, right? Munk had been so uplifting and loving so why was it that the care he had been giving wasn't pushing Macavity's evil out of his mind? How could Munk's love not be stronger than the sick memory of Macavity? It couldn't, it simply couldn't. So why did it seem like it was?

From this point of view it would be easy for any cat to see how awful Alonzo was feeling if he would simply open up. Above everything else it was his confusion that was making him feel worse and he desperately wished for some clarity.

Depression is a funny thing. It can be triggered from mounting frustration and strike when you're at your most vulnerable. Alonzo certainly fit into this category and the worst part was that he knew it. He didn't want to be depressed is only for his mate's sake. He simply couldn't shake the feeling of ugliness despite how silly he knew it was. He loved Munk and in his heart he knew Munk loved him; why couldn't his mind see that too?

His spiralling thoughts were gladly interrupted when he saw his wonderful mate running back to him carrying breakfast. He must have been thinking for a long time despite how quickly he felt he'd entered and exited dreamland. He smiled as his mate sat down next to him and offered him some food. They ate the rats without saying much and once they had finished they proceeded to guard the junkyard as always.

As they sat Alonzo would allow his eyes to wander across to his mate from time to time and his heart would ache to touch him tenderly. There was nothing he wanted more than to reach across and caress Munk's beautiful body. He concentrated on the tabby's lips and wished he could just lean in and kiss them softly. He just wanted to touch him but didn't feel he could. It felt that if he so much as tried to be intimate with him his scars would rub off onto the tabby and he would be tainted too. He couldn't bear to let his mate look as ugly as him, he was too perfect.

The patched tom startled when he saw Munk notice him staring. The tabby smiled at his gazing and found it quite flattering but Alonzo didn't feel the same way. He felt stupid for staring at him like an idiot and not having the courage to get close. He knew he could touch him but not in an intimate way and that was all he desired.

"Something caught your eye, 'Lonz?" Munk joked

The patched tom laughed nervously and feigned emotional stability, "You might say that"

"Well, anytime you want to take a closer look you'd be very welcome"

Alonzo blushed; at least the tabby could still give him butterflies. That was a good sign, right?

'_Alonzo, you're such a moron!' _the patched tom's heart said to him, _'You have a gorgeous tom sitting right in front of you and he just happens to be your best friend and mate. You can't get any luckier than this; hold him right now!'_

"If only I could…" whispered Alonzo not meaning to say it aloud.

"Pardon?" said Munk

"Uh…nothing" said Alonzo feeling the usual shame that came with these moments

"A lot on your mind?"

"Yeah"

"Not sure what to deal with first?"

"Uh huh"

Munk chuckled, "Silly kitty, that's what I love about you. You're a total scatterbrain but somehow you seem to be right on the ball. I really love you, 'Lonz. You know that, right?"

Alonzo nodded pathetically. This had to stop. This horrible, self-hating, idiocy had to stop right now. He was so tired of feeling like garbage; he wasn't garbage, he was Alonzo. The real Alonzo never felt like garbage and neither should he.

The patched tom's sudden burst of strength went so fast that he barely had time to keep up with himself and before he knew it he had jumped up and was stomping off over the junk. Some parts of him to were incredibly nervous but other parts of him had had enough. The two conflicting thoughts dominated his mind as he walked off and there was one clear message that overshadowed them both: he had to do something about this stupid depression now.

Munk called after his mate as he went,

"'Lonz, is everything alright?"

"Yep! For once everything's going to be fine!" the patched tom replied as forcibly as he could.

Munk was confused but didn't question his mate's statement. Anything that he wanted to try to bring himself out of his rut was okay by him.

Alonzo eventually stomped back to his den. He had a plan for how to make things right again: he would force himself to be intimate with Munk. Enough was enough, the time for action had come and he knew this is what he had to do to take control. The thought made him feel deeply frightened but also filled him with power. Every part of him told him he wasn't ready but he couldn't bear to listen anymore. He was tired of feeling worthless; tonight he would feel right again.

* * *

The morning went by uneventfully for Munk and it was just after lunch that he saw his father appear at the entrance of the junkyard. He happily sauntered over and greeted him with respect before updating him with all the goings-on in the junkyard – not that there was much to tell. The main thing on his mind was Billy and he really wanted to know what to do. He couldn't lie to the kitten any longer.

Munk took his father over to the big tyre and sat down on his right. He attempted small talk until he felt it was the right time to bring up the topic of the black and white kitten. A short while after they had started talking he steered the conversation in that direction.

"Anyway, dad. There is something I really wanted to talk to you about and that's what we're going to do with Billy"

Old Deuteronomy tilted his head upwards slightly without breaking eye contact and waited for his son to go on.

"I've been so busy trying to make sure Alonzo's alright that I haven't thought of any way to deal with Billy and it's becoming really difficult to lie. I don't think I can keep doing it for much longer"

"What have you been telling him, son?"

"I've been saying that I haven't had a chance to look for her but I will start again soon."

"So he believes she's still alive?"

"Yes"

"I see"

There was a short pause before the old tom went on.

"Well, I see no reason why he can't stay here. That is providing he doesn't have any other family that may wish to be charged with his care"

"I don't think he does. We would have heard something or he would have said something by now if he did"

"Yes. Well, I'm sure there's somewhere in the junkyard we could find for him to stay. Who does he get along with best of all?"

"I think he gets along with all the kittens very well but I've noticed he and Jemima have taken a shine to each other. Are you suggesting he stay with her wherever she goes?"

"Oh no, son. Jemima is too young to take care of another and Billy needs the care of an adult. He's younger than all of the other kittens and will need a grown-up to help him along until he's sufficient to take care of himself"

Munk winced a little as he listened to the words, "Take care of himself, sir?"

"Well, yes. Eventually he will have to take care of himself like we all do. Is something wrong with that?"

"No. It's just that I don't really like to think that he will have to be on his own without any family one day"

The old tom looked at his son as a few thoughts passed through his head. He examined him wisely and seemed to look straight into his heart's desires.

"You've taken quite a shine to him, haven't you?"

"I suppose so. I felt so bad when we first found him but the worst part is how every now and then I've managed to frighten the life out of him. I've never meant to but somehow I seem to keep messing up"

Old Deuteronomy laughed, "Yes, I've heard."

"The last thing I want to do is scare him. He's so young and…innocent; I just want to make sure he's alright"

"He is quite character, especially for such a young tom"

"He's rather amazing, isn't he?" said Munk proudly

Old Deuteronomy was quiet again as he smiled at his son. The tabby noticed his father look at him with knowing eyes and began to feel uneasy. What was his father about to say?

"You sound like a proud father, Munkustrap. Any casual observer might think Billy was your son"

Munk's eyes widened and he nearly toppled from his seat as he felt himself turn to jelly. He managed to choke out a word,

"What?"

The older tom laughed again, "You really seem to have taken a shine to Billy and from what you've said it certainly seems like you care for him. Tell me, have you and Alonzo thought about adopting a kitten of your own?"

Munk nearly burst from shock and this time yelled in astonishment, "What?"

"Well, have you?"

The tabby sat dumbfounded; he had not at all been expecting the question.

"Well…we…no. I mean, I've never thought about having…I don't know if Alonzo…If anything it's certainly not the right time…How would we know if Billy would even…Gah!" blabbered the tabby

Old Deuteronomy continued to laugh but calmed himself down when he wanted to become serious.

"Now look, Munkustrap. I've always known you would make the perfect father and I'm well aware that you and Alonzo can't…produce a kitten"

Munk felt his stomach turn as he listen to his father talk. Old Deuteronomy continued,

"Ever since I learned you and Alonzo had become mates I've been entertaining the idea that you might adopt a kitten as your own and raise it together. Now, since Billy will be needing care and above all love and since he has no parents left then what I'm suggesting is that you and Alonzo adopt him"

Munk was flabbergasted. How could his father speak so calmly and easily about this? It was mind-boggling for him that anyone would even suggest kittens. Through all of his reservations though, what shone through was warmth. The idea of being a father was incredible and it made him happy inside.

But then, as always, the what-ifs barged in. Munk spluttered as he spoke,

"I don't think Alonzo's in any state to be raising a kitten just yet"

Old Deuteronomy nodded, "No, not yet, but hopefully will be soon. I'd wager that when he recovers he would jump at the chance to be a father for Billy with you"

Munk felt a little woozy. This was a lot of information to take in at once and it was certainly something he hadn't been ready for.

Old Deuteronomy observed his dizzy-looking son and decided to leave him to his thoughts. He excused himself and went to find his other son while Munk sat staring straight ahead into nothingness whilst trying to process the idea of being a father.

* * *

The evening eventually came and as the shadows began to get longer Alonzo began pacing in his den. He hadn't a clue how to feel; he was angry, frustrated, determined, courageous, nervous, frightened, unsure and unstable all at the same time. He had had spent the rest of the day alone going over his plan to force himself to be intimate with his mate again and had worked himself into quite a state. Several times he had nearly broken down from the very thought of going through with it when crossed with his horrible self-loathing. He tried to cram the bad thoughts back inside himself though – he had been too frightened for too long and he didn't want his fellow Jellicles and most of all his mate to have to put up with him any longer. The poor tom knew deep inside himself that what he was forcing himself to do he was not ready for and really shouldn't attempt for the risk of making himself worse but he didn't want to listen. What kind of horrible cat must he be if he put himself first? The others should not have to go through what he was going through so he needed to stop being so scared immediately.

The patched tom didn't know whether to fume or laugh or cry as he continued to pace and wait for his mate to come in. He was so conflicted it seemed that his outward expression had given up trying to display his emotions. Clearly he was heading in a very bad direction once again but the tom was so deranged from his depression he had no capacity to see it. He only knew one thing: he may have been hideous but he had to put himself through his own, self-inflicted torture for the sake of his mate. Munk was all he cared about and was desperate to prove himself again.

His pacing got faster and more agitated as it went on and after a long time he felt his legs getting tired. He groaned with the stress of the situation and just wanted it all to be over. It was going to be hard and it was going to hurt terribly but in his mind he had to do it. It was something that had to be done to show Munk that he still cared for him dearly and that was the most important thing – not his self-hatred.

As he tried to calm himself he was distracted when Bomba burst through the door. He had grown quite used to the way she didn't really announce herself when she entered a den and barely thought anything of it.

"Can I help you?" asked Alonzo as he pinched the bridge of his nose; he could feel a headache coming on.

"A little formal for you, isn't it?" replied the red queen

"What?"

"'Can I help you?' Have you suddenly found some class?"

"Shut up" said Alonzo as playfully as he could manage which was really hardly playful at all

"What's wrong with you? You look a complete mess"

"You're just full of compliments this evening, aren't you?"

The queen smiled, "I just like to be observant. Seriously though, are you alright? You look…troubled"

"You know what, Bomba? For once I don't think I am. I have a clear idea of what I need to do to make things right again and I just want to get it over with"

"Are you sure?" asked the queen timidly

"Yes. Absolutely."

"Well, what is it?"

Alonzo grimaced as she asked the question. He didn't want to tell her but he knew he couldn't hide away after making that kind of statement.

"Well…I'm going to…you know"

"Well of course I don't know"

"I'm going to take Munk and I'm going to…give him…well you can tell from that"

"No I can't. Just speak English, you weirdo!"

Alonzo huffed and with frustration squeezed out the words he didn't want to say,

"I'm going to shag him! Do you understand now?"

Bomba looked stupefied – she hadn't expected him to say that.

"Shag him…" she repeated plainly. Alonzo took a breath and looked down as he replied,

"It's the only way I can show him I want to be intimate with him again"

There was a long silence before Bomba began asking questions,

"Have you guys ever done it before?"

"Well of course we have!"

"Have you done it since you…got back?"

"No"

"Do you even want to have sex with him?"

"Of course I do"

"No, what I mean is do you want to have sex with him right now?"

"…Yes"

"Are you sure?"

"I don't know," said Alonzo with annoyance

"You want to have sex so it feels good, right?"

"Yes"

"And you want to have sex to feel close to him?"

"Yes"

"Do you think you can do that while you're still so torn up inside?"

"I have to. I've been a nervous mess for too long and it's time I did something to get out of this rut"

"And you think shagging Munk while you're obviously not ready to is going to make you feel alright again?"

"Don't put it like that. It sounds so wrong when you say it that way"

"It's the truth, though, isn't it?"

"Oh I don't know, Bomba! I'm just so sick of being this way! I want to take control again and feel close to Munk like I did before…you know who got to me"

Bomba stepped towards him and put her arms around him. He didn't hug her back.

"Come on, patches, you know this isn't going to help. You can feel close to Munk without having to have sex with him; I'm sure he of all cats knows that."

"I've made up my mind, Bomba. I'm going to do this and somehow it's going to make Munk know I can still be intimate with him"

"Oh 'Lonz, can't you see? He knows you're capable of it but he also knows you're not ready yet. I can't imagine how horrible the things Macavity did to you were but I'm sure they weren't something you can recover from easily. I'll bet Munk doesn't want the first time you two mate after that whole ordeal to be painful or upsetting. In fact I'm sure you both would want it to be perfect; this isn't going to be like that, it will be awful for both of you"

Alonzo felt like she was making sense but his mind was too stubborn to change it's determination now.

"No, Bomba. I know what I'm doing."

The red queen didn't have time to speak before Munk entering through the door interrupted them. Bomba and Alonzo shared identical expressions of anxiety and Munk was put slightly on edge by the display.

"Is something wrong?" the silver tabby asked

"Not at all" replied Alonzo gravely, "Bomba was just leaving"

The queen gave him a pleading look in an attempt to make him reconsider but he responded with eyes as cold as ice. With sadness she averted her gaze and excused herself quietly from the den. Alonzo's heart began to beat more quickly as he watched her go and realised now was the time to make a move.

"Is she alright?" asked Munk confusedly

"Never mind about her," replied Alonzo as he approached the tabby. His paws felt cold as he looped them around Munk's waist and caught him off-guard with a firm kiss. Munk was startled by the move but quickly complied with his mate and kissed him back. They parted after a few seconds and Alonzo gave him the sexiest look he could manage.

"What was that for?" asked Munk with a smirk and unaware of his mate's fear.

Through fervent pecks Alonzo replied,

"I want…to show you…that…I still care for you"

Munk did his best to respond as his mate meshed their lips together frantically,

"'Lonz…I know…you care for me"

"I want you to know…that I can still be close to you and…give you what you want"

"Of course we're…still close and…you give me everything…I could ask for"

"Except one thing" said Alonzo taking a break from his passionate but panicked kisses

"What's that?"

"Mating" said Alonzo in a low growl. Munk was surprised by his mate's sudden forwardness and knew something had to be up.

"Mating? I don't demand that from you, darling"

Alonzo grabbed the fur on his mate's chest and pulled him very close.

"But you want it, don't you? I can tell you want it and you know what? I..." he gulped as he tried to keep up the façade, "…want it too"

"Alonzo, I don't know if…"

The patched tom cut him off as he pressed their mouths together again. Munk tried to get him to stop but he didn't want to use force. Alonzo grabbed him fiercely and worked him backwards until they both fell onto the bed. In a flash Alonzo was once again passionately kissing Munk and in his desperation forced his tongue deep into the tabby's mouth. Munk's eyes blinked open at the sudden invasion but didn't protest for too long. All the while they kissed Alonzo felt himself becoming more and more scared and soon his entire body began to tremble.

Munk managed to halt them briefly as he felt his mate shake,

"'Lonz, wait! Something's not right, please tell me what's going on"

"Nothing's going on. I just want to mate with you, is that such a bad thing? It certainly seems you want the same thing" said Alonzo as he reached down and caressed Munk's firming private area. The tabby shuddered as he felt his mate fondle his nether-regions – he had nearly forgotten the feeling and remembered how good it felt to have Alonzo touch him in that way. He closed his eyes as his libido overshadowed his intuition and he found it very hard to resist Alonzo despite how strongly he felt something wasn't right.

"Tell me I'm wrong," said Alonzo as certainly as he could

Munk swallowed hard and allowed his desire to start taking over higher thought,

"Are you sure?" the tabby said timidly

Alonzo paused for a moment as he looked down at his tom trying to figure out what to do,

"…I think so" is all he said.

With great trepidation on both parts the two toms resumed their kissing and passionate grinding. Munk flipped their bodies around so he was on top and began kissing Alonzo on his neck and across his chest. Alonzo resisted the need to flinch as he felt the tabby place soft kisses across his upper body. His breathing grew faster and faster as the tabby went lower and the patched tom started to feel as if he'd made a terrible mistake. The sense of dread and fear mounted within him as Munk went lower still and he felt as if he wanted to scream when the tabby arrived at his privates. As Munk began to manipulate him he had terrifying flashes of Macavity gripping him there and running his paws all over his body. He remembered how terrible it had been to feel the despicable tom degrade him and steal his dignity and though he never intended for Munk's actions to feel like Macavity's he couldn't help feeling as if he was back in his prison. Macavity had left far deeper a scar than Alonzo had thought and he was realising now just what an impact the evil tom had had on him.

With a terrible shudder Alonzo gripped Munk's head and pulled him up to eye level. He honestly couldn't go through with this – he didn't have it in him.

But he had to. He had to do it for Munk's sake. With his last ounce of courage he flipped the tabby onto his back and straddled his hips in order for his tom to penetrate him.

"Alonzo" whispered Munk worriedly as he looked up at the patched tom knowing now that something was very wrong.

As Alonzo suspended himself above Munk ready to sink down onto him he began to shake even more wildly and tears started to stream from his eyes. Munk stared up in shock at his frightened mate and wondered what one earth was happening. After a few moments Alonzo became wobbly and Munk had to catch him so he didn't fall off of the bed. The silver tabby gently held his mate and lay him down on the cushions and watched as Alonzo broke down and began to babble,

"I'm sorry, Munk. I just wanted to show you how much I want to be intimate with you again. Please forgive me"

Munk felt so guilty; how could he have allowed Alonzo to come to the conclusion that he needed to force himself into having sex just to prove he loved him? As tenderly as he could he pulled Alonzo close to his body and rocked him gently as he cried.

"Oh, Alonzo. There's nothing for me to forgive. If anything I should be asking you for forgiveness. I should have asked how you feel about us and made sure you didn't feel pressured. I'm sorry, darling"

Alonzo sobbed, "I just want things to be like they were. I thought having sex would make that happen but I just can't do it. I want to do it for you so badly but I can't"

"It's okay, darling. I'll help you through this, I promise"

Alonzo looked up at his mate with red eyes and spoke through the sobs, "I'm scared, Munk. What if I can't get back to how I was?"

"You will, dear. I'll help you to get there and I won't stop until you realise just how wonderful you are"

"I'm tired Munk. I'm so tired of feeling this way. I just want to feel close to you again"

"It'll take time but I'll always be here. I'm always close 'Lonz, you just have to see it"

"But it's like something's missing. I don't know what, but something's not there"

"Then I'll find it for you, 'Lonz. I promise I'll find it for you"

Alonzo buried his face in Munk's chest and let out more painful sobs. What was he meant to believe?

As Munk held the despondent tom he began to gently shake his head back and forth in self-judgement. How could he have allowed Alonzo to become like this?

The two toms stayed embracing long into the night. It was an awful moment for them to bear but they didn't want to be anywhere else but in each other's arms.

**Poor Alonzo. He's trying his best but he just can't catch a break.**

**Thanks so much for reading and reviewing. I always love to hear what you think. I'll do my best to get the next chapter up lickety-split! Hopefully I'll be able to end the next one on a happy note instead of a sad one.**

**P.S. I've had an idea for a sequel to Unlikeliest of Lovers. It came to me at about 2am when I was lying in bed so yay! Now I have a project for when I finish this which I think will be two or three more chapters. Knowing me and my misjudgement it might end up being four.**


	17. Turning Point

**Right, time to make some stuff happen. **

**Munk gets the closure he was hoping for**

**A year in the life of the black and white toms**

**Chapter 17**

**Turning Point**

Another week passed in the same miserable fashion as the previous multitude had. Emotionally Alonzo was barely any better than he had been when he was first brought back to the junkyard and the knock-on effect he had on Munk was as always dismal. Alonzo had resumed his day-in-day-out seclusion after his plan to show Munk he could still be intimate had failed and Munk himself had returned to the same desperate patience he had been employing in recent weeks. They both wished for the same things: that Alonzo could overcome his resentment of his appearance and also his sense of unworthiness. However, if the past couple of months were anything to go by then those wishes were far easier hoped for than accomplished. It seemed that Alonzo simply did not have the ability or strength to get past the way he felt and it pained both him and Munk to think that he might be stuck that way forever. Alonzo had told Munk it felt like something was missing from him and that it was that something that was stopping him from getting past his reservations. In the nights and days that followed that revelation Munk had been thinking incredibly hard as to what Alonzo might be referring to but he simply couldn't think of anything. He was sure that Alonzo had meant that a part of him was missing but when the silver tabby thought about it he couldn't identify which part of Alonzo might be gone. In his eyes his tom was still absolutely perfect and he knew that nothing on the inside could have changed. In his heart he could see and feel no difference in his mate and it made him feel lower than low to think there was something stopping him from being himself that he could personally do nothing about.

It was a late April morning and quite appropriately it was raining hard. Munk stared aimlessly out of his den at the fast-falling droplets as he pondered what he ought to do that day. His experience with Alonzo the previous week had left him quite shaken and most days he tended to sit around trying his best to make it through until night. He had been so confused by what his mate had attempted to do and felt somewhat guilty at not being able to see through the display. He felt he should have known Alonzo was not ready to mate and he shouldn't have allowed his libido to get the better of him. Afterwards he had done his best to console the sobbing tom but there was only so much he could help before he had to give up and let Alonzo recoup in his own time. The patched tom had been left deeply shaken after his attempt to force himself into sex had failed and he was left wondering who he was. He certainly didn't feel like himself anymore and if he wasn't Alonzo then who was he meant to be? From time to time he wondered what he had meant when he told Munk that he felt something was missing. He knew it was the truth but he was confused as to what it was he actually was trying to say. If he didn't know then what hope was there for Munk to guess? This rapt kind of thought kept him rather silent as the days went by and in their den Munk and Alonzo tended just to lay side-by-side thinking. This morning Alonzo stared at his mate who was gazing out of the doorway into the rain and began to wonder how on earth the tabby was managing to put up with him for so long. He knew his dreary, unhappy demeanour must have been a dead weight on Munk and he began to realise how lucky he was to have a tom who was willing to go through such torment for his sake. The thought made Alonzo smile weakly as he continued to watch him and soon enough he felt compelled to get up and go over. Gingerly, Alonzo stepped forward in silence and after a moment came up behind the tabby. He cleared his throat gently making Munk turn around and look at him expectantly. Alonzo felt a tad dizzy but he managed to raise his arms and slink them around his mate. Munk responded in kind and they hugged tenderly as the rain continued to pour outside. It was the first time they had really connected since the previous week's incident and it filled them both with comfort. Alonzo closed his eyes and snuggled into the crook of Munk's neck as he basked in the warmth provided by the tabby's strong arms. Munk silently took in the patched tom's scent and smiled as he remembered the good times. The two had been embracing for a while before Alonzo whispered,

"Thank you"

Munk didn't need to ask what he meant. He knew Alonzo was grateful for his patience and he was only too glad to give him as much comfort as he could offer.

They stayed with each other until the rain stopped a little while later.

* * *

Billy hopped from one foot to another in Jenny and Skimble's den. He was itching to get outside and play but Jenny had forbidden him to do so while it was still so wet. She had given him a ball of wool to play with in the meantime but he'd soon tired of it. He just wanted to get out into the open air and release his energy. He once again peered through the doorway and beamed when he saw no rain falling from the sky.

"Jenny! It's stopped raining!" he yelled happily

The gumbie cat glanced at the buzzing kitten from across the den and decided to just let him go.

"Go on then, dear" she said tiredly. She was glad to see the back of him as he'd been pestering her ever since she'd told him to stay indoors.

Billy practically flew from the den and rejoiced in being the first one outside after it had stopped raining. He ran to and fro looking for anything to occupy himself and shortly the other kittens heard his clattering and came to join him. They all played happily together and jumped about in the fresh puddles that covered the clearing. It wasn't long before mud started splattering around and pretty soon they were all covered in it. If Jenny had seen them she would have thrown a fit but fortunately for them she had stayed inside. They laughed as they saw what a state they had gotten themselves into and decided that since they were already so messy that it really didn't matter if they got any worse. Once they established this they started throwing great lumps of mud at each other and it didn't take long for all-out war to erupt between them. Pawfuls of mud went flying back and forth and the kittens made quite a mess of the clearing as they carried on.

As if on cue, Munk emerged from his den looking quite stressed and scanned around trying to put a cause to the commotion he had heard from inside. He already had a pretty good idea of which particular cats were causing the racket and he sighed when he found he was right. He simply watched them as they rolled around in the mud and threw it at each other. He tried to be as adult as he could be but he found the sight quite funny and began to chuckle as he watched the kittens make such a mess of themselves. After a moment of watching he turned back to the den and called inside,

"Hey, 'Lonz. Come and look at this"

Alonzo reluctantly stepped out of their den and peered over the junk to see what his mate had told him to look at. He took Munk's paw as he came further out and the tabby helped him as he went. Alonzo looked at the kittens and the awful mess they had created and in just as kittenish a fashion as Munk he began to laugh. It felt wonderful to be able to see something so funny and laugh at it again. The kittens made quite a display and together Munk and Alonzo remembered a time when they had done exactly the same sort of thing. Munk smiled even wider as he watched his mate brighten up and pulled him closer so he could have a better view. If experience was anything to go by then the tabby knew that Alonzo's moment of joy might soon disappear so he did his best to prolong it. He put his arm around the patched tom and they began to laugh even harder as the kittens started to take long run ups and then slide on their tummies through the mud. It was wonderful to watch such a display of innocent kittenish fun but what they both found more wonderful was Alonzo's happiness. Not ten minutes ago he had been at rock bottom but now he looked like his usual, fun-loving self. Munk assumed his mate's emotions were capable of only jumping to extremes at the time but he didn't mind; he was just happy to see Alonzo enjoying himself. The patched tom wasn't thinking about himself now, he was too engrossed in the kitten's fun.

"Remember when we did stuff like that?" said Alonzo nostalgically

"I certainly do. Do you remember how Tugger always used to moan if we got him too messy?"

"Oh yeah!" laughed Alonzo, "Oh to be young again…"

"You're not over the hill just yet, 'Lonz"

"Hmm" sighed Alonzo

They watched the kittens happily in silence for a few more minutes before some of the other Jellicles began to emerge and as usual Alonzo grew fidgety and nervous.

"Munk…" he began before being cut off

"It's okay, I understand. Go on"

"Thanks" said Alonzo before returning to the den and it's privacy. Munk sighed as he sat there. How was it that his mate could keep jumping from one feeling to another so readily? He didn't understand depression very well but knew it must have been horrible to have to endure. He wanted to talk to Alonzo about it but had decided it was best not to make him think about his struggles any more than he had to. He wanted Alonzo to focus on the positives but he was certainly having trouble making him see them. At least he was able to laugh at the kittens who were by now lying down in the mud and making angel shapes. Munk smiled as he looked down at Billy who seemed to be having the time of his life. He thought about what Old Deuteronomy said about adopting him and smiled wider once he had contemplated it for a while despite a feeling of hysteria. He was by no means any more prepared to become a father than he was when his own father had suggested it but he did like the idea more by now. From time to time he had imagined how nice it would be to raise a kitten like Billy if only Alonzo could get well again. He hadn't yet told his mate of his father's idea even though he really wanted to. He wanted to know how Alonzo would feel about being a parent and hoped he might jump at the chance. Still, one step at a time; firstly he had to get Alonzo back to normal.

'_Easier said than done' _thought the tabby as he once again began to think about what he could do to find Alonzo's missing piece. He still needed to figure out just what it was that Alonzo meant and was no closer to discovering that than he was a week ago. The tabby leant back and looked up into the overcast sky hoping a solution might fall out of the Heaviside layer. Unfortunately, nothing came and he was left to his thoughts on the earth below.

He knew Alonzo had two main issues: one, he hated his appearance and two, he felt unworthy of Munk's love partly because of that but also because of what he considered Macavity's mark still on him. He had said there was something missing but what did that mean? Did he mean his handsomeness? Did he mean something on the inside? Did he mean something in their relationship? Munk tried to think if there was anything between them that might have changed to make Alonzo feel so bad and then realised why Alonzo had thought their lack of mating had been the cause. He felt sorry that Alonzo had tried mating again despite how much he didn't want to in an attempt to fix his aching soul and their relationship. He admired how the tom was trying his hardest to make things right again but was saddened by his lack of success. The tabby tried thinking of other things that might have been missing and started to retrace the last two months. For the past few weeks Alonzo had been on an emotional rollercoaster and had desperately been trying to find a solution to his grief. Whatever he was missing couldn't have been lost during that time since he hadn't anything to lose. Munk then thought back to the awful night when Alonzo had tried to kill himself and painstakingly went through the details in an attempt to find a clue. Alonzo had disappeared that evening without saying a word and he had found him ready to jump off of Tower Bridge. Surely that was the point when he was at his lowest so could he really have lost anything else at that point? Munk decided probably not and gladly dismissed the memory from his mind. As he thought back further still he found it hard to remember the details from that much time ago and racked his brain as he struggled to recall the little things. Before he had run off to the bridge Alonzo had been feeling just awful about himself and Munk had been watching him become sadder and sadder due to his appearance and feeling of worthlessness. He had been so unstable and Munk had just been watching him feel helpless as he became less able to deal with his issues. At the same time Alonzo had still been healing from the wounds Macavity had inflicted upon him and he was just beginning to realise the extent to which the evil tom had mutilated him. Munk sighed heavily and looked down sadly as he recalled watching Alonzo go from bad to worse. The feeling of uselessness he had felt was indescribable and he just wished he could have prevented all of this in the first place. His father had assured him there was nothing he could have done but he would always feel guilty for not keeping his dear mate from such terrible harm. Begrudgingly he ploughed on and went back to the time when Macavity had imprisoned him as well. He remembered the awful surroundings he had been placed in but also how nice it felt to know Alonzo was nearby once more. That was all taken away when he had seen his mate for the first time since being kidnapped. He was such an awful, bloody mess that Munk had felt sick to imagine what Macavity had done to put his beautiful mate in that state. As Munk recalled just how much blood Alonzo had been covered in and how mangled his body had looked he began to feel incredibly uncomfortable and had to fight back tears which threatened to seep from his eyes. He didn't expect he'd ever get over seeing his mate in such a horrible state and did his best to keep his mind on the matter at hand. If Alonzo had lost anything it would have been at that time. Macavity had done so many awful things to him it was surely then that Alonzo had lost something; but was that his pride, his dignity, his self-worth? Surely it was all of those things and Munk felt no closer to answering his question than when he had begun.

As he sat contemplating sadly he tried to remember everything he had seen. He remembered Alonzo looking completely ruined both physically and emotionally as he hung in his chains but he tried to remember what little he had seen of the area he was being held in. He knew it had been very dirty and there was blood all over the place. Munk paused for a moment as he realised that must have been the same place where Macavity killed Billy's mother and so there must have been some of her blood mixing with Alonzo's as it dried on the floor. Munk shook his head; this was too much to bear.

He was about to take a break when he focused on one shred of memory. Alonzo had been completely covered in blood but there was one thing that was clearly missing from his body: his collar. Munk thought hard and brought his paws to his head as he tried to remember. He had seen that very same collar somewhere nearby but where exactly was it? After a few more moments of desperate trawling through miniscule memories a tiny image of the collar appeared at the back of his mind. It was torn and lying across the room a short distance from where Alonzo had been chained. It had been covered in dust and dirt but the silver studs still shone through like they always had done. Munk opened his eyes and looked straight ahead in deep thought. Surely Alonzo couldn't have meant that it was his collar that was missing? No, of course not. A cat doesn't get so depressed and unstable from a missing collar. Still, Munk continued to think about it. Maybe if he had it back he would remember the moment he was given it and how happy he had been. Munk smiled as he remembered the look on Alonzo's face as he received the collar and how grateful he had been. That had been the night when they'd first made love and agreed to be mates and Munk considered it to be perhaps the best night of his life. Surely Alonzo had felt the same way so having the collar again would certainly bring back the memories, right? Munk thought about it for a little while longer before he thought to himself '_What harm could it do?'_

He rose slowly so as not to draw too much attention from the Jellicles and silently headed in the direction of the entrance. He left the junkyard unnoticed and began to make his way back to a place he hoped he'd never have to go to ever again.

* * *

After a long, slow walk the silver tabby found himself looking up at the shady, derelict warehouse he had hope he would never have to look at again. It struck fear into the usually stable tom's heart just to gaze at the place where his mate had been imprisoned and tortured. The smell that wafted from within made him feel sick and he knew he really didn't want to take another step forward. With a deep breath and a quiet moment to clear his head he begrudgingly started to move his legs one in front of the other and cautiously entered the disgusting building. The light soon faded as he made his way further and further into the warehouse and if it hadn't been for his night-vision he would have been lost instantly. The smell on the inside was far worse than that which radiated to the outside and Munk struggled as he tried to overcome feeling ill. The worst part of this whole ordeal was the memories which came flooding back just by being there. In his mind he received flashes of Macavity slashing at his mate and the awful pain Alonzo displayed as he was helpless to stop it. He also remembered how useless he'd felt as the henchcats held him down while Macavity did his evil deeds. The memory of finally breaking free and brutally killing the cat was the final nail in the coffin for Munk and he had to stop to try and regain some composure. He didn't want to ever think about the awful things that had gone on in this place on anybody's part and he just wanted to get his mission over with.

He kept walking a little way and soon saw a shaft of light coming through a doorway up ahead. He remembered what was on the other side of that door: it was where Alonzo had been so badly beaten and where he had killed Macavity. The tabby swallowed hard as he tried to prepare himself for what was going to be there now. His senses suggested what to expect as the smell of decay became stronger with every step he took and it wasn't long before he was timidly stepping through the eerie doorway. The first things he saw were beams of light striking their way through the dusty warehouse windows. He followed them to where they hit the ground and through the dusty air he discovered a large, dark figure lying on the floor across the room. With his heart racing Munk took a few steps forward to look upon the dark shape and as he got closer he made out what must have been Macavity's corpse – or rather what was left of it. The body before him consisted of not much more than a grey, gooey mess. There was still evidence of Macavity's ginger fur but by now it had lost it's striking, dangerous look. The flesh beneath it now existed only as dark sludge and Munk could see it moving as the maggots within ate away at what little was left of the dead cat's innards. The most horrible thing was Macavity's head. The skin and fur covering his face had been almost completely stripped away by the tiny insects and all Munk could see was Macavity's fearful skull staring back at him. Even now the tabby felt hatred and evil flow from it and the disgusting sight made Munk feel a little nervous despite it being harmless. Within the dead skull Munk could only see a vile black mess and the sight of the decayed, rotten corpse coupled with the awful smell and even the sound of the festering maggots before him made the tom feel horribly sick. Without much time to deal with the impending physical reaction Munk lurched sharply and emptied his stomach onto the floor to his side. He didn't feel much better after vomiting up his breakfast since Macavity's putrefied body was still lying there and glaring up at him. Munk felt tormented that even now Macavity was having such an effect on him and with great courage he decided it had to stop there. He took a deep breath – trying to ignore the horrible smell - and spoke to Macavity's corpse in a very cold and forceful manner,

"You were an evil cat and you deserve to be lying there rotting. You did awful things to the cat I love and me killing you was exactly the right thing to happen. I know that even now you're tormenting Alonzo but he is going to get better because I'm helping him. It will take time but you will be gone soon. Our love is stronger than your hate and I know we will come out on top. Above all, though, Alonzo is mine. He's not yours and he never was. He is mine and I am his and that's the way it will be forever. You haven't won, Macavity, we have."

Feeling he had finally had the last word Munk turned and began looking around through the dust on the floor. It took him a short while but he soon found the snapped collar shining through the dirt. Munk picked it up delicately and polished it with his paw. He smiled as he looked down at it and deeply hoped it would help Alonzo with his troubles. It would need to be mended of course but he would go to any lengths to help his mate – after all just look at where he was.

Without looking at Macavity's body again he quickly left the area and made his way through the dark passages to the outside world. He took in deep lungfuls of fresh air and brushed the dust out of his fur. It felt wonderful to be out of that dreadful place and with one final look he walked away for the last time. He would never again step inside that warehouse and he couldn't be happier because of it.

* * *

The world seemed slightly brighter as Munk walked home. He was glad to have been able to tell Macavity – even though he was dead - that he hadn't won Alonzo. Munk knew his words wouldn't take back what had happened but he felt better for finally being able to say them and not feel like they were worthless. He had been wanting to tell Macavity that he'd lost for a long time but it only felt right when he'd actually said it to his face – or rather what was left of it. As he walked Munk continued to polish the collar he held and managed to do quite a good job of cleaning it up. As he neared the junkyard he did his best to conceal it and without being seen slunk across to Jenny's den to get some help.

Inside her home Jenny was having a lazy day – as she was so often inclined to do – and was roused from her daze when she saw Munk enter politely. The silver tabby gave her a few moments to pull herself together before he showed her what he had with him.

"Is that your collar, dear?" the queen asked

"Yes, well it was until I gave it Alonzo. Do you remember him wearing it?"

"Not really. I noticed that you weren't wearing it though"

"Well I gave it to him for Christmas but Macavity broke it when he captured him. Do you think you could fix it?" the tabby asked hopefully. Jenny took the garment and examined it carefully.

"Hmmm. I think I could mend it. It won't take very long, have a seat and I'll get some thread"

"Thanks" said Munk as he sat down and waited for her to begin her work. She came back a moment later and threaded a needle with ease. As she began the meticulous job of repairing the collar she spoke to Munk,

"You should have brought it to me sooner. Why did you wait so long?"

"Well I only just remembered it and I had to go and get it"

"You didn't bring it when you brought Alonzo back?"

"No, I had to go back to Macavity's lair and find it"

"Goodness" said Jenny pausing in her sewing, "You actually went back there?"

"Yes"

"How was it?"

"I shan't lie, Jenny, it was grim. I don't mean just not nice I mean it was seriously awful. It was so disgusting and dirty but the worst part were the memories it brought back. I don't ever want to go back there again"

"No I imagine not" aid the queen tentatively resuming her needlework. "Was...HE there?"

"Yes. Well, what was left of him was"

Munk saw her face scrunch up as he said the words. He continued,

"But it's okay, he's gone and I have Alonzo"

"Of course you do. Anyway, here you are" she said as she handed back the collar. Munk was stunned,

"That was quick", he said taken aback. Jenny just smiled,

"Please, dear, I'm a master"

Munk inspected her work. He could barely tell it had been broken in the first place.

"Jenny, this is amazing. Thank you so much"

"It's quite alright, Munkustrap. I hope Alonzo likes it"

"Well I'm sure it can't hurt at all"

* * *

Alonzo sat quietly in the den watching the doorway. He really wanted to go outside but felt far too nervous to do so. He could hear the Jellicles enjoying the springtime and desperately wanted to be a part of it but upon inspection of his scars he simply didn't feel brave enough. He sighed and lay down on the bed once again wondering whether or not he would ever be able to get over his fear.

He began to drift off to sleep before he was brought back to awareness by the soft thud of his mate jumping through the door. He turned around and smiled at his mate in an attempt to greet him properly and he puzzled as he saw his tom beaming back at him.

"You look like a kitten that's just discovered his own tail," said Alonzo

Munk sauntered over to him as he held the collar behind his back and sat down on the edge of the bed.

"I've got a surprise for you" said the tabby happily

Alonzo was anxious but decided to go along with what his mate was saying.

"Oh yeah?"

"Yep"

"What is it?"

"Close your eyes"

"Do I have to?"

"Yes. Close 'em"

Alonzo wasn't really in the mood for games but still he complied with his mate's wishes.

"Keep them closed," said Munk as he brought the collar around to his front. Alonzo felt Munk move his paws around his neck and fasten something there. Munk then took Alonzo's paws, stood him up and began to walk him across the den.

"Munk, what's going on?" asked Alonzo wishing his mate wouldn't be so secretive.

"Stop there. Now, open your eyes"

Alonzo did so and looked ahead. Munk had stood him in front of a mirror and around his neck he noticed the tabby had fastened the collar Macavity had ripped off of him months ago. He was quite taken aback as he thought he'd never see it again and was amazed to look at himself wearing his most prized possession.

Munk watched Alonzo raise a paw and touch the collar gently and waited for him to respond. He began to wonder if perhaps it in fact wasn't a very good idea to return it and wondered what he would do if Alonzo reacted badly.

"'Lonz?" asked the tabby gently as the patched tom continued to stare straight into the mirror. Alonzo gazed for a few moments more before his expression softened and his awe turned into tearful joy.

"Did you go back there to get this?" Alonzo asked

"Yes", replied Munk

"Was…HE there?"

"Not much of him"

"Oh…" said Alonzo figuring it out, "I can't believe you went back there. How did you manage it?"

"It was horrible to remember what went on in that place but it's okay. It's gone now and it will never happen again"

"Yes. I suppose you're right"

There was a pause before another question popped into Alonzo's head.

"So, he really is dead?"

Munk put his arm around Alonzo's shoulders and looked into the mirror with him,

"Yes. He is gone for good. He'll never hurt you or anyone ever again"

"Huh…"said Alonzo trailing off. Munk didn't think he sounded incredibly convinced.

"Do you still feel him?" he asked gently. Alonzo nodded so Munk carried on,

"Alonzo, please try and understand that he's gone for good. I know the memory isn't easy to get rid of but I can assure you that no one will ever hurt you again – especially not him. The strength of his evil doesn't even compare to that of our love because love is so much greater than hate. There's that and Macavity can't have really been a Jellicle. No Jellicle could be capable of that much evil and the very fact that you are shows just how different you both were. By the same value he could never own you and he still can't. Jellicles are kind, loving, graceful, peaceful and compassionate. Macavity was sick, twisted, sadistic and above all the epitome of evil. The reason why we'll never know but what we can be sure of is that someone like that could never take complete control of you because you are in no way any of the things he was."

Alonzo swallowed hard before speaking,

"But how can I ever get over the marks he left me with? I don't mean just the scars, I mean the impression he left."

"Just let go, darling. There's nothing he could have done to get in the way of my love for you"

"But the scars. How can I force you to live with me when I look like this?"

"Alonzo, I love you for you, not what you look like. You're the greatest cat in my world and I wouldn't want anyone else aside from you to be my mate regardless of what you look like"

Alonzo looked down, "But after what he did how can I be adequate enough to be your mate?"

"Look at me." Alonzo turned. "From the moment I fell in love with you I knew you were always more than adequate to be my mate. You're far more than I deserve and I thank the Everlasting Cat that you've come to me. I wonder sometimes if I'm good enough for you but I never doubt our love for a second. I promise that for as long as I'm living I will keep you safe and that I will always love you. That's what I was hoping the collar would remind you of. I gave it to you to show you how much I adore you"

Alonzo looked back in the mirror and gazed at the shining collar around his neck. It was true, he did feel it was a symbol of their all-encompassing love and it reignited that flame within him that had been extinguished for so long. He felt a warmth return to his body as he realised just how much love there was between him and Munkustrap and he turned to his mate as tears began to gather in his eyes.

"Munk" he breathed, "Do you really mean it?"

Munk placed his strong arms around Alonzo and brought him close. Alonzo felt safe in his mate's embrace and remembered just how much he loved the feeling as Munk kissed him softly on his lips. Alonzo felt the same tingle that had been there before he had been taken away and his mind began to swim with the feeling of being loved again. When Munk pulled away he brought his mouth close to Alonzo's ear and whispered one final message,

"I will love you forever, my darling. You are the only cat that has ever and will ever complete me and I'll always be your mate until the day I die"

Nothing else needed to be said. Without hesitating Alonzo pulled the tabby into another kiss and finally realised that what he had been missing had been there all along – he just hadn't seen it. Munk had always been the key to his happiness and the assurance he had just been given that he was loved unconditionally had shown him that nothing could ever get in the way of their devotion to each other. He finally felt loved again and the feeling made his heart soar.

* * *

Munk and Alonzo did not know whether minutes or hours passed as they embraced each other. They simply did not want to let go but when they did they gazed deeply into each other's eyes and joyfully basked in the love they shared.

Munk raised a paw and caressed his mate's face and Alonzo closed his eyes as he leant into the tabby's touch. Munk smiled as he traced the outline of the black patch on the corner of Alonzo's mouth and the patched tom opened his eyes when he heard the tabby giggle.

"What's so funny?" he asked

"Just the patch on your mouth – it's spectacularly cute"

Alonzo blushed, "I'm not sure I ever liked it that much"

"I always did. It makes you all the more beautiful"

Alonzo smiled, "So you really don't mind the scars?"

"Of course not, darling. You believe me, don't you?"

Alonzo didn't respond with words. Munk saw the cheeky look in his mate's eye that he hadn't seen in a long time and he watched Alonzo step back and scamper from the den. He quickly followed and as he left too he saw Alonzo standing proudly on top of the tyre. He had his paws on his hips and was gloriously displaying himself for the entire world to see. Munk just stood and smiled at his mate – he hadn't expected to see him do that for a long time yet.

Alonzo looked back and Munk and noticed how happy he was. He called over to him,

"Come here, stripes"

The silver tabby complied and went to stand next to him. As he got near Alonzo grabbed him at the waist and pulled him close. Munk laughed at the sudden action and placed his paws on his mate's chest. They happily kissed and then looked out over the junkyard. From there they could see many of the Jellicles looking at them tentatively and it wasn't long before word spread and they all came out to see. Alonzo – of course – still had a feeling of nervousness but miraculously it didn't seem to matter anymore. There was another feeling –something he had felt a lot a long time ago that he had been missing recently. He soon realised what it was: pride. He was well aware of what he looked like but somehow the pure love he felt coming from his mate put all of his apprehension in the shade. He smiled across at all of the cats which gazed at him and after a few moments spoke to them.

"Everyone, I know it might seem a bit strange that I'd be standing here so confidently after the way I've been acting the past couple of months and I think you all deserve to know why."

The on-looking cats perked up there ears in anticipation and Alonzo continued,

"Yes, Macavity did kidnap me and he left me with these scars"

He turned around and displayed his scarred back for them all to see. For many of the Jellicles it was the first time they were getting a proper look at the marks Macavity had left him with and they were quite shocked. Alonzo stood with his back to them for a few seconds so they could get a good look before turning back.

"Those are part of the reason I've been hiding away for so long and I'm sure you can understand by seeing them just how hard it has been for me to realise that looks don't make a cat what he or she is"

He paused for a moment to let the message sink in. He then turned to his mate,

"I think I would have stayed scared forever if it hadn't been for Munk. It took a lot of persuasion but he's shown me all that matters are the cats who love you and I swear to Heaviside that I love this cat right here'

He kissed Munk firmly after he said this and smiled through it as he heard a few muffled 'aww's come from his audience. After parting from his mate he looked back at them and spoke one final time,

"I should have known you all would be okay with the way I look. I realise all of my reservations and fears were just in my head and that none of you would treat me any differently whether I was immaculate or whether my coat was completely gone. It was superficial and I was wrong for thinking that any of you would see me any differently. For that I'm sorry." He knew that the real reason he felt bad was far deeper than his appearance but he felt he ought to give them some explanation as to his behaviour. He wanted to keep the darker parts of what happened to him between himself and the cats closest to him but above all he just wanted to put it all to rest. He was speaking with a renewed confidence but he couldn't say for sure that what he presumed was true. He wasn't in control of their thoughts and opinions but if they were the cats he thought he knew then he felt in his heart that what he was saying about them was the truth.

Feeling what he had said was sufficient Alonzo climbed down from the tyre and began to walk towards the gathered cats. As he passed each individual they reached out to him and smiled. With every cat he made contact with he felt more and more gratified and loved and soon he had touched everyone. It felt great to know that each of them still accepted him and he wondered why he had ever thought that anyone would treat him differently because of what had happened to him.

Alonzo stood in front of Tugger who as usual looked him up and down and leered suggestively.

"You still look just as sexy as ever to me, patches," said the overconfident tom.

"Keep it in your pants, Tug" retorted Alonzo. He kept up a façade of modesty but inside he almost felt glad that Tugger still saw him as good-looking. It made him feel confident; that is, it would have done had he not already had a wonderful mate and he was glad when Bomba ran across and socked the Maine Coon in the chest with a scowl.

A little while later the sun began to break through the clouds and Alonzo felt it's warm rays kiss his body. It felt wonderful to be out in pure daylight once again and it filled him with happiness. He gladly spent the rest of the afternoon talking and laughing with the Jellicles he had missed so much during his seclusion and all the while his mate watched him in subdued amazement. Munk was simply lost for words over his tom's renewed spirit and wondered how on earth he had managed to bring him around so quickly. The tabby was so lost in thought that he didn't notice his father enter the junkyard and sit down beside him and was startled when Old Deuteronomy spoke to him,

"It seems I missed something quite monumental"

"What do you mean, sir?"

"Munkustrap" the old tom said in a fatherly tone

"Dad" corrected the tabby

"That's better. I'm referring to your mate, boy. He certainly seems to have come around"

"Well, I'd say he's very close to being his old self again"

"Yes. It's nice to see him again, I was beginning to think he might stay secluded forever"

"You and I both."

"How did it happen?"

"How did what happen?"

"How did he make such a change in such a short space of time"

"Well it hasn't been than short a time"

"I suppose not but the last time I asked you told me there was no change. That wasn't very long ago and now he seems renewed"

"I think it just came down to properly reminding him that he is loved. I told him that I could never stop loving him regardless of what happened and I think he finally took it to heart"

"Really? Well I say well done, son. You certainly seem to have done the right thing."

Munk smiled and felt a little smug. He supposed he always was a daddy's boy when it came to his father's approval. Still, he was modest and didn't want to seem too eager so he responded with a simple, "Thank you"

At that moment Alonzo saw Old Deuteronomy with Munk and pulled himself away from the others. He happily bounded up to them and bowed before the Jellicle leader. Old Deuteronomy returned the gesture and smiled down at him,

"It's good to see you again, Alonzo"

"And you, sir" responded the patched tom

"I'm so glad to see you looking so well"

"Thank you, sir, but I couldn't have managed it without Munk. It's all his doing, you see"

"Well, it's nonetheless wonderful to see you looking so bright"

Alonzo hopped up next to Munk and snuggled into his fur. It felt wonderful to be able to jump on his mate again whenever the mood took him and he loved the feeling of being so close without having to worry about what the tabby thought. This was because he knew he was loved.

* * *

The rest of the day seemed to fly by and it seemed like a flash before Munk and Alonzo were standing in their den once again holding each other. Neither of them said anything as they slowly made their way to the bed and lay down next to each other.

"You look so beautiful," said Munk to his mate

"No, you do," replied the patched tom

They both smiled and kissed tenderly as they pulled each other close. Alonzo slid his paw down to Munk's hip and gave him a cheeky smile,

"So, I was thinking maybe we could…you know"

Munk smiled wider but brought his mate's paw back up,

"You know what? I think for now I just want to lay here with you. I just want to hold you and be in love with you, if that's alright"

Alonzo smiled wider as well and rested his head under the tabby's chin,

"That's be nice"

They stayed lying together for a long time and soon they both began to feel drowsy. Alonzo was just about to drop off to sleep before one final thought popped into his head. He opened his eyes and spoke very softly,

"Munk?"

"Mmm?" responded the sleepy tabby

"I was thinking: Let's start afresh"

"What do you mean, darling?"

"Well, I just want to put all of what's happened in the past however many months it's been to rest. I've had enough of dealing with it now and I'm ready to let it go"

Munk opened his eyes and looked down at his mate, "Are you sure?"

Alonzo smiled up at him, "Yes"

Munk kissed his mate on the forehead and hugged him tightly, "Then of course, darling. Anything to put that rotten mess to an end"

They both closed their eyes again, happy to be on the same wavelength. Alonzo, though, had one more thought.

"Starting tomorrow maybe we should do something new, you know, so we can both move on together"

"What do you mean, dear?"

"Well, we should do something we can both concentrate on so we can forget everything that's happened and how hard it's been on both of us. Something to strengthen our relationship because the Everlasting Cat knows the way I've been acting has taken it's toll on you and me."

"What do you have in mind?"

"I'm not sure. Can you think of anything?"

Munk was drifting and wasn't totally involved with the conversation until he had an idea. He opened his eyes and began to speak. He had wanted to bring up the subject for a while but until now he didn't think Alonzo would be able to handle it. _'Now is good a time as any'_ he thought.

"'Lonz?"

"Yeah?"

"Let me talk to you bout Billy…"

**Finally Alonzo is feeling okay again, yay! But how on earth is he going to handle Munk's idea?**

**I hope this didn't seem too rushed. It felt as if I'd gone so far down the 'Alonzo is depressed' route that it was going to be impossible to bring him back. I never wanted to make him commit suicide so I'm hoping me turning the story around didn't seem too fast. Well I guess that's what reviews are for, let me know if you thought Alonzo's turning point was too quick.**

**Thanks for reading, only a couple more chapters to go now.**


	18. Revelation

**Sorry this one took over a week to write. Exams have been getting in the way and this chapter has been surprisingly hard to write. I don't know why, maybe the stress of putting too much drama into one story is taking it's toll on my health. Or maybe it's because this one's the longest one I've written so far; over 13,000 words in fact. Who can say?**

**WARNING: Bad language (A couple of F-bombs get dropped)**

**British colloquialism: In British English the term 'Wanker' as the word implies does not necessarily mean 'One who masturbates' and is rarely used in that context. Instead it is commonly used as a general insult towards a man conveying contempt instead of any sexual connotations. The term is considered quite rude and is not used in polite conversation. It is used only for the purpose of insulting someone as you will see when Alonzo gets angry later in this chapter. **

**A year in the life of the black and white toms**

**Chapter 18**

**Revelation**

Alonzo awoke peacefully the next morning and for the first time was pleased to hear birdsong. It no longer was the sound of a better life just outside the door that he couldn't obtain, it was the sound of beauty and freedom and was perfectly within his grasp. He snuggled quietly into Munk's arms as he waited for the tabby to wake up and thought about what they would do that day. As he pondered his mind drifted back to the previous day and how enlightening it had been for him. He wondered now how he could have been so scared for so long; even though he appreciated the power his depression had had over him it now seemed rather silly in retrospect. He continued to go through the memory in his mind and he felt his heart flutter as he remembered how good it had been to lay down at the end of the day and be with his mate without feeling undeserving. He remembered that they had been speaking in the last few moments before they went to sleep and he grew excited as he thought about how he had asked to start afresh this morning. He relished the idea of having a clean slate and was now only too eager to begin the day. Hadn't he asked something else though? Yes, he had suggested they do something together so they could move on together. It was a good idea but had they decided on anything? Munk had been saying something but Alonzo was drowsy and hadn't been paying that much attention. He tried to cast his mind back and remember what the tabby had said and begun to receive flashes. Munk had said something about Billy, hadn't he? Something about Billy being there for a while since he hadn't any family left, something about Billy needing a good home with good cats to care for him.

Alonzo began to brush the thought aside since it didn't seem that important. He couldn't really remember what his mate had said so he would just ask later on. In the meantime Alonzo closed his eyes to snooze but still the thought remained. As it faded slightly Alonzo suddenly remembered what it was Munk had said. He had suggested that they adopt Billy and raise him as their own. _'That sounds nice' _he thought sleepily.

Alonzo's eyes shot open after a moment. The tom bolted upright in bed and stared slack-jawed across the den. Immediately the sleeping tabby next to him jumped up in a panic and began scanning around their home.

"What? What is it?" Munk asked frantically

Alonzo stared at him stupidly and began to dither. The memory had hit him with such force he simply couldn't produce words of any real meaning and continued to make noises that Munk couldn't decipher. The tabby quickly held his mate's head in his paws and spoke as calmly as he could when he realised there was no apparent danger.

"'Lonz, what's wrong?"

Alonzo shook his head and swallowed hard before he commanded his facial muscles to comply with his brain.

"Adopt Billy?" he croaked

"Oh…that" said Munk now thinking it had been a stupid idea to suggest it to his mate while they were in bed. "Not so keen on the idea then?"

"Gah…" was all Alonzo could manage at first and then, "Are you serious?"

Munk looked down at his mate and tried to reason with him using his eyes,

"Well, I thought it would be a good thing. He needs parents and we need something to concentrate on to forget what's happened in the last few months"

"A kitten, Munkustrap? Are you crazy?"

Munk lowered his gaze and appeared a little deflated. He had hoped Alonzo would like the idea or at least think about it calmly; then again it was Alonzo and when he went off like a rocket he was difficult to contain. It was a shame really, as he had been thinking about it he'd become excited at the prospect of being a dad.

"Well, no, I'm not crazy. I've been thinking about it for a while but I haven't suggested it because I didn't think you could handle it"

"A kitten? You really think we could take care of a kitten?"

"Of course we could. You'd be a great father and besides you look just like each other"

"And that'll make it okay, will it?"

"Couldn't hurt…" said Munk quietly

"I just…How could…What…Aah!" said Alonzo before storming out of the den in a flurry. He had not been ready for that by any means.

"Will you think about it?" called Munk after his mate. He got no answer and just rolled his eyes as he lay back down and tried to rest his eyes for a little while longer.

* * *

Alonzo stomped down from the den and across the junkyard. He didn't know where to go or what to do but he knew he didn't want to hang around with Munk for the time being. He was so freaked out by the idea of suddenly being a father he felt like he was losing his mind. In a very childish manner he stormed down one of the junkyard's many trails in a huff and muttered obscenities as he went.

He felt as if he wanted to talk to someone but at the same time he didn't. He was quite confused to say the least and as such he simply didn't know what to do. As he continued to trudge along he rounded several corners and soon found himself a long way from the clearing. He didn't realise exactly how far he had gone and rounding another corner he encountered something he had seen before.

There, on the ground, lay Bomba and Tugger kissing and grinding furiously. Alonzo grimaced as he saw them rub against each other and let out a loud groan as his eyes were assaulted by their heated display. The pair looked up as their privacy was intruded upon and while Bomba blushed Tugger yelled at Alonzo.

"Everlasting Cat, Alonzo! Fuck off, would you?"

Alonzo glared back in response to the comment but decided that what Tugger had said was probably a good idea. He didn't hang around but he wanted to have the last word before he left,

"Well fuck you back, Tugger!"

"Oh yeah, you'd like that wouldn't you? Isn't my goody-two-shoes brother giving you any?"

"Bite my fucking arse, Tugger! I bet he's way better than you are and anyway he's hotter!"

He left Tugger speechless at that last comment and though angry he felt slightly proud that he'd one-upped the flirtatious idiot. As he turned to go Tugger attempted to resume his and Bomba's sordid intimacy but the red queen wasn't responding.

"Come on, babe" he pleaded, "Don't leave me all charged up"

Bomba just gave him an apathetic look before replying, "Nah. The moment's gone now"

"Don't do this to me, Bomba! Don't let me go cold!"

The queen grinned evilly. She loved it when he was putty in her paws and she stuck to her guns.

"I don't feel like it anymore" she said as she pushed herself off of the Maine coon and stood up. Tugger let his head flop back in frustration and stayed lying on the ground pouting. Bomba smirked and went to follow Alonzo.

As the black and white tom stomped away from where he had happened upon his mate's brother and his lover he began to slow down as he realised he had nowhere to go. As he became slower and slower he eventually stopped and sat down on the junk at the side of the trail. He stared straight ahead for a few moments before he placed his face in his paws and groaned loudly. He felt he was really in a mess now and wished he knew what to do. How could Munk even think about having a kitten at that moment in time? Sure, it would be nice but he hadn't expected them to even consider a family until at least a few years into their relationship. Alonzo didn't know whether he was angry with his mate or upset or confused or anything. He was so thrown off guard he simply didn't know how he was meant to be so he just sat there waiting for his mind to come to some sort of reason.

* * *

Munk - now feeling much more awake than earlier - emerged from the den into the morning air. It was much warmer in the mornings now and summer was very nearly there. Munk breathed in the sweet smelling air and he smiled as he felt the sun warm his fur. He was still a little disappointed that his mate had reacted so badly at the mere suggestion of adopting Billy but he decided not to let it get him down. If anything he was happy that Alonzo had returned to being the firecracker he usually was and knew that once he had calmed down he might want to talk about it like an adult.

Munk decided to do his rounds to take his mind off of it and proceeded to climb down from the junk and saunter across the clearing. He made his way across the open space and was passing Jenny and Skimble's den when he heard the unmistakeable sound of the tabby queen being bossy. He knew he should have known better than to intrude and potentially become victim to her commands but his curiosity got the better of him and he slowly climbed up the junk to enter the den. Inside he found the kittens sitting in a circle around the queen each with a crochet hook and seeming to make a huge mess of some wool. Munk puzzled at what on earth the queen had them doing and assumed they must have been doing it wrong whatever it was judging by her shrill tone. Jenny seemed to be trying to help them all at once and the kittens were certainly not making it an easy job for her.

Munk cleared his throat to announce himself and suddenly all eyes were upon him.

"Munk!" cried the kittens in unison and dropped their tangled lengths of wool before running over to him. Jenny looked like she was losing the will to live and gladly sat back as she took a breather from her task.

"What's going on?" asked Munk hoping it wasn't a foolish thing to inquire about.

"Jenny's teaching us to crochet" said Pouncival brightly. Munk looked across to the stressed queen and she nodded in acknowledgement before speaking,

"They saw me doing it and asked me to teach them"

"Any luck?"

"See for yourself" she said gesturing to the tangled messes of wool and needles on the ground around her

"I see," said Munk as a smile crossed his lips. He found it quite funny how quickly the kittens became fascinated with something. "How well do you guys think you're doing?" he asked them

"Really well" chirped Tumblebrutus, "We'll be really good at it soon"

"I'm sure you will" smirked the tabby, "Why don't you get back to it"

"Nah. I'm bored now" said Pouncival and immediately each of the kittens agreed with him. "Come on guys"

Jenny sighed frustratingly as she watched the kittens she had spent so long trying to teach quickly disappear from the den. Munk sympathized with her and proceeded to pick up the woollen messes the kittens had created during their short period of fascination.

"Thank you" she said simply as she took them from the tabby and went to put them away. It was then that Skimble came out from hiding and came towards Munk. As he passed his mate she asked a question,

"Do you have any scotch?"

"It's still morning" he replied

"Are you sure? It seems like I've been trying to teach them all day"

"I'm quite sure"

"Pity, I rather think I could use some. Never mind…" she said as she disappeared further into the den. Skimble then came over to Munk.

"Are they gone?" the scotch tom asked

"Yes. They got bored of crocheting quite quickly it seems"

"Good. They were making such a mess I had to get away"

"I don't blame you"

"Well, they're good kittens really; quite a handful but good nonetheless. That Billy's certainly a character, isn't he?"

"Oh yes. I reckon he'll always be that way."

"His poor mother…" laughed Skimble. Munk closed his eyes and sighed as he was reminded of what had yet to tell Billy. "Sorry, is something wrong?" asked Skimble having seen the tabby deflate

"Yes, in a way. Billy's mother is dead, Skimble. Macavity killed her"

The ginger tabby looked at him shocked – a reaction he had become all too used to recently.

"Dead? Does Billy know?"

"No. I haven't told him because I just don't know how"

"Everlasting Cat, the poor boy…"

"I know"

"What are we going to do?"

"Well, I've been thinking about it for a while and Old Deuteronomy suggested me and Alonzo adopt him"

"Adopt him?" asked Skimble with surprise

"Yep…" said Munk lightly – no cat could react in a way that would rival the way Alonzo had done that morning and he waited for Skimble to continue.

"You and Alonzo want to be his parents?"

"Well, I think I do. I only asked Alonzo this morning and he didn't take it too well"

"Right… Do you think you can manage?"

"Don't you think I can?"

Skimble thought for a moment before replying, "Yeah, I reckon you could. You'd probably be really good at it as well"

"Well it's good to see somebody thinks so"

"Alonzo doesn't fancy the idea then?"

"He was a little shocked but I'm hoping he'll come around to it"

"Where is he now?"

"Off somewhere sulking. He had a bit of a hissy fit when I suggested it to him and then he stormed off"

"Hmm. Do you think he might consider it eventually"

"We'll just have to wait and see. I'm not even sure I could manage, let alone him"

Skimble patted him on the shoulder and smiled at him, "I'm sure you could. It seems like out of all of us you'd be the best at being a dad"

Munk smiled thinly and looked down, "I don't know. It always feels right whenever ever I look after Billy but I don't know if I'd be up to taking care of him as a father. I mean, what if I screw it up really badly?"

Skimble laughed, "Every new parent screws something up. You just have to chalk it up to experience"

Munk felt a little better and looked over as he noticed Jenny come back in. Skimble called across to her as she came,

"Darling, guess what? Munk and Alonzo are thinking about adopting Billy"

The queen straightened up quickly and stared across at them. "Adopt him? What about his mother?"

Munk sighed again, he was getting tired of having to tell cat after cat the same thing. "She's dead, Jenny. Macavity killed her"

The queen looked as shocked as Skimble had been and the tabby just waited for her to react.

"Oh my. Oh poor Billy" she said frightfully, "Oh that poor, sweet little kitten! He's completely alone in the world! Oh, what are we going to do? Well, I suppose I'll take care of him. He'll need someone to look after him until we can make proper plans and I'm sure I can manage. But still, the poor little thing!"

"Dear, didn't you hear? Munk and Alonzo are thinking about adopting him" said Skimble trying to get through to her. Jenny paused for a moment and then fixated on the silver tabby. As Munk took in her expression he was suddenly filled with a slight coldness he had never received from her before and he was put on edge at this new demeanour he never expected he'd see from the queen. Her eyes were slightly squinted and they felt as if they might cut right through him if she wanted them to. She stood up very tall and appeared quite rigid as well giving her a very authoritative look. Perhaps the most intensive thing about her was the angle of her head; it was tilted slightly upwards and her ears were pointed forward while her eyes were locked to his. She seemed to be examining him as if she'd never seen him before and he didn't feel comfortable by any means. After a few moments she opened her mouth to speak,

"You and Alonzo want to adopt Billy?" she asked without any feeling whatsoever. Munk shuffled slightly and flicked his ears nervously,

"…Well, we were thinking about it" he said meekly

Jenny stepped quite close to him and seemed to stare straight into his soul. Munk hesitated as he waited for what she was going to say next.

"Why on earth would you think that was a good idea?"

Munk was quite taken aback by the remark and struggled to think of something to say, "Well, he doesn't have any parents so Old Deuteronomy thought maybe me and Alonzo should be them for him"

"You and Alonzo? Then what? Will Tugger and Bomba be wanting to adopt a kitten as well?"

"No, of course not…"

"Well, they may as well if you two think you can take care of a kitten properly"

"I was thinking it would be a good idea for him to have parents that love him"

"And do you love him?"

"I'm sure we could learn to"

"Parenting is much more than loving, Munkustrap. Have you considered how much more you'll need to do?" Jenny said becoming more irate

"Well, I'm sure we could learn to-"

"So you think you'll both just pick it up as you go along?"

"Isn't that how most parents do it?"

Jenny looked horrified, "No, it's not! There's so much you should know"

"Well, I was hoping you would help us along the way" said Munk hopefully but by now feeling thoroughly shot down

"Do you really think you could both pick it up so easily? Alonzo especially. No offense, Munkustrap, but he certainly doesn't have a good track record. Remember when he used to bring a different tom home every night? Who's to say he won't resume such a rambunctious lifestyle now that he's better?"

"I don't think he'll be bringing toms home, Jenny"

"You know what I mean. His lifestyle is not conducive to bringing up a kitten"

Munk looked crestfallen, "Is there no way you can see that he needs parents"

"Oh I can see he needs parents but I'm quite certain that you and Alonzo are not right"

Munk felt quite sad. He had hoped Jenny would be supportive but she had gone completely the other way. She had made him feel completely incapable of being a parent and his hopes for being a father along with Alonzo were quickly drifting away. He wondered if he ought to say anything else but he realised Jenny was the be all and end all when it came to looking after kittens.

"Well…thank you for being honest" said Munk as he turned to leave. He felt stupid for letting himself believe he could be good enough to be Billy's father.

Skimble, having watched his mate turn very nasty very quickly – which was quite out of character for her - suddenly jumped in as he watched Munk walk away. He felt he really ought to try and salvage what he assumed Munk had been so enthusiastic about.

"Hold on a minute, Munk." He turned to his mate, "Jenny, do you realise how ridiculous you sound?"

"I beg your pardon?" asked the angered queen

"You've been saying Munk is not fit to be a parent. Take a step back and look at how ridiculous that is"

"Why is it ridiculous? Neither one of them are prepared and neither of their lifestyles can accommodate a kitten"

"Well, cats can change, Jenny. Of course they'll be capable. I'm sure they're not taking this lightly, right Munkustrap?"

"Right" said Munk feeling a tiny spark of hope

"See?" continued the ginger tom. "Come on, dear, be reasonable"

"I am being reasonable!" Jenny said crossly, "How would they even know where to begin?"

"Don't you remember when you first started out? I do. You were terrible. In some ways it's amazing Victoria made it through the first few weeks the way you thought you ought to be doing things. Now look at you, you're the best at it. How were you any different from how they are now?"

"Well, obviously I was…well, I knew to…I...umm…" said the queen. Skimble smirked – he had cornered her. "Even so, how is it possible that either of them could change enough to be suitable to look after Billy?"

Skimble turned to Munk, "Munk, how much do you care for Billy?"

"So much" said the silver tabby quietly but firmly

"How much will you care for him if you were his father?"

"As much as I care for Alonzo"

"Would you do anything to make sure he feels safe and loved"

"Of course"

"And would Alonzo do the same"

"I think so"

Skimble turned back to his mate, "You see? Billy would be fine"

Jenny looked at the ginger tom, then at the silver, then back again. She spent a few moments thinking about what had been said and after a while she spoke again.

"Are you sure you'd be up to it, Munkustrap?" she asked firmly

Munk took a deep breath and locked eyes with her, "I promise you that if we adopt Billy we will be wonderful parents and will stop at nothing to make sure he's well looked after"

Jenny was quiet for a few seconds more and then softened a little. "Alright then" she said apprehensively.

"Thank you" said Munk feeling better. "You know, I'll really need your help when we first start out. You know better than anyone else how to take care of kittens"

"Yes, that's true"

"I know we don't know where to start but I'm sure we'll learn very quickly if you help us"

"Well, we'll see"

"Oh I'm sure of it. It's like…well, for instance: preparing milk properly. I've never had to do it for a kitten so I'm not sure how to-"

"Oh come on Munkustrap, that's an easy one…" said Jenny before slipping into her motherhood mode and going on about preparing milk. Munk listened intently and was happy that she seemed to be coming around. As he listened he quickly glanced over to Skimble and the ginger tom winked at him with a smile. Munk smiled back and silently conveyed a solemn 'thank you'.

* * *

Alonzo hadn't been left thinking for long as he heard light footfalls coming towards him from the direction he had just stormed. He looked up to see the queen that had become much more of a friend to him in the past couple of months than she ever had been before. He didn't greet her as she came close and sat down beside him and he just sat there as she began to speak,

"Sorry about that, just spending some time with Tugger"

"I wonder sometimes how you can bear his…Tuggerness"

"Well, he's not so bad once you've got him under your thumb. Anyway, what's up with you? You seemed angry before; was it Tugger being a wanker?"

"Don't ask, Bomba…" said Alonzo looking away

"Oh really? That bad?"

"I don't know. Just something I wasn't ready for"

"Well, considering what you've been through recently I don't think it's anything that could shock me"

"I think it could. I know what you're like"

"Then try me"

"Fine," Alonzo took a deep breath, "Well, Munk found out that Billy's mother is…well, she was…when we were with Macavity…"

"Yeah, she's dead, I know" said Bomba simply, "Munk told me"

"Oh…" said Alonzo with surprise before it became sarcasm, "Nice of him to tell me. Anyway, he said he's been thinking it over for a while and he thinks we should adopt Billy. Can you believe that?"

Bomba let out a squeal of joy and pulled Alonzo into the tightest hug she could manage.

"Oh, 'Lonzy! That's great! Oh, you're gonna make such a wonderful dad!"

"Like hell I am!" he said pulling away and gasping for air, "Do you think I'm at all ready to be a dad? It's crazy! I can't be a parent!"

"Why not? What's wrong with you?"

"Have you met me? What do I know about being a dad?"

"Oh Alonzo. You'll pick it up like any other new parent would"

"You're not helping Bomba! Can't you agree that I would be awful as Billy's father?"

"No. You'd be fine"

"How do you know?"

"Because you're you. You can always do anything properly once you pass your inevitable freak out"

"I don't have inevitable freak outs"

"Then what's this?"

Alonzo opened his mouth to speak but then closed it looking sheepish; she was right. "Okay, so maybe I do…"

"Come on, kitty-cat. You'll be fine"

"Bomba, I won't! I'll probably ruin the poor boy! I mean can you imagine the kind of scrapes I'd get him into and then how would I know how to fix it? I don't think I can handle that kind of responsibility and besides how would I know how to bring him up. I can't do it, Bomba. I won't do it. It's not for me. I won't!"

Alonzo worked himself into a frenzy and Bomba had to lean away as he got more and more frantic. As she watched him fall deeper into his crazy moment she decided to take action and slapped him right across the face. The patched tom stopped blabbering and looked back at her with shock. There was a moment of silence between them before Alonzo spoke again,

"Ow! What was that for, you bitch?"

"You were going crazy, I had to stop you somehow. And don't call me a bitch!"

"Well, that's what you are!"

"Shut up, slut!"

"Well, isn't that the pot calling the kettle black!"

"Screw you, Alonzo!"

"Screw you back!"

They glared at each other angrily for a few moments before Bomba broke the silence,

"Come on, 'Lonz, try and see sense, won't you?"

Alonzo huffed and crossed his arms, "Has the whole world gone mad? How could I even begin to be a father?"

"Because I just know you'd be fine. You're such an incredibly caring cat and when you get passionate about something you never let it go. And I'm sure you would love him so much so why do you think you'd fail?"

"I don't know. It just scares me…"

"Have you told Munk that?"

"No. I ran off before we could talk about it"

"Don't you think you should go back and do that?"

"Probably, but I don't want to. I'll just freak out again"

"Nah, you won't. Just take it one step at a time. If you can get through what you got through with Macavity then you can get through this"

"I suppose…maybe…" said Alonzo airily.

"And just think how cute you and Billy will look together! You look so similar he would be like a tiny version of you"

Alonzo chuckled as he thought about it. She was right: the resemblance was uncanny. She continued,

"You realise you won't be doing it alone, don't you? Munk will be there with you and he'll probably take more of the responsibility than you. He'll be the responsible dad and you'll be the fun dad"

Alonzo thought for a moment, "I suppose that's the way it would be…but…no. Seriously, me be a father?"

"Yeah, come on. It's not as bad as you think it is"

"But what if I mess up?"

"What new parent doesn't mess up?"

"I still don't know…"

"Oh, Alonzo. Stop being such a sourpuss, will you? You'd be fine because you have all you need to be a good dad. Parenting can be learnt but a good heart you're born with."

The patched tom looked up at that. He liked what she said and knew she was probably right. He didn't want to admit it but in that single sentence Bomba had dispelled some of his worry. A lot of it still remained but he suddenly felt a little more confident about the idea.

"Do you really think so?" he asked

"I'm sure of it" the queen said happily.

"Hmm…What if he doesn't want me?"

"Oh, I think he will. All kittens need love and even though it will be hard at first I reckon you're up to the challenge"

"I guess so…"

At that point Tugger came down the trail looking annoyed. He wasn't about to let Alonzo interrupt them whenever he felt like it and was determined to drag Bomba back. Alonzo and Bomba looked up as he came near and glared down at them.

"Might I butt in?" he asked sarcastically

"If you must" said Bomba

"Have you two finished your little mother's meeting yet?"

Bomba looked at Alonzo for an answer. The patched looked at her, then at Tugger and realised keeping Bomba was probably more trouble than it was worth.

"Yeah, we're done" he said as he got up and helped Bomba to do the same

"Will you be alright?" the queen asked caringly

"Yeah, I think so" he said with a small smile and a nod

"Okay, I'll catch you later"

"Sure. Have fun with…well, whatever you do" he said awkwardly before turning and leaving.

Tugger and Bomba watched him until he was out of sight and the Maine Coon grabbed the queen at the waist to pull her into a fierce embrace.

"What was all that about?" he asked

Bomba just smiled and kissed him before telling him airily,

"Alonzo's pregnant"

* * *

Munk's had been drifting in and out of his conversation with Jenny. She had been prattling on for so long now it seemed as if she'd never stop and the silver tabby was finding it hard to keep up. He was nonetheless happy as she seemed to be warming up to the idea of he and Alonzo becoming parents. He had had no idea that she would react in the way that she did when he first told her and so he did his best to look as interested as possible so as not to provoke her judgement. It was proving tough though as he had missed the last few points she had made and was desperately hoping she wouldn't quiz him on what she'd said. When he realised he must have been looking distant he instantly kicked himself back into listening to her just as she was finishing another point.

"Have you got that, dear?" Jenny asked authoritatively

"Uh…Yes, I think so. I may need to ask you again sometime though"

"Oh really? Which bit in particular?"

"Well...uh…just bits and bobs here and there. I'm sure there's lots more to learn than what you've just said"

"That there is, Munk. That there is but don't worry, I'll help you"

"Thank you. Well, first I have to find Alonzo and talk to him before we even think about how we're going to tell Billy"

"Of course, you're right. If you like I can be there when you do in case of…well, anything."

"Thanks, I'll let you know. Anyway, I best be off. Thank you, Jenny. And Skimble, thank you very much"

"Of course, lad. Don't mention it" the ginger tom said knowingly.

With that Munk gladly left the den and happily breathed in the fresh air. He had felt a tad suffocated with Jenny going on and on but he didn't want to seem rude by leaving. After a few moments of bringing his thoughts together he began to climb down from the junk and started towards one of the junkyard's trails in search of Alonzo. After taking only a few steps he stopped when he saw his mate entering the clearing from another trail and smiled across to him hopefully showing him he meant no harm. Alonzo didn't return the smile but he began to walk across to the tabby. They met in the middle of the clearing and rubbed affectionately in greeting.

"Hello, dear" said Munk happily

"Hi" replied Alonzo trying not to show any emotion at all

"Nice walk?"

"What? Oh…yeah, fine."

"Did you get a chance to think about what I said?"

"Yes"

There was a pause

"And?"

"I'm not sure"

"Well, can we talk about it?"

"I suppose so"

"Come on, let's walk"

Munk took Alonzo's paw and led him off down the trail he had been about to go down. They walked for a little while in the sunshine before Munk began what he assumed as the mammoth task of convincing his mate that adopting Billy was the right thing to do.

"So, that was quite a display you made this morning" the silver tabby began

"Well, I suddenly remembered and freaked out. I mean, do you really think I'm capable of being a father?"

Munk smiled at him, "Of course I do. I wouldn't have suggested it otherwise"

"Are you sure it's not just a crazy idea you had that your mind ran away with?"

"When have I ever had crazy ideas?"

"Well, I suppose that's true. But still, doesn't it seem like a bit too much to handle?"

"'Lonz, do you remember what you said last night? You said that you wanted something for us both to concentrate on so we could forget the whole mess that's gone on recently. Don't you think Billy would occupy us enough so we'd never have to think about it again?"

"I would have settled for learning to knit"

"You, knitting?"

"Well, you know what I mean. But a kitten, Munk? How would we even begin to know where to start?"

"Well, we'd learn, wouldn't we? I mentioned it to Jenny this morning and she said she'd help us when we first started out"

"Did she?"

"Well, it didn't start that way. At first she was even worse than you but thankfully Skimble brought her around and she seemed fine with it in the end."

"So she thought we wouldn't measure up either?"

"At first but she seems okay with it now"

"Well, if she doesn't think we'd be good enough then why should we think so?"

"I said she seemed okay with it now. If she can come around then I certainly think you could."

"Well, I'm still not sure"

"Then let me convince you."

"Go on then"

Munk stopped and sat down. He gestured for Alonzo to sit on his lap and with a roll of his eyes the patched tom complied.

"Okay. Why don't you tell me simply why you don't think you'd be good enough to be a father"

"Fine. I don't think I'm at all capable of bringing up any kitten let alone one as hyperactive as Billy. I think it's highly likely that I'd mess something up really badly and it would have a terrible effect on him. There's that and I just don't think I could handle the responsibility"

Munk calmly listened to how his mate explained his position and tried to think how to respond quickly.

"I see. Well I understand why you feel like that"

"Really? How?"

"Well, if what you were like before we got together is anything to go by then if I didn't know any better then I'd say I was mad for even thinking about adoption"

"So you see where I'm standing then?"

"I do, but there are reason's why thinking that way is wrong. Do you know what they are?"

"Obviously not"

"Well firstly, you're smart. It never takes you long to pick things up and I reckon that learning to be a parent will be a breeze for you. Secondly, you're passionate. I think that when you find out how to devote yourself to Billy nothing will stand in your way to be a good dad for him. Most of all though, 'Lonz, you're a good cat. That goes without saying really. You're such a wonderful tom and when it comes to the cats you care about you're the most loving cat I know. If you let yourself I'm sure you could learn to love Billy and you'll be doing such a wonderful thing."

"What's that?"

"You'll be giving him back the love that was taken away from him. How many kittens in his position can have that lifeline?"

Alonzo hadn't thought about it that way and was silent for a while as he contemplated Munk's words. Truer words hadn't been said about the topic up until that point and he felt the way his mate had just put it was right. So many kittens lose their parents and so few ever get taken care of once that happens. He was being given the chance to care for a kitten that was now all alone in the world and the very thought that he could give love that was desperately needed filled Alonzo with happiness and purpose. He was still petrified at the thought of being a dad but the feeling of goodness was becoming stronger and it showed on the outside.

Munk watched Alonzo as a small smile crept across his lips and he was happy to think that maybe he had brought Alonzo around.

"Do you see what I mean?" the silver tabby asked

Alonzo looked at him and nodded before he spoke, "I do but I'm still not sure. I need more time to think"

"Okay. Take all the time you need. I think it's the right time for you and Billy but I won't rush you. It's all up to you now, 'Lonz. I'll do whatever you decide and I'm sure you'll make the right decision"

"Thank you" said Alonzo quietly. He leant forward and kissed his mate sweetly. It felt good to be able to go to the one he loved for comfort again without feeling undeserving.

* * *

When night came Munk and Alonzo stayed up to watch the junkyard. They watched as the Jellicles went about their lives and when the sun began to gently light up the sky the two toms made their way to bed. As they lay there Munk quickly drifted off whereas Alonzo couldn't so much as close his eyes. He had been thinking hard ever since Munk had told him it was his decision and it was only now in the silence that he could really apply some brainpower. That and the nagging of the decision needing to be made wouldn't let him sleep. It dominated his mind and was begging him to decide upon whether or not to tell Munk either yes or no. Alonzo wished he could have anyone decide for him but he knew this was one thing he couldn't pass off onto anybody else. A kittenhood was at stake and at that moment he held Billy's fate in his paws. He wasn't comfortable with having that kind of command but he took solace in the fact that he had all the time he wanted to come to a decision. Now, all he had to do was make some headway with it.

Alonzo lay awake for the rest of the night and by mid-morning he was exhausted. He told Munk and the tabby comforted him as best he could.

The same thing happened the next night, and the night after that. Alonzo was having such a hard time trying to come to decision but he simply couldn't get past square one. He knew where he had to arrive at but in many ways he didn't want to make the first step. He felt he was nowhere near good enough to be a father for Billy.

Another morning came after another sleepless night and Alonzo felt weary. If anything he wanted to have a decision ready so he could simply sleep; that is all he wanted to do. He wanted to rest and he knew the lack of it certainly wasn't helping him to think through his problem. As he saw Munk stir he put on a brave face and snuggled up next to him. The tabby was his comfort during this ordeal and Alonzo liked being able to escape into his embrace. Munk happily received him and held him close as he nuzzled his face into his chest.

"Morning, darling. Any luck sleeping?"

Alonzo remained silent.

"I see," said Munk, "It's really having an effect on you isn't it?"

"Mmm" groaned Alonzo sleepily.

"Well, maybe some fresh air would help"

Alonzo groaned again only this time with defiance in his tone. He didn't want to move, he was too tired.

"Alright, never mind" said Munk. They stayed there for a while longer as Alonzo tried to doze off. He had no success.

As the morning went on the two toms emerged from their den with Munk supporting Alonzo and together they went over to sit on the big tyre. Alonzo leant on Munk as they sat and watched the world go by. In the clearing the kittens were playing happily and the toms paid special attention to Billy. They were glad to see him so happy but were saddened whenever they thought that whatever Alonzo decided they would still have to tell him his mother was no longer alive.

"Wouldn't it be fun to take him to the park and play with him?" said Munk as he thought about the kitten

"Yeah, I suppose" said Alonzo feeling a little happier as he watched the kittens play.

"We could show him how to hunt rats and all sorts, couldn't we?"

"Mmhmm. That's be nice"

"And we could teach him what it means to be a Jellicle…"

"Yeah"

"Wouldn't it all be so nice, 'Lonz?"

"Yeah. I bet it would"

They continued to watch and soon the form of Old Deuteronomy entering the junkyard distracted them. They smiled as they saw the kittens run over to him and marvelled at how easily he interacted with them. It seemed to come so naturally to him and they both hoped they might find it as easy. The old tom smiled at them as he noticed them watching and began to make his way over. When the kittens dispersed he made his way up to sit with them and they shifted over so he could have prime position.

"Good morning, Munkustrap, Alonzo"

"Good morning, sir" they said in unison

"How is everything today?"

"Quite fine," said Munk, "Everything's pretty much as it should be"

"Good. Good."

Old Deuteronomy turned his head to make sure the kittens were out of earshot for what he said next.

"I don't suppose, Munkustrap, you've suggested my idea to Alonzo yet, have you?"

"Yes, sir, he has," said Alonzo

"Splendid! So, what do you say, my boy?" asked the old tom brightly

Alonzo felt embarrassed as he saw how the leader had expected him to jump at the chance to be a father. He timidly replied,

"I…uh…I'm not sure…I mean, I'm not sure if I'd be good enough to…well…"

"Go on"

Alonzo felt he was on the spot and desperately didn't want to disappoint him for his mate's sake. He knew how much his father's approval meant to him.

"Well, when Munkustrap suggested we adopt Billy I was quite surprised and I'm not sure if I'd be any good at being a father"

"I see" said the old tom thoughtfully

"I really don't want to disappoint you and I think it's a nice idea but I'm just not sure if I'd make a good dad. I'm sure Munkustrap would be great but quite honestly I doubt I'd make a good job of it"

"You think I'd be good at it?" asked Munk brightly. Alonzo gave him a smile,

"Yeah. You seem to fit the part so well, I mean, you're just like your father and he's such a natural it seems that some it must have rubbed off onto you"

"Aww, thanks" said Munk and nuzzled his mate. Old Deuteronomy chuckled inwardly as he thought about what Alonzo had said.

"Alonzo, why don't we go for a walk and talk a little bit?"

"I…um…okay…" said Alonzo a little nervously. He had always felt rather lowly in the shadow of Old Deuteronomy and was a little intimidated. Now he was his son's mate he felt as if he had even more to live up to and didn't want to do anything to lower the old tom's opinion of him.

"Do you want me to come too?" asked Munk expectantly

"No, no, son. I'd like to talk to Alonzo alone, if I may?"

"Of course" tittered Alonzo meekly. He felt a bit nervous but swallowed his fear and helped the older tom down from the tyre. Together they walked off down one of the junkyard's trails and the silver tabby watched them until they were out of sight.

* * *

As the two toms walked down one of the junkyard's trails that lead away from the clearing Old Deuteronomy tried to make small talk with Alonzo. The patched tom attempted to involve himself fully in their conversation but he was preoccupied with wondering why the leader had asked to talk to him alone. Truthfully, he had a pretty good idea but didn't really want to believe it as he hadn't a clue what he would say. After letting his mind wander for a little while he realised he had not been listening to the older tom and quickly forced himself to pay attention again.

"…well, that's what I think" said Old Deuteronomy finishing a point Alonzo had missed, "How about you?"

Alonzo felt like a moron for completely blanking what the leader had said and dithered for a few moments before relenting,

"I'm sorry, sir, I missed that. Would you say it again?"

"Your mind is elsewhere, isn't it?" said the old tom with a kind smile. Alonzo just nodded grimly

"Was it my eagerness that rocked you a little bit? I do hope not. I'm sorry if I said anything out of turn"

"No, sir, you didn't. It's just…well…oh, I don't know…" said Alonzo trailing off. He was just so frustrated by all of this.

"I suppose you're unsure about the idea of being a father"

Alonzo would have been amazed at the way Old Deuteronomy could figure any cat out in a split second but he'd seen it so many times before that by now it had just become a given. Instead he nodded and looked away feeling quite ashamed. Old Deuteronomy continued,

"Well, that's natural. I must say when it was my first time I had no idea what I was going to do. Gosh that was a long time ago…"

"You didn't know what to do?"

"Absolutely not"

"But…you're Old Deuteronomy, the greatest father there is"

"We all have to start somewhere" chuckled the old tom. Alonzo was finding it a little easier to talk to him now but he still had a little way to go.

"I just don't think I would be able to handle it. I mean, I know how to have fun and enjoy life to it's fullest but when it comes to being responsible – especially looking after a kitten – I just don't know if I could cut it"

"Why do you think that?"

Alonzo thought for a moment, "Because I feel like I'd do something so wrong that I might…well…let's just say Billy might not come out of it in one piece. How could I live with that?"

The patched tom felt a bit stupid when he heard the older tom laugh at what he had said.

"Alonzo I don't think there's anything you could do to get yourself into a situation as bad as that. You can learn to do anything if you set your mind to it and you know you won't be alone, don't you?"

"I know that. I think Munk will be much better at it than me"

"Oh, I don't think so…"

"Come on, he's always on the ball. He's so clever and knows exactly how to handle everything I can't think he'd make even a single mistake"

"I think he'll obsess too much and find he ties himself in knots"

Alonzo laughed. Old Deuteronomy knew his son just as well as he did,

"That does sound like him…"

"Indeed. But together I think you'll be wonderful parents. You balance each other so well that I don't think I could find two cats that would make better fathers"

"I don't know about that…"

"Well, I think given time you will. You just need to believe in yourself."

"I suppose. But still, what if I can't do it right? What if I frustrate Munk so much that he doesn't let me near Billy anymore?"

"Oh he won't do that. Despite how fussy he can be I think he's probably just as scared as you are on the inside and you'll need each other for support when you start out."

"It just seems like such a big task, though. I wonder how any parent can do it to be honest. Well, some parents. I didn't seem like you had any trouble with Munk and Tugger"

"Would you believe me if I told you it was one of the hardest things I've ever done?"

Alonzo looked at the older tom with mild surprise. "No, I don't think I would"

"Well, it was. Let me explain. I'm sure you remember a couple of Jellicle Balls ago Munkustrap and Rum Tum Tugger's mother Grizabella went up to Heaviside."

"Yes"

"Do you remember how glum and awkward Munkustrap was when he first saw her and how protective he was over the tribe?"

"Yes. I didn't really understand though. He never likes to talk about her"

"Well, I suppose you also remember that she wasn't around when he was growing up either. Shortly after Tugger was born she decided that she didn't want kittens and ran off to live the highlife. She left me to bring up these two very young kittens on my own all the while I was supposed to be leading the tribe. I had certainly raised kittens before but their mothers had always been there to care for them as well so it was nowhere near as hard as raising those two alone. Growing up was incredibly hard on both of them but I think Munkustrap suffered the most. He's a little older than Tugger so he had a short while of knowing her before she abandoned them"

"I think I remember." Said Alonzo trying to track back to when he and Munk had been very young

"Yes, well I don't think he ever recovered from losing his mother and when she appeared out of nowhere at that ball he put on a brave face. I know he so desperately wanted to know her throughout his life but she simply wasn't there."

"Sorry, sir, I don't mean to be rude what does this have to do with us being parents?"

"Well, I think it explains why Munkustrap jumped at the idea more than you did. I haven't asked him but I think he identifies with Billy since both of them lost their mothers and I reckon he wants to give him the love he never had as a kitten. That is the love of two parents instead of one."

"Oh…" breathed Alonzo. He hadn't known that at all and it put the whole situation in a new light. He hadn't known his mate had had any of those feelings but now he understood exactly why Munk had been so enthusiastic. Alonzo felt a little guilty now for behaving the way he had done. If Munk could get past years of pain over not having a mother then surely he could get past a few days of feeling unprepared to be a father.

Before he could respond Old Deuteronomy resumed,

"Anyway, raising them was very hard but somehow we all pulled through. I'm very grateful to you for being there for him when you were both growing up, you understand?"

"Me?"

"Yes, you. I don't think he would have come out anywhere nearly as strong had you not been there. I'd like to thank you for that, Alonzo. You are the one cat in this world that gives him the strength he needs"

The patched tom felt quite proud inside but also daunted. He had never supposed he had been the one supporting Munk all those years as it had always seemed the other way around. To hear that they had needed each other all their lives filled him with warmth that reminded him just how much he loved his mate and how much he was loved in return. Old Deuteronomy saw his dreamy smile and knew what he was saying was getting through.

"Now, Alonzo, I'm not going to force you into being a father; perish the thought. I had hoped it would be a good thing for both you and Munkustrap but I understand if you're not ready. I think in time you will realise just how good a father you would make for Billy but there's no use in rushing it. I promise you though, my boy, that if you decide to do it you will be doing a wonderful thing. To give a kitten another chance to be loved is a truly spectacular deed and the Everlasting Cat will smile down upon you for it. You would make a good parent, Alonzo, I'm sure of it."

Alonzo felt different now. The things Old Deuteronomy had told him made him see the situation in a completely different way and now the idea of being a father didn't seem so daunting. Could he say he actually liked the idea now? It felt as if he could. The way Old Deuteronomy had changed his perspective was utterly unfathomable but it seemed as if he felt glad that it had happened.

With a deep breath he looked straight at his leader. He summoned all his courage and in a firm, definite tone announced his new standpoint,

"You know what, sir? Considering what you've told me I think I might be ready"

"To be a father?"

"Yes."

Old Deuteronomy beamed with a twinkle in his eye. To hear his son's mate say he was ready to raise a kitten with him was music to his ears. Nothing more needed to be said and Old Deuteronomy opened his arms to the black and white tom. Alonzo – feeling a little light-headed from his admission – airily stepped into Old Deuteronomy's arms. He hugged the old tom tightly and smiled as he felt just how happy he'd made the leader and how happy he would make his mate.

A few moments later they parted and decided to return to the clearing.

* * *

Munk remained sitting alone on the tyre watching the clearing. He was becoming increasingly bored but also a little agitated. He really wanted to know what Old Deuteronomy was telling his mate and hoped he wouldn't say anything that might make Alonzo any more scared. He looked up into the big blue sky and stared at the clouds. He felt nostalgic as he remembered how he and Alonzo used to spend long summer afternoons when they were kittens watching the clouds and seeing all the different shapes. His mind began to wander and he thought how lovely it would be to do the same thing with Billy. If only Alonzo would come around…

His solitude was interrupted when Bomba plonked herself down next to him.

"What are you looking at?" she asked curiously

"Nothing" responded the tabby lowering his eyes to her, "What's up?"

"Nothing. You looked kind of lonely so I thought I'd come over and pester you"

"Thank you for the concern"

"Anytime. So what's on your mind?"

"Just Alonzo. Old Deuteronomy-"

"Don't you mean 'Dad'?" the queen asked slyly

"Fine. Dad took him off on a walk and I reckon he's talking to him about this whole adoption thing"

"Is that bad?"

"I'm not sure. I just hope he's not saying anything that'll make Alonzo even more apprehensive."

"Do you think he would?"

"Who knows?"

"Well, he usually fixes this sort of thing, right?"

Munk thought for a moment, "…I suppose"

"Then what're you worried about?"

"Well, I know how Alonzo can get when he's pressured"

"You think Old Deuteronomy would pressure him?"

"Not intentionally but I think he's quite excited to have a grandkitten"

"Doesn't he have any already?"

"Probably but I'm not really sure. I've never met any and he's never said anything but you know what he's like when it comes to kittens. He loves them."

"I know what you mean. He certainly seems to have taken quite a shine to Billy"

"Mmm…"

At that moment the pair looked over to the other side of the clearing and noticed the toms they were talking about re-enter. Alonzo helped the old tom that was with him as he went and Munk puzzled as he noticed how happy they both looked. He met his mate's eyes with reservation as he wondered why they both looked so joyful and thought about whether it was over what he assumed they had been talking about. He and Bomba rose as their leader approached the tyre and helped him up so he could sit.

"Nice walk?" asked the silver tabby quietly

Alonzo sat down next to him and smiled wisely. He responded to the question by taking his mate's head in his paws and kissing him. When they parted Alonzo whispered into his ear,

"I love you"

Munk loved to hear him say that but was still rather curious.

"I love you too" he replied, "So anyway, what did you to talk about?"

Alonzo looked at Old Deuteronomy who was smiling widely and gave the patched tom a nod. Alonzo took in a deep breath and turned to his mate,

"I've got something to tell you"

Munk raised an eyebrow before Alonzo continued,

"I think I'm ready"

Munk's hard expression softened slightly,

"For…Billy?"

Alonzo nodded gleefully and left Munk astounded. After a few moments of his mate looking stupefied Alonzo began to giggle,

"Are you alright?"

"Oh, darling!" said Munk and he jumped forward and kissed him. He was so happy to hear that and kept on kissing Alonzo sweetly. Alonzo ended up having to push him away he was so happy and hugged the tabby tightly as he expressed his joy.

"Everlasting Cat! We're going to be parents!" laughed Munk. While he was hugging Alonzo he looked across to his father and smiled at him. The old tom certainly had a way with words.

The toms parted a short while later and within seconds Bomba had jumped on them. It seemed perhaps that she was happier than both of them put together and cooed loudly over the two toms' new family.

A while later they rounded up their jubilation and set about making plans for what to do next. They talked together about how they would tell Billy and decided it would be better do it sooner rather than later. They eventually settled upon doing it that night and all of a sudden the mood changed. They had been so happy that they were about to start a new family but then they realised exactly what they had to tell the kitten first. How easy was it going to be to finally tell Billy his mother wasn't going to come back?

* * *

It wasn't long before the May evening sky was lit up like fire as the sun went down. Munk and Alonzo had sat with Bomba and Old Deuteronomy for the rest of the afternoon trying to decide how they were going tor break the news to Billy. Eventually Munk had stepped up and said he would tell the kitten and Alonzo had been grateful to him for taking the hardest part away. Munk felt uneasy, after all Billy had so much hope that the silver tabby was going to find his mother. The kitten had come to know him as the protector, that cat that could make everything alright again and Munk's heart felt heavy as he knew he would have to dash the kitten's hopes. He prayed that Billy wouldn't lose faith in him after he was told because how then could he possibly ask him if he would like to be adopted. That was another thing, how was he meant to actually ask the kitten if he wanted new parents? Would it be too much for the kitten to handle all at once?

Alonzo looked at his mate and noticed him looking into the sunset. He could see that his mind was elsewhere and that he had a look of anguish on his face so he took the tabby's arm and pulled him close. Munk didn't look down from the bright display in the sky as his mate snuggled up to him and neither one spoke as they huddled closely. They just sat there and comforted each other, after all they knew how hard the next few hours were going to be.

As the sun began to dip below the horizon the cats sitting on the big tyre noticed the kittens come into the clearing from somewhere else in the junkyard that they had been playing. Alonzo felt Munk go stiff as he looked over at the black and white kitten and hugged him tighter to let him know he was there for him. Munk gulped and felt his heartbeat grow swifter as the plan began to take shape. He turned his head to Alonzo and spoke very quietly,

"I don't know if I can manage this"

Alonzo nuzzled him and tried his best to comfort him,

"We have to do it, darling, we can't just let him go on thinking she'll come back"

"…Okay" said Munk sadly and with great difficulty forced himself to his paws. Alonzo rose with him and together they stepped down from the tyre and began to walk over to where the kittens were lying around. With every step both toms felt worse for having to do what they had decided and it became harder for each of them get closer to the kitten. If it hadn't been for each other they would certainly both have cracked from the strain.

Before they knew it they were standing at the edge of the group of kittens and Alonzo jabbed Munk lightly to bring him out of his worried daze. They both put on soft, mildly happy expressions before they began to speak to the kittens.

"Hello, kittens, good day?" said Alonzo as brightly as he could

The mesh of voices that arose from below them became incoherent as each kitten explained what they had gotten up to that day at the same time. The toms did their best to pay attention but in the end it proved quite superfluous as neither of them could make any sense from the joyful babbling that came from the group.

"Well, that's great" said Munk when he assumed they had all finished their tales, "Billy, would you come with us for a moment, please?"

"Why?" chirped the happy little tom. As Alonzo saw him pipe up he suddenly felt very uneasy and discreetly clung onto Munk. The silver tabby remained solid for the both of them and continued,

"There's just something we need to tell you"

"Can we come?" came some other young voices

"No, kits, we just need to talk to Billy"

"Please!" came the chorus

"No" said Munk firmly giving them the message that they had to remain outside. Billy looked very curious but felt quite proud to have been selected above all the other kittens to be told something important. He knew it must be something really good if they could tell only him. Happily he stepped forward and took Munk's paw giving the tabby such mixed feelings. It felt wonderful to feel connected to the kitten that he hoped would soon be his son but he also felt very uneasy for having to tell him what he had to. Alonzo stepped around to Billy's other side and together they slowly walked over to Munk and Alonzo's den. Billy was smiling all the way making both toms feel dreadful.

Crossing the threshold into their home was torturous and Alonzo felt as if he was going to crack. He took several deep breaths to try and centre himself but still felt quite unstable. He knew he wanted to be a father now but the means by which they had to get there were proving to be almost impossible. How were they possibly going to do this?

Munk closed his eyes and focused very hard on the task at hand. He was trying to slip into his 'protector' mindset but this situation proved to be a time when he simply couldn't sever the emotional ties. He felt so strongly for the little kitten whose paw he held and knew what he was about to say was going to crush him. All he could hope for was that Billy could come out the other side stronger.

Munk sat down on the bed and brought Billy up next to him. The kitten smiled up at him with wide eyes and Munk gritted his teeth as his heart was tugged upon. Alonzo sat down a few feet from the bed on a cushion and gave his mate a look as if to say 'I love you'. Munk took in a deep breath and finally addressed the kitten.

"Billy, there's something we've been meaning to tell you for a while but up until now we haven't found the right time. I'm afraid we have some bad news and we just want you to be prepared for it"

The black and white kitten looked over at Alonzo then back at Munk before responding, "I don't understand. Am I in trouble?"

"No, Billy, you're not in trouble. It's just it's very sad news and we want you to know this so you can be ready for it"

"What should I do?" asked the kitten quietly

"What do you mean?" asked Munk

"What should I do to be ready for it?"

"Well…just know that we're here for you and that we care for you an awful lot. Also remember that it's okay to be sad and that we'll do whatever it takes to help you get through"

"Through what?" asked the kitten confusedly. Munk looked across at his mate who looked incredibly nervous. He wasn't sure but it looked as if Alonzo was trying to stop himself from shaking. The silver tabby took another deep breath and looked back at the kitten.

"It's about your mum, Billy"

The kitten lit up instantly at the mention of his mother, "Have you found her? Is she here?"

"No, she's not." Before he could continue Billy interrupted,

"Can I see her soon? Tonight?" Munk felt his heart breaking and devoted all his strength to stopping himself from letting his emotion get the better of him.

"No, Billy. I'm afraid you can't see her again"

The kitten looked dumfounded and his big, blue eyes seemed to go even wider only this time with dismay.

"Why not? Did I do something wrong?"

"No, you did nothing wrong. Just listen. Do you remember when Alonzo went missing?"

The kitten nodded

"Well, the cat that kidnapped him – you might remember he was called Macavity - did some awful things to him and that's why he has those marks on him. Now, when I went to rescue him I found out that before Alonzo was taken Macavity had taken your mum as well."

"Is she alright?" asked the kitten hopefully.

"I'm afraid not, Billy. You see, Macavity was so evil that he…well, he killed her"

The silence that followed was absolutely deafening. Munk looked down at the kitten before him who stared back with his mouth slightly open. He could see Billy was shocked and waited for a little while to see if he was going to say anything. When nothing came from him Munk spoke again,

"I'm sorry Billy. I wish there was something we could do to bring her back but I'm afraid we can't. Remember that we're here for you and we'll do whatever it takes to help you"

Billy looked down slightly into Munk's chest. He barely understood how what he had just been told could be true. It seemed impossible that his mother – the most important cat in the world – wasn't there anymore.

"She's dead?" he asked quietly

"Yes" replied Munk

As he slowly started to come to a realization both toms watched as the kitten started to shake. Munk stooped his head low to see Billy's face and what he saw practically ripped him to pieces on the inside. Tears were streaming from the poor kitten's eyes which became redder and redder with each moment that went by. His breathing became heavier and louder and with each breath the sound of sniffling grew more and more pronounced. The kitten's world was crashing down around him faster than he could cope with and he simply could not handle the idea that his mother was dead. He barely understood what dead meant and he felt empty over the fact that he would never again see the queen that he loved so much, the queen that had always made the world seem so wonderful, the queen that had been there for as long as he could remember. As the seconds ticked on he began to cry softly and the sound ripped through both of the toms. The cry wasn't like a sound they had ever heard come out of a kitten before. It was the sound of pure pain and neither of them could believe that a cat so young was capable of displaying such strife. The kitten slowly began to weep uncontrollably and Munk put his arms around him. He drew the kitten close to his body and Billy cried into his chest fur. The mild vibrations the protector felt radiate through him from the young kitten's wails was too much for him and he felt his own tears well up in his eyes. He bit his lip to prevent himself from making even the slightest sound of sadness as he knew he had to be strong for Billy. It was hard though as the emotion that filled him was becoming too much to contain. He hadn't felt so awful since he had been sitting with Alonzo on the riverbank after his fall all those weeks ago and the very feeling of the kitten's pain brought back all of those memories.

Alonzo had not been able to stay as strong as Munk and as soon as the kitten had buried his face into Munk's chest the patched tom put his paws to his face and cried silently into them. The sight of his mate imparting the terrible news and then the heart-wrenching reaction that had come from the stricken kitten was far too much for him. He had hoped he could handle it but knew now that he simply couldn't and sobbed with incredible sorrow into his paws. As he wiped his tears away from his eyes he glanced over at Munk who was rubbing Billy's back as he whimpered into his chest. The tabby looked awful and Alonzo could see he was right on the brink of falling apart. When their gazes met Munk pleaded with his eyes for something. He didn't know what it was but he pleaded nonetheless. Alonzo rose instantly and went over to the pair. As he sat down Billy looked up and noticed the tom who had come to join them. Right away he switched from crying into Munk to crying into Alonzo and the patched tom was taken by surprise at the sudden change. It was daunting and Alonzo looked up at his mate desperately wondering what to do. Munk just shuffled closer and put his big, strong arms around both of them. Together they gently rocked back and forth with Billy in between them as he continued to let out his sorrow. The toms let their tears run down their faces as they comforted the kitten and each other and they made sure to hold Billy very tightly as they rocked him.

It was a sad evening and one that would remain in their memories for a long time to come.

* * *

Neither Munk nor Alonzo knew how much time had passed as they stayed clutching each other with Billy between them. They had all been completely heartbroken and simply couldn't bear to pull away from the comfort they found in each other. After a while Billy had reduced his crying to quiet sobs and by now he had become silent. Munk had felt him go limp and lean heavily against him not long ago and assumed he must have fallen asleep from being so emotionally exhausted. The silver tabby had brought Alonzo's head onto his shoulder so his tom could feel closer. Alonzo had sobbed quietly along with Munk and they did their best to prevent Billy from seeing them go to pieces. They had wanted to be so strong for him but seeing him there with his young heart in tatters was enough to cut like a knife through any cat's solidarity.

As time went on Alonzo felt his eyes stinging quite badly from the tears that had fallen from them and he leant away from Munk and Billy so he could rub them. When he brought his paws away he slowly focused on the tiny kitten slumped against Munk and sleeping soundly. The silver tabby was looking down at him and gently rubbing the fur on his head eliciting a quiet but constant purr from the kitten. At least he was doing something to comfort him while he was sleeping; he did not relish the awful things that must have been going through Billy's head as he slept. Alonzo wanted to smile at the sight as it looked rather sweet. Even though it was the result of an awful revelation, now that everything was peaceful it seemed like maybe there was some hope.

"You two look so good together" said Alonzo croakily in near silence.

Munk looked up at him and attempted a weak smile.

"I don't think we should suggest adopting him yet. It's still too fresh for him"

Alonzo nodded, "What shall we do then?"

Munk looked back down at the sleeping kitten, "Let's give it a while. Maybe a few days, maybe a few weeks but not now. I just don't think he'll understand."

"You're right. As always you're right" said Alonzo dejectedly, "I feel so bad for him, Munk. When he started breaking down I just couldn't bear it"

The patched tom raised his paw to his mouth again to stop himself from cracking once more. Munk saw the sadness well up in his eyes and beckoned him over. Alonzo stood up and stepped forward. He bent down and kissed his mate quickly before whispering,

"I'm gonna get some air, is that okay?"

Munk nodded and returned his gaze to Billy. Alonzo didn't hang around, he turned and walked out of the den without waiting.

When he was outside in the cool, night air he took in several deep breaths and in some ways was glad to be out of the stuffy den. The mood was so sad in there and he had been desperate for a short respite. Unfortunately for him the feeling followed him out and still had him in it's clutches. Resigning to it Alonzo plodded across the clearing as he tried to clear his head and after a moment he looked up to see Bomba sitting alone on the big tyre. Alonzo looked around and saw she was the only one left in the clearing and instantly knew she must have been waiting there to see how it went.

When Alonzo made eye contact with her she rose and began to climb down and greet him. She quickly padded over with an expectant look on her face, a look which was switched for one of concern when she saw how rough the patched tom looked. Timidly, she asked the question,

"How did it go?"

Alonzo opened his mouth to speak but sharply closed it when he felt the sadness of the night threaten to jump out. Instead he stepped forward and put his arms around her. Bomba was confused but she responded with the same gesture. A moment or two later Alonzo whispered,

"We never got as far as suggesting we adopt him, he was just so sad after we told him his mother was dead"

With that Alonzo began to rack with sobs again and Bomba began to feel his heartbreak. She too had hoped things could have gone more smoothly but she also knew they lived in the real world. Nothing ever went as smoothly as it could as she stayed holding Alonzo while he let out more of his strife.

"How could it happen, Bomba? How could it be that one cat could inflict so much pain on our tribe?"

Bomba gripped him tighter when she listened to his painful question about Macavity. The evil tom had certainly caused plenty of trouble in the past but the fact that he was still hurting them from beyond the grave was truly a testament to how wicked he really was.

"It'll be okay, 'Lonz. Somehow we'll work through this"

Alonzo just stayed in her embrace feeling very sad. He really wished he knew how to make this right.

* * *

Back in the den Munk was still holding Billy and watching him sleep silently. Every now and then the kitten's face would scrunch up and he would look incredibly pained. Munk just did what was instinctive and held him tighter. He would whisper very softly as well and for some unknown reason it seemed to work making Billy go back to being peaceful.

Munk held him that way long into the night and long after Alonzo had returned and curled up beside them as well. The silver tabby couldn't bear to sleep when he knew there was such a fragile member of the tribe needing care. That was Munk through and through: he would always be looking out for the welfare of the Jellicles and Billy was now undoubtedly a Jellicle. It might have been viewed as a shame that it was under such circumstances but Munk didn't care. He was glad that they had found Billy that night so many months ago, after all anything could have happened to him if they hadn't. He felt now that the Everlasting Cat must have brought them together and even though he felt such sorrow he was happy that Billy had been brought to them and he would do anything to make sure the kitten was happy from now on.

It was dawn before the tabby finally lay Billy down on the bed next to Alonzo and curled up beside him. The three of them slept close together keeping each other warm through the rest of the tragic night.

**Poor little Billy; how horrible it is for a child to loose his mother.**

**Thanks for reading, next chapter I'm sure will not take as long for me to write.**

**Reviews are greatly appreciated and thank you so much to my regular reviewers. You guys keep me writing. x**


	19. Final Decisions

**I'm really, really sorry this took an entire week for me to finish. It's another long one so I guess that's the reason it's taken such a long time.**

**HumanGuineaPig: Sorry to see you've now got massive storms. As if you guys down there in Oz didn't already have enough to deal with, right? **

**Munk and Alonzo help Billy come to terms with the loss of his mother.**

**A year in the life of the black and white toms**

**Chapter 19**

**Final Decisions**

It is a strange feeling that follows after one has been crying over something truly awful. It is not like any other feeling felt at any other time and in many ways it is indescribable. It is a kind of numbness in one's body coupled with a lasting sting in the eyes. One tends to stare off into nothingness as the matter is endlessly mulled over yet none of this compares to the all-encompassing numbness that hangs around like vultures on carrion.

Munk felt this way as he lay on the bed after waking from a short and bumpy sleep. He held on tightly to the shattered kitten he had comforted the previous night and stared over at his mate who did not appear to be sleeping at all soundly. The silver tabby was not strictly looking at Alonzo since his mind was focused on the memory of Billy's reaction but when the patched tom shifted or made a tiny sound his eyes would be upon him searching for any kind of harm. Since the moment he had been awake he had been firmly in his 'protector' mindset and was determined to protect his mate and charge with his life. The way he had watched Billy fall to pieces and then Alonzo follow suit had clawed at his very soul and he could hardly bear to watch them. Their expressions had been so heart-wrenching that even he – the strongest, most solid of all the Jellicles – had been defeated and had cried along with them as they all huddled together. In hindsight he regretted not planning for this kind of result and he wished he had prepared himself to comfort Billy properly. He regretted even more that he had fallen apart; what kind of confidence could Billy have in him now? If he was to suggest to the kitten that he and Alonzo adopt him then what hope was there that he would be happy for that to happen?

Munk sighed as he allowed himself to feel more and more conflicted and continued to stare at his mate. A long time passed with the morning light gently penetrating the den and soon Alonzo opened his eyes. Munk could see they were red and around them the fur looked darker making the tom look tired and anguished. Once he had woken up a little more he looked at Munk and spread his lips thinly in a weak smile in greeting. Munk responded in kind and they shared a look of blankness. They both knew they had to hang onto what they had left: love. Despite how hard the night had been on all of them they knew they still had their love and were determined for it to overcome the sadness. What's more they knew they had to let Billy feel their love so he didn't feel he was alone through the struggle he was about to go through. Alonzo remained silent as he lay there. His mind began to wander and it wasn't long before he was wandering deep within his own mind in intense thought and contemplation.

Neither tom knew how long they had been looking at each other before they felt Billy stir between them. As soon as he began to move they both looked down and Munk loosened his grip so as not to hurt the poor boy. The kitten's bright blue eyes flickered open and contrasted against the red that surrounded them as he blinked up at the toms either side of him. The air in the den was thick with silence as he looked back and forth between them. Neither Munk nor Alonzo spoke as they watched him, they both felt too nervous that they might inadvertently hurt him. After a few painfully long moments Billy opened his mouth and crackled as he began to speak,

"Was it real?"

Munk looked up at Alonzo ruefully and then back at Billy,

"Yes, it was."

"Oh…" said Billy quietly as he looked back down. He didn't cry again, he simply stared into Munk's chest and the tabby could see he didn't know what to think. His mind started to race as he desperately clawed for anything to say and in the end he just settled for what he thought might be right.

"I'm very sorry, Billy. If there was anything I could do to bring her back then I would do it but I'm afraid I just can't. None of us can."

Silence again.

"Do you understand?" the tabby asked timidly

Billy nodded.

"Okay. Do you also realise that Alonzo and I are here to care for you and help you come to terms with it?"

Billy didn't really know what 'coming to terms' with something meant but he knew that the tabby and the patched tom were kind and loving. For the first time since he had been told his mother was dead he thought about what would happen to him now and it wasn't long before he decided to do whatever he was told. In reality what other choice did he have? He was just a kitten and he barely had any capacity to decide for himself what to do now so he innately knew just to go along with whatever was to happen. Besides, he trusted the two toms that held him and knew they would never do him any harm despite how it seemed the tabby had attempted to do so on several occasions. It was a good thing he was bright and knew to look beyond initial impressions – not that he'd know to call them that anyway. For a reason he couldn't decipher he felt safer when he was around them and since he felt as if he had lost everything he was glad that he found some comfort in those two.

As the three continued to lie together Munk really felt he ought to talk to the kitten more. The problem was that he was scared he would say something wrong and he really wanted to treat Billy properly. He knew he should have asked his father what to do in this situation but his over-eagerness had blinded him to practicality. Even so he gave it his best shot,

"Is there anything you'd like to do today, Billy?" he asked cautiously but gently

"No" responded the kitten quietly

"Are you sure? We could go somewhere if you like, anywhere you want."

"No, thank you"

"Is there anything we can get for you? Are you hungry or thirsty at all?"

"I don't think so"

"Is there anything you'd like to talk about?"

Billy didn't respond right away and Munk could see he was trying to think through the mess within him. A few seconds later he replied,

"No"

Munk narrowed his eyebrows but not in anger – more with sympathy, "Are you sure? You know, sometimes when you feel so mixed up inside it helps to talk about it in any way you can. Sometimes when you hear somebody repeat what you say back to you then it becomes clearer."

"Maybe later" said the black and white kitten vaguely

Munk looked up at his mate with an expression of near desperation. It seemed that he was failing to get through to the kitten and he really didn't know what to do. Alonzo – having listened to his mate all the while he had been trying to talk to Billy – could see the tabby was panicking. Inside he found it slightly amusing that for once it was Munk that was having trouble handling the situation and not him but that was overshadowed by the fact that he hadn't yet become completely involved. At first he had been apprehensive and that had now become deep contemplation. He felt a little guilty that Munk had needed to comfort him as well as Billy but in a way he was grateful that while the tabby had taken care of Billy he himself had been able to think about the situation without being too distracted. It was as if for the moment he was just observing and once he'd made a proper observation he would jump in to take the reins. This was not strictly the case as he didn't have a much better idea of what to do than Munk did. What can one do to help a grieving infant? Aside from staying close to them and constantly reminding them that they're loved there aren't many other options to pursue. What Alonzo did know is that Munk was beginning to go overboard and he knew what he had to do to help him. As he lay there he raised his paws up and placed them on the kitten. Slowly he pulled him closer to his body away from Munk and rubbed his fur gently as he held him in his arms. He then looked up at the tabby who appeared to look as if he had let all of them down. He gave his tom a gentle and warming smile in an attempt to comfort him and after a moment he spoke.

"We're just gonna have to wait it out, darling. He'll talk to us when he's ready but until then we just have to be here for him."

The tabby looked on edge as he replied, "I just wish there was something I could do."

"You're so caring, it's why I love you so much. Still, we mustn't be suffocating. I don't think it will be long before we see some light"

Munk just nodded glumly. He knew his mate was right but he still felt as if he wasn't doing his job properly. Hopefully keeping Billy from any more harm for the time being would satisfy his desire to fulfil his duty.

Billy had been listening to everything they had said but his mind had been cloudy. He knew they were talking about him but he didn't really care; he was too fixated on the loss of his mother. By now he had passed the need to cry so hard and in place of that was an unfathomable sea of mixed emotion that swirled around inside him. He was far too young to be dealing with this kind of turmoil but there was no way around it. Somehow he was going to have to get through this and lucky for him he had two wonderful toms to help him. What a shame he didn't know just how much they cared for him.

* * *

As the morning went on and the day started to heat up to an appropriate summer temperature the junkyard became as animated as usual. Tugger strutted around with a string of cats in tow, Jenny was shooting daggers at him from across the clearing as she sat with the other queens who chatted as always and to all of them everything seemed normal. What they didn't notice was Bomba sitting alone in the shadows as she watched the den of Munk and Alonzo intently. She didn't really know what had gone on in there but if Alonzo had reacted like that last night then it most certainly couldn't have been good. She desperately wanted to help but she knew she would just be getting in the way.

The red queen was distracted when she heard some of the kittens erupt gleefully when Old Deuteronomy entered the junkyard. She knew he must have been coming to find out how his son and his mate's talk with Billy had gone and she sighed as she realised it would be her that would have to brief him. Reluctantly she pushed herself to her paws and stepped out of the gloom into the sun. She walked slowly towards to the leader to give the other Jellicles enough time to greet him and move away and soon she was standing before him.

"Good morning, Bombalurina" said Old Deuteronomy brightly

The queen bowed as she responded, "Good morning, sir"

"I suppose you can guess why I'm here"

"Yes, sir. I'm afraid I don't know the details but I don't think it went too well"

The old tom looked glum as resigned to the report, "I thought it might go that way. Have you seen any of them this morning?"

"No, sir. The last I saw of Alonzo was late last night when he came out of the den for a breather after telling him. He was incredibly upset and he said Billy was distraught"

Old Deuteronomy nodded, "Where are they now?"

"In their den still. They haven't emerged yet as far as I can tell"

"Thank you. I think I'll go there now" With that he began to head over to the den and Bomba held onto his arm to steady him as he went. Carefully she helped him up the junk and then stood back to let him enter politely.

"Hello?" called the old tom quietly as he stepped into the shady den, "May I come in?"

When no answer came he decided to step in properly to get a good look at who was in there and Bomba timidly followed him as he went. Inside they saw Alonzo sitting cross-legged on the bed with Billy on his lap. The patched tom was rocking the kitten back and forth gently as he looked off into space with a very blank expression. Alonzo was looking over at Munk who had stood as he heard his father enter. Solemnly he bowed and did his best to look in order despite how strange he felt internally.

"Good morning, sir" he said in a low voice

"Dad" responded the leader

"Dad"

"How are you all today?" the old tom said addressing all of them. The tabby responded for everyone,

"A bit shaken but we're just taking it all as it comes."

"That's probably the best way. How are you, Billy?" the old tom said coming close to the bed and bending down to the kitten in Alonzo's arms. Billy looked up at the leader but didn't know what to say. He just stared up at him with big, blue eyes looking as if he wanted to say something but just couldn't find the words.

"It's okay. I understand" the old tom said, "Don't feel you have to behave a certain way, my boy, do whatever feels right"

The kitten nodded as he continued to look up. Old Deuteronomy smiled back down at him lovingly. In his experience he had found that kittens responded well to positive expressions and it let them know that you meant well. He made a mental note to tell his son that later as if his observations were correct the tabby was certainly having a tough time keeping control. Turning around he looked at his son and nodded towards to door. Munk complied and walked towards it followed by his father. They stepped out leaving Bomba and Alonzo alone with Billy in the quiet den. The queen felt quite awkward as she experienced the mood that hung in the air but she decided she ought to stick around at least until Munk got back. She made her way over to the bed and sat down a little way from Alonzo who watched her as she went. She smiled at him, he smiled back and it wasn't long before she found words coming to her more easily.

"How was the rest of the night?"

"Rocky, I suppose. Didn't sleep very well but then again I don't think any of us did."

"Well that's understandable. Did he get any rest?" she said lowering her voice as she spoke about Billy and pointed to him when he wasn't looking.

"Some. I think he was exhausted from the crying"

"I didn't think crying made you tired" piped up Billy all of a sudden as he continued to stare straight ahead into the air. Alonzo and Bomba looked at each other with surprise and it was Bomba who responded first after a moment of confusion,

"Well, yes, it does. Especially when it's over something really sad"

"I still feel tired"

"You know, you could sleep more if you like"

"I don't want to sleep"

"Is there anything you want to do?"

"No"

The queen stopped at the bluntness of his response. She didn't really know how to continue without badgering. Alonzo – having been thinking some more – jumped in. He decided to be a little more frank, after all kittens' minds are quite simple and maybe not asking Billy simple questions was the main issue when trying to get through to him.

"What are you thinking, Billy?"

"About mummy"

"What about her?"

"What she looked like. What she sounded like. What she smelt like"

"Would you tell us about her?"

Billy was quiet for a moment but his expression didn't change, "She was very pretty. She was always nice and never got cross. She never went away…until that day when she did"

"She sounds quite lovely"

"She's gone now…" trailed the kitten

Alonzo sighed, "I'm afraid so, Billy. It's horrible but in time we just have to try and work past it"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, I mean that you won't feel sad forever and in a while you'll feel better again. I'm sure you'll always remember and love her but eventually you'll come to only hold onto the happy memories. That's what you have to do: remember the happy memories instead of the sad feelings you have now because those are the ones that mean a lot."

"I've tried" said Billy and Alonzo heard noticeable emotion I his voice, "but I just can't forget that she's dead"

"Well, I'm afraid you never will, Billy. She can't come back and that's why it's so important to remember how lovely she was"

"Do you mean it?" the kitten asked looking up at Alonzo. The patched tom smiled down at him caringly,

"Absolutely. Isn't that right, Bomba?"

"Oh yes" said the queen who had been watching intently as her friend had somehow had some success in talking to Billy.

"See? It'll get better, Billy. I promise"

"You really, really promise?"

"Of course I do"

"Okay" whispered the kitten.

"Why don't you tell us a funny story about you and her? It might remind you of how good she was"

Billy thought for a moment, "I can't remember…"

"Oh, I'm sure you can" said Alonzo encouragingly, "Did she take you anywhere or do anything that was really fun?"

"…She used to help me chase mice"

"Great! Tell us how that went"

"No, it's silly…" said Billy shying away

"Aw, come on! It sounds great, doesn't it, Bomba?"

"Yeah. I'd like to hear about it" said the queen putting on her most interested-sounded voice.

Billy looked between them for a moment and then begun gingerly

"Okay, well…"

* * *

Old Deuteronomy stood with his sun a short way from the den and looked him over solemnly. He could see his son was a little worse for wear and truly understood just how ragged he felt. Fortunately he knew him very well and was a master at speaking straight to his heart. He felt this was one of those times when he needed to do just that,

"You feel rather put out by all of this, don't you?"

The silver tabby looked up at him and sighed shallowly, "I didn't think he would react as badly as he did"

"How bad was it?"

"He absolutely went to pieces. I didn't know what to do so I just held him until he stopped. I felt like such an idiot"

"Why?"

"Because I should've known what to do, I mean, we're meant to be adopting him and a parent should know how to make a kitten stop crying"

"Well, put yourself in his shoes, my boy. Wouldn't you fall apart if you found your mother had died?"

Munk took a moment to respond, "…I wouldn't know" he said grimly. Old Deuteronomy knew it might have been a touchy thing to say as soon as he said it but still he pressed on.

"You understand what I mean though, don't you? Just think how hard it is for a kitten to try to understand that their mother is dead"

"I do understand, that's not the problem. My problem is that I don't know what to do about it"

"Munkust-"

"I mean, come on! I really thought I'd be good at this but I haven't the first clue"

"Mun-"

"Maybe I'm not ready afterall"

"Munkustrap, will you be quiet for a moment so I can speak? Of course you don't know how to handle that, nobody does. Death is such a mysterious thing and I don't think I've ever met anyone that understands it very well, let alone someone that knows how to deal with it properly. It's not for you to know how to fix Billy's sadness and you shouldn't preoccupy yourself with doing that. What you ought to do is make him feel safe and loved"

Munk was quiet for a moment and looked down slightly, "I'm trying"

"I'm sure you are" said Old Deuteronomy kindly, "the important thing is that you don't let yourself think that none of it's worth anything. Kittens need encouragement before they start to show any signs of improvement so don't fret. Things will get better for him, I promise they will"

"You're sure?" asked Munk with a hint of hope

"My son, I'm positive" said the old tom smiling. Munk looked up at him and felt warmed by his smile. He knew his father always spoke sense so maybe his advice was exactly the right thing.

"Okay. Thanks"

* * *

After spending a little more time talking Old Deuteronomy and Munk went back to the den with the latter feeling a little better. They both were quite surprised by what they saw: Billy was sitting in Alonzo's lap and they were looking at each other happily. Bomba was watching them and this would all have been quite normal is it hadn't been for the fact that they all were laughing together. Munk was honestly stunned by such a massive change in the mood and he wondered if he'd missed something crucial. Instantly he tuned into their conversation just as Billy was finishing,

"…and then it ran into a tin can. I tried to look inside but my head got stuck and I ran into a wall. Mummy sounded so worried and it took ages to get it off"

Alonzo was having trouble keeping his sides from splitting as he listened to the hilarious story,

"And what happened to the mouse?"

"It went in my mouth and popped out just as she got the can off of my head"

That was the last blow for Alonzo and Bomba and they fell to pieces with laughter. Billy smiled down at them as they reacted so warmly to his story and as such he felt happier than he had been a short while ago. Alonzo was right: it did feel good to be remembering his mother in a positive way and while he remembered she was gone he still felt like she was somehow nearby. He felt glad the tom that looked so much like him had introduced him to this new way of thinking about her and while it went on he felt very close to him. Alonzo was just glad to see the kitten smile once more and really felt like they were bonding despite the uncomfortable circumstances. He hoped Billy would soon recover and didn't want to rush him so in the meantime he would happily go along with whatever it was that made the kitten happy.

Munk was still quite amazed by the sight. He stood watching them and it wasn't long before Billy noticed him standing in front of them with his father,

"Where did you go?" he asked more confidently

"Just outside for some air, Billy."

"That sounds good. Can I go as well?"

"Umm, if you want to" said Munk holding out his paw for the kitten to take. Billy climbed off of Alonzo who was still chuckling quietly with Bomba and took the tabby's outstretched paw. Munk smiled down at Billy and lead him to the doorway where they stepped out into the day together. As they left Old Deuteronomy turned to his son-in-law and the red queen and smiled with them. He didn't need to know what they were laughing at, all he knew was that they were getting through to the kitten in a positive way and that was just brilliant.

Outside Munk watched Billy carefully as he looked around the clearing. The kitten took in the sight of the place that he supposed would now be his new home and then paused. Was this really going to be his new home? Would they even let him stay now that they knew his mother was dead? They didn't have to take care of him by any means so who was to say they wouldn't send him on his way?

Munk saw the kitten's expression become suddenly timid again and asked him about it,

"What's wrong, Billy?"

The kitten looked up at him cautiously and gulped before he spoke,

"What's going to happen to me now, Munk?"

"What do you mean?"

"Now that my mummy's not here what will I do?"

"Do you mean where you will live?"

The kitten nodded.

"Well, you'll live here from now on if you want to. I'd really like it if you lived here with us"

"Where will I sleep?"

"You can live with me and Alonzo if you like. We can dig out a space for you in the junk in our den and it could be like a little hideaway for you"

"Really?"

"If you'd like to. Would you like to live with us?"

"Yes, please" said Billy gladly. Munk felt great, he was so happy that he was getting closer to being the kitten's father.

"Great. Well, we'll make a start this afternoon and you know you'll be welcome in our den for as long as you want. There will always be a home for you with me and Alonzo, Billy, do you know that?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, I mean that Alonzo and I will always be around for you no matter what happens. We'll always keep you safe and make sure you're happy and you'll never have to worry about a thing."

Billy looked away for a moment in thought and then returned his gaze, "You'll be like mummy?"

Munk's heart leapt into his throat and he had to contain his excitement, "Yes. Just like mummy if you'd like"

"Okay" replied Billy with a smile. He didn't understand how much what he'd agreed to meant to the tabby but he could see he was happy. He knew he must have said something right so he smiled wider as the tabby bent down to hug him tightly.

* * *

The afternoon came and strangely Billy seemed to become quite introverted once again. Munk and Alonzo were quite confused by the sudden change but eventually just went along with it. They did their best to talk to the kitten with little response but they constantly reminded each other that he would be acting strangely for a while. Munk told Alonzo about what his father had said and they agreed that they ought to be as strong as possible until Billy decided for himself that he wanted to move on. They realised how silly they had been to assume he might have been able to handle it when they told him and decided from there on out they would try to gauge the kitten's reactions properly.

When the night came Munk and Alonzo decided to turn in early for Billy's sake so he could have a proper night's rest after the previous evenings debacle. It didn't take long for Alonzo and Billy to fall asleep and Munk continued to watch them for a while as they dreamed. He was always on the lookout to keep them safe and felt quite glad that he could make sure they went to sleep without any harm around. However, in the middle of the night the silver tabby was woken by a stifled sniffling and he opened his eyes to see Billy crying softly between him and Alonzo. Gently he reached down to him and pulled the kitten closer into his fur who clung on tightly when he felt his protector comfort him. Munk continued to hug him until he felt him become still once again and drift off to sleep once more.

The next few days went by in much the same fashion. Billy would have good spells and bad spells and would often wake Munk up in the night when he started to sob. Night time was the hardest part for Billy as he always used to sleep close to his mother when she had been alive and that was where he used to feel his safest. It felt awful to wake up and remember that she was gone but he felt a similar kind of comfort when Munk and Alonzo would hold him. The feeling of safety was the best thing he received from them and whenever he experienced it he treasured the moment just like he used to with the queen that had given him life.

A week passed before Billy made it a whole night without waking up sobbing yet incidentally on the same night Munk got no sleep at all. He was becoming accustomed to waking up to the sound of Billy's cries in the night and it felt out of place that the same thing wasn't happening anymore. He was glad though, it meant he was getting used to his new life and would soon be back to his old self.

It seemed a long time had passed since Billy had first been told of his mother's death many days ago. On this particular morning he woke up to Munk and Alonzo still asleep and as he lay between them he began to feel surprisingly restless. With great care not to wake them he rose up from between them and stepped off of the bed. Silently he made his way over to the doorway and jumped out without a sound. Outside he was the first one awake that morning and climbed down from the junk in the eerie morning quietness. The air was cool but had the wonderful scent of summer hanging in it and it filled Billy with energy. For the first time since his world had fallen apart he found some renewed joie de vivre within and began hopping around happily. It felt strange to be doing so for some reason but he didn't really mind. He almost felt as if he shouldn't be doing what he was doing and was a little conflicted. Anyone observing would know that the kitten had unwillingly done a lot of growing up in the past seven days and had needed to learn one of life's hardest lessons at an age which was grossly inappropriate. It was a cruel twist of fate that Billy had to lose a part of his kittenhood so abruptly and even crueller that it made him feel silly to play around like he used to. Still, he hopped along and jumped around. If he didn't feel like he should be having fun then he knew he deserved to be. He had been hanging around with Munk and Alonzo for days now and he was starting to miss his friends. He wanted to play with them and have fun again and so brushing his doubts aside he ran in the direction of his friends' homes.

Through quick searching the first kitten he found was Jemima who he jumped on gleefully. The sleeping young queen jolted from her sleep and looked around frantically as her eyes adjusted to the light. Her tail puffed up in reaction to the danger and the sight made Billy laugh. Poor Jemima had no idea whatsoever was going on and she sat down looking rather confused and very embarrassed at her reaction to the intrusion. She was a polite young kitten and nowhere near as brash as Pounce or Tumble. With an incredibly sweet smile and bright eyes she spoke to the kitten who had invaded her home,

"That wasn't very nice"

Billy chuckled as he replied, "Your tail looks like a fir tree!"

"Well that's what happens when you jump on cats who are sleeping. Where have you been anyway?"

"What?"

"Why haven't you been around?"

Billy felt a little uneasy but for some reason it felt much easier to talk to Jemima than it did to anyone else.

"My mummy died and I've been hanging around with Munk and Alonzo"

"She died?" asked Jemima tentatively

"Yeah…"

"How?"

"Munk said Macavity killed her"

"Oh…that's horrible"

"Mmm"

Jemima wondered what she ought to do, she'd never been told about someone's mother being killed before. Without really having a clue she turned around and grabbed a small cloth mouse she had found in the junk one day. She held out the brightly coloured albeit a big raggedy toy to Billy and offered it to him,

"Do you want this?"

Billy took it and examined the item. He had no idea why but he instinctively rolled onto his side and began pawing at it frantically. It made him happy and he loved how it flew around as he played with it.

Jemima smiled and knew she had done something right. The mouse always made her feel happy too and found it a no-brainer that it would cheer Billy up as well. Not that he seemed all that sad mind you. She didn't know what it was like to loose a mother but she knew it can't have been good. Billy seemed to be taking it well though so maybe it wasn't all that bad.

"Do you miss her?" she asked

"Yes" said Billy as he continued to paw at the mouse, "but I haven't seen her for so long anyway. I never thought she could die"

"What do you think happens to you when you die?"

"I don't know"

"Do you think cats go to the Heaviside layer?"

"The what?"

"The Heaviside Layer"

"What's that?"

Jemima was quiet for a moment, she'd never really thought about it and she tried to remember what it was Munk said about it during the Jellicle Balls she had been at.

"Well, it's kind of like…full of wonders and stuff"

"Like what?"

"I dunno. Good things"

"Where is it?"

"It's up there" she said pointing to the ceiling. Billy looked and puzzled,

"Up where?"

"In the sky"

"Well how can anyone get up there?" he asked matter-of-factly

"On clouds"

Billy was confused and thought Jemima must have been joking. What she was saying didn't seem at all possible and it didn't seem likely that his mother was somewhere up in the sky. He'd never seen her fly before and doubted very much that cats were able to.

"Alright, whatever you say. Do you want to go outside?"

"Yes, I suppose so" the queen said getting up with a yawn. Together they left her little hideaway.

* * *

As the day went on Munk and Alonzo found themselves sitting together on the big tyre watching out over everything that was going on. They had awoken to find Billy missing and had initially panicked but decided that he probably wanted some space. They were desperate for him to recover so they knew that they ought to let the kitten deal with the situation in any way he felt comfortable. Their troubles were put at ease when they noticed the kittens enter the clearing making their usual commotion and were glad to see Billy among them. They smiled as they watched him laugh and jump around like his usual self and happily sat back as the kittens enjoyed their games. It wasn't long before lunchtime came and Jenny bustled them inside for some milk and a nap. The two toms on the tyre watched the kittens go and once they had disappeared they started to talk once again.

"He seems to be doing well, don't you think?" said Alonzo

"It would appear that way. Surely he can't have forgotten about it already" suggested Munk

"No, certainly not. Maybe he's coming to terms with it and moving on"

"He always did seem quite an intuitive little thing despite his age"

"Exactly how old is he?"

"I don't know, I've never asked"

"Do you think he even knows?"

"I bet he does. Every kitten knows when their birthday is. You certainly used to"

"Damn right! I wasn't gonna let anyone forget to give me a present!"

Munk laughed as he remembered how frantic Alonzo used to be around his birthday, "We'll ask him sometime once we've…you know"

"Asked to adopt him?"

Munk was quiet. It always sounded so strange to hear or say that. Does one ask a child to adopt them or is the child told? He didn't know. He had been puzzling over it for a while but still came no closer to an answer than when he started.

* * *

The night came and for once the pair didn't go to bed right away. Billy had elected to stay with Jemima that night and they had scampered off long before Munk or Alonzo had a chance to ask him if he was okay. They assumed he was and decided not to worry; if he was with his friend and having a good time then that was the most important thing. For the first time in a week Munk and Alonzo had some alone time together and they spent it just talking and keeping close. It felt nice to be able to be with the one each of them loved and just be, especially since now they understood just how important these moments were. Then again a spell under Macavity's 'care' would have given any cat reason to appreciate life and how quickly it can be taken away. They weren't thinking about that much anymore though, they were firmly looking ahead and were both excited for their future. All they had to do was get over this one hurdle of asking the question and then the sky would be the limit.

When the morning came they decided to get an hour or two of sleep before they had to get up. Preparations for the next Jellicle Ball were to start the next day and they just knew there would be far more stress than either of them desired.

* * *

"Right then" shrieked Jenny, "here's what I think should happen…"

The queen had wasted no time in gathering most of the Jellicles into the clearing to tell them her ideas for the upcoming ball. The tabby queen prattled on and on about what had happened in previous years and many of the spectators lost interest very quickly. Tugger sat at the back with a gaggle of kittens draped around him, Jemima and Etcetera were hanging on either side trying to cover more of the Coon than each other and Tugger was certainly not complaining. It felt good to him to have several queens wanting him as their own and all the while knowing that he would never settle down with any one cat. Jenny soon noticed this and shot him her iciest glare which unfortunately for her he had grown immune to from years of receiving it. It wasn't long before bickering amongst the Jellicles arose and as usual in these meetings things fell to pieces.

Munk and Alonzo – having heard the sound from inside their den – knew what the ruckus meant and reluctantly showed their faces.

"Is it that time of year already?" asked the sleepy, patched tom

"Sounds like it" groaned Munk. He really did not like having to wrangle the cats he protected back into order when anarchy ensued but knew it was all part of the job when it came to the Ball.

Silently the pair made their way over to where Jenny was trying to keep order on the big tyre and quickly relieved her. Munk took charge of the proceedings right away and in seconds everyone was quiet and listening to him set out preliminary plans. Alonzo sat behind him leaning his head on his paw and yawning widely as he barely paid attention. His eyes scanned the Jellicles lazily and he picked out what each and every one of them was doing. Unsurprisingly Tugger was still covered in kittens, Tumble and Pounce were roughhousing and trying their best not to be seen doing so, the queens sat together and chatted under their breath and Bomba looked over at him with the same look of boredom. They shared a mutual distaste for having to sit through these meetings but had never really shared their feelings with one another before. It was nice to know that Jellicles other than he hated pretending to listen.

As he continued to look around he eventually focused on Billy who was sitting near the rest of the kittens. The strange thing was that he was locked intently on Munk with his head cocked to one side and his eyes slightly squinted. Alonzo found it an incredibly curious pose and straightened himself up to get a better view. Billy looked incredibly confused but also too timid to ask anyone around him what was going on. Alonzo thought for a few more minutes and looked over at Munk as well as behind him to see if there was anything the kitten might have been staring at. When he noticed nothing out of the ordinary he quietly picked himself up and stepped down from the tyre. Without causing a disturbance he walked around the edge of the group and sat down next to Billy whilst putting an arm around him.

"Are you alright?" he whispered to the kitten as Munk went on

"What is he talking about?" asked the kitten quietly

"Oh, just the Jellicle Ball"

"What's that?"

"Hasn't anyone told you? The Ball we have every summer?"

"Like a ping-pong ball?" asked Billy innocently and looking up at Alonzo with a tiny flicker of hope

Alonzo had to suppress a snigger at the question. He loved it when Billy came up with these sorts of things.

"No. Come with me and I'll tell you" said Alonzo as he got up quietly and led Billy away. He took the kitten around a corner so they wouldn't be disturbing the group and together they climbed up one of the junk piles so they could sit and look out to the horizon.

"So no one's ever told you about the Jellicle Ball?" asked Alonzo unbelievingly

"Nope. So is it like a football instead?"

"No. It's more like a party, but not entirely. It's got more structure than that and there's lots of dancing"

"Dancing?"

"Yes. Loads of it. You'll feel absolutely exhausted once it's over"

"So is it just dancing?"

"No, that's only a part of it. The point of the Ball is so Old Deuteronomy can choose one us to go to the Heaviside layer. Do you know what that is?"

"Yep. It's up there and fancy or something" said the kitten pointing to the sky

Alonzo chuckled, "I'd say that's about right. Anyway, once a year we have the Ball so some of us can try and convince Old Deuteronomy to choose one of us to go up there"

"Why?"

"So we can begin a new Jellicle life. It's usually one of the oldest Jellicles that goes since they've lived a long life anyway"

"Anyway?"

"Well, yes. Otherwise they'd have to wait until they die before they can go to Heaviside"

Billy thought for a moment, "Jellicles go to the Heaviside Layer when they die…"

"That's right"

"Do other cats go there too?"

Alonzo paused and looked up before responding, "I imagine so…I can't think why they wouldn't"

"Do you think my mummy's up there?"

"Oh I see…" said Alonzo. He realised then that he should have known that the conversation would head that way and knew he had to be careful not to upset the kitten. "Well…was she a good cat?"

"I think so. How do you know?"

"Well, was she kind and happy? Was she always nice?"

"Yes! All the time!"

"Then I imagine she's up there right now" said Alonzo happily.

"Really? Where?"

"Well, we can't see them. It's a long way up, way past the moon"

"Wow" said Billy quietly. He was absolutely astounded that such things could happen but he wouldn't dare question them. "Does that mean she can't see me either?"

"I think they can still see us. I'm not sure how it works but I've always believed they can see us. If the Everlasting Cat can see us from all the way up there then I imagine those who go up can see us too"

"What's the Everlasting Cat?"

"Oh, he's…I mean she's…well…". Alonzo had to take a moment as he was not entirely sure himself. "The Everlasting Cat is everything. He or she is the cat that gives us life and everything in it. He or she makes everything happen and cares for us always"

"What does it look like?"

"I don't know, you can't see him or her. He or she is mystical and divine and we won't know what he or she looks like until we get up there ourselves"

"So we all go up there?"

"I think so and I reckon your mum's up there right now watching you"

"So she's still alive?" asked Billy hopefully

"Well, in some way" said Alonzo carefully, "but not in the way like you and me are alive. She died in this life but I reckon she's alive in another one"

"I don't understand" said Billy looking a little deflated. Alonzo saw this and hugged him

"We're not meant to understand, we're just meant to live. We'll find out one day what all of it means but until then we should just enjoy life and love each other"

"Oh…" trailed Billy. At least there was a reason he couldn't answer his questions. "Well at least she's somewhere"

"Yep, and I bet she'll always be looking after you"

"You think so?"

"I'm sure"

"I wish I could still see her"

"Well you can still talk to her, you know?"

Billy looked at Alonzo and narrowed his eyebrows. "What do you mean?"

"Well, it's called praying. If you ever want to talk to her then all you have to do is find somewhere quiet, close your eyes, think of her and talk to her. You can talk to her and the Everlasting Cat and they'll hear you"

"Will she talk back?"

"I don't think so but it's still a way you can talk to her if you want to"

"Huh…" said Billy as he looked away in deep thought. Was what Alonzo said right? It sounded strange but he had given him a way to talk to his mother and he wasn't about to let that go so easily.

"Does any of this make you feel any different?" asked Alonzo when Billy didn't say anything for a while.

"I don't know. I need to think about it"

"Okay. Let me know if there's anything else you want to know"

"Okay…"

* * *

About an hour later Munk wrapped up what he had been saying. By that time it seemed he had lost everyone's interest and they were hanging on out of courtesy and respect. Everyone hated the planning part of the Ball but they loved the doing part. It was always so much fun but they knew they had to go through the boring part first. A little while ago he had seen Alonzo come back with Billy and wondered what they had been talking about. When he dismissed the Jellicles he took his mate aside and asked him what had gone on.

"He was asking about the Jellicle Ball" said Alonzo, "I was just telling him and then we got onto Heaviside and stuff. I can't believe no one told him about the Ball before"

"I see" said Munk, "was that all?"

"Mmhmm. I'm gonna find Bomba, do you want to come?"

Munk was about to respond but then he saw Billy across the clearing. He was walking away alone on one of the junkyard's many trails and he became a little worried.

"No, that's alright, you go. I've got some other bits and pieces to do"

"Alright, see you in a bit"

With that Alonzo skipped off merrily leaving Munk to look out for Billy. The kitten had disappeared by that point and so Munk decided to follow him down the trail he had taken. He also decided he would act very discreetly so he could watch Billy without him knowing. While he was worried he was also curious and really wanted to see what was going to happen.

Billy wandered quietly down the trail and looked around for a secluded spot. He had been thinking for a while about what Alonzo had said to him about the Heaviside Layer, the Everlasting Cat and praying but was still quite unsure. He decided to give it a shot and soon found himself in a small clearing a way out from the main clearing in the junkyard. He looked around to make sure he was absolutely alone and then sat on the ground cross-legged.

Munk – having been very careful not to be seen as he followed Billy – crept up behind the junk and peered over very carefully. He had always been good at keeping a low profile and now just watched the kitten as he sat down. He was very confused by the way Billy was behaving and wondered what on earth he was going to do next.

Billy stared straight ahead into the junk and tried to remember what it was Alonzo had told him to do. As he thought he looked up into the sky and wondered again if his mother was really up there watching him. It seemed quite impossible but Alonzo had told him that it was okay not to understand. With a deep breath he closed his eyes and focused on the image of his mother. It was surprising to find that the memory of her was no longer as strong as it used to be and it took him a moment to get a clear image in his mind.

"Mummy?" he whispered quietly into the silent summer air. Right away he opened his eyes and looked up wondering if maybe she would appear out of nowhere. When he found the same blue sky above him he closed his eyes again and spoke a little louder.

"Mummy? Are you there?"

Once again he opened his eyes and looked up. When nothing came he lowered his gaze and thought again. Alonzo had said that she probably wouldn't talk back but she could still hear him. Was that right? Could that actually happen? Swallowing hard he closed his eyes once more and began to talk for a third time,

"It's me. I'm here. I'm okay"

He didn't really know what to say and felt a little silly for it. He hadn't realised that this might be so hard and he scrunched up his nose as he tried to think of what to say. Eventually some words came,

"I miss you…I really wish you were here"

Munk bit his lip as he listened to the kitten. He was amazed that Billy knew how to pray and felt deeply awed by how profound it was.

Billy carried on, "I wish you hadn't gone out that day. I was really scared when you didn't come back and I went looking for you. I wish you weren't…dead, I want you here to look after me"

Munk closed his eyes and sighed silently as he listened to Billy's lament. He really felt for him.

"But it's okay though, Munk and Alonzo are looking after me. They're really nice and I think you'd like them. I suppose I'll live here now because they said I could if I wanted to and they said I could stay in their den too. I hope you think that's okay"

Munk smiled weakly. He was glad the kitten liked him and his mate and it made him feel better about the way Billy felt.

"Alonzo said you'd always be here for me so I know I'll be alright here. If you ever want to talk back to me then I'll listen…"

There was only silence as Billy waited for a response.

"…Don't worry. I love you mummy. Lots and lots."

Munk was overcome. That last thing that Billy said really tugged on his heart and he knew he had to get away quickly to avoid disturbing the kitten if he let out the emotion. Very carefully he climbed back down the junk and padded silently from the small clearing Billy was sitting in. He made sure he was far enough away and out of sight before he let out some of his strife. What Billy had displayed back there were the very feelings he felt in his soul. To hear the kitten pray to Heaviside was something Munk had never expected to see any kitten do so seriously and it was a very emotional moment for him to witness. He wished he could bring Billy's mother back for him but he simply couldn't. He could only do what was best and that's how he reaffirmed in himself the reason he was adopting him. Billy had said he liked them and that meant the world to the tabby. All he wanted to do was keep him safe and loved and to know that the kitten was open to that was amazing. After a few moments he wiped a few small tears away and straightened himself up. He shook his head vigorously and cleared his throat in order to compose himself and then turned back towards the main clearing. On the way he decided that tomorrow he would do what he had to do. It was time.

"Everlasting Cat, give me strength"

* * *

Alonzo was chatting happily with Bomba on top of a junk pile above the clearing. The red queen was telling Alonzo how annoyed she got with Tugger this time of year due to the stepping-up of his flirtatiousness. It pained her to admit it but she was always rife with jealousy whenever another cat grinded up against him and the big problem was that he never seemed to care how that might make her feel. Alonzo just let her talk as he tried to keep up with her pace. He found it difficult for two reasons: she was going incredibly fast and in all honestly he didn't really care. He knew she was making mountains out of molehills but since they had now become good friends he didn't want to intentionally aggravate her.

Bomba was still going on when Alonzo noticed his mate come back into the clearing. He diverted his attention fully when he noticed the tabby looked slightly less bouncy than usual – a change that any other cat would fail to notice since Munk was hardly what you'd call bouncy. Bomba stopped when she noticed Alonzo wasn't paying her any attention any more and she pouted while her companion looked out across the clearing. Alonzo waved to Munk to let him know where he was and the silver tabby quickly made his way over to him. He climbed the junk quickly and before Alonzo had a chance to greet him he was wrapped in the tabby's arms. He took a moment to figure out what had happened and then returned the hug.

"What's this for?" he asked with surprise

"Things are just really good" the tabby responded

"Anything in particular?"

"Yes" said Munk as he released his mate and kissed him quickly. "I think tomorrow should be the day"

"The day for what?"

"The day to tell Billy we'd like to adopt him"

Bomba suddenly stopped pouting and squeaked happily earning her a happy glance from Munk and a confused one from Alonzo.

"Do you really think so?" Alonzo asked uncertainly

"Darling, up to this point I haven't been more sure. A little while ago I followed him when he was walking away and I found him praying"

"I see" said Alonzo with a knowing smile

"He was praying to his mother. He said he missed her and loved her but also that he loves being here and that he really likes you and I"

"He really said that?"

"Yes. That's why I think it's time to tell him"

Alonzo thought for a moment and weighed up his opinions. On the one paw he really wanted to tell Billy because he was quite excited to become a father but on the other paw he didn't want to rush him into doing something he didn't want to do. He turned to the queen beaming beside them,

"What do you think, Bomba?"

"I think you should have done it already by now. I would have"

Alonzo took a deep breath and then looked back as his expectant mate,

"Alright. Let's do it"

Munk didn't have time to react properly before Bomba let out a shriek and pulled them both into a bear hug. Behind her back they looked at each and smiled; they were about to become fathers.

* * *

Neither of them slept very well that night, they were too excited but nervous at the same time. Billy had chosen to sleep with them that evening and they both watched him dream soundly. They whispered to each other as they lay there about all the things they wanted to do with Billy once everything was done and dusted although in their hearts they knew that all of it depended on whether or not Billy accepted their offer. Without waking the kitten they interlinked paws and gazed into each other's eyes until they both drifted off. Tomorrow was going to be a big day and they wanted it to go as smoothly as possible.

When the morning came Munk blinked awake at first light. From the second he was conscious he was stricken with a cold feeling that lingered within him. He really hoped he wasn't getting cold feet about what they'd chosen to do and had to take a few silent moments to reassure himself that it was the right thing. Shortly, Alonzo woke up and then Billy did the same once the patched tom started moving. The kitten yawned and rolled around lazily in his position and both Munk and Alonzo found it adorable. Billy was the type of kitten that could make a cat's heart melt just by blinking and both toms felt a tiny bit less worried about their decision.

"Good morning, Billy" said Munk softly when the kitten looked up at, "Did you sleep well?"

"Mmm" moaned the kitten as he stretched his arms up into the air before letting them flop back down.

"Are you ready to get up yet?"

"I suppose"

Munk sat up and helped the kitten do the same before he stepped off of the bed. He helped Billy down who happily scampered out of the den as soon as he hit the floor. He always liked to be the first one in the clearing in the morning as it made him feel somehow important, as if the day couldn't begin without his presence or something like that. Munk turned back to Alonzo who was straining as he pushed himself up. He was quite a lazy cat when he wanted to be but that was just another thing that Munk loved about him. He walked around to Alonzo's side of the bed and offered a paw to help him up. The patched tom took it and they shared a quick kiss before following Billy out the door. When they got outside they looked around the empty junkyard in the early morning light wondering where that kitten had gotten to. Alonzo took advantage of the privacy they were afforded to ask his mate a question,

"Ready?"

"Ready" responded the tabby, "You?"

"Yes"

As if on cue Billy seemed to bound out of nowhere and with him he was carrying two rats by the tail.

"I got these for you" he said loudly and bursting with pride.

"Wow, Billy. Have you been practicing?" asked Alonzo enthusiastically

"Yep. I'm much better at it than Pounce and Tumble now!"

"Thank you very much for these" said Munk taking them and setting them aside, "How about we go for a walk before breakfast?"

"Alright. Where?"

"How about the park?"

"Okay!" he said before quickly darting off towards the entrance to the junkyard. Munk and Alonzo bolted after him and had trouble keeping up. He was quite quick for his age and both of them knew that when he started running he was a pest to keep track of.

It wasn't long before they found themselves entering the park where they had first found him and together they ran around enjoying themselves. After a while they approached the climbing frame where Billy had first come into their lives and standing in a line they all looked up at it solemnly. Each of them had a different mix of feelings towards the structure as it meant something different to each of them. Munk was the first one to break his gaze and catching his mate's eye he gave him a smile. Now was the time.

"Billy, come sit with us. There's something we'd like to talk to you about"

The black and white kitten hit the ground before either of them did and he gazed up at them expectantly and full of life. Munk tried to resist smiling too widely at his bright, young face and eventually found enough strength to keep himself calm. He began,

"Now, Billy, there's something we've been meaning to ask you for quite a long time. It's not a bad thing but it's quite serious so you need to pay attention and tell us exactly what you think, okay?"

"Okay" said the kitten confusedly

"Good. Now, you've been living with us for a very long time and over that time Alonzo and I have become very fond of you. We love you an awful lot and we're so glad we were able to save you when you got lost. We were so happy when you said you'd like to live with us and we want you to know that we'll always be here for you. Do you understand that?"

"Yes" said Billy positively. Alonzo took over,

"Munk and I remember just how hard it was for you to deal with learning that your mummy was gone and we found it really hard to see you so upset. Neither Munk or I ever want to see you that unhappy ever again and we're going to make sure that you're never lonely and that you have everything you want. Does that sound good?"

"I think so" said the kitten as he tried to keep up, "Why are you telling me all this?"

Munk and Alonzo looked at each other and the patched tom gave the other a small nod. Munk turned to Billy and looked him in the eye,

"Billy, Alonzo and I have been thinking and we've agreed that we'd like to adopt you. Do you know what that means?"

Billy shook his head.

"Well, it means that if you'd like we would become your parents. We feel bad that you don't have your mum around any more and so we'd like to step in for her and give you just as much love as she did"

Billy was quiet for a moment before responding, "What do you mean?"

"It means that Alonzo and I would be your dads. We'd be like your mum was before she died"

"Dads?" said the kitten inquisitively.

"That's right" said Alonzo

"I never met my dad…" There was a long pause before he continued, "You both want to be my dad?"

"If you'd like that, yes"

"Would either of you be my mummy?"

The toms looked at each other and gawked for a moment before Munk jumped in, "Well, I don't think so. I don't think either of us could take the place of your mummy. She'll always be there for you I'm sure and in the meantime Alonzo and I will be just like she was. Does that sound nice?"

"I'm not sure…" said the kitten as he thought about the offer. Munk and Alonzo grew nervous as they feared rejection; what would they do if he said no? A few more moments passed before the kitten spoke again, "Would anything change?"

"Well, you could call us both dad, or daddy, or father if you like. We'll tell you all the time that we love you and above all we'll all be a family together"

"A family…" said Billy before a smile spread across his lips, "I don't think I've ever had one of those before"

"So what do you say?" asked Alonzo nervously.

There was silence as the kitten looked between them and thought through what they'd offered him. Time seemed to slow down and both toms leant forward as he opened his mouth to give an answer.

"I'd like that"

Munk and Alonzo instantly exploded with joy and pulled the kitten into the most loving hug that up until then they had only ever given each other. They rocked back and forth with Billy as they laughed and cried with delight on the cool grass as the sun began to rise. That day was truly a wonderful day as it was the day their family was started. They were all so happy to be together and nothing would ever break the bond they felt grow between them. They all loved each other so much and in their own ways they strengthened each other's lives to no end. Truly there was never a more perfect trio and when they got back to the junkyard to tell everyone else there was absolute jubilation. The whole tribe was so happy to hear what had been decided and the entire day was filled with celebration for the new family in the junkyard.

High up, above the world, the sun and the moon the Everlasting Cat smiled down upon them with Billy's mother. The queen was happy her kitten would grow up in the love of not one but two parents that she could no longer give directly to him and was greatly indebted to Munk and Alonzo for showing such compassion and selflessness to her child. Together with the Everlasting Cat she would always be looking out for them and guiding their paths.

**And there it is. Munk and Alonzo have finally adopted Billy and none of them could be happier. Ain't it nice when things end well?**

**Only one more to go now, kind of an Epilogue so look out for it. I'm sure it won't take as long as this one did.**

**Thanks so much for reading and actually making it through. I know it's a mission to get through something this long. Please review. x**


	20. Now and Forever

**We've come to the end! Gosh, that was an epic, huh? Thank you all so much for reading and I really hope you've enjoyed it. **

**Munk and Alonzo contemplate their lives one year since the last Jellicle Ball.**

**(Bonus points to whoever sees the significance of the chapter title.)**

**A year in the life of the black and white toms**

**Chapter 20**

**Now and Forever**

Many months had gone past and by now it was mid-August. At cat with black and white patches stared out to the horizon watching the summer sun slowly descend below the horizon. The night would soon arrive and what a night it was going to be. The Jellicle Ball was merely hours away and most of the other cats were out of sight resting to be ready for later. This cat, however, had been sitting for a while on his own just thinking quietly. He didn't understand what all the fuss was about, after all there had been Jellicle Balls before and they all seemed to go almost exactly the same way. Shouldn't it be rather boring by now?

"Something on your mind?" came a voice from behind him and he turned to look back at a tom with markings almost exactly the same as him.

"Just thinking about this Ball"

The tom sat down next to him and joined him in staring at the great, orange ball as it began to dip out of sight. "What about it?"

"I'm nervous"

"Why?"

The cat hesitated for a moment and then spoke timidly, "What if I get it wrong, Dad?"

Alonzo smiled down at Billy and put an arm around him. He had been calling him and Munk 'Dad' for weeks now and it felt good that everyday they were becoming more like a family. "Just let it flow from within you, you'll get it right. After all you are a Jellicle now, it just comes naturally if you let it"

"But what if it doesn't?" asked the kitten looking up at his new father

"What if what doesn't?" yawned another voice from behind them. Billy turned his head to see the protector climbing up onto the big tyre to join them and looked back at the sunset when the silver tabby sat down on his other side.

"Billy's worried he'll get something wrong tonight" said Alonzo

"Oh, I shouldn't think that would happen. Then again I wouldn't really worry if it did. If things are going to go wrong then they won't go nearly as badly as some of the stuff that's happened in previous years"

"What do you mean?" asked the kitten

"Well, we've had falls, scrapes, fights, kidnappings…" said Munk off the cuff. Billy looked up at Alonzo seemingly more worried.

"Is that true?" he asked quietly. Alonzo hugged him a little tighter and placed a small kiss on the top of his head.

"Those aren't going to happen. Don't worry, you'll be fine"

"Of course you will, son" said Munk with another yawn. He had been working extremely hard as usual when it came to this time of year and he hadn't had as much time to sleep as those he protected.

Billy didn't look incredibly satisfied but eased up a little bit against Alonzo. The patched tom continued to look down at him,

"Everything will be fine, Billy. Just wait and see and try not to worry"

"Okay" said the kitten giving no more volume than his previous squeak.

Munk ruffled the fur on his back and he gently pressed up against him letting him feel his comfort. He was so glad they had all gotten along so well since Billy had said yes to being their son. Old Deuteronomy had been so happy when they had told him the news that it was finally done and for the first few hours they weren't able to talk to Billy if they tried. The old tom had taken him onto his lap and had been chatting away happily with his new grandson all the while with a little surprise that it was Munk that gave him one first and not Tugger. Right now though the three just sat there and kept each other company. It wasn't long before the kitten became restless with his parents being so close-by and started to fidget.

"Can I go and see Jemima?" he asked politely but also cheekily

"Go on" said Munk as he helped him up and patted him. The kitten happily scampered away but stopped and turned after only a few steps.

"When should I be back?" he asked.

"Just keep an eye on the clearing. You'll know when to come out" said Alonzo with a smile. "Don't worry, you'll be fine"

The kitten smiled back and started to run again before stopping. One more time he turned around and quickly said, "I love you" before running off to see his friend. Munk and Alonzo called back the same thing but they were sure he was too far gone before he could hear it. Sitting on the tyre they just looked at each other, smiled and shuffled together.

"He's so nervous" said Alonzo happily, "Quite cute really, isn't it?"

"He'll be fine. How are you doing?" responded Munk

"Me? Oh, just fine. Another Jellicle Ball comes and goes I suppose."

"Remember the last Ball?"

Alonzo thought for a moment and the relaxed, "Gosh, it seems so long ago now. So much has happened since then"

"It has been a crazy year"

"Too crazy"

Munk looked at his mate and smiled with their faces close together, "Just another year in ours lives. Mad as a hatter and hurtling along with no brakes" He kissed him.

"Whatever will we get up to this year?" said Alonzo with a smile as their lips parted.

"I don't even want to think about it" said Munk with a grimace, "Too much stress is bad for an old tom like me"

"I'd hardly call you old"

"I'm a father now. It's time for me to straighten up an fly right"

"When have you ever not done that?"

"True…"

"Can you actually believe we're fathers now though?" said Alonzo excitedly. He still had the same excitement within him from the moment Billy had accepted him and he revelled in every moment of it.

"No. It still seems like a wonderful dream"

"Well we certainly went through hell to get there, didn't we?"

"Would you have it any other way?"

Alonzo chuffed, "I certainly could have done without Macavity"

"Well, I suppose. At least we've got Billy though"

"Mmm" hummed Alonzo warmly

They sat for a quiet moment with not a single noise occurring around them aside from the last few sounds of the summer day simmering down.

"You know what this night is?" asked Munk

"No" said Alonzo curiously

"Remember how this night ended one year ago?"

"Not really"

"When you let me stay in your den after the Ball so I wouldn't have to walk all the way back to my humans"

"Vaguely. Why?"

Munk rubbed up against Alonzo, "I just remember how nice it felt to be that close to you. If I think about it that must have been the night I fell in love with you. I just didn't realise at the time"

"Aww" said Alonzo mushily, "You are a big softy under that hard shell, aren't you?"

Munk just bumped him with his head feeling his cheeks grow a tiny bit warmer. "When did you realise you loved me?"

Alonzo thought for a moment and then looked him in the eye, "You know, I don't remember. It happened so fast and then all of that other stuff happened so soon after that I can't quite remember the exact time. All I know is I do love you. You know that, right?"

"Prove it" said Munk slyly

"Alright" said Alonzo and grabbed the tabby's head kissing him fiercely. Munk didn't protest and kissed back but not without cracking an eye to make sure they weren't being watched. A few moments later they parted grinning stupidly.

"Does that prove it?" asked Alonzo with just as much slyness

"I don't know. Might have to try again" replied Munk with a wry smile

"After the Ball, when Billy's gone to bed…" said Alonzo sexily

Munk felt his loins stir but willed himself to be good. "You are outrageous!"

"I know" said the patched tom smugly, "but that's why you love me"

"Sure is" he said pulling his tom close again.

After a while Alonzo said one more thing,

"Thank you, Munk"

The silver tabby didn't look at him but leant his head against his, "What for?"

"For everything you've done this year. You've saved me so many times in so many different ways. I wouldn't be here now if it weren't for you"

The silver tabby smiled wider, "I'll always be here for you. Now and forever, darling. I'll love you all the days of my life no matter what and I'll always be there to save you. You know that don't you?"

Alonzo felt incredibly warm inside and it wasn't just the heat of the summer evening around him. It was love. Without waiting too long he moved his arm around his mate and kissed him tenderly letting him know just how much he cared for him.

"I know. I love you too"

**There it is. All wrapped up in a neat little package.**

**I gotta say, I really enjoyed writing this. It was so much fun making them do what I wanted but I still feel kind of guilty for putting them through all of that.**

**Thanks so much to all those who have constantly reviewed throughout me writing this. You guys have kept me going with it and you are all so great. Thanks so much.**

**Look out for the next story. I'm pretty sure it's going to be a sequel to Unlikeliest of Lovers and mercy me some shit is gonna hit the fan!**

**Thanks so much again, guys. See you next time. xxxx**


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